Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 9:10:23 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		lmao...well i did read something that you sent me...but it also shows that you read what i sent you...and you didn't respond to my smart assed remarks on your Zod-iness which i thought were very clever...oh well....sobs....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 9:34:39 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Just a couple of sentences, short paragraph with a reference to something in their profile or in one of their posts and why it stood out for you.


I'm going to put a little emphasis on length here, at least as per my personal preference (thanks for being inspirational, Celeste!). More than one or two sentances, less than a book is a handy guideline methinks. A paragraph, or two, or even a few.

If it's more than page long, I'm wondering how the hell a stranger has so much to say tome, and am sniffing for forms. If it's less than at least a few thought provoking lines, I tend to not have any interest.

YMMV


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 9:49:46 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two.


quote:

There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered.


Quoted  and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them.

In my experience, the only really short emails that I have enjoyed, stand out in memory, or otherwise invoke the feeling of "hey, I'd like to get back to this person!" is when what I received is pretty much pure comedy. Make me laugh, and I'll remember. Granted, some of the time I'm laughing before I roll my eyes and either fire off a sweetly sarcastic remark to a do me do me in dire need of refining their tactics and subsequently ignore further overtures, but I still got a giggle.

Mostly though, short emails invoke a little bit of ire (do me do me or just nondescript), or just.... don't give me an impression at all. I mean how can you form an impression on one or two lines, unless it's just a really cut and dry impression (good natured comedy, or wow I'm repulsed!)? There's gotta be something to know if I'm going want to get to know someone, and knowing that they want to know me simply doesn't cut it.

My .02


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 9:58:43 AM   
ArgoGeorgia


Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

lmao...well i did read something that you sent me...but it also shows that you read what i sent you...and you didn't respond to my smart assed remarks on your Zod-iness which i thought were very clever...oh well....sobs....


Seriously - I never got anything from you.  When I saw here that you had tried to send an email, i checked, saw nothing, so I sent you an email to say hey.  Check your sent mail - do you see the email to me?  This is weird.  Either something weird is going on with the email servers at CM or someone slipped hallucinogens into my meatloaf....

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 10:02:43 AM   
ArgoGeorgia


Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine
quote:

take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two.


Quoted  and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them.


Actually, re-read that.  I said "Not too long, not just a sentence or two".  Usually a paragraph or two for me is what I try for. 

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 10:34:04 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		keep it short and sweet, no need for your life story in the initial contact. 

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 10:34:51 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid.


*whines in best pseudo-Dom way*  But I'm the Dom!!!  They must yield to my will!  They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril. 

No?  Well, they must not be twue subs.


Well, ok so you think Im not a Dominant because I have a point of view you disagree with. Fair enough, but  I'm not sure you can say Im totally wrong, at least some of the time.

Be Well.


(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 10:38:53 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two.


quote:

There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered.


Quoted  and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them.

In my experience, the only really short emails that I have enjoyed, stand out in memory, or otherwise invoke the feeling of "hey, I'd like to get back to this person!" is when what I received is pretty much pure comedy. Make me laugh, and I'll remember. Granted, some of the time I'm laughing before I roll my eyes and either fire off a sweetly sarcastic remark to a do me do me in dire need of refining their tactics and subsequently ignore further overtures, but I still got a giggle.

Mostly though, short emails invoke a little bit of ire (do me do me or just nondescript), or just.... don't give me an impression at all. I mean how can you form an impression on one or two lines, unless it's just a really cut and dry impression (good natured comedy, or wow I'm repulsed!)? There's gotta be something to know if I'm going want to get to know someone, and knowing that they want to know me simply doesn't cut it.

My .02



I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply any correspondance I send is one sentance, actually I try to write a few paragraphs about Myself and what caught My eye about a profile. My answer to the post was short because I just thought it was the best way to answer.

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 10:58:04 AM   
ArgoGeorgia


Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid.


*whines in best pseudo-Dom way*  But I'm the Dom!!!  They must yield to my will!  They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril. 

