RE: Difference between male and female dominance

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Difference between male and female dominance

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Difference between male and female dominance

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 10:12:33 AM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I have to largely disagree. I still run phone sessions, but here I sit looking for a girl who may evolve into a fun live-out housegirl in addition to my personal "entourage", doing SM because I like to, and I spend most of my day designing things and selling them, not doing phone domination. Do I have to wear the "phone domme" label, or is it cool if I leave it off for most of the time, thx. The validity of someone's opinion who does ANY kind of SM interaction purely because they want to is what's being discussed.

I still do phone because there are subjects I like to play with, leave when I'm done, and my current bottoms/slaves find abhorrent, plus figuring someone out quickly keeps me on my toes and...I like talking to people. I just do. That I can charge for this is the source of no shame at all - plenty of salesmen don't need the money but like the game.

I think a lot of the root of the huge pro question is the "well I can't charge and you CAN" differential. It's a fallacy though, to do that kind of oranges-to-apples, though. You can charge, guys. You can totally charge to stimulate and titillate and feed the needs of huge swaths of the same clientele I do, as well as a sizeable gay and bi and bicurious one of your own. I also do not get to chat with and do not get to beat on droves of female subs, newsflash. There's a market out there for you - go for it. Why are women a small segment of the sexual/material sexual./service consumer demographic? I don't know. I'm sure there are studies. I'm sure it ties into the status of women and advantages as well as disadvantages of being female.

The public interest lawyer analogy is misguided - when you are then seeking input on public interest affairs are you going to burn his articles, ignore his advice based on his experience? What if he became a pastry chef instead of switching to coporate? Is that clean enough?

< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 8/20/2007 10:31:03 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 81

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 10:38:34 AM

goddessAVA

Posts: 221
Joined: 11/2/2006
Status: offline

yes-what was a perfectly fun exploratory topic turned into yet again the same old boring financial discussion.

petdave-lighten up, need we enter into the socioeconomic interaction of race class and gender in relation to women doing anything? Pehaps you want to swap Angela Davis quotes....
So what if traditional ideas of gender roles enter into play-I take them, own them and feel empowered by them and don't give a **** what anyone else thinks about it.

BTW-I would find it hysterical if a male on here had "I HAVE THE BANKROLL I get all the bitches I want!!!!!!!" one should never take themselves to seriously.

BDSM is fun for me, I like to play. I know for others it represents a much more spiritual deep topic, bully for them. The deep respectful relationships you covet at the bottom of your pond are not for me, and yet I have no shortage of mates and I like to share my ideas and experiences in this public forum. I do not believe I have the universal truth and ideal existential philosophy of bdsm, just opinions and anectdotes.

< Message edited by goddessAVA -- 8/20/2007 10:39:47 AM >

_____________________________

Philadelphia's premier Enema Nurse
cleaning out America's assholes one at a time

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 82

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 11:13:41 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

The differences are that male Doms use their physical power and more direct orders.
“Suck me”

Female Dommes manipulate the mind. “Now, if you are very good and drink my piss, I MAY let you suck me”. We play with them more.

Now this is where you guys fall prey. You want to get right to the goodies so what do you do? Attempt to throw money at it, then bitch about the woman!

I would like to propose a solution to the dating scene; everybody go DUTCH. Then if you do hook up, it’s because you actually LIKE each other? Remove the obligation and any disappointment.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 83

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 11:28:44 AM

fieryangel21

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline

The reasons for these differences is pretty simple if you think about it. Men and women typically want different things from sex and relationships, and they also want different things from bdsm. The same is true of submissive men and women. On an even simpler level, we all have our own likes and dislikes, wants and needs. These can have a good deal to do with our gender because gender is such a big part of who we are.

_____________________________

Angel

I always find myself wondering when signing on to the public computers on campus, "Do you really care about my personal settings, or are you just programmed to say that?"

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 84

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 2:42:55 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

If it puts the world at ease or sets the facts straight, I hereby withdrawal my characterization of Aakasha as a professional domme. In lieu of that I'll just think of her as a married professional who runs a fee-based, femdom website. I'll keep in mind too that it used to be a free web site. I will also publically acknowledge that having a professional interest in S&M does not, ipso-facto denote all interest in S&M as professional.

I also know that if groups of women paid me to dominate them via cyber-domination, I would definitely think of myself as a professional in that regard. I'd be a professional because I was being paid for my services. I would also know that women who came in contact with me would wonder if I was either individually interested in them or if I was marketing my own professional services. These would just be the facts.

As the world is though, men don't do what Aakasha does, either as professionals or as married carreerists with a paid hobby on the side. There's no market for it.

