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stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:26:50 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline 		ive read alot of profiles lately that mention stretching or testing limits, now i dont know what others feelings on this are (which is why im posting here) but my limits are there for a good reason, i dont say it is a limit simply because i dont find the activity erotic or gross in some way, when i say limit i dont mean ,"eww gross, i wont do that!" its more like , "if you do that its probobly a good chance that i will never speak to you again."   am i wrong for feeling this way? what are your guys thoughts on the subject? are limits there to be tested and or broken ? or are they there to protect you? a little of both?
im truely confused as i feel guilty when i have to tell someone that my limits arnt flexible. i dont have very many but they are there.
discuss? limits, their perpose (i cant spell) and possible breaking or stretching them.

_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:32:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I am pretty much on the exact same page as you are.

But you should realize most people, specially newbies, make limits that mean "things I'm only comfortable with when I'm really horny/excited/secure" because they are inexperienced and/or scared, nothing really much to do with actual safety, reasonability or serious thinking through.  They WANT their "limits" pushed, but only because they aren't really "limits" at all to begin with.

Which of course makes it even harder for the dom because some of their limits really ARE "hard" limits and the sub would get really pissed if you tried to get past those (at least if she's not horny enough first).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:39:47 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Some people on both sides of the equation have a fetish of pushing limits whether a person new to the life and starting off slowly or someone experienced wanting to see how far they can be taken.

I am with you I tend to go here are my limits and they are there for a reason but when I was first starting out my limits now would not be the same. Part of that was pushing and part of that was being more comfortable and wanting to explore. It was also finding a thing or two I thought no big deal but turned out to be in fact something I could not handle.

I do not have a problem with people talking about pushing limits from either side. If it is a fetish thing to some then they would not be for me but in the end trust and respect has to be established in any relationship and this also goes with people’s views on limits.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:43:08 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To this novice..I will attempt to bring my perspective on this..A novice has no idea what she can and cannot tolerate..a novice knows not if her trust is fully there in the beginning..a novice may be more willing to let go of a limit as her comfort level grows or she is exposed to more and more, then to not limit and then make it one thus showing a certain amount of regression or failure rather than an advancement and progression on the part of the couple...That is why, I feel that the negotiation portion of a D/s relationship should be ongoing and re-reviewed frequently,for as the novice grows, and expands in her acceptance of things formerly found to be unacceptable now is found to be intriguing.And a lot of times there are as always differing perceptions and definitions on every play or D/s aspect out there....I simply call it the adjustment period of a new relationship..better steps forward..then back...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:44:11 PM   
LadyRope


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline 		from my experience,there are soft limits and hard ones..the soft ones you do try and test and then eventually push past.,those are the  (well,I dont really like what you want to do,but its something you would enjoy,so ok) .however the hard ones,are tabu,,prohibited,and should be respected  as such and all this should have been negostiated or discussed well in advance of any kind of play...I think its simple..However I do agree with  LA in that many,far to many submissives dont know what their hard limits are ,which can be very dangerous in my opinion..  so ,to answer your question NO you are not wrong and if anybody tells you that you  are ,I think  its a large red flag....and head for the hills

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:51:39 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline 		well i am married to my master and he knows me very well, so no worries of him trying to push me, its just in browsing and tryign to make friends with some people the subject comes up, you know, what are your limits, what are you into etc. and some of them will write back after ive told them such and such is a limit, and say well how about i do this this and this to you. they just dont seem to get it. granted its only talkign online and my profile states im looking for friends only, its a bit upsetting.

_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

(in reply to LadyRope)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 9:54:52 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		exploration of a new sub is always fun you always have to  becareful of their mental awareness not to damage it but help to grow that flame that is inside them it is what  makes them sparkle.. not really rocket science... but then again most doms dommes are not nasa engineers lol

(in reply to LadyRope)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 10:42:46 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hobbit9sub4u

<snip> tryign to make friends with some people the subject comes up, you know, what are your limits, what are you into etc. and some of them will write back after ive told them such and such is a limit, <snip>


i've made the areas that are causing you problems into itallics...if you're just trying to make friends...don't tell them your limits...after years of experience online...those people who ask you what your limits and what are you into are looking for things to masturbate to with you as the star! congratulations...if you don't want to take part in this fantasy, don't tell them...other wise get used to typing "no no, please Sir, please don't make me do that" (they really get off on that)

for the rest of you...oh sure, people who are actually wanting to know your limits in the context of a relationship will ask you...but not in the first five minutes, and usually not until after a good get to know you as a person period...in a play context...yea thats different but its part of the negotion...

take care
chelle

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 10:43:45 PM   
HotFaerieMama


Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline 		i don't know if i have any limits.. .. but.. i have to find my limits..... wherever they may be. ... but my Master knows me and wants to help me find my limits.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 10:54:28 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: hobbit9sub4u

<snip> tryign to make friends with some people the subject comes up, you know, what are your limits, what are you into etc. and some of them will write back after ive told them such and such is a limit, <snip>


i've made the areas that are causing you problems into itallics...if you're just trying to make friends...don't tell them your limits...after years of experience online...those people who ask you what your limits and what are you into are looking for things to masturbate to with you as the star! congratulations...if you don't want to take part in this fantasy, don't tell them...other wise get used to typing "no no, please Sir, please don't make me do that" (they really get off on that)

for the rest of you...oh sure, people who are actually wanting to know your limits in the context of a relationship will ask you...but not in the first five minutes, and usually not until after a good get to know you as a person period...in a play context...yea thats different but its part of the negotion...

