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I put a line at the end of my profile that says insert the word "crimson" in your note to show me that you have read this far.

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Funny, I was thinking it was not pc in this community for Dom/Dommes to state anything that might call into question anyone else's idea of 'submission', despite that fact a lot of what people are wanting to engage in ISN'T giving up control, but rather controlling what it is they give up and labelling it 'submission'.

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ORIGINAL: SteelBondager

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I put a line at the end of my profile that says insert the word "crimson" in your note to show me that you have read this far.

I noticed that in your profile. That's just rare enough to be effective, I'd wager.

Myself, I'm not exactly overwhelmed with emails from eager potentials throwing themselves at me. The last thing I need is another hurdle to that first email finding me.

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ORIGINAL: Gemeni

Jasmyn wrote:

quote:

Funny, I was thinking it was not pc in this community for Dom/Dommes to state anything that might call into question anyone else's idea of 'submission', despite that fact a lot of what people are wanting to engage in ISN'T giving up control, but rather controlling what it is they give up and labelling it 'submission'.

Which is usually what is meant when a Dominant dares to say "you aren't a submissive".

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ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Funny, I was thinking it was not pc in this community for Dom/Dommes to state anything that might call into question anyone else's idea of 'submission', despite that fact a lot of what people are wanting to engage in ISN'T giving up control, but rather controlling what it is they give up and labelling it 'submission'.

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ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

fate,

I completely understand what you are trying to say. This man has a right to his opinion. But his post is nothing more then a rant that says "Why won't all the girls here just submit to me? They mustn't be real subs." It's the tone in which he dismisses all those that do not want to play his game as something real.

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ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

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ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Funny, I was thinking it was not pc in this community for Dom/Dommes to state anything that might call into question anyone else's idea of 'submission', despite that fact a lot of what people are wanting to engage in ISN'T giving up control, but rather controlling what it is they give up and labelling it 'submission'.

Actually, I agree with you and don't think that's contradictory to my original statement. My point was that if bottoms weren't viewed in such a negative light by the community in general (I've seen it both online and in real life) people wouldn't feel the need to misrepresent themselves - that goes for bottoms and Tops alike. "Bottom" and "Service Top" are such dirty words in our community and until that changes you're going to get lots and lots of people on both sides of the slash misrepresenting themselves.

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Anyone who says they never judge is pretty much a liar.

Hey - I am ellevated to liar status!


Peace and Love

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ORIGINAL: dark~angel

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Anyone who says they never judge is pretty much a liar.

Hey - I am ellevated to liar status!


Peace and Love

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ORIGINAL: dominmd
How can anyone involved in kink judge another in kink? That would be so against what we are here for.

I no longer judge people. If it is your thing then roll with it. I don't have to accept it, I don't have to like it, but you are being who your are. And I can't judge a person for that.

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Anyone who says they never judge is pretty much a liar.

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I guess I'm saying that while I believe most people judge, I don't think judging has to be bad.

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ORIGINAL: Handspankingdom
Firstly, I view a requirement of a healthy (mutually rewarding) D's relationships/friendships to be a time investment on both ends, necessitating the exchange of ideas, limits/expectations, and intent (whether 24/7 or otherwise). To this extent, I embrace patience and a period of getting to know one another (both on the D's level and vanilla interests) to share ideas/thoughts and possibly finding someone to click with all of this.

I have sent notes to a few potential submissive females, however I have been greatly disappointed with their responses (one liners seeking pictures) and ability to communicate/relay their thougts as they pertain to D's. Indeed, a few subs don't really seem to grasp the concept of submitting at all, by starting with limits and then listing their likes and dislikes/do's and don'ts. While it is helpful to share such expectations, etc., if one makes a sincere effort (time investment) to get to know someone with respect to their pursuit in a D's relationship, wouldn't the trust level achieved make the sub comfortable with her dom? Isn't this what submitting is all about? Or are many here just seeking wish fulfillment?

And Wouldn't the dom -- acting responsibly, also take into consideration his/her sub's limits- take them to the edge (pushing limits a bit), without forcing unwanted activities on his/her sub? Isn't the relinquishment of control (of course there are different levels of intent) is what this is all about?

Pardon my noticing, but it seems many subs here are seeking wish fulfillment (rather than serving) and are unwilling to take the time to invest in a deeper involvement (not necessarily romantic), which would in effect instill a level of trust/understanding so necessary for the development of such involvement. By calling ALL the shots (when, where, what, etc.), they are- in actuality, foot stomping subs, topping from the bottom.

Any thoughts?

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ORIGINAL: Handspankingdom

Good afternoon all,

I have been a member of collarme.com for approximately two weeks. My experience in the BDSM (primarily D's) world has encompassed 15 years of both on the spiritual and physical level of being a dominant. I wanted to add my thoughts and observations here as a member.

Firstly, I view a requirement of a healthy (mutually rewarding) D's relationships/friendships to be a time investment on both ends, necessitating the exchange of ideas, limits/expectations, and intent (whether 24/7 or otherwise). To this extent, I embrace patience and a period of getting to know one another (both on the D's level and vanilla interests) to share ideas/thoughts and possibly finding someone to click with all of this.


ok you said here that the important thing in this relationship is the communicating of ideas,limits/expectations, and intent, to share ideas/thoughts , and I agree communications is very important both in the bdsm lifestyle and in the "vanilla" world. How can you get to know someone if you don't exchange these things.