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 85

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 3:18:39 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes I've kind of wished there was a market for it, although I definitely agree with you about that, cloudboy. There clearly doesn't seem to be as much of a need for that, for female submissives, as opposed to males - not by a long shot .

But there is a teensy one...sniff

...Sigh

For Switches, or sometimes just women who don't want to develop a full-blown relationship, (or even a short one, aside from a "One night fling") to get to have BDSM activity. But not at all like there is with male submissives and female Doms, I agree. And I also agree with you about the reasons for it.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/20/2007 3:24:42 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 86

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 3:27:03 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I know of men who make money submitting online via web cam. You can find them at www.flirt4free.com. While their audience is primarily men, women do also pay for this service (I have and know of other women I have met there). There's a market, but it's smaller.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 87

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 3:34:42 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Aakasha: Good to know - I was not aware of this (hehe).

I don't happen to need it right now, but who knows? Maybe someday I will. I think there is an under-developed market for this (for female Switches who find full-blown Poly to be too wearing, for example, if their partner doesn't switch).

I definitely agree that the resources to seek out, and the market of female submissives seeking this kind of thing is not as well-developed as it is for males - for sure. I think most females don't have to look far to find a willing male, that is definitely true, for the most part. But sometimes, there are "special circumstances" - they're not all that common, perhaps, but they do exist.

And maybe I don't even need to mention that there do exist married females whose partners know nothing about or won't participate at all, in BDSM activity with them? Not that we need to get into yet another debate about a female (or anyone)desiring this being "right" or "wrong" in every circumstance, or at all....(we don't. Please God, NOOoooNO)

Or even for single hetero females - for whatever reason.

If somebody decided to truly tap any of these markets, though, they could probably be rich in short order, there is so little to choose from, if you are a hetero female and want to see a "Pro". Take a look at the "Professional Services" section at CM - there are hundreds of Pro Domes (female), and maybe 4 male ProDoms. I haven't seen any Pro male submsisives listed. I know this might sound whiny. Sorry. I will stop whining now.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/20/2007 4:19:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 88

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 11:28:07 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Hmmm, well this thread has gone down hill.

And I really wanted to talk about the 'real' differences between the men and women's styles of dominance. Well, maybe another time.

Wickad

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 89

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/20/2007 11:49:42 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Sometimes I've kind of wished there was a market for it, although I definitely agree with you about that, cloudboy. There clearly doesn't seem to be as much of a need for that, for female submissives, as opposed to males - not by a long shot .

But there is a teensy one...sniff...Sigh For Switches, or sometimes just women who don't want to develop a full-blown relationship, (or even a short one, aside from a "One night fling") to get to have BDSM activity. But not at all like there is with male submissives and female Doms, I agree. And I also agree with you about the reasons for it.

- Susan

I think the big stumbling blocks are the general perception of men being only able to think with the wrong head and the sheer quantity of Doms out there. The former creates a humongous trust issue. It would take serious measures for any woman to feel safe being dominated by some strange male. There would probably need to be a certifying agency or umbrella company of sorts. The quantity available is another problem. If you just need to get to the next town, then why pay for a possible stallion when you can certainly get a donkey for free? I do think that if one could find a way to over come the trust and quality issues that a pro-Dom service would be viable.

Honsoku

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 90

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/21/2007 12:06:32 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Good points, Honsuku. Thanks for them.

Wikad: What did you want to say? I hope you say it, because I am sure people would listen to it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 91

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/21/2007 3:49:19 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

OK, i cannot resist, i am going to be horrible this morning.

Male dominants have a penis, they usually want this sucked.

Female dominants have a vulva, if you are very good they might let you lick it.

There, end of questions!

Bad, so very bad........

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 92

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/22/2007 4:59:20 PM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

Hello folks, I am about to make an admission (or boast?).

As a male Dom I have taken money from a female sub for professional BDSM services.

She wanted to be a ponygirl, I was able to help her achieve it, as I have the gear and expertise.

If she had not paid me, it would not have happened.

If I had not spent my time doing that I would have earned the money another way by selling books, canes, DVDs or other stuff, or whatever.

Because if I want to play with a pony-girl I can do it for free; I have been doing it awhile, since 1993 in my club. The Other Pony Club.

Afterwards she was walking on air for weeks, but felt she could walk away from me without getting emotional about me - after all she had paid me.

I enjoyed it; but for me it was routine, been there, done that; no particular need to do it again; but money helped persuade me to do it.

Was that in any way wrong, immoral, sleazy, or what?

It seems a perfectly reasonable transaction to me, fair to both parties.

But if you switch genders in that little story all around, does it make a difference?

I would suggest it does not.

IMHO there really is little difference between male and female dominance or submission.

But there is an unbalanced market.

There are many more males than females.

Many more subs than Doms amongst both males and females.

So there something like a free market for male Doms seeking female subs.

