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Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 6:55:43 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Since joining collarchat I've been reminded of how much competition there can be between the domly types for the limelight.

I suppose, being a writer who has had to earn his audience in whatever forum I happen to be in, I feel no need to chase the limelight.

I've found that the limelight tends to find me. And if not, then I've not earned it.

I tend to view my search in a non-competitive way.

Somewhere in the world there are a few women who would be ideally suited for me. Their specific needs, desires, aspirations etc (all that makes them unique) are such that when seeking, they are not going to respond to you because you do not have the qualities I have, which are the qualities they seek.

By the same token, somewhere in the world there are a few women who would be ideally suited for you. Their specific needs, desires, aspirations etc (all that makes them unique) are such that when seeking, they are not going to respond to me because I do not have the qualities you have, which are the qualities they seek.

This approach negates any need for competition. It is like sorting out a deck of cards into suits, where one person collects spades, another diamonds, and so on. It's not a matter of getting to a woman first, nor being most noticed. Simply a matter of finding that particular needle in the haystack that ideally suits me.

And so I write, not because I'm in comptetition with anyone, but because I'm a writer by choice and that's the sort of thing writers do: write. Writing challenges me to be a better writer, a better communicator. I enjoy capturing the essence of my thoughts and translating it into words, perhaps construct a memorable statement.

I write because my words may benefit another, add to their knowledge base or answer a conundrum they've been worrying.

I write not to compete, but to beckon those few who are well-suited for me, and to wave off all the rest for whom I am not their ideal choice.

How do you view competition in the BDSM 'community'? Do you participate in it? Why or why not?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

Post #: 1

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:00:15 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am looking to get ME handled, if I can do that, that is what I will do.

I don't drop anyone else off the end of the dock to do that, but I am not going to give any quarter either.

I have friends I have made here, subs, slaves, Doms, Dominatrixes, lesbians and gays.

The sandbox is big enough we all have room to play.

That's me,

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 2

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:12:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I've already won more than I ever thought possible. I was LUCKY that he stuck around rather than go with the many other females he had available to him.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 3

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:21:40 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He dips His lid to Bobkgin;

I am competitive and do post here at times for 'one up man ship' (or vanity as He smiles smuggily) but the real reason I'm posting is to compete against myself. To challenge my views by putting them to print, and learning from others' views particularly if they are opposite to mine.

I tend to post in 'spurts' and get tired of:
the lame same old/same old,
wank fodder,
disrespectful threads,
or the banal type 'chat room threads' posted to by the 'Days of our lives brigade'

and when I find there is little here providing 'competition' for my learning................... I go and flog the dead horse in my backyard.

Warm regards to all. Driver.

(edited a single bloody letter)

< Message edited by Driver1961 -- 8/30/2007 7:24:01 AM >

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:27:07 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I don't drop anyone else off the end of the dock to do that, but I am not going to give any quarter either.

Oh really, then can you explain the cement mixer in your back yard?

Or you offering to help other domly types find their final homestone?

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 5

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:33:19 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Competition is a healthy - everyone competes when they have their eye on a goal.
Even to assist someone is a form of competition... you whore yourself so that others will read.
In that way - you succeed. You win.

And there isn't a community in my opinon. Just people - some of whom I have something in commen with, some do not. There is no structure to BDSM - hence no real 'community' - only a subjected self inflicted one if you want there to be.

I simply - live.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 6

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:36:30 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I would have thought that if the limelight tended to find me, it would not be because I started threads about the limelight finding me. That seems more like "I had to run into the limelight".

To me, the people around here who have the limelight are ones like LA who are constantly mentioned in threads they don't know exist because others mention their name because they find her advice sound and informative. Walking into a room and screaming for example, will get you into the limelight but not for any reason that would appeal to me.

As for competition among dominants, I find those who have the need to thump their chest constantly are the most competitive but have the least to compete with. The ones that post only on occasion like Padriag who has no need of attention are always worth reading. He doesn't say what he does to win friends, he isn't playing "first liar doesn't stand a chance" games, nor is he thumping his chest.

As for competing, I don't bother. In fact, if I am chasing someone I WANT them to play with others, talk to others. I figure it will only make me look better, how's THAT for arrogance?

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 7

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:38:36 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I don't drop anyone else off the end of the dock to do that, but I am not going to give any quarter either.

Oh really, then can you explain the cement mixer in your back yard?

Or you offering to help other domly types find their final homestone?

The cement mixer is there temporarily until I can make a cement pylon for the chipper, to affix it permanantly, that I am going to run people thru, it is getting rather tiring to have it knocked around while struggling with the competition.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 8

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:46:12 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As for competing, I don't bother. In fact, if I am chasing someone I WANT them to play with others, talk to others. I figure it will only make me look better, how's THAT for arrogance?

