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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:57:59 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

After struggling to say the right thing, I find the best answer I can give is yes... when it matters.

Exactly!

And did that have a great deal to do with you submitting to him?

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:11:05 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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trust between Daddy and i is a two-way street. WE make decisions together as a team ...not as the Dom choosing for His submissive. our decisions together help sculp, shape and define this relationship since we built it on friendship and trust even though i don't trust automatically. He had to earn it as i had to earn His.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:16:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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After not being sure I understood the question, my answer is the same as Chewsies pretty much- I trust him to be who he is and remain true to himself.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:29:57 AM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

After struggling to say the right thing, I find the best answer I can give is yes... when it matters.

Exactly!

And did that have a great deal to do with you submitting to him?

lol... It is what ultimately enables me to truly submit to him.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:30:37 AM

toservez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

After struggling to say the right thing, I find the best answer I can give is yes... when it matters.

Exactly!

And did that have a great deal to do with you submitting to him?

But that is kind of my point and others have written it here, like LA, I do have to trust him that he will WANT to try to do what is best for me but understand he is a human being and that and the complexities of life just do not realistically able a person to do that and I am sorry but there is a huge difference of taking big deal things that cross moral and value things in a relationship and giving enough rope to your dominant that he can be free to act and do things on a mundane daily basis without having this unfair high standard of BEST for me.

Sorry but you have changed your question.

It was always try for what is best for you to always try what is best for you when it matters. That is a very big difference and also a subjective one. I have to trust my Master that he has all the things we write and care about in the big picture taken into consideration and making sure they are not wrecked but I must give him some leeway in day to day life to feel free enough in his life that every decision or action he makes does not have to be what is best for me.

What matters is completely subjective and based on an individual. For some a few core things and for others practically every breath and word spoken and no one is better or worse but just another element of compatibility.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:36:24 AM

Celeste43

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Neither. I trust him to make the best choice that will allow the relationship to flourish, which may not be best for either one of us. But I trust him to consider my needs when he makes these decisions and not make a decision that would harm me, or cause me to lose faith in him.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:37:25 AM

FyreAngel

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Hallo Twice

I didnt used to think trust was a big deal. It comes, it goes, i can live with out it. Heck, i had lived most of my life with out trusting anyone. I could have a relationship with out it. I was obviously wrong and was unable to offer submission. To me, its not about whats best for me or even him. Its about whats RIGHT. THATS what it comes down to. I want to know that He will do whats right. For an example : When he pierced my clit he did it himself and put me at gross risk. If he had done what was "right" - he would of had a proffessional do it. Not about what i "want" or even about what would be best for me (no piercing.... piercing..).

Anywho, i have learned that with out trust its never going to work. That and regaining trust is like a million to one. When it comes down to it - why would you let some one control your life, control you and you not know if its going to send you spiraling down the tubes or lift you up to the stars? ::smiles::

I would expect a Dominant to do what is Right.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:41:46 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FyreAngel

Its about whats RIGHT. THATS what it comes down to. I want to know that He will do whats right.

When it comes down to it - why would you let some one control your life, control you and you not know if its going to send you spiraling down the tubes or lift you up to the stars? ::smiles::

I would expect a Dominant to do what is Right.

Bravo, i think i like that answer best of all so far!

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:43:44 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Sorry but you have changed your question.

I amended my original post as i noted earlier.

The response to you was exactly that, a response to you, not a change in my original question.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:49:45 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I trust him to be who he is and remain true to himself.

Lol, leave it to you to complicate things.

I agree with you, you need to be able to trust them to be true to who they are.

This relates to something i posted on a different thread.

You first have to be careful to choose some one whose moral/ethical compass is close to your own.

I think part of (not all of) what i am trying to figure out which folks think is more important, or what is most important to them. Absolute obedience even if your trust is broken or absolute trust that you will be properly cared for.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 7:57:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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If obedience is based on trust, then if trust is broken, obedience will suffer.

If obedience is not based on trust, then it doesn't matter what happens with it.

For a lot of Ds and Ms relationships, obedience is based on trust SOMETIMES. So sometimes trust can be broken or not needed, and sometimes it will cause a big problem.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 8:23:59 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

While i have not yet been collared, it is my opinion that my Master should make the decisions which are best for HIM and that as His property He would consider my needs but not defer to them, if that makes sense. As property, i would think my Master would want me to be safe and healthy but i choose to be His property not His dependent.

