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RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 8:18:25 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I try to read the profile, and find something interesting to comment on. If I can't find something interesting in the profile to comment on... well, then why would I send an email?

According to one person, at least, who did respond, my biggest problem is it sounds like a form letter... even though it wasn't. Like I plan ahead enough to save things :)

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 21

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 9:47:53 PM

Rushemery

Posts: 310
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I have sent both kinds and at least recieved more no's with polite short emails than with other ones, they are people so treat them well and they will respect you for it, also they are not ours as of yet, its up to them to give themselves to us so be yourself so they know who you are from the beginning, if your really nice to begin with and change when you get them home they may leave and then say this person isnt who they say they are and your screwed so be honest with yourself and them and everyone wil be happier in the end

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 22

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 10:20:19 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have about a 90% response rate too, but I am female.
When I email a submissive, its usually with a comment on their profile or journal. I'll ask some questions if there is more information Id like to get, and I will comment on their pictures. Usually, I am very frirendly, and a bit of a smartass.
I chat with most of the subs i have contacted.

If you go over the top and send the "I am a dom , you will worship me now!" emails, you will usually not be taken seriously. Consider this... would you realy take a sub seriously who gave themsevles toyou without question in an intial email? You need ot get to know someone before you can even think on those terms. So, do just that. Use it as a way to get to know someone.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 23

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:12:45 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

You approach a sub on line with cyber chocolate of course!!...Tempting

Ohhhh, best suggestion yet! Bring on the chocolate!!!

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 24

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:14:16 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

How Do You Approach a sub Online?

veeeerrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy carefully, we scare easily

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 25

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/13/2007 11:27:16 PM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

Okay. I know I'm going to catch hell, here but, I don't care. It's happened before ...

In response to the very serious question: How do YOU approach a sub online??, I respond: I Don't.
Now, just to show you that this isn't a smart-assed answer ...

I have always believed that one of the things that is great about this lifestyle is that we don't fall into the "neat little holes" that society does.

Contrary to how "courtship rituals" unfold in the 'nilla world, we, as dominants, are asking submissives to truly give themselves to us (in a much more defined manner than the 'nilla world) and allow us to guide, nurture, and care for them.

How does this work? A dominant need only be the best person they can be and allow a submissive to get to know them. It is up to the submissive to recognize qualities that they admire and take some time to GET TO KNOW a dominant, before they offer to submit.

It is not up to me to persue a submissive. It is up to me to show a submissive how I live my life and what I have to offer and for that submissive to discern that they "like the cut of my jib" (any allegorious sexual innuendo was not intended). From there, the decision/"moves" are up to the submissive.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

[Edited to add: Hey! He copied his question from another thread. Why can't I copy my answer? LOL!!!!!!]

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 26

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 2:00:08 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

cause its cheating...and i am telling on you....i have the email of the pope of rope...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 27

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 3:47:57 AM

solitudesmiles

Posts: 807
Joined: 8/19/2006
From: my thoughts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Damocles809

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

so....ummm my initial response to the question had flashes of the crocodile hunter, god rest his soul, talking about how to approach a very dangerous animal (said in an aussie accent)...

Yeah, when you find subs hiding in a lake, the best approach is always to tackle them and shove your thumb up their asses.

hmm thats sounds like fun now where do i find a lake? will a puddle do?

_____________________________

“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.”
(¯`v´¯)Sam
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ (¸.•´

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 28

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 4:44:38 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Damocles809

1. I often make a comment about something interesting on their profile. That rarely gets a response.

2. Other times I make a comment about something they've posted here. That has only gotten a repsonse once, saying "Omg! You read my posts??? Stop following me!!"

3. If the sub's profile only talks about BDSM related activities, (and I like some of them), that's the only time I talk about bdsm in the first email. That approach also has only gotten one repsonse, saying "you say ur a dom but ur profile is fag."

4. Oddly enough, despite the vast number of sub profiles saying they hate one liners, they're fairly effective. Seems to work best with subs that don't say much in their profiles.

5. Finally, with super serious profiles; those subs saying "i seek a mature experinced master to guide my hand on a special journey with my gift of submission." They usually an email such as "Your insightful words on submission have enchanted me to take notice of your b00bies!!! lawlz! u sux!"