I don't know Michael - I still see that as competing, just using different tools to that which others are. Your 'arrogance' Vs. their *insert appropriate word here*.

Personally - arrogance rocks.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 7:50:47 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

in this corner typing in at 200 words a second we have lol lets get ready to rumble battle post no message board is safe

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 10

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 8:14:14 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Why do you feel that this is a competition? Be yourself and let the others compete against you.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 11

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 8:16:25 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Darcy,

Yes, on some level it is competing but not in the way I think the OP was refering to.

More along the lines of the old joke. Two bulls are sitting on a hilltop and the younger one says to the mature bull, "hey, look at those little holstiens, lets run down there and fuck one of them". "Interesting idea" says the old bull but he doesn't do anything. The younger bull gets frustrated and says "don't you want to go fuck one of them?" to which the mature bull says "no, lets walk down and fuck them all".

I am certainly aware of how I carry myself and act and some of that is because of who I am but with an eye toward how that is seen by women. Few interest me in the scene and the ones I tend to be interested on get lots of attention. I allow the herd to run around and jockey for position and that works on some women but the sort I seek are used to that and find it tiresome. Eventually they find their way to me, so if that is competition, then I am guilty as charged but you won't see me breaking a sweat to do it.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 12

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 8:47:20 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Sometimes people call themselves Farley F*king Mowats yet they are just windbags.

I frankly don't see any of these men (regulars) competing for limelight, I see men posting (mostly civilized) responses as non-competitive. If the OP sees them as competition, he might be in his own lil world about that. Is this a passive-aggressive way of saying you are above others? That women are more likely to find your approach more dom-ly, attractive, sexy??

quote:

And so I write, not because I'm in comptetition with anyone, but because I'm a writer by choice and that's the sort of thing writers do: write. Writing challenges me to be a better writer, a better communicator. I enjoy capturing the essence of my thoughts and translating it into words, perhaps construct a memorable statement.

I write because my words may benefit another, add to their knowledge base or answer a conundrum they've been worrying.

I write not to compete, but to beckon those few who are well-suited for me, and to wave off all the rest for whom I am not their ideal choice.

So, you don't want grown men to be afaid of you? To not consider you competition?

I don't get it. Is this a question or a 'smooze'?

<lost or too exhausted to be posting.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 8:53:19 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

The cement mixer is there temporarily until I can make a cement pylon for the chipper, to affix it permanantly, that I am going to run people thru, it is getting rather tiring to have it knocked around while struggling with the competition.

When you get some of that special mulch chipped up i'll take some for my roses.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 14

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 8:59:11 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Somewhere in the world there are a few women who would be ideally suited for me. Their specific needs, desires, aspirations etc (all that makes them unique) are such that when seeking, they are not going to respond to you because you do not have the qualities I have, which are the qualities they seek.

By the same token, somewhere in the world there are a few women who would be ideally suited for you. Their specific needs, desires, aspirations etc (all that makes them unique) are such that when seeking, they are not going to respond to me because I do not have the qualities you have, which are the qualities they seek.

Just musing on this a bit.

Unless someone thought they were just like me, I don't see how they could believe I'd attract the same women they'd attract.

And since we'd attract different women, I don't see how they could imagine themselves competing with me.

Competing for what? Different women?

Doesn't make sense.

I guess that's why I've never understood the competitive drive when dating.

Perhaps that's because I am aware of my uniqueness and they are used to being part of a herd, where so many men are just like them, and thus they must compete to show that they are just a little better than the other men in their herd.

I'm not part of a herd. Never was.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 15

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 9:00:50 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

OP asks,
How do you view competition in the BDSM 'community'? Do you participate in it? Why or why not?

In many ways I have a competitive nature. I think competition is healthy and in most situations, a blast. What I don't do is throw my pearls before swine. When a debate has no depth, when it is just argumentative for the sake of being churlish, I opt not to participate. I do not consider it a competition to engage in churlish and argumentative behavior, because I believe it detracts from the genuine issues. When I lose a debate to someone, I don't allow my competitive nature to force the topic. I concede the point, and leave with a new perspective and knowledge I didn't have previously.

Competition in most any environment tends to inspire excellence. Losing sight of good sportsmanship, and embracing only your need to win doesn't. You might bully yourself into a win in your own mind, but you have not achieved excellence (IMHO).

I know your question was regarding the BDSM community, but I tend to think the basic concept of competition applies to many aspects of my life. I just don't see the need to narrow it to BDSM only, which is why my reply didn't focus on that.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 16

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 9:05:43 AM

Perplex

Posts: 110
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Walking into a room and screaming for example, will get you into the limelight but not for any reason that would appeal to me.