So, (not saying your choice is right or wrong here), if your Master chose to lend you out to somebody because he would benefit from it, who in the process of using you dislocated your shoulder the first time they borrowed you then broke you ankle the next time they borrowed you, you would still trust your Master and be lent out to this person again?

This is entirely a hypothetical question. First, before chosing my Master i want to know how he treats his property. Does he take care of his things or is he a slob who doesn't care about his car, his motorcycle, his couch, his clothes or his appearance? Am i at least as important to him as these other items? If my Master allowed someone to use his Harley (not bloody likely) and they wrecked it, would he be so stupid as to lend it out again? i cannot see myself submitting or surrendering to anyone who doesn't have the ability to learn from their mistakes or to be careless with their property. In order to trust my Master to make good decisions i first have to trust myself to make the right decision in WHO will be my Master.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 8:26:50 AM

slavebilly15

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as one that values himself as a slave trust is a HUGE must in a D/s relationship.
#1 i am a bit clausterphobic and need the assurance that if i am going to be bound it is someone that respects my health if i should start to panic or gasp for air.
#2 i have a very high pain tolerance and a high level of dedication therefore once i submit my body and soul is Yours. That being said i channel all pain throughout my whole body and take whatever is asked of me making the risk of permanent damage very high if the One that i submit to is not trustworthy or experienced.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 8:29:28 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

[This is entirely a hypothetical question. First, before chosing my Master i want to know how he treats his property. Does he take care of his things or is he a slob who doesn't care about his car, his motorcycle, his couch, his clothes or his appearance? Am i at least as important to him as these other items? If my Master allowed someone to use his Harley (not bloody likely) and they wrecked it, would he be so stupid as to lend it out again? i cannot see myself submitting or surrendering to anyone who doesn't have the ability to learn from their mistakes or to be careless with their property. In order to trust my Master to make good decisions i first have to trust myself to make the right decision in WHO will be my Master.

Lol, Thank you, that is pretty much my take on it as well.

Hell there are about a 3 people i have ever let ride one of my bikes so i appreciate that analogy.

Yet time and time again i have come across those on both sides of the coin who feel that a sub/slave should submit to whatever. If that is their personal choice and they are content, i am happy for them.

Much like a two year old another part of what i want to know is, WHY?

I have a huge thing for self preservation, at the same time i am happiest as an owned slave. So i part of what i am looking at is for those who negate that instinct, how, and why they do it?

Yes, i fully grasp the concept of submitting to another, right up to the point when that instinct kicks in.

A good analogy for me would be when i was learning to jump my bike.

My buddies, one of whom yes i have trusted with my life, took me out and put me at the top of this ravine and said, jump, we will catch you. Uh...ok...sure!

The first attempt i picked up speed, got to the top, stood up and let the bike jump with out me. It flew pretty good before it crashed. The next attempt i made it. I trusted them to know i was ready, that i could succeed in this other wise life threatening leap.

But if those same friends tried to line me up to jump Snake River Canyon i'd be laughing at them while packing up my bike as fast as i could load it.

Nothing would ever convince me to do that one.

I see Doms who encourage their subs to make the jumps they can, and i see Doms who are pushing them out over the canyon. Why or how would anybody let so much of themselves go that they would make that second jump?

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 8/31/2007 8:45:56 AM >

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 8:34:26 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

As a submissive or a slave define trust in your relationship with you dominant.

Is it an absolute for you that you trust your dominant to make the best choice for you even if it may not be the best choice for them or fulfill their wants?

I trust Valyraen to make the best choice for us. Sometimes we both get we want, sometimes he doesn't get what he wants. Sometimes I don't get what I want, but it's the choice that is best for us as a couple rather than two seperate people.

quote:

As a dominant do you always make the best choices/decisions for your submissive even if it is not what you would desire or is best for you?

In doing what is best for us as couple Valyraen doesn't always get what he wants. I need to have a connection with my family and friends. That is what is best for me as a person. So, what is best for us as a couple is that he not only allows but encourages me to maintain those connections. Sometimes that means I go away for a week and he is on his own. Which he really doesn't enjoy.

quote:

On a recent thread about hiring your slave out Daddysprop said that she had been hired or loaned out and that on occasion she had suffered some damage. (Daddysprop, please do not be offended or think I am saying your way is wrong, I admire your level of devotion).