No?  Well, they must not be twue subs.


Well, ok so you think Im not a Dominant because I have a point of view you disagree with. Fair enough, but  I'm not sure you can say Im totally wrong, at least some of the time.

Be Well.




Huh? I never said as much.  I was just making a joke about the can't be bothered part, because I completely agree with your point.  It's true.  But if I were a whiney dom, I wouldn't want it to be that way.  I'm whining that they should be bothered, because I'm the Dom, damnit!  How dare they NOT be bothered by me?

Sorry, my sense of humor must be off today.  In no way was I judgning your Domliness or lack thereof.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 11:15:17 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid.


*whines in best pseudo-Dom way*  But I'm the Dom!!!  They must yield to my will!  They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril. 

No?  Well, they must not be twue subs.


Well, ok so you think Im not a Dominant because I have a point of view you disagree with. Fair enough, but  I'm not sure you can say Im totally wrong, at least some of the time.

Be Well.




Huh? I never said as much.  I was just making a joke about the can't be bothered part, because I completely agree with your point.  It's true.  But if I were a whiney dom, I wouldn't want it to be that way.  I'm whining that they should be bothered, because I'm the Dom, damnit!  How dare they NOT be bothered by me?

Sorry, my sense of humor must be off today.  In no way was I judgning your Domliness or lack thereof.


Argo, Im sorry. It was My fault-I got the posts mixed up, and managed to no notice that it was -your- post I was agreeing with in the first place lol, so I just thought that you were having a go at Me for My attitude.

Very sorry indeed, entirely My fault-I got mixed up with the posts.

Again, very sorry. :)

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 11:21:16 AM   
ArgoGeorgia


Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline 		No problem, I've had days like that as well.  You should see the hate crime post in off-topics.  Man, I'm tired.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 2:16:56 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

Seriously - I never got anything from you.  When I saw here that you had tried to send an email, i checked, saw nothing, so I sent you an email to say hey.  Check your sent mail - do you see the email to me?  This is weird.  Either something weird is going on with the email servers at CM or someone slipped hallucinogens into my meatloaf....


ok its a conspiracy...it says you read the emails i sent but you never got them...wheres the manager, i demand a free dessert...i'll take an ice cream sundae please....


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 8:57:09 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine
quote:

take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or two.


Quoted  and highlighted for emphasis. I'd like to know how a single sentance, or two can really be all that thoughtful. I'm not trying to be snarky here, I'm honestly a little at a loss. I'd like to think that I'm something of an expert at receiving criminally short introductions, and subsequently, not being able to be bothered by them.


Actually, re-read that.  I said "Not too long, not just a sentence or two".  Usually a paragraph or two for me is what I try for. 


Doh. That's what I get for posting when I'm sleepy!

Strike that, reverse it!


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 9:00:51 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply any correspondance I send is one sentance, actually I try to write a few paragraphs about Myself and what caught My eye about a profile. My answer to the post was short because I just thought it was the best way to answer.


That was my mistake, actually. I wasn't implying anything about you, specifically. Your text just happened to be a convenient prelude to a point that I wanted to make.

I rant a lot, mostly about concepts. If some person happens to say something that makes me think of said concept, then I'll springboard from there. I really probably ought to put a disclaimer in my sig.


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 8:34:09 AM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Do you approach a sub like you would any other woman (well, for ME it would be a woman!) in the Vanilla world?  Or do you approach a sub differently?

I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that?  Do subs EXPECT that?

So, I ask you, what kinds of messages do YOU send to subs when you're first approaching them?


Personally I am myself.  I treat them and act like they are just any other woman in the world.  I read their profile, perhaps comment about it.  Make note of why you are messaging them, and a little about who you are.

Do NOT be aggressive.  Any girl the responds to aggresive behavior is either a fake or one who follows her clit and she'll leave you just as soon as her clit looks another direction.

Don't write a book, but don't write a sentance or two.

