RE: What to do about wannabee's and such?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: What to do about wannabee's and such?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 9:30:59 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

<Fast reply> What the OP is trying to convey is a nice idea in theory. But in the end it doesn't really work. There is no replacement for time and working on every level to get to know someone before you leap. And even then it doesn't always work out. I could black list all sort of boys, but I don't. If I am asked I will share My experience. But, as said, what does not work for one person is not the end of the world for another.
Something to keep in mind is that we may not "ban" someone, but we do, to the surprise of lots of boys, share information. At My local munch one name was mentioned and most of the Ladies already knew this one and what his M.O. was as far as "service". Peals of laughter filled the restaurant at the dropping of his name. So many of us already have an inkling if a boy has been around for a while. Online and Offline, we get a quick handle on the ones who just want to play games, are no shows, or have "bedroom bottom" only agendas. And I am equally sure that the boys and girls may share also. If they aren't, they should. And the information should always be taken as non-judgementally as possible. People should be able to tell when it sounds like sour grapes or when it was a truly frustrating and/or disappointing effort. And then that information has to be further filtered as to the reason it didn't work out. Something important to one, might not be important at all to another.
And there is, of course, thenever ending problem of the constant changing of user names. As long as there is no photo involved, how would one know from one week to the next who is contacting whom? It is too bad the most contacts (even the local ones) usually begin with an internet contact through a site like this or an ad for a munch/even, etc.
I can usually dismiss someone from the first or second email. And I can do the same thing if they do not show or have an excuse regarding meeting locally more than once.
If things begin well, time, honest communication and patience remain your bestest friend.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 11:36:28 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I think it would be an excellent idea to 'review' people who signed up to a site like that. but if someone has like 4 negative reviews and 1 positive, while someone else has 8 positive reviews and 1 negative, a person looking for someone would be able to read the reviews and make their own choices.

This assumes that the 9 reviews are all recent. Because lets face it, nobody's going to put much credence in a 20 year old review. People change too much over time.

But for some of us, the sheer fact that they've had 9 failed relationships in the last 2 years is enough to make us pass them by. Because no matter how nice it was before it ended, it still shows they aren't capable of making a long term commitment.

For play partners, fine. For relationships? No way.

(in reply to xoxi)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 11:45:39 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

I do not think all who are on the computer are "wannabees", I think at times they want R/T but someone does not meet them 1/2 way!!!!

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 12:49:50 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mmb1

I do not think all who are on the computer are "wannabees", I think at times they want R/T but someone does not meet them 1/2 way!!!!

I don't think anyone is saying that *all* of the people who are on the computer are wannabes. But as I'm sure you're aware, not everyone online who says they're looking for real time is actually being honest about looking for real time.

Incidentally, if you're finding it difficult to find someone who will meet you one on one, you may want to check out getting involved in your local scene. That way, you can get out and meet people face to face who actually do all this, you make some friends who understand this aspect of yourself, you may meet someone to play with, plus you'll give yourself an edge over all of the other people online who want real time, but haven't made that step yet.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to mmb1)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 2:21:57 PM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

Theoretically some kind of customer-driven interaction feedback system, eg like that on eBay could be useful; but as with the other respondents, any time I really try to think about the detail, I can see all kinds of ways it would be undermined, abused and generally discredited.

Also as someone who has had extensive dealings with TVs in general and service-orientated TV submissives in particular, the outfit you show yourself in in your profile would not encourage me to 'hire' you; I like a maid in a very plain uniform; she's not the star! But that is just a personal preference.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 2:27:41 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

It'd be all the drama of eBay, but with more genitalia!

(in reply to azsub1)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 2:43:11 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

It seems to me this problem is sort of self-regulating… I am in a relatively small area with a limited number of dominates. If I were not serious or honest in wanting a relationship then soon I would be ignored.

Maybe the problem is more in education or communication between you and the perspective applicant. You know what you want but many people new to the lifestyle, as we all were at one time, may not understand exactly what is expected.

I'd hate to see people blacklisted for a mistake of ignorance.
Butch

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/21/2007 3:32:07 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azsub1

It saddens me when i hear about how when a Domme agrees to give a submissive a chance to serve, only to find out that the person isn't into it at all, is just looking for kinky sex, or even just getting off on writing back and forth.

so what?

(in reply to azsub1)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/22/2007 11:06:55 AM

kirby104

Posts: 94
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline

It's a concept that is ridicuously beneficial towards one party. The factor of abuse isn't included.

< Message edited by kirby104 -- 9/22/2007 11:10:03 AM >

(in reply to azsub1)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: What to do about wannabee's and such? - 9/22/2007 11:23:08 AM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline

Seems to me that everyone starts somewhere.

It also seems to me that for anyone in the world who wants to play in any particular way, there is almost certainly someone else in the world who wants to play the other side of that game. It might not be the way you want to play, but it's valid nonetheless.

Also, just for the record, service, even d/s, are not the only ways to play. Many people play very happily with bdsm without focusing on power dynamics.

(in reply to azsub1)

Profile

Post #: 50