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Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 4:20:49 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
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As a submissive or a slave define trust in your relationship with you dominant.

Is it an absolute for you that you trust your dominant to make the best choice for you even if it may not be the best choice for them or fulfill their wants?

As a dominant do you always make the best choices/decisions for your submissive even if it is not what you would desire or is best for you?

Do you think a submissive is not a good submissive if they expect you to always choose what is best for them rather than what you as a dominant want from them?

After reading a lot of the responses on a few threads going around this question has been rolling around in my head.

I know my own response, in order to offer my submission I have to be able to trust them to ALWAYS make the best decision for me. Not the one they prefer or that would best suit their interests but the best one for me.

I’ll give you some differing examples.

On a recent thread about hiring your slave out Daddysprop said that she had been hired or loaned out and that on occasion she had suffered some damage. (Daddysprop, please do not be offended or think I am saying your way is wrong, I admire your level of devotion).

Personally if it happened once I might be inclined to let it go as a freak occurrence but the next time I would lose all trust and there would no longer be any submission there. At that point I would be telling the dominant, you are not making the best choices for me but rather for you.

A while back KOM stated his girls number one rule, even before obey is protect my property.

Mistoferin and LA both spoke very lovingly of dominants in their lives that let them go and continue their growth because it was the best decision for them as individuals not the one the dominant would have preferred for themselves.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

Post #: 1

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 4:32:01 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

As a submissive or a slave define trust in your relationship with you dominant.

I trust him fully and completely to make the right decision for the situation 95% of the time. Knowing this, I also know he is human and has about a 5% error rate (rough estimate). I can live with the errors, however big or small, since he is spot on the rest of the time.

quote:

Is it an absolute for you that you trust your dominant to make the best choice for you even if it may not be the best choice for them or fulfill their wants?

No. He will usually decide what is best for me. Sometimes in doing so he will sacrifice what he wants because he knows I will be better off for it. Sometimes he decides what he wants and that is what he wants and it may not be in my best interest or something I want, and I'll live with it. But I do trust that his decisions will not cause me undue and long term/permanent physical, mental or emotional damage.

quote:

Do you think a submissive is not a good submissive if they expect you to always choose what is best for them rather than what you as a dominant want from them?

I can't answer this for everyone, but I can say that if I had such an expectation I would be let down and he would be frustrated and train that expectation out of me. Oh wait, he did that already!

In truth, and as sappy as it sounds, I want what he wants for me, and I trust that what he wants for me is better for me than what I might want. That has typically been the case, at least in the first couple of years. If I ever disagree with his decision, I am allowed to voice my concern, and he will consider it. But that doesn't guarantee I will get my way, it only means he will consider it.

quote:

After reading a lot of the responses on a few threads going around this question has been rolling around in my head.

Is that the rattling noises I've been hearing? Oops, that's my head, sorry!

Great questions, Twice - thanks!

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 2

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 4:39:42 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I trust him fully and completely to make the right decision for the situation 95% of the time. Knowing this, I also know he is human and has about a 5% error rate (rough estimate). I can live with the errors, however big or small, since he is spot on the rest of the time.

Thank you OG, i think i should reset the parameters of the question.

Dominants are human beings first and therefore subject to..gasp!...human error.

With that in mind let me amend the original question to allowing for human errors and the small stuff.

Do you as a submissive need to trust your dominant will always try to make the best choices for you?

quote:

Is that the rattling noises I've been hearing? Oops, that's my head, sorry!

Lmao...no i am pretty sure that is my head making the noise, hmmm...maybe we both need more coffee.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 3

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:04:54 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Master decides what is best, for both of us, and this slave trusts Him completely to make that call, every day of our lives together...regardless of circumstance.

It is extremely important to this slave that Master makes choices for His slave that suit Him and His interests---His pleasure, contentment and happiness are paramount.

there is no I, me, mine or my in this slave's life. Master's untimely demise is the only scenario this slave can fathom that would re-instate this slave's lost sense of self and at that point, there will be plenty of "self"-ish decisions to make.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 4

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:11:12 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

Thank you beth, i admire you two greatly.

I see your level of devotion and i admire it, you both are very lucky to have one another.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 5

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:24:04 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I have to trust my Master that he wants and tries to do what is best for US and not just me because life is not as simple that what is best for me is best for him or our relationship at that time. This is reality and not theory based.

No way in hell do I expect my Master to always do what is in my best interest. He is a human being and flawed and I would never hold him up to a standard that can never be achieved and a standard I would not want for myself, perfection.