Dewd, don't underestimate it.
There is nothing like running into the banquet room of a 5* in a toga yelling "go dawgs" (or insert team of choice if you must) then spending the evening ducking security. If you can't find a girl or a fight it's about as much fun as you can have for free. I know it's immature but so are traffic jams if you think about it, its just physics it all should work better than it does.

With the orginal post, I'm surprised big dawg, you know the most insecure thing on the planet is a dom trying to get noticed, if you cut off bullwinkles antlers it wouldn't be as pathetic as to watch dom's on a street corner saying "can I tie you up, mind if I whip you...caneing anyone?...anyone..." put that under a low heat of a forum and you get people having to bash others (without the great 60's cartoon references) because on the playground if you wanted the ball you beat the snot out of the little kid who had it and took it. that's darwinian principle that is, and they assume it will work with subs too

and lets face it, if you can't find a girl* a fight's ussually the next best thing.

*yes I know that was a terrible self-centric thing to imply that doms are all boys and subs are all girls, I know better, I've been to the blackboard to write 50,000 times "women are be doms too" I've done my sensitivity training filmstrip class, but lets face it, sometimes a joke just has to be phrased a certain way to work.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 9:09:51 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Since joining collarchat I've been reminded of how much competition there can be between the domly types for the limelight.

I suppose, being a writer who has had to earn his audience in whatever forum I happen to be in, I feel no need to chase the limelight.

I've found that the limelight tends to find me. And if not, then I've not earned it.

I tend to view my search in a non-competitive way.

Somewhere in the world there are a few women who would be ideally suited for me. Their specific needs, desires, aspirations etc (all that makes them unique) are such that when seeking, they are not going to respond to you because you do not have the qualities I have, which are the qualities they seek.

By the same token, somewhere in the world there are a few women who would be ideally suited for you. Their specific needs, desires, aspirations etc (all that makes them unique) are such that when seeking, they are not going to respond to me because I do not have the qualities you have, which are the qualities they seek.

This approach negates any need for competition. It is like sorting out a deck of cards into suits, where one person collects spades, another diamonds, and so on. It's not a matter of getting to a woman first, nor being most noticed. Simply a matter of finding that particular needle in the haystack that ideally suits me.

And so I write, not because I'm in comptetition with anyone, but because I'm a writer by choice and that's the sort of thing writers do: write. Writing challenges me to be a better writer, a better communicator. I enjoy capturing the essence of my thoughts and translating it into words, perhaps construct a memorable statement.

I write because my words may benefit another, add to their knowledge base or answer a conundrum they've been worrying.

I write not to compete, but to beckon those few who are well-suited for me, and to wave off all the rest for whom I am not their ideal choice.

How do you view competition in the BDSM 'community'? Do you participate in it? Why or why not?

Personally, I would like to give a big "Thank You" to Bobgkin. On this horrible website, he has taken the higher road by not trying to steal the limelight from all us greedy limelight hoggers who are trying to steal it from him even though he doesnt want it.

I mean, there is just so many ways he could stay up late on his computer and causing a big huge ruckus in an attempt to grab attention.

He could make public announcements about blocking people and stir up threads of drama....

He could constantly cry out about how he is taking the high road for blocking these people, only to unblock them so he can hurl insults at them and their slaves before reblocking them to continue along the path of the high road...

He could engage in a testerone competition of words with another Collarme.com member...

He could refer to Collarme.com as the Bubble Gum brigade and pontificate about how we should all be wowed by his years of experience who deserves courtesy and respect for coming to our Island of BDSM Deliquents and teaching us all he can know...

He could roar and thump his chest, screaming to the high heavens about how he is too emotional, psychologly and mentally superior to the rest of us to be changed in "Who he is" when anyone points out his bad behaviors...

But...

As clearly depicted in this post where he has taken the limelight-I mean, not taken the limelight by talking about how great he is for not taking the limelight, he has not done any of these things.

Can we have a moment of silence for being graced with such a virtous and honorable man?

Now to answer the questions, I personally avoid competition and the limelight by refraining from making constant "I" statements regarding how "I do this" when everyone else does that (Anyone, catch my own irony in this statement I just wrote?) and just simply "be as I am".

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 8/30/2007 9:13:46 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 18

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 9:11:53 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

OMG, the last two posts have given me enough to chuckle about for the next few hours of work......I have to say thank you!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 19

RE: Competition in the 'community' - 8/30/2007 9:17:44 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Can we have a moment of silence for being graced with such a virtous and honorable man?

Only if it includes a head shake and shrug with it.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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