My responce rate is maybe like 50% of who I message overall, and maybe 70-80% if not more of people who I actually desire to speak with.  (I have messaged and do message people with profiles or journals that catch my eye, and not all of them reply, not that I expect any.  Even if they are lesbian or in anothe country or outside my age range sort of thing)

Basically become friends and start friendly with them and go from there. 

Good luck and just be positive.  Don't take it to heart if you don't get a reply and don't be impatient.  I have gotten replies 3-4 days after they have been read before.  But also accept the fact that you may never get one.
If they have a pic in their profile send a pic of you.

If they don't have a pic in your profile but they demand one from you for a reply?  Don't waste your time unless you like shallow girls.

Just my thoughts.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 9:38:12 AM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty
i feel a lot better about not getting things back from people like Aswad and Satyr6406 and SmokingGun82 amongst many others...cause collarme servers must be eating emails...*sniffles*


What's funny is I sent you something to tell you I didn't get the mail you mentioned in another post, and according to CM it was read 9/2 at 0:22. I just assumed I hadn't said anything interesting enough to warrant a response ;)

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 3:39:44 PM   
RaynaSub


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		I would expect a potential Dominant male to approach me with respect.
He is not my Dom, he is someone that wishes to get to know me better.
Approach a submissive in a respectful and polite manner, and normally you
will get a positive response.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/15/2007 4:41:06 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i did get it, and i read it, and i responded on 9/2/07 00:24 AM, my sent mail says you read it 9/2/07 at 7:51AM...its just my outgoing mail...i don't know what to do about this...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to SmokingGun82)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/17/2007 10:32:19 AM   
VaWolf


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline 		They may be a submissive but not necessarily YOUR submissive, YET.
You can be forceful and polite, stick to what you want, be authorative and confident but still show them respect as you would anyone else.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/20/2007 4:39:38 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

OK, Doms.  He's a brief question from an inexperienced Dom:

How do YOU approach a sub online?

Do you approach a sub like you would any other woman (well, for ME it would be a woman!) in the Vanilla world?  Or do you approach a sub differently?

One of the reasons I ask is because I have noticed, on several subs' profiles, statements about how they DON'T want to be approached.  They say things like, they don't want to get a first message that says "On your knees!", and things like that.  I can only believe that they  say they don't want to get those kinds of VERY aggressive messages because they actually do receive them.

I wonder if I should be sending aggressive messages like that?  Do subs EXPECT that?

So, I ask you, what kinds of messages do YOU send to subs when you're first approaching them?  (I may post something similar to this on the "Ask a Sub" forum.)

Thanks for all responses!


I noticed the thread here wandered a bit from the original question, although I enjoyed all the comments.

To reply to the initial catalyst   Everyone has their own style.  In my case, I'm quiet until I get to know someone in real life, and the same applies here online.  When I speak with a woman that I actually wish to know and converse with, I keep things direct and polite.  If they are 'one-liners', they are short because that's all that is required, ie "I found your comment very insightful; thank you for posting it."  Such a comment is pertinent to how I percieve her, and thus hopefully a conversation may be born from it.  If not, that is fine and well; all things in time, if they are meant to happen.

In general women with whom I've spoken, should they have gone out of their way to warn about comments and approaches they dislike, it's often due to having had a bad experience with someone who did exactly that.  I've started long conversations with the question, "How many people actually tell you to beg for their cock [?!] - and was this here online or in the supermarket? :D"

Perhaps I'm shy; I know it's not laziness.  I don't approach women very often, and every single scene online or real life relationship I've entered was begun with a woman who approached me.

What about you, Blaakmaan?  Would you say you are an aggressive spirit; are you polite, formal, playful, teasing, loud, quiet, knowledgable, a jester?  Whatever defines you, I'd say, go with that...and if you're not sure, think about it.  Discuss it with friends who know and understand you.  The confidence you gain from your own journey will make you a better person, and a better Dom, and that -will- attract a submissive.


_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.090