Yes, it is imperative that I trust he want what’s best and to feel safe and protected but ALWAYS make the right decision is theoretically to high of a standard for any human being to be judged on.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 6

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:28:31 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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While i have not yet been collared, it is my opinion that my Master should make the decisions which are best for HIM and that as His property He would consider my needs but not defer to them, if that makes sense. As property, i would think my Master would want me to be safe and healthy but i choose to be His property not His dependent.

How many of us have made decisions for ourselves that have turned out badly? We make decisions on the data we have available and if the data is flawed then the decision may be bad in hindsight. Masters are humans and not every decision will have a perfect outcome.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 7

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:34:05 AM

callistaIn

Posts: 62
Status: offline

quote:

As a submissive or a slave define trust in your relationship with you dominant.

If I can put my own life in the hands of another; that means that I trust them.

callie

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 8

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:47:14 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

No way in hell do I expect my Master to always do what is in my best interest. He is a human being and flawed and I would never hold him up to a standard that can never be achieved and a standard I would not want for myself, perfection.

quote:

ORIGINAL:eyesopened

Masters are humans and not every decision will have a perfect outcome.

Figured i better reemphasize my amendment based on these two responses.

Thank you OG, i think i should reset the parameters of the question.

Dominants are human beings first and therefore subject to..gasp!...human error.

With that in mind let me amend the original question to allowing for human errors and the small stuff.

Do you as a submissive need to trust your dominant will always try to make the best choices for you?

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 9

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:49:43 AM

callistaIn

Posts: 62
Status: offline

quote:

Do you as a submissive need to trust your dominant will always try to make the best choices for you?

I think that it has nothing to do with whether one identifies as submissive or not. In any relationship you need to be able to trust that your partner will always have your best interests at heart.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 10

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:51:32 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

While i have not yet been collared, it is my opinion that my Master should make the decisions which are best for HIM and that as His property He would consider my needs but not defer to them, if that makes sense. As property, i would think my Master would want me to be safe and healthy but i choose to be His property not His dependent.

So, (not saying your choice is right or wrong here), if your Master chose to lend you out to somebody because he would benefit from it, who in the process of using you dislocated your shoulder the first time they borrowed you then broke you ankle the next time they borrowed you, you would still trust your Master and be lent out to this person again?

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 11

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 5:57:49 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Lmao...no i am pretty sure that is my head making the noise, hmmm...maybe we both need more coffee.

Eek, I haven't gone to sleep yet from last night! Way too energized and charged up...heh. I need some knock out drugs!

Oh and nice parameter resetting. I always make the disclaimer of his 95% to 5% ratio. It's pretty much been that way since the beginning. And knowing that, when he does error, rather than get all worked up over it anymore (yeah, I'm human too, and used to get really upset over stuff), I tell myself OK, this is part of that 5%. Live with it, get over it, and move on...

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 12

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:02:51 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

who can anyone really trust these days anyway

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:05:55 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

I'd define it as consistently being who he is, not doing things out of character, It is the same kind of trust that I have in the sun rising and setting each day, I don't even think about it not doing so or him not being the person I have come to know.

I believe in the above absolutely and decisions he makes will be in line with his character. I know he will make the best decisions he can make in that moment(considering long term goals/desires) for everybody involved, sometimes that leans more in his favor, sometimes mine, sometimes the kiddos, sometimes it sucks for all 3 of us or is great for all of us. Our life is pretty consistent but not static so I can't say every decision has been an in the moment best decision for me or R or the kiddo. He does the best he can with the information in front of him, sometimes he gets it wrong. He is the first to apologize and the first to do what he has to do to make things right.

I don't know any other way to explain it, I trust him to absolutely be the man he presented as, that I have come to know over the past 8 years, and I trust that the decisions he makes will be in line with his character day after day.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

As a submissive or a slave define trust in your relationship with you dominant.

Is it an absolute for you that you trust your dominant to make the best choice for you even if it may not be the best choice for them or fulfill their wants?

As a dominant do you always make the best choices/decisions for your submissive even if it is not what you would desire or is best for you?

Do you think a submissive is not a good submissive if they expect you to always choose what is best for them rather than what you as a dominant want from them?

After reading a lot of the responses on a few threads going around this question has been rolling around in my head.

I know my own response, in order to offer my submission I have to be able to trust them to ALWAYS make the best decision for me. Not the one they prefer or that would best suit their interests but the best one for me.

I’ll give you some differing examples.

On a recent thread about hiring your slave out Daddysprop said that she had been hired or loaned out and that on occasion she had suffered some damage. (Daddysprop, please do not be offended or think I am saying your way is wrong, I admire your level of devotion).

