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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/12/2005 8:14:54 AM

ProtagonistLily

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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Handspankingdom
Where you got the notion that it was about sex, is beyond me. However, when a girl lists anal sex in their interests, I would assume this would be fair game... No?
Sure, just like the other dozen or so interests. But when you're getting to know someone, asking about sex directly and right off the bat is generally rude and turn-off UNLESS the person is specifically at a swingers club or just want's to get laid.

And if you want that, check out craigslist, you will get a better set of options and responses.

Approach someone online just as you would offline, when you shake hands with someone, asking about anal sex isn't likely to lead to more conversation.

It's not often that we agree, Emerald, but bravo on your response.

Lily

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/12/2005 8:44:11 AM

OsideGirl

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Thank you Emerald, you understood perfectly.

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/13/2005 5:22:12 AM

Handspankingdom

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[I don't think he's at all saying that he's disappointed that they aren't doing what he wants, but rather he is disappointed that responses he receives indicates that they aren't in fact seeking what they initially portray themselves to be seeking. i.e. Profile states....seeking to submit and upon contact, you find that said person seeks to submit on Wednesday nights at 8:00 until 9:30 and on Sundays 1:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m. and here is the list of what they want done to them during that time frame.]

EXACTLY!!!! What positively amazes me is that many folks extrapolated only negative views and here is a submissive who was able to perfectly interpret my thoughts. And let's not kid one another, this scenario she has carefully laid out is precisely my point. Take a read of a few of the female doms postings and you will find such thoughts screaming out at you. "Do NOT contact me unless you understand the meaning of submission", "This is not about you it's about me"... "I don't care what you like, it's what I like". I'm not saying I subscribe to these thoughts-- indeed I'm very patient and flexible, but it becomes evident in reading these posts that many doms meet with the same level of pseudo-submission when contacted by a sub.

I subscribe perfectly to the idea of sharing thoughts/ideas discussing limits/expectations, etc., but when someone becomes overly limiting as to how, when, where they will submit and under what conditions, it essentially underminds the 'relinquishing of control' experience. My thoughts were not meant to be pessimistic, but rather I was identifying (perhaps thinking out loud) with the idea that such excessive parameters and laundy list of do's and don'ts (again I too have limits) blurs the distinction between submitting and wish fulfillment.

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/13/2005 5:42:44 AM

Handspankingdom

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[Sure, just like the other dozen or so interests. But when you're getting to know someone, asking about sex directly and right off the bat is generally rude and turn-off UNLESS the person is specifically at a swingers club or just want's to get laid.]

Now hold on a minute, we're on a BDSM website here darling, not meeting at a supermarket reaching for the same watermelon. I didn't list sex in my profile, nor did I bring it up- but many subs do. I merely used it as an example in my post because one woman mentioned sexual activity.

[Approach someone online just as you would offline, when you shake hands with someone, asking about anal sex isn't likely to lead to more conversation.]

Agreed, but the idea that we are all here surely dictates the thought that while we may be shaking hands, we may also be thinking to ourselves whether or not this person we meet in a benign environment happens to enjoy anal sex or D's. I feel that posting on such sites as collarme.com allows folks to be more up front and honest about what they're seeking and I see little point in hiding these facts. And if you truly didn't believe it would lead to more conversation (on a BDSM website of course) what would be the purpose of answering a post with such specific interests in the first place? I myself would not answer a post where electrocution or scat were listed as interests.

Perhaps I'm naive, but I imagine we list our interests (both D's related and vanilla) in an effort to find someone compatible. We're all here for the same reason, but I will hold steadfast to the belief that if you want completely benign conversation, pick a completely benign website.

Cheers!

~M

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/13/2005 7:43:17 AM

pleasureforHim

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This is my dilemma. i have no BDSM experience at all. i seek a Dom or Master as a life partner (ideally). i am primarially interested in the charater of the Dom or Master who contacts me. i cannot really answer the question "what are your kinks"? i think cybering just pulls two people apart, so that no communication about them as people will ever occur. Add to that i am not here so that any man who contacts me can ask me to help him jerk off.

*Big Sigh* i have worked hard on my profile and i have journaled on this question and still have no answers.

pleasureforHim

< Message edited by pleasureforHim -- 7/13/2005 9:49:16 PM >

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/13/2005 11:14:02 AM

SteelBondager

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quote:

*Big Sigh* i have worked hard on my profile and i have journaled on this question and still have no answers.

You've put together an excellent profile. You've stated exactly what you want. Your questions concerning kink are a part of where you are and who you are right now. As I've said before: If you hold out for someone who can provide what you want and need, you'll not be disappointed. There are plenty of people who match with each of us. It's just a matter of how much time we're willing to put in for it.

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/13/2005 11:43:27 AM

Tempestspet

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I'm coming into this particular very late in the game... and I'm going to reply directly to the orignal post, as he is the one with the question.... and before it runs into the many tangents...lol...
So please bear with, if I repeat something... I'll go back later and read everyone elses responses.

