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How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 4:22:54 PM

Blaakmaan

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline

OK, Doms. He's a brief question from an inexperienced Dom:

How do YOU approach a sub online?

Do you approach a sub like you would any other woman (well, for ME it would be a woman!) in the Vanilla world? Or do you approach a sub differently?

One of the reasons I ask is because I have noticed, on several subs' profiles, statements about how they DON'T want to be approached. They say things like, they don't want to get a first message that says "On your knees!", and things like that. I can only believe that they say they don't want to get those kinds of VERY aggressive messages because they actually do receive them.

I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that? Do subs EXPECT that?

So, I ask you, what kinds of messages do YOU send to subs when you're first approaching them? (I may post something similar to this on the "Ask a Sub" forum.)

Thanks for all responses!

< Message edited by Blaakmaan -- 9/13/2007 4:24:29 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:00:12 PM

twistedwillow

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

One of the reasons I ask is because I have noticed, on several subs' profiles, statements about how they DON'T want to be approached. They say things like, they don't want to get a first message that says "On your knees!", and things like that. I can only believe that they say they don't want to get those kinds of VERY aggressive messages because they actually do receive them.
I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that? Do subs EXPECT that?

I would venture to say that if subs are saying DON"T send messages with 'On your knees!' etc, then chances are you SHOULDN'T be sending those types of aggressive? i'm more inclined to consider them, stupid, rude, arrogant, messages.
The person your messaging may be a sub, but for all intents and purposes, they are strangers and simply people to you, therefor i suggest you message them in a polite, sincere and intelligent manner, the same you would someone in the vanilla world, or even a fellow Dom\me.

twisted.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 2

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:24:03 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

I usually take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or too. Now, if the profile has nothing in it, I'll just say "Hi, wouldn't mind getting to know more about you blah blah blah." I then press "Send" and send my words out into the ether. 90% of the time I never hear back.

Yeah, that's pretty much how it works for me. I love online this online stuff. I would like to think that my dismal record is because I'm only looking for friends at the moment and most of the subs are looking for something more. At least that's what I like to tell myself to soothe the bruised ego.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 3

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:52:36 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia
90% of the time I never hear back.

and then there are Doms that never email subs back...even if it is just a little smart assed commentary on their profile...well they have to read the email first of course....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 4

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:55:44 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

and then there are Doms that never email subs back...even if it is just a little smart assed commentary on their profile...well they have to read the email first of course....

Yeah, I don't think this is just a sub thing, unfortuanately. I do understand that most female subs get a ton of email, so I usually don't take it personally. usually. lol

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 5

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:58:25 PM

Exquemelin

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline

Generally I send a polite email. I try to make a joke, maybe I ask a question. Sometimes it's tough to say much at all because the sub has a sparse profile. So generally yes I send an email like she wasn't a sub, maybe if I saw something that caught my attention I might ask a BDSM question or some such but usually I try to keep it pretty vanilla until we're talking and even then the BDSM is a topic not the only topic.

Ex

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 6

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 5:58:29 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i meant it specifically to you...i sent you an email on the other side and you didn't even read it...did you even get it? jeeeze...i love the internet....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 7

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:00:31 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i meant it specifically to you...i sent you an email on the other side and you didn't even read it...did you even get it? jeeeze...i love the internet....

Wow, you did??? I never got it!

You know, earlier today I sent a message and noticed that at the top it said "message was NOT sent". I had never seen that before, and I barely caught it. Sure enough, it wasn't in my sent file.

So resend! I saw you checked out my profile but figured you walked away! lol

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 8

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:01:07 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I treat them with respect...I act like and angel...With a huge cock, of course.

_____________________________

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 9

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:04:57 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

How do YOU approach a sub online?

Well, I'm female, so I'm special. I don't HAVE to approach anyone if I don't wanna, plenty will come to me! Bwahaha!

This, of course, is no help to you. I do make first contact with people here and there, and generally have had a good amount of success.

I'm lazy, so I'm going to copy some good practices from my blog (which was hijacked from a post I had made on a similar topic, imagine that), and add some stuff! Please note, laziness in emailing is bad, as I will illustrate further in my post.

Do not follow my example in lazy forum posting by following suit in personal email!!

Ways to be more presentable:

Read their profile completely, and comment on specific things in it (not just "I liked your profile" or other generic statements that scream "I didn't really read it") that you relate to or find to be of interest

Take inventory of your positive characteristics, what makes you someone interesting to know?

Pics help a lot, at least one clear face photo is preferable. Pics of anatomy are bad unless they have been specifically requested.

quote:

Do you approach a sub like you would any other woman (well, for ME it would be a woman!) in the Vanilla world?

Please do!!

quote:

Or do you approach a sub differently?

She's a woman first, isn't she? When you are first being introduced to someone, I'm of the opinion that titles and status quo aren't particularly relevant. You get to know a person, not a title. Everyone deserves to be treated with courtesy and respect.

quote:

One of the reasons I ask is because I have noticed, on several subs' profiles, statements about how they DON'T want to be approached. They say things like, they don't want to get a first message that says "On your knees!", and things like that. I can only believe that they say they don't want to get those kinds of VERY aggressive messages because they actually do receive them.

