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RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 6:20:40 PM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		"Let the fun begin"? I don't see any fun beginning..............good luck!

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 6:50:43 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		What is up with everyone wanting to save new subs lately?  Personally I find a lot of red flags are subjective.  Use friggin common sense and you'll be just fine.  That's the only rule anyone should go by.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:14:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

What is up with everyone wanting to save new subs lately?  Personally I find a lot of red flags are subjective.  Use friggin common sense and you'll be just fine.  That's the only rule anyone should go by.


I don't know... I was thinking a Dom that has a blocking fetish is a red flag... 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:15:21 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Wolf,

We ARE being constructive, it is YOU who are being destructive.  WE expect people to be adults, you want them to be children needing protection, your's of course by the way.  WE expect people to be responsible for their own actions, you want them to be dependent on others.  WE expect people to take charge of their own growth,  you want them to look to you for wisdom.

Teaching someone that they don't have the answers and shouldn't trust themselves to make decisions but should instead look for some guru such as yourself is exactly the path that leads people to make poor relationship choices. 

Sure they make a few mistakes, but most of those are minor, broken hearts mend but more importantly, by allowing them and encouraging them to make their own choices they learn they ARE in charge of their own life and they no longer need some guru telling them which way is up.  Learning that lesson is well worth a skinned knee or two.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:18:34 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		aaaaaawwwwww yes... being an enabler  it's definitely the one true way!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:19:39 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Sure they make a few mistakes, but most of those are minor, broken hearts mend but more importantly,


Minus the one that is dismembered and in my freezer, I completely agree.

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Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:26:03 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Sure they make a few mistakes, but most of those are minor, broken hearts mend but more importantly,


Minus the one that is dismembered and in my freezer, I completely agree.


Damn, I wondered where I left that thing....


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:35:48 PM   
realisticwish


Posts: 137
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

the minute someone tells me they want to "protect newbies" all I hear is "I love using fresh meat".


I could not agree more.  In fact just an hour ago I told a new girl that very thing.  She is of course permitted to talk to anyone, but always tells me about the person.  One person that spoke to her this week was someone from six yrs ago.  He was still using the same lines.  Bragging on and on about the club this and that.  Truth was he was asked to leave and never has been welcomed back due to his behavior.
 
The best advice anyone can give is "listen to your gut". 
 
~J~

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:38:50 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		This is Steve Irwin in the wilds of the jungle.  We are searching for the elusive newbie sub.  Crikey!  I think I spot one now cowering in the brush.  Notice the big wide eyes that dart back and forth nervously.  And the skitterish demeanor.  Let's see if we can get a little closer.  There...now we have a much better view.  Notice how the newbie sub jumps at the slightest noise.  I'm afraid if we continue to stress her out that she may continually run into that tree over there.  Newbie subs do that due to their underdeveloped brains and lack of any common sense.  It's a wonder that any have survived to a reproductive age. 
Crikey...and here comes Domly Dom aproaching so boldy upon newbie sub.  Look at how she at first cowers and then suddenly exposes herself at his command.  She may just not make it out of this alive.  Domly Dom twirls his mustache and places a foot upon her belly.  He has conquered  and claimed her.  Remarkable!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:39:11 PM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Simply Michael

Wolf,

We ARE being constructive, it is YOU who are being destructive.  WE expect people to be adults, you want them to be children needing protection, your's of course by the way.  WE expect people to be responsible for their own actions, you want them to be dependent on others.  WE expect people to take charge of their own growth,  you want them to look to you for wisdom.

Teaching someone that they don't have the answers and shouldn't trust themselves to make decisions but should instead look for some guru such as yourself is exactly the path that leads people to make poor relationship choices. 

Sure they make a few mistakes, but most of those are minor, broken hearts mend but more importantly, by allowing them and encouraging them to make their own choices they learn they ARE in charge of their own life and they no longer need some guru telling them which way is up.  Learning that lesson is well worth a skinned knee or two.


First it is obvious we are of differing opinions and I do not feel I am being destructive in the least. I agree they must be responsible for themselves they are adults. Your judgement of me that I want to be anyone's guru saviour or caretaker could not be any more wrong and you asking you know me shows YOU have no idea who I am  or anything about ME.