"Good afternoon all,

I have been a member of collarme.com for approximately two weeks. My experience in the BDSM (primarily D's) world has encompassed 15 years of both on the spiritual and physical level of being a dominant. I wanted to add my thoughts and observations here as a member.
Firstly, I view a requirement of a healthy (mutually rewarding) D's relationships/friendships to be a time investment on both ends, necessitating the exchange of ideas, limits/expectations, and intent (whether 24/7 or otherwise). To this extent, I embrace patience and a period of getting to know one another (both on the D's level and vanilla interests) to share ideas/thoughts and possibly finding someone to click with all of this."

While you've only been on collarme a short time, it seems you are not new to the lifestyle....only this
site.

"I have sent notes to a few potential submissive females, however I have been greatly disappointed with their responses (one liners seeking pictures) and ability to communicate/relay their thougts as they pertain to D's. Indeed, a few subs don't really seem to grasp the concept of submitting at all, by starting with limits and then listing their likes and dislikes/do's and don'ts. While it is helpful to share such expectations, etc., if one makes a sincere effort (time investment) to get to know someone with respect to their pursuit in a D's relationship, wouldn't the trust level achieved make the sub comfortable with her dom? Isn't this what submitting is all about? Or are many here just seeking wish fulfillment?"

And, again you are seeking to know someone, not just make an appointment...like this is the red light district. (smiles) Unfortunately, they are a lot of "subs" on here.... who are only interested in your wallet. sex, whatever. An actual relationship scares the crap out of them. They just wanna play, cool...as long as both parties are fully aware that this is the extent to which they want to be involved. Then you have the subs, with a mouth spewoing forth the bitchiest advice you can find. They love contraversy, being the devil's advocate... it doesn't mater what you relly want...they will pick out most negative thing they can find and blast you for....every single time. To lil ole me....this is not a sub ( I think that's a side not..grins)or at least one that is serious. And will on side note... no I sooooo don't believe in doormat subs... unless that just happens to be your kink. Then, finally.... after you wade through that sea of..... you will find the honest, "real" subs... the ones truly seeking a relationship. The ones who want to get to know you before hopping onto your (insert piece of equipment) absolutely WHICHEVER piece of euipment..grins.. that may be. But, sadly, you will have to spend much longer than 2 weeks... almost aways, searching for that one. She's out there. But you have to have patience. Having been involved in this lifestyle for 15yrs. I'm sure you have the patience, and have seen examples of what you seek to find. Trust me, she's looking for you too.

"And Wouldn't the dom -- acting responsibly, also take into consideration his/her sub's limits- take them to the edge (pushing limits a bit), without forcing unwanted activities on his/her sub? Isn't the relinquishment of control (of course there are different levels of intent) is what this is all about?"

Yes he/she would. Again you will be wanting to deal with others who live by this particular ideal also... who understand that also. But not everyone is responsible. Trash comes in all shapes and sizes, and disuises...... smiles

"Pardon my noticing, but it seems many subs here are seeking wish fulfillment (rather than serving) and are unwilling to take the time to invest in a deeper involvement (not necessarily romantic), which would in effect instill a level of trust/understanding so necessary for the development of such involvement. By calling ALL the shots (when, where, what, etc.), they are- in actuality, foot stomping subs, topping from the bottom."

There isn't anything wrong, I guess... with wish fullfillment. So long as they can find someone who wants to fullfill wishes. To me though, that's more of a bottom, than sub, or certainly not a slave. But bottom doesn't sound nearly as neat to call yourself as sub or slave. It's just a name, or term.... what matters is the behavior. Not what they are calling it.
I do not agree with these type of people, because even though the name you call something isn't as important as the behavior, and your actions, we are not face to face with each other on here.... and all we have, is each others words, describing themselves. That's the really hard part.

"Any thoughts?"

laughs...sorry... see above.... smiles, but yeah...I usually have lots of them.

But really all I'm saying, I'm just too long winded some days, and rambly, is take time... it's hard!! but worth it.
Thanks for listening you everyone..........

Sincerely,
Tempest's pet
jennifer

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/14/2005 8:06:18 AM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

We suck, we know.

You won't change, they won't change.

In a sense it's best to put limits out there right off. If I'm looking for a new playpartner, it doesn't matter HOW much time or chemistry there is, if he wants monogamy, he's not going to get it from me and he should know that right off.

Now, there's a way to do that which is simply conversation and there's a way to say this which is "Do what I want, prove yourself and maybe I will do a little something in return for you."

You've got experience, you can't tell me this is different than what you've found otherwise?

G’day Emerald,

That is the best post and straight to the point I’ve seen for ages. If you think about it, what is reflected here is what is in the lifestyle all over, just in a more concentrated form. This is a people area and it doesn’t matter if you are looking for some one to play with or someone to join a sports team or even to do business with.. Rejects and rudeness is something that we all have to get used to dealing with. One simple trick when some one either ignores me or says NO to as meeting etc, is to say to your self “To bad they don’t know what they are missing…. NEXT!”

Sheesh, if you live in a highly populated area, draw a circle about your home with a 1 mile/kilometre radius and figure out how many people live in that circle. You can’t tell me that you cant find someone in that many people? Sure I know it isn’t that easy but it is really a numbers game at the basic level. Just keep on messaging people and you will get your share of replies … as long as you have the patience to keep it up and know exactly what you want.

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RE: Domspeak: The subs on collarme?? - 7/14/2005 2:45:31 PM

dominmd

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Couldn't say it better myself IronBear.

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