But many more male subs seeking Dommes.

That is the major difference!

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 93

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/22/2007 5:55:00 PM

Cuckme4Life

Posts: 168
Joined: 7/8/2005
From: MentallyDeranged,Tn.
Status: offline

All this drama and my poor lil ass just wishes to be ensnared, dominated, humiliated, marked or branded, and abused . Like the Lady said. DO ME!! If thats being selfish, sorry.

_____________________________

"Face Your Fears, Live Your Dreams!"-- Nike Corporation

"I will banish them from my kingdom"--- King Willie Herenton, Memphis Tn. Mayor (choke)

(in reply to sirguym)

Post #: 94

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/22/2007 6:35:26 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

What would people say about a male dominant who expects a woman to pay for most if not all expenses, often considered more of an accessory than a primary partner, be a personal valet, couldn't ask for let alone hope for much in the way of sexual pleasure although be expected to provide sexual pleasure, and more.

At the risk of saying something that's already been said, are you basing your perception of female dominance on actual female doms you know or off of the info obtained from the profiles of female doms from sites like this and others? The female doms I know in real life are, unless professional Mistresses, not all that different from most of the male doms I know (speaking strictly of the het community here though.)

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 95

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/25/2007 1:59:46 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

As the world is though, men don't do what Aakasha does, either as professionals or as married carreerists with a paid hobby on the side. There's no market for it.

Or, perhaps, it's just a fairly closed market.

In any case, my guess is that most men are more experience-centric (i.e. primarily want to experience things, do stuff, etc., whether they call themselves bottoms or subs), while most women are more relationship-centric (i.e. want the connection) in this regard. That may not be a correct guess, but it generally fits with what I see among vanillas too.

That also goes well with how it appears that men are more likely to engage in, as one poster called it, "off the wall kinks", and can focus immensely on these, often to the point where they are simply unattractive to the majority of potentially compatible women out there, while women with kinks appear to be a bit more well-rounded.

Male prostitutes catering to women in Norway have to go through quite a few hoops to establish themselves, and it's a rather different ballgame (no pun intended) than what the female prostitutes see. Male clients are frequently happy if they just get something vaguely resembling the hole/kink of their choice. Female clients want discretion, class, interaction and mental stimulation. Those who cater to them are booked into their next lives, because so few are "up to spec". Which kind of comes back to most women having more patience, less aggressive libidos, and a more easily triggered "turn-off" response, i.e. if it's not good enough, it's not worth having. Most men seem to be willing to compromise way below their preferences just to get off.

Again, just generalizing from guesswork here, I'm not saying this is categorically so.

I'd like to replace the guesswork with some empirics, but haven't found much.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 96

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/25/2007 2:12:35 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

Thinks Aswad is correct on all counts.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 97

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 8/26/2007 2:56:08 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

We just can't generalise about people. Male or female. We all have different needs, different experiences, different lives and different expectations.
I just want to find a man who wants to meet my needs.
And really it is irrelevant what anyone else thinks about me except him.
I also hope if I ever find him that he feels the same.
People have a right to be who they are and hold the opinions that they have.
Doesn't mean I have to like them.
I have always known that I have a lot of so called masculine traits. So being a woman has always been difficult. But I am viewed and therefore treated as a woman. I just wish we could ignore gender issues and stereotypes. We are people first. And people have the same basic needs. The right kind of sex with the right person is one of them. It comes a lot higher in my priorities than money. But then I'm not normal lol.

(in reply to NefertariReborn)

Post #: 98

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 9/2/2007 11:35:45 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

This is a general observation.

THE FEMDOM seems to regard the malesub as "lucky" if he gets to "serve" her her.

THE MALEDOM seems to regard himself as "lucky" if a femsub agrees to serve him.

In this system, DOM or SUB, its always the male who is lucky.

-------

When taken out of this categorical generalization, tho, I think both men and woman, as individuals, feel lucky when they find a particulary suitable partner.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/2/2007 11:41:04 AM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 99

RE: Difference between male and female dominance - 9/2/2007 2:04:29 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Interesting post.

I simply equate masculinity with the male's ability to be a provider. I don't want an effeminate sub, certainly don't want an unemployed effeminate sub.

I expect to be provided for and served in a way that shows I'm cared for.

That includes a generous spirit.

That's not to say that I expect the male sub to provide everything, because being self sufficient is very important to Me and is crucial to My own personal well being and happiness.

I guess it's just a Mars Venus thing. I am Venus, therefore Mars shall bring meat to My Cave. For that matter, I expect Mars to bring his woody along with him and to do exactly what I tell him to with it!

The critical distinction being that it's My cave, and My rules apply.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 9/2/2007 2:08:18 PM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 100

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Difference between male and female dominance

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094