I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that? Do subs EXPECT that?

Women EXPECT to get lots and lots of trivial bullshit from LOTS AND LOTS of HNGs, wankers, Domineering Jerks, whiny do-me do-me subs and all kinds of unsavory dudes. Sure, we expect it, but that doens't mean she wants it.

If a woman makes it a point to illustrate what she does not want, she probably means it and "breaking the rules" is unlikely to award you any amount of success with her at least. Some women go for the really aggressive, presumptuous bravado stuff. Many don't. I think generally just being polite and genuine is a pretty safe bet, being overly aggressive is more likely to get you bitched at, ignored, or blocked with a very small chance of a positive result.

That being said, I gave you some examples of some things I think are good practices, and are
kind of an outline of how I go about contacting people. Granted, I am female, but I have had a fair amount of success in maintaining favorable dialog with people I've contacted, which I would hope to think go beyond the magic of "Behold: The Power of Boobs!"

I will now present you with some examples of what not to do. You may opt to do so anyway, and you may have some degree of success, but overall, I think it's a bad idea.

Common mistakes that reduce chances of responses:

one liners

form letters (copy and paste, good for anectdotes, bad for personal mail)

generic or impersonal statements

focusing too much on play or a laundry list of kinks

making assumptions about what the other person may want based on your own desires

generally being overbearing, overeager, needy, of just too damn aggressive

YMMV, IMHO to be taken with a dose of salt, all those disclaimers and stuff.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/13/2007 6:07:12 PM >

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 10

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:08:34 PM

BlindDescent

Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

It really isn't all that difficult to meet and have at least a preliminary conversation or two here. All one needs is common sense, manners, and self control. I have gotten a 85-90% response rate from those who I have sent a note to. Then again I try to give a positive energy for conversation. On the other hand; I respond to 95% of those who write me first. ( I never said I was inundated). I find it a case of simple manners and invitations. There is great error in presumption; especially before any real connection is made. On the other hand I do love it when submissives post ghastly come ons to them in their journals. If you talk and act like an uncultured thug..why would anyone want to learn more about you? This is not an AOL chatroom. You( overly stimulated restless dom) revealed it in a premature ejaculatory email spilling your lack of understanding at the doorstep. Where's a manner teaching Domme when you need one?

_____________________________

Reality is what you create; not what others leave behind.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 11

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:12:19 PM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

Wow, 85-90% response rate? I must be doing something wrong. You should give lessons.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to BlindDescent)

Post #: 12

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:15:59 PM

BlackKnight

Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I try to be nice, polite, alright I try to have some humor and joke, but alas, I'm an a55h0le.
or it could be that I have no picture.....hmmm gunna get one on this 'puter
Sometimes I get an e-mail trying to start a fight, one told me I must be fat,
I counciled her, in the end asked her if she felt better, she replied 'no'.
probably for the better, I couldn't send her a bill. Another E-mail I recieved
said I wasn't an a55h0le, The Nerve of her! Ms Cuddleheart, you have to be the sweetest person
on this site! Now get in the corner!

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 13

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:33:20 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

1. I often make a comment about something interesting on their profile. That rarely gets a response.

2. Other times I make a comment about something they've posted here. That has only gotten a repsonse once, saying "Omg! You read my posts??? Stop following me!!"

3. If the sub's profile only talks about BDSM related activities, (and I like some of them), that's the only time I talk about bdsm in the first email. That approach also has only gotten one repsonse, saying "you say ur a dom but ur profile is fag."

4. Oddly enough, despite the vast number of sub profiles saying they hate one liners, they're fairly effective. Seems to work best with subs that don't say much in their profiles.

5. Finally, with super serious profiles; those subs saying "i seek a mature experinced master to guide my hand on a special journey with my gift of submission." They usually an email such as "Your insightful words on submission have enchanted me to take notice of your b00bies!!! lawlz! u sux!"

And that last approach is by far the most effective.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 14

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:47:22 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Your insightful words on submission have enchanted me to take notice of your b00bies!!! lawlz! u sux!"

Alright, that's terrible... but fabulous.

Thanks for the lawls! :)

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 15

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:56:37 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

so....ummm my initial response to the question had flashes of the crocodile hunter, god rest his soul, talking about how to approach a very dangerous animal (said in an aussie accent)...
other than that...an approach that works best with me...one that is genuinely curious as to how my thought process works and doesn't assume a whole bunch of stuff...or is very funny in a way i can appreciate...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 16

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 6:58:33 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i suppose you didn't get my response to your email?

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 17

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:16:01 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

so....ummm my initial response to the question had flashes of the crocodile hunter, god rest his soul, talking about how to approach a very dangerous animal (said in an aussie accent)...

Yeah, when you find subs hiding in a lake, the best approach is always to tackle them and shove your thumb up their asses.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 18

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 7:17:41 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

that sounds like a hot scene idea...when you're least expecting it....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 19

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 8:16:21 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

You approach a sub on line with cyber chocolate of course!!...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 20

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