GoddessDustyGold
Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
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To the OP...welcome to collarme and the forums and hang in there.
Due to 4 pages of comments, I will just hit the highlights of what I got from all this:
Yes, it is easy to have a post taken the wrong way. But I do feel this is a very good point:
quote:
I have sent notes to a few potential submissive females...
Pardon my noticing, but it seems many subs here....
Perhaps the many you refer to are from browsing profiles you find distateful? You don't specifiy. But jumping from a few emails to "many subs here" can make it appear that you are making a sweeping judgement. And perhaps a little too quickly.
Judgements: I make them, everybody makes them whether they want to admit it or not. Some people are just more discreet about it. And judgements can be good or bad. It can go either way. I am sure I have been judged as a bad FemDom or not a "real" Domina many times. I know I have to My face. I am sure I have been behind My back. In the end it doesn't really matter to Me, because I know who I am. And I do try to represent Myself as accurately as I can. I always try to put My best foot forward, but I am not going to agree with everybody all the time, and everybody is not going to agree with Me all the time. How far that disagreement can go, and how much I allow that to affect My judgement of somebody, or how much somebody allows that to affect their judgement of Me, is an individual call.
Discussing things up front: I agree that it might seem offensive. But it is a timesaver. I have a lot of information in My profile, but I still get alot of emails that list all the kink and limits and what they have to have sexually on a daily basis. That is most of what I see in profiles also, when there is one. There is no need to make it a continual focus, but I am not here to make friends, or hook up for casual play via My profile. I am looking for slaves. A boy will wash out fast when he offers (probably mistakenly thinking he is impressing Me with his willingness) that he want to be My cuckold slut. Tells Me right off the bat that I am not interested. Also tells Me he didn't pay a whole lot of attention to My profile. LadyAngelika probably knows more about Me and My expectations than most of the boys who write to Me. But She has taken the time to get to know Me through these message boards. Most of the people on this site never come here.
Photos: Statistically, most males will search via photo. If there isn't one, a Lady's profile will hardly ever be seen. But most males do not post a photo. I realized that a first email does not allow an attachment. So until a correspondence is established, it is not possible to even send a photo. But, a photo is nice and most ladies would like to see one.
Orientation selections: There isn't a whole lot to choose from. So I agree that until people put more into their profiles, and are honest about it, and people start taking the time to actually read them and try to realistically absorb that information, there will be a lot of misunderstandings. A female is a female. (Most of the time?) A male is a male. (Most of the time?) And (supposedly) a Dominant is a Dominant. I can't get into switches. But the confusion between slave and submissive is never going to go away. And nobody has the option of just saying they are a bottom or a top, except in a profile. I am not sure I have ever seen a male profile that admits he is just a bottom looking for kink. (I usually find that out after a couple of emails!) But there are probably some. No reason to get all bent out of shape about it. Shit happens. Everybody isn't a match. I don't answer all the one liners I get. But about about once a week I get pissed off and I will let a boy have it. I can deal with about 50 idiotic emails and then I will usually blow. So the boy who wrote the 51st email is the unfortunate recipient of My wrath. *Shrugs*
Slave vs. sub: I look for slaves. I want their limits and values to match My limits and values. That take some exploration. I can find out pretty fast if there is any hope at all. Everybody has some sort of wish fulfillment. And submissives have a tendency to lay their wishes out. Actually slaves do also. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not looking anyway until I get an email. And maybe I am fine with some or all of your wishes. We'll see. I have had boys write to Me and tell Me they are not slaves, but they are sure they are what I want. Sometimes I explore for a while. They never are, but I stay open to it.
Slaves = needs = food, water, shelter, air to breathe. Additional needs = emergency medical attention. Final needs = some sort of emotional fulfillment. Not sexual. Although that can be taken into consideration also. But if My sexual fulfillment doesn't match yours, don't come knocking at My door. And I think that is more in line with what Jasmyn is referring to when She says
quote:
...what people are wanting to engage in ISN'T giving up control, but rather controlling what it is they give up and labelling it 'submission'.
In seeking slaves, We do look for someone who is ready to give up control and transfer all authority. We are ready to have the power over everything. If you are not ready to give it, after you have taken a bit of time to get to know the Dominant you think you want, then that is your own fault. There is no more negotiation after the fact. Not in My M/s relationship. I did My best to describe "slave" in My profile. I can't help it if many read that and still try to put their own spin on My words.
Here's a sweeping generalization <tongue in cheek, of course> for you! In the end it seems that all anybody knows for sure is that all females on a BDSM site must be sluts and whores, and all males on a BDSM site must be nothing but HNG's looking for a quick way to get off. It makes it hard for the men who are gentlemen, both Dominant and submissive. It makes it hard for the ladies who are "ladies", both Dominant and submissive. So I guess we are back to the old argument over definitions. Since there doesn't seem to be any basic definition anymore, but it is, rather, a subjective thing, everybody will just have to keep digging through the piles until everybody finds the right match.
< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 7/10/2005 8:37:22 PM >
_____________________________
Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom
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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 
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