Personally if it happened once I might be inclined to let it go as a freak occurrence but the next time I would lose all trust and there would no longer be any submission there. At that point I would be telling the dominant, you are not making the best choices for me but rather for you.

A while back KOM stated his girls number one rule, even before obey is protect my property.

Mistoferin and LA both spoke very lovingly of dominants in their lives that let them go and continue their growth because it was the best decision for them as individuals not the one the dominant would have preferred for themselves.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 8/31/2007 6:07:58 AM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 14

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:07:32 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

who can anyone really trust these days anyway

You would be surprised, Michael.

There are folks out there i have called brother for 30+ years, i would trust them with my life. I have trusted them with my life and i've never been let down.

Of course to give or receive that kind of trust you have to be that trust worthy yourself.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 15

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:17:56 AM

caught4u

Posts: 132
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

who can anyone really trust these days anyway

awe, i used to think that way and i was a very unhappy girl until Master found me. i trust him completely to do what is best for Us.

_____________________________

"Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken"

~owned by Master of Wind~

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 16

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:27:14 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

i think as a dom that is a great thing but also understand they are human and make mistakes so doms keep your ducks in a row and do what is best for those who are under you.. although i have seen clashes between ex husbands and doms when it came to children in a marriage. were they should goto school. who owes who money.. bill to be paid lol oh well such is life

(in reply to caught4u)

Post #: 17

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:35:18 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

No way in hell do I expect my Master to always do what is in my best interest. He is a human being and flawed and I would never hold him up to a standard that can never be achieved and a standard I would not want for myself, perfection.

quote:

ORIGINAL:eyesopened

Masters are humans and not every decision will have a perfect outcome.

Figured i better reemphasize my amendment based on these two responses.

Thank you OG, i think i should reset the parameters of the question.

Dominants are human beings first and therefore subject to..gasp!...human error.

With that in mind let me amend the original question to allowing for human errors and the small stuff.

Do you as a submissive need to trust your dominant will always try to make the best choices for you?

And I will reply the same things to try ALWAYS what is best for me are theoretically too high of a standard for any human being to live up to. It is living in theory not reality.

So no way in hell do I expect my Master to always try to do what is best for me. He is going to have days where his brain is not functioning, where what is best for me is not good for him and I am sorry it nice warm and fluffy thinking to use carte blanche what is good for my Master is always good for me but the reality of day to day life in actually living it is sometimes that is just not the case and yes like other slaves on here that means I prefer him always first but that by definition in itself means having to deal with things that are not best for me at times and I would not hold up that standard for my Master to think he has to always try to do what is best for me as to me that is chaining him down and I want our power exchange relationship to be freeing.

Sorry in reality there is a huge difference in making sure I feel safe, cared for and protected and in knowing my Master always tries to do what is best for me. Can the always try apply to big things in a relationship, of course, but day in and day out over a long term period that simply does not realistically hold up if you use reality and not big picture theoretical fluff.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 18

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:52:49 AM

Twicehappy2x

Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

And I will reply the same things to try ALWAYS what is best for me are theoretically too high of a standard for any human being to live up to. It is living in theory not reality.

I live in reality as well.

Do you as a submissive always try to do what is best for your dominant?

Don't most people in any relationship, vanilla or D/s try to do what is right/best for their partner?

For me, and for many others i think it is reality to always try, and to expect that their partners do the same. Maybe not with the small stuff but always with the big stuff.

If my dominant decides he wants fish for dinner even though that means i have to take an allergy pill because i am allergic to it, no big deal.

If my dominant decides to spend the next three months house payments (theoretical here, our house is paid for) on a fishing trip in Florida, VERY big deal.

If my dominant lends me to a trusted friend for play, no big deal.

If he lends me out to some one known to leave permanant damage because he is going to get box seats for the Bears game, Very big deal.

Perhaps i do hold out for a higher standard, if so, so be it.

I also hold myself to those exact same standards.

I believe holding out for that standard is what kept me in both my prior collars, safe and happy, until both of those dominants left to ride the winds.

< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 8/31/2007 6:55:01 AM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 19

RE: Trust in your relationship? - 8/31/2007 6:54:31 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Do you as a submissive need to trust your dominant will always try to make the best choices for you?

Interesting question, Twice.

After struggling to say the right thing, I find the best answer I can give is yes... when it matters.

I have to be realistic; aside from being human and capable of making mistakes, he is human and I can't imagine he's always thinking of me and what is best for me. But I do have to trust that he would never consciously make a choice that he knows would harm me or our relationship.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)

Post #: 20

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