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RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 2:40:04 PM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Young subs definitely have the edge. Their bodies are young and hard. They don't have extra skin or stretch marks from childbirth. They can wear bikinis and actually look good in them. From what I've seen, many Doms seek subs years younger than themselves. Doms in their 20's often go for the 18 yr olds while subs in their early to mid 30's attract the interest of Doms in their 40's, 50's and 60's. If an 18 year old sub showed interest in a Dom in his 50's or 60's, she would have a much better chance than an older sub trying to win over a younger Dom.


lawd thats hilarious to me......

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 3:24:11 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Fast Reply to no one in particular.

This is exactly what I feared would happen.  Mud slinging between the younger generations and the older.

Since people are bringing articles into this, I'd like to bring one in as well.    What I get from this is that things are shaped much when a person is young, and depending on how that shaping is nurtured, is how well we take to life and how we mature.  The way we take in our life experiences as we grow and get older, how we process those things and apply them to our own lives, coming to our own conclusions about life and what is our reality in comparison to what we thought was reality as a child.

The process is completely ongoing throughout our lives and has, in my opinion nothing to do with age as a defining factor. 

Developmental psychology
Developmental psychology is the study of changes in behaviour during a lifetime. Many developmental psychologists study only a part of the lifespan. Most are chiefly interested in childhood and adolescence, the period of a person's life between birth and the early 20's. 

There are four main theories of child development that psychologists use in research on the behaviour of children: (1) maturational theory, (2) psychoanalytical theory, (3) learning theory, and (4) cognitive theory. 

Maturational theory states that the chief principle of developmental change is maturation, which means physiological "ripening," especially of the nervous system. Arnold L. Gesell, the leading American supporter of this theory, found that the growing child's behaviour seems to follow a set developmental pattern. He described in detail the ways in which behaviour changes with age. Gesell believed that differences among people result more from heredity than from environment. 

Psychoanalytical theory is based on Sigmund Freud's theory of psychoanalysis. According to Freud, children are driven by impulses of sex and aggression. Children develop through a complicated interaction between their needs, based on sexual impulses, and the demands of their environment. Environmental demands are represented first by loving and restricting parents, and later by the children's own version of their parents' demands. 

Anna Freud, Erik Erikson, and others have modified Freud's theory and applied it to child behaviour. In the psychoanalytical view of development, children change through conflict, chiefly between their own impulses and the demands of reality. A successful solution of this conflict brings normal development, and an unsuccessful solution may lead to mental illness. 

Learning theory says a child's development depends mainly on experience with reward and punishment. The child must learn certain responses--such as speech, manners, and attitudes--to adults. Children learn these responses through their association with reinforcement (any condition that makes learning occur). If a mother smiles at her child each time the child is polite to adults, her smile reinforces the learning of manners. The task of the adult is to arrange the environment so that it provides suitable and effective reinforcements for desired behaviour. 

Learning theorists base their ideas on two basic learning experiments--studies of classical conditioning by Ivan P. Pavlov and studies of instrumental conditioning by E. L. Thorndike and B. F. Skinner. Maturation and heredity have relatively little importance in the learning theory of development. 

Cognitive theory regards the child as an active solver of problems. Cognitive theorists emphasize the role of a child's natural motivation as the key factor in development. This motivation can include the desire of children to satisfy their curiosity, master challenging tasks, or reduce the inconsistencies and ambiguities they find in the world about them. According to cognitive theory, children form their own theories about the world and the relationships among its different aspects. The theories are primitive at first, but become more realistic after they have been tested against the child's experience. 

Comprehensive cognitive theories of development have been proposed by a number of authorities, including the Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget. Piaget described in detail how growing children change their ideas about number, cause, time, space, and morality. First, the children represent the world in terms of their own activities. Then they move to a limited set of generalizations based on their knowledge of specific cases. Finally, the children gain the ability to make valid and abstract generalizations about reality. 