I am only me and do not feel I am superiore to anyone or even in a poison to guide them, I can only share my experience. It is up to them to chose what to do with what I share, they can take it or leave it.

YOU on the other hand are the  one here passing judgment on others not I.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:42:18 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

This is Steve Irwin in the wilds of the jungle.  We are searching for the elusive newbie sub.  Crikey!  I think I spot one now cowering in the brush.  Notice the big wide eyes that dart back and forth nervously.  And the skitterish demeanor.  Let's see if we can get a little closer.  There...now we have a much better view.  Notice how the newbie sub jumps at the slightest noise.  I'm afraid if we continue to stress her out that she may continually run into that tree over there.  Newbie subs do that due to their underdeveloped brains and lack of any common sense.  It's a wonder that any have survived to a reproductive age. 
Crikey...and here comes Domly Dom aproaching so boldy upon newbie sub.  Look at how she at first cowers and then suddenly exposes herself at his command.  She may just not make it out of this alive.  Domly Dom twirls his mustache and places a foot upon her belly.  He has conquered  and claimed her.  Remarkable!


Now that we've found the mighty species... I'm going to sneak up behind it, and... jam my finger up it's bum!  OH yes, there it is... oh he's really pissed off now!!!


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:52:38 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The worst red flag that can EVER EVER EVER EVER be thrown...

....is someone using a screenname that is a combination of the names of at least two characters from Alice in Wonderland...



(Nods vigorously)  First sign of a bona fide psychopath.

--WalrusyCarpenter

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:56:18 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
First off, I read all the replies here so my response is to the OP’s original post.
First off, you say that this post is for the new submissives? How do YOU define what is new? How does the person next to you define what is new? How does the person ten feet from you define what is new?
Someone can have been on the fringes; never actually participated in any BDSM, M/s, D/s; and yet be more knowledgeable than the person who has been in the thick and thin of things for ten years. Who’s the newb? The one who knows everything, and has never tried anything? Or the one who has tried everything but knows nothing?
Who gets to say who’s a newbie and who is not?
Next, you go on to say that it is the ‘new submissives’ who are more often hurt by the posers and players. We have already determined that trying to determine who is new and who is not is a useless waste of time…let’s move on to the posers and players. By whose definition is someone a poser or a player? Yours? Mine? The person next to you? Or the person fifty miles from you?
And since these so called players and posers are victimizing the so called new submissives…it would be in the best interest of all concerned if you could perhaps, define what you mean by victimize. Just so that we are all on the same page here of course.
Now that we have all the definition BS out of the way; let’s move on to what you think should be red flags. Since we aren’t capable of standing up for ourselves it is only natural that we turn to someone, big, and strong, like yourself…to defend us from these mean ole Master’s and Dom’s who only want to use and abuse us poor, wittle subbies ….
Quite seriously, the only red flag I see here has your name written all over it.


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:57:15 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

This is Steve Irwin in the wilds of the jungle.  We are searching for the elusive newbie sub.  Crikey!  I think I spot one now cowering in the brush.  Notice the big wide eyes that dart back and forth nervously.  And the skitterish demeanor.  Let's see if we can get a little closer.  There...now we have a much better view.  Notice how the newbie sub jumps at the slightest noise.  I'm afraid if we continue to stress her out that she may continually run into that tree over there.  Newbie subs do that due to their underdeveloped brains and lack of any common sense.  It's a wonder that any have survived to a reproductive age. 
Crikey...and here comes Domly Dom aproaching so boldy upon newbie sub.  Look at how she at first cowers and then suddenly exposes herself at his command.  She may just not make it out of this alive.  Domly Dom twirls his mustache and places a foot upon her belly.  He has conquered  and claimed her.  Remarkable!


Aileen, OMG!....I swear you just nearly made me pee myself!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 7:58:47 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

This is Steve Irwin in the wilds of the jungle.  We are searching for the elusive newbie sub. (SNIP)


CRIKEY!  I think I'd rather swim with a manta ray.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 8:00:12 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Sure they make a few mistakes, but most of those are minor, broken hearts mend but more importantly,


Minus the one that is dismembered and in my freezer, I completely agree.

huh? you dismembered a broken heart??