I have sent notes to a few potential submissive females, however I have been greatly disappointed with their responses (one liners seeking pictures) and ability to communicate/relay their thougts as they pertain to D's. Indeed, a few subs don't really seem to grasp the concept of submitting at all, by starting with limits and then listing their likes and dislikes/do's and don'ts. While it is helpful to share such expectations, etc., if one makes a sincere effort (time investment) to get to know someone with respect to their pursuit in a D's relationship, wouldn't the trust level achieved make the sub comfortable with her dom? Isn't this what submitting is all about? Or are many here just seeking wish fulfillment?



Perhaps they aren't very sure of how to put their ideas and such down in print, perhaps take one area at a time and discuse this with them, esp if their profile seems to fit what you are looking for. And it is my understanding that esp submissives have the right to limits and guidelines things they will do and things they won't. Some don't realize that the things they won't do could be listed as things to consider if they feel trust in the relationship with potential doms and it is ok for anyone to set limits until they get to know you, are they to let you whip them and not know a thing about you, this is a courting dance you have to do, question, and discuse get to know how they think, what they think and you may get to understand where they come from, for example, my younger sister is exploring this, she is relatively new, when she found out I was into bdsm she could not understand how I would let someone spank me, we come from an abusive background, anyway she was hardset in the beginning that no one was going to hit her, she has done some reading, talked to a dom online, and now admits that once she got so she can trust a dom she could see where it would be sensual, she has her hard limits as I do, I will not involve children in any aspect of this life, I will not do animals, I will not do watersports, or scat. or knifeplay or fireplay, thou the last two again if my Master was into it and I felt he knew what he was doing yes would try it at least once. But do know there are those who are into this, and that is them this is me and we don't fit so we don't meet.






And Wouldn't the dom -- acting responsibly, also take into consideration his/her sub's limits- take them to the edge (pushing limits a bit), without forcing unwanted activities on his/her sub? Isn't the relinquishment of control (of course there are different levels of intent) is what this is all about?

yes this is what bdsm is about for some people, some just can't do it on a daily basis, for one reason or another, and that is what works for them. If this is what you desire than you have to look for one that is able to do it daily, and then again it is after getting to know one another not on first meeting, as you have to work on the trust.





Pardon my noticing, but it seems many subs here are seeking wish fulfillment (rather than serving) and are unwilling to take the time to invest in a deeper involvement (not necessarily romantic), which would in effect instill a level of trust/understanding so necessary for the development of such involvement. By calling ALL the shots (when, where, what, etc.), they are- in actuality, foot stomping subs, topping from the bottom.

Yes there are some out there that are like that, but guess what when I first started looking guess what kind of "Doms"/"Masters" contacted me? the ones who wanted online sex, wanted to dominate online, not teach, no getting to know me, no answering questions, nothing. Than I met my Master, and you want to know what attracted me to him? He didn't talk of sex, the bdsm side of things, nothing of that nature. He asked about me, what I like to do, what my boys where like, what I did for a living. And guess what he also shared those things with me. We learned about each other in a month what took me in other relationships at least a year to find out about the men.
So no you aren't going to find subs/slaves who just jump right onto your St.Andrews cross, or what have you, without getting to know you, unless they are really new to this without someone to guide them. And if you cared enough you wouldn't allow it either, but pry out info needed, share info about yourself and etc.
Relationships take work and with some you may have to do alot of the work first. Some are just shy about this aren't sure what you are wanting or what they really should say. and if you ask, expect answers whether they are a list of do's, don'ts or maybes. Take the lists and explore them. They may not be hard limits, but then again they may, you won't know till you ask.
Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself use that energy to get to know one of these ladies and explore the possibilities.
Also watch how you word things too, sometimes without meaning to you can come across as overbearing, and pushy, and as for myself I would either walk away or tell you thanks but no thanks.





Any thoughts?

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ORIGINAL: Mylee

Hiya, I'm a little confussed you said in your post you've been with us two weeks yet your date joined says 7/6/05....

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ORIGINAL: Handspankingdom

I have sent notes to a few potential submissive females, however I have been greatly disappointed with their responses (one liners seeking pictures) and ability to communicate/relay their thougts as they pertain to D's. Indeed, a few subs don't really seem to grasp the concept of submitting at all, by starting with limits and then listing their likes and dislikes/do's and don'ts. While it is helpful to share such expectations, etc., if one makes a sincere effort (time investment) to get to know someone with respect to their pursuit in a D's relationship, wouldn't the trust level achieved make the sub comfortable with her dom? Isn't this what submitting is all about? Or are many here just seeking wish fulfillment?

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ORIGINAL: Gemeni
Others actually have a driving need to submit to a person. These are the ones I find worthy of an investment,they actually have some depth.

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ORIGINAL: Handspankingdom

Good afternoon all,

I have been a member of collarme.com for approximately two weeks...

My experience in the BDSM (primarily D's) world has encompassed 15 years...

of both on the spiritual and physical level of being a dominant. I wanted to add my thoughts and observations here as a member.

I have sent notes to a few potential submissive females, however I have been greatly disappointed with their responses (one liners seeking pictures) ...

and ability to communicate/relay their thougts as they pertain to D's. Indeed, a few subs don't really seem to grasp the concept of submitting at all, by starting with limits and then listing their likes and dislikes/do's and don'ts....

Pardon my noticing, but it seems many subs here are... topping from the bottom.

Any thoughts?