Personally if it happened once I might be inclined to let it go as a freak occurrence but the next time I would lose all trust and there would no longer be any submission there. At that point I would be telling the dominant, you are not making the best choices for me but rather for you.

I'm inclined to agree. Valyraen did something recently that caused me to have the worst subdrop I've ever experienced. It was really bad. He was there for me, held me, helped get me over it. Then we talked about why it happened. He took responsiblity for what happened and told me that it will not happen again. If he were to lie to me and do what caused it again, we would have major relationship issues.

quote:

A while back KOM stated his girls number one rule, even before obey is protect my property.

This is very much in line with how Valyraen and I feel. I am his most prized and treasured possession. I am to protect myself in all ways, even from him if needed.

quote:

Mistoferin and LA both spoke very lovingly of dominants in their lives that let them go and continue their growth because it was the best decision for them as individuals not the one the dominant would have preferred for themselves.

This seems very personal. The experiences they had were very good. Yet I strongly feel I would not do well under that situation. I simply have no interest in being owned only be released later if it was known ahead of time that I would be released. When Valyraen and I first got together, we had a talk and agreed that while we didn't know where this would go we were both only interested in a relationship that had long-term (ie. marriage and kids) potential. We would see where this went for us and if one of us realized that it wouldn't work, we would split.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 8/31/2007 8:37:16 AM >

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 8:46:49 AM

BeingChewsie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I trust him to be who he is and remain true to himself.

Lol, leave it to you to complicate things.

I agree with you, you need to be able to trust them to be true to who they are.

This relates to something i posted on a different thread.

You first have to be careful to choose some one whose moral/ethical compass is close to your own.

I think part of (not all of) what i am trying to figure out which folks think is more important, or what is most important to them. Absolute obedience even if your trust is broken or absolute trust that you will be properly cared for.

I'm still not sure I understand what you mean here. If you trust the person to be the man he presented as, the same person you have come to know, and that his decisions will come from his centric and be consistent with his character and be a decision in which he believes to be "doing what is right"...and over time the decisions he makes are in line with the person you know and in line with his character..how is trust broken? It never becomes an "if then" issue. One doesn't become more important, because one doesn't come into play, that issue being broken trust.

You do have to be careful in making he right choice for you. Time is the arbiter of knowing if it is or isn't. That is why I say there is no fire, take your time.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 9:11:06 AM

Bobkgin

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Note that I've adjusted the nomenclature to reflect my particular situation. Changes made are in italics.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x
As a master do you always make the best choices/decisions for your slave even if it is not what you would desire or is best for you?

yes.

quote:

Do you think a slave is not a good slave if they expect you to always choose what is best for them rather than what you as a master want from them?

yes.

A slave gives up her freedom to do whatever is necessary for her well-being.

Accepting her as my property is no different when it comes to my responsibilities than when I took in cats and dogs.

Bear in mind that choosing what is best for her may not always be choosing what she wants.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 9:36:35 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Bear in mind that choosing what is best for her may not always be choosing what she wants.

I agree with you on that one.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 9:42:43 AM

Twicehappy2x

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

I'm still not sure I understand what you mean here. If you trust the person to be the man he presented as, the same person you have come to know, and that his decisions will come from his centric and be consistent with his character and be a decision in which he believes to be "doing what is right"...and over time the decisions he makes are in line with the person you know and in line with his character..how is trust broken? It never becomes an "if then" issue. One doesn't become more important, because one doesn't come into play, that issue being broken trust.

I do understand your point, and agree with what you are saying here. But for the purpose of this thread i would like to let the "what if" stand.

(sorry to use you as an example again hon, daddysprop)

I wonder if when somebody in a situation like Daddysprop agreed to become his slave she was aware he would be putting her in harms way for his benefit?

If the person in that type of arrangement was aware, or if it occured further into the relationship but the subbie accepted that, then my previous whys and hows stand.

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RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 9:43:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Choosing what's best for her may not always be what the DOM wants in either. Making choices sometimes means picking something no one really WANTS, but must be done.

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