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 8:05:50 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Aileen, you are so lame.  You know that Domly Dom would slap a collar of consideration on her as soon as he spots her.  Sheesh.  Other than that it is a great story!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 8:11:23 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The problem with all this poor newbies need to be protected crap is because so many people, and I think do it mostly subconsciously, try to make this way of life “special” and “different” therefore must dismissed what all other human beings and relationships are also about which in truth is pretty much the same thing. So Red Flags in this life are exactly the same Red Flags in regular old vanilla life. It is what makes a person uncomfortable it is manipulations to make someone be or do something they would not do if healthy whether consciously or subconsciously.

The truth is that whether male or female and dominant or submissive or not even in the life itself there are people who are mentally healthy and can make good decisions for themselves and mentally unhealthy people who cannot and/or are abusive or susceptible to abuse and it has zero to do with the level of experience or eliminated by a set of instructions and guidelines.

To use the OP example the dominant telling someone they have not earned his love is not a loser because he is dominant, he was a loser before he ever knew of the life and it does not matter if he is in the life. A healthy submissive will laugh him off and an unhealthy submissive may or may not buy it. Guess what though, this thing can and does happen in the vanilla world as well and that is why these must protect newbie crap sounds noble but all it really serves is look how wise and brilliant I am.

If you want to protect people instead of making lists and spreading fear that promotes this very false stereotype of new equals stupid and dangerous and old and experience equals safe and wise why not tell the actual truth. There are no fool proof rules and guidelines that guarantee happiness and safety and you cannot EVER tell if you are in contact whether online or in a local community with someone trustworthy or a dangerous abuser by their age, so called experience or memorizing how to lists.

As Ron White said “You can’t fix stupid”. When you try it comes off badly. The mentally healthy get insulted and the mentally unhealthy ignore it anyway. Treat people like you want to be treated and I am guessing anyone reading this means not like you are naïve, weak and stupid. I am sorry for this rant but I get sick and tired of the constant stereotyping done that this life is has vastly different things in it then normal relationships and submissive is always being written to like we are naive and too stupid to have common sense.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 8:14:58 PM   
MstrSkyWoIf


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

This is Steve Irwin in the wilds of the jungle.  We are searching for the elusive newbie sub.  Crikey!  I think I spot one now cowering in the brush.  Notice the big wide eyes that dart back and forth nervously.  And the skitterish demeanor.  Let's see if we can get a little closer.  There...now we have a much better view.  Notice how the newbie sub jumps at the slightest noise.  I'm afraid if we continue to stress her out that she may continually run into that tree over there.  Newbie subs do that due to their underdeveloped brains and lack of any common sense.  It's a wonder that any have survived to a reproductive age. 
Crikey...and here comes Domly Dom approaching so boldly upon newbie sub.  Look at how she at first cowers and then suddenly exposes herself at his command.  She may just not make it out of this alive.  Domly Dom twirls his mustache and places a foot upon her belly.  He has conquered  and claimed her.  Remarkable!


You have a cute way of putting things but I in no way was saying new or old subs are in any way stupid. In fact the very sub friend I was talking about in this thread happens to be very intelligent. But she also happens to be very submissive by nature and upbringing.

I don't get why everyone is so sarcastic the fact is there are many predators out there on this site and they in fact prey on the inexperienced. They talk a good talk and manipulate facts and in doing so have hurt many some to appoint they just stop trying to find there way in this lifestyle.  I think those of us who have been around for a few years tend to forget what it was like when you first discovered we where not strange for having the feelings we do.  

This thread like most on here is not even addressing the original reason it was started. It  has just turned into an argument over who knows more then who or whose opinion is more correct. It is like a bunch of kids fighting over who knows all the answers. Truth is none of us does we are all learning and always will be. anyone who says they know it all is in dead someone to avoid.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: helping a new submissive heal and see the red flags - 8/28/2007 8:19:24 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		FR:  I worry constantly about the poor, helpless newbie submissive who finds him or herself accosted by the purported protector of the weak who is inarticulate, a cliche-user, a poor speller, ungrammatical, pedantic and long - winded.  But that's just the way I am.  I care too much.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)
Profile   Post #: 60
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