Maturity and old age
In general, the study of psychology in maturity and old age has been based on observation. There have been no clear theoretical principles to guide the search for consistent patterns of development. 

Scientists have established that sensory acuity (keenness), speed of response, productivity in art and science, and the ability to process new information decline with age, particularly after the late 50's. Less well documented are declines in memory and in the ability to solve familiar kinds of problems. Psychologists know little about the most remarkable fact of old age--that some people go through a degrading decline with the passage of years, and others remain capable and active until the end of their lives.


Copyright ©a2zpsychology.com (2002-2006). All rights reserved.




_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 4:09:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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When it comes to making a long term stable relationship, I would say older subs definitely have the upper hand. 

However, as often as I lament being born too late, the younger ones have far more opportunities and freedom to explore and engage in kink for a lot longer than the older ones did.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 4:14:41 PM   
Aine


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Joined: 4/12/2005
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While I agree that people older than me might have an easier time of it, I'm not going to say that it's the end all be all.

I have seen the majority of my -older- friends have one failed relationship after another, have completely unstable and unhealthy lives.  I was one of them, granted I was of the younger variety at the time, and hell, still am. 

I saw what was happening and changed it.  Now I am surrounded by good people and family and successful and on my way towards college and a better job, with a loving, smart, successful, driven and creative person that I plan on spending the rest of my natural life with if things work out.

I'm 24, engaged and beginning a new part of my life.  I'm still a kid.  I'm still a kid in other people's eyes.  I have so much to live for and learn and room to grow.  I know that.  But that doesn't mean I'm less likely to finish out the life I'm leading right now as the happiest and sanest and healthiest I've been or ever will be just because I'm in my early 20's compared to those that I've known a decade older than me that can't hold a job at 7-11 let alone a healthy and stable relationship.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 5:31:43 PM   
LATEXBABY64


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i found this article a while back think you should see this i think it explains it better then any of the post i have seen

http://www.catherinemwallace.com/default.asp?id=5&newsaction=newsdetail&articleid=57

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 5:31:56 PM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
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Without reading all the posts and having the possibility of being redundant here, plus without being too self serving (considering we are among the older folks on collarme) We have not found any part of bdsm where age plays an important part. Maturity, self awareness, introspection, integrity, honesty, good communications skills and more are important, but age.... no

Bill and Iris

_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 5:44:13 PM   
Aine


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Joined: 4/12/2005
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I think I know where all the confusion is coming from.

You are reading articles on Wisdom = Professional type expertise

Professional tpe expertise has nothing whatsoever to do with personal and societal wisdom in the everyday dealings with personal relationships and friendships.

I have a friend that is immensely smart, intelligent - but in a booksmart way. 

He used to be rather socially inept.  None of which he learned and read about ever bled over into his personal dealings with people around him.

He had constantly failing relationships with females, very volatile and dangerous at times because he wasn't applying his knowledge to who he was treating those around him, despite how much he thought he loved those people around him.

He is and has always been a good friend of mine because I understood that about him, and accepted it for what it was, and tried when asked to help him out.  He's had to do most of the learning on his own though, through his mistakes and failings in order to change the way he dealt with people to create the kinds of relationships that he had always sought.

Is this any clearer to anyone?


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 6:44:12 PM   
spankmepink11


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Both young and old have advantages and disadvantages.  I long for the day when no one feels the need to  compare or compete.  Why should there have to be any _____vs ______ .

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:05:54 PM   
Bobkgin


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Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepWaters

Ill agree with defiant, young hard bodies and minds not jaded with baggage of failed relationships...sometimes a blanker slate is easier to work with


The all famous "baggage" comment.  How many failed relationships have you been in? Of course men having baggage is perfectly acceptable. For example, picture a hardworking loyal husband with a wife and two kids. His wife decides to leave him for another man just for the thrill of something new. He loses his house so he has to pay both rent and $1000/ month in child support. Although this is just an example I'm using, in reality it happens all the time. Should that man have to spend the rest of his life alone because his now ex wife screwed him over? I'm sure you wouldn't view it as baggage if it happened to a man. Luckily for men, most women are compassionate and don't turn them down because they have been through a few failed relationships.