take care
chelle



wow, that was an eye opener. *is embarassed now* i can honestly say i never thought of that.  usually i will just block them if i get a response like that. i should clerify that im not prone to disclosing my laundry list of kinks to anyone im talkign to in the first five minutes, thats what your profile checklist is for, but to think that thats why they wanted to know *shudders*  theres a lesson, and thank you again, i will be more careful with what i say and do on here. *hides from the HNG's* i think i need a shower now.

_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 10:59:21 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		everyone has limits...i could state a few (death, dismemberment, 10" diameter butt plugs) and then there would be the typical response from the no limits crowd (thats just common sense)...so i am just gonna leave it at that...
personally...i had different limits when i came into the scene...i don't even know what they were...it was 6 years ago...now, i have a very short list...they are all trauma or health/sanitary related...one is even something i used to absolutely love (belts/straps/anything that feels/sounds like a belt)...have a slightly longer list of things i hate...much longer list of things i can take or leave...there might be one or two things still in common with when i first began...yes! i remember...breath play...hard limit...i spent 14 years of my life doing breath play on my own (nuerologist called it central sleep apnea...brain forgets to say breathe when i am sleeping...but from 4 to 18, lots of drowning dreams hmmm) so...yea...not so fun for me...
as for stretching limits...my hard ones...i don't want "stretched"...i would like that belt one broken...but when i am ready...not a moment before...i don't ever see my self wanting to play with feces in a sexual manner (may want to do a monkey scene and fling poo but thats a little different than scat...right?...if its not i'm gonna have to change my hard limits lol hmmm maybe fake poo would work...like half melted fun size snickers....) or drink urine...so...yea...umm no...its a non-issue for me - stretching limits
for others...re-negotiating limits, i would think would be more pertinent...but call it what you want...have fun, do it consensually and we're all good...

(in reply to HotFaerieMama)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:00:50 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		My slave's limits are my limits, so I never have to worry about that. 
You needn't feel guilty nor wrong about your limits.  

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:01:19 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		awwww its ok...have you seen Monsters Inc? i had a flash of Mike spraying himself in the eye with disinfectant when i read that lol...
take care...
chelle
ps. i really love your tag line...can i steal it and make it into a sticker?

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:06:45 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have limits. And they're firm. With everyone...except Her.

That's part of the agreement. She wants to push or break my limits She's welcome to. She also has to deal with the mess that results one way or another. And fortunately at least a tad bit of how I feel effects Her. So She generally pushes me physically in the ways of pain and breath control and what not...hell I'm surprised I can have Her holding whatever standing on my chest but She does it. She does it because it thrills Her to watch me push myself to my physical limits for Her.

Now anybody else try doing some of the stuff She does to me and I'll slit their throats in their sleep and not blink about it.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:11:18 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

awwww its ok...have you seen Monsters Inc? i had a flash of Mike spraying himself in the eye with disinfectant when i read that lol...
take care...
chelle
ps. i really love your tag line...can i steal it and make it into a sticker?



i love monsters inc, boo is the best ever! did you mean my tag line? if soo feel free. (i would like to see it if you were refering to mine though, its always cool to see that sort of stuff)

_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:12:37 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

Now anybody else try doing some of the stuff She does to me and I'll slit their throats in their sleep and not blink about it.



thats kinda hot...if you were to get in a romantic relationship, would you do that for your partner?

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:13:49 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		yes, hobbit9sub4u, your tag line...
and yes, boo is the best ever

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:16:06 PM   
hobbit9sub4u


Posts: 130
Joined: 10/29/2006
From: Bates Motel(florida)
Status: offline 		sure go ahead:)


_____________________________

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other, and when I am alone I am together.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:17:14 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		People are.. very different from how we seem to perceive ourselves.

I assure you, a man can kidnap and rape a woman constantly, he can still make her come to love him.

Earnest rape is an extreme example. The point stands that limits are functions. Significantly changing the environment can alter the immediate environment of the limit function to the point of fundamentally altering the nature outside perception of the new reaction in colloquial human terms.

You know, when I'm tired, I slip and fail to speak in common terms. So, please excuse me if this is vulgar, but it strikes me as my sole alternative to this more earnest speak.

Choose whatever limits you want. Just be happy in whatever you do. Someone will often be able to manipulate you, should they be sufficiently apt.

(in reply to hobbit9sub4u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: stretching limits in subs... - 8/28/2007 11:18:06 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		if I were to have a romantic partner they would have to be subserviant to the Lady in Charge. And have their place in ranking order of the household. They would also have to understand the way I do things and where my priorities are. I guess that could be a limit within a romantic relationship for me I dunno. Maybe it's just what needs to be negotiated. first and foremost the power dynamic is my priority. Over anything else. Period. Family is next. Romance is way down the line for me. And I know that's not easy to deal with. Which is why I don't actively seek romantic partners.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 20
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