That's not how I'd define "baggage".

For me, "baggage" means I'm expected to pay for what others have done.

For example, a woman makes a few bad choices regarding partners, grows a thicker skin and becomes far less trusting of others, and then I'm expected to pierce all that to win her heart.

Since I had nothing to do with her previous errors, or the pain she was caused, why do I deserve less than the same chance she gave the first man?

I'm in perfect agreement with those who believe she has good reason to treat the first man that way, after all, he was the one to hurt her.

But to make every man pay for the crime of the first man ... that's baggage.


If only more men thought that way. I never make one man pay for the crime of another. No man that has actually taken the time to get to know me has ever accused me of something like this because I don't do it. The men that do accuse me of having baggage are the ones that ASSUME I'm that way and don't stick around long enough to find out I'm not. I think it's probably the same for alot of other women too.

 
There's nothing to say that men can't have baggage too, and that certainly sounds like baggage to me.

quote:


I still stand by what I say. If a man has been hurt, he gets gets empathy from other men as well as potential partners. If a woman has been hurt, she is avoided.


That also sounds like baggage to me.

Do you really think there is a woman on the planet who has never been hurt? Are they all avoided?

Do you think all men fault women whenever a man claims his pain was caused by a woman?

The only thing I  might agree with is that potential partners would empathize.

But if they didn't, they wouldn't very likely be potential partners.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:07:35 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
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I dont understand this thread what dose it have to do with age

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:19:16 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Now, I didn't say one thing about selectivity.  

But that could coincide with what I had said about changing what we can and not worrying about what we can't.

Change who we associate with, if they are not good for us in the long run.  I'm all for having few good friends, over many acquaintances.  I've lived the life of many acquaintances, and not too long ago, either.  Now I live a quiet life of few good friends and am the happiest I've ever been.  And the most sane.  Yes, I've become more selective.  It's because it was something I could change. 

Now as for reading everything, and whatnot.  I never said anything of the sort either.  I am interested in what I am interested, but I'm always open to new things.  I am not always on a constant search for something new, I enjoy what I have around me at the time.  I savor things, while also hungering at times for something new and different, which I would venture to say is true for a lot of people.  No matter what it might be.  A new book, food, hobby, or activity within the lifestyle.

I'm not one that bullies ahead in my pursuit of understanding and discovery.  I go at a pace that suits me at any given time.



I've rarely had many acquaintances. But I have several good friends whom I've known for almost 30 years (was fishing with one of them today).

And thanks for the clarification. I believe we're in agreement.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Aine)
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RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:30:15 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
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From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline


As far as knowing what i want in a Dom/Master, that has never changed for me.  i want the exact same thing today, at age 51, as i wanted in men i was involved with intimately when i was 21.  i want to serve an honest man, who is sadistic, with integrity and self-confidence and decisiveness and humor and intelligence and a love of nature and the outdoors, and etc., etc. As far as having confidence in who i am?  i have definitely improved over the years.  The insecurity i felt when i was 21 and even when i was 41 has all but disappeared.  It's not that i feel like i am a better person now than i was back then or that i have any more skills or such things.  It's just that i have come to accept myself for who i am.  i have stopped questioning myself about every little thing i do or think.  i enjoy myself and who i am and how i live my life and i don't worry about whether what i am doing is "right" or "wrong" or whether or not i am "sick" for enjoying what i enjoy.  i simply enjoy it.  Not questioning and not judging myself is very freeing. Experience?  i have much more now than i had even a year ago.  Each new day brings me more experience and i welcome it all with open arms and an open mind. slave joyOwned property of Master David "Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

As I observe the number of submisssives' profiles, I have to wonder who has the edge in terms knowing what they want in a Dom/Master, experience and most important, having confidence in who they are?

(in reply to SirEbonyPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:32:54 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

I think that the conversation is finally getting around to the truth of the matter: It's not the sub's age or even their experience level that causes someone to choose a partner. No, it's how well you can connect with them on an emotional level that seems to be the overriding factor. Frankly, expereince tends to be something that I've found to be more of an intimidator, than an "edge." Dominants find out I've done a LOT of stuff in the 20+ years of being in the scene, and suddenly they are backing off, feeling "performance anxiety" about playing with me. It's sad, but there have been times I've witheld extensive information about my history, just so I could get others to play with me. This anxiety on their part is so silly. (Just because you have had meals at four star resterurants, doesn't mean you've given up on home cooking.) It's more about how much I'm attracted to them, rather than how well I think they could swing their floggers, or tie a knot. As far as the age factor goes: I think most people enjoy being with people who who shares their history... who will "get" their references in conversation. Youth really only offers a certain energy to the mix. Frankly, there are times I prefer slow and sensual to fast and frantic. There's a lot of "gray area" in this topic... but for the most part, I see people pairing off with others based on other criteria. 


Performance anxiety is indeed a problem, especially for the novices.. I can't say its silly, because it is a symptom that they are not yet ready to jump into the pool.

I won't downplay my experience for the sake of play, as I do not find play to be meaningful outside the context of a relationship based on trust.

I find appealing those who know who and what they are, and what they want to be, and what they want to be matches up pretty closely with what I want to find.

Its not so much about history as it is about the future and making it real, day by day.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:33:32 PM   
alphasubstituent


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There's only one way to tell--we need to line all of the young subs up at one end of a room and the older subs at the other. After this has been done, the fight can commence. 

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:37:47 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: ddthrill

defiantbadgirl - I saw your post and thought you were maybe 18.
Then I checked your ad page.

You are young?

34 isnt that young. Are you really 34?


What an incredibly rude comment to make to someone. 34 is certainly not old


How does that old saying go?

"One must make allowances for youth"?

All I can say is I'm glad I was never so silly as to spend my time at a bar buying drinks for young ... ehm ... "women".

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:39:20 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Why do i get the feeling that a lot of men would be lining-up to get front row seats for that........
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."
quote:

ORIGINAL: alphasubstituent

There's only one way to tell--we need to line all of the young subs up at one end of a room and the older subs at the other. After this has been done, the fight can commence. 

(in reply to alphasubstituent)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:44:05 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

ok so you say it has nothing to do with age  in which case most relationships fail after two to three years why cause of common bonds yep they make excuses like people change and this and that with out the common threads of things nothing last you have no foundation on which to build your house of cards.. so there for it is not going to hold a candle to water if your trying to build a long lasting relationship it is all about age

http://www.wilderdom.com/personality/personality.html


I disagree, Latex.

It's about committment (for the tough times) and compatibility (for the good times).

It's not about how many times you've circled the sun.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:47:10 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

it is more about balance and peace ,,not about my views on youth. It is about sanity and harmony and not about  the chaos intrenched thinking that causes more self destructive things in a moment then in a life time that most of the people cling to here and it is those things that causes people to join the Prozac inc company.. time get your head out of the sand and do the right things for life long happiness and keep in mind what you do does effect others it is not all about you but the world around you so get use to it ...


(o.O)

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:47:48 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavegirljoy

Why do i get the feeling that a lot of men would be lining-up to get front row seats for that........
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."
quote:

ORIGINAL: alphasubstituent

There's only one way to tell--we need to line all of the young subs up at one end of a room and the older subs at the other. After this has been done, the fight can commence. 



I would answer the question but I'm too busy drooling over alphasubstituent's avatar picture.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Younger subs vs. older subs:Who has the edge? - 8/26/2007 9:56:24 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alphasubstituent

There's only one way to tell--we need to line all of the young subs up at one end of a room and the older subs at the other. After this has been done, the fight can commence. 


That would be interesting.



_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to alphasubstituent)
Profile   Post #: 120
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