And that last approach is by far the most effective.

See? this I would respond to, because he obviously doesn't take himself too seriously and has a sense of humor and is intelligent, although that I would get from reading his prior forum posts because I'm a good girl and do my homework

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 29

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 5:58:21 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Consider it like approaching a woman at a party. You say "Hi, my name is..." You don't say "Nice dress, bet it would look better on my bedroom floor".

Just a couple of sentences, short paragraph with a reference to something in their profile or in one of their posts and why it stood out for you.

Don't start up with asking someone if they like it in the ass, or if they're shaved. Good way to get blocked from then on.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 30

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 6:01:55 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

I usually take time to read their profile (assuming they've actually filled it out), read their journal entries, their interest list, etc. Then I try to type up a thoughtful introductory email. Not too long, not just a sentence or too. Now, if the profile has nothing in it, I'll just say "Hi, wouldn't mind getting to know more about you blah blah blah." I then press "Send" and send my words out into the ether. 90% of the time I never hear back.

Yeah, that's pretty much how it works for me. I love online this online stuff. I would like to think that my dismal record is because I'm only looking for friends at the moment and most of the subs are looking for something more. At least that's what I like to tell myself to soothe the bruised ego.

You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid.

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 31

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 6:32:26 AM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

You aren't alone. There are millions of reasons why you don't get replies, most of the time though I think it's because they just can't be bothered. Thats life, Im afraid.

*whines in best pseudo-Dom way* But I'm the Dom!!! They must yield to my will! They must respond to me with a 600 word response typed only through the use of their left nostril.

No? Well, they must not be twue subs.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 32

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 6:54:16 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

Wow, 85-90% response rate? I must be doing something wrong. You should give lessons.

As one who has recieved mail from BlindDescent and engaged in conversation with him, there is no wonder to his success rate. He is quite an interesting and engaging conversationalist. Ofcourse his success rate could also be related to who he choses to contact as well..not all of us submissives are players~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 33

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 7:02:24 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Greetings Michael (Satyr6406),

i see what you are saying about submisives pursueing the Dominant. i have never personally done this because i have never been actively looking for any relationship that i have entered - they found me. But i agree with you, we should be the ones looking...after all, we are the ones handing over the control - it would seem we would want to exercise as much of that control in deciding who we want to give that to instead of falling victim to the most "domly of the dominants" who contacts us.

Should i find myself in a position to search...i will do so in much of the manner you allude to~
good post
j

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 34

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 7:10:31 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Satyr6406
It is not up to me to persue a submissive. It is up to me to show a submissive how I live my life and what I have to offer and for that submissive to discern that they "like the cut of my jib" (any allegorious sexual innuendo was not intended). From there, the decision/"moves" are up to the submissive.

I have yet to meet someone on-line who really fits me well if I am the one who approaches them first. I'm not sure why. If a Dominant approaches me first, things tend to go better. Granted, none have worked out well long-term yet, but the odds are better if a Dominant makes the first move toward me. I realize this may not work well for other people, but this has been my experience, both on-line and real-time so far. Who knows though? This may change at any time.

Just my thoughts........

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Satyr6406)

Post #: 35

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 7:14:54 AM

BlindDescent

Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline

Thank you Dawn. Our conversations were without pretension nor role posturing...simply conversations. I also agree with Michael...one can't have a set of expectations before one can have a set of conversations. Think of it as: this is an opportunity to see why I am who I am; not this is WHO I AM. Maybe at my age and experience, I have a broader sense of accceptance and pace. There is something to learn from everyone...what one does with it is another story entirely.

_____________________________

Reality is what you create; not what others leave behind.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 36

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 7:51:31 AM

greyarcher315

Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

with the number of fakes and liars out there, i would think a polygraph would be a good start....

(in reply to BlindDescent)

Post #: 37

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 8:46:52 AM

phonesexgirl4YOU

Posts: 93
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

just be yourself, have a picture, and oh god don't use the line "on you knees now bitch" that is so trite and getting very old, after like 10 a day.

candy

_____________________________

you want to know about ME?
check out My live journal
http://candy-slave-4-u.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Post #: 38

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 8:49:21 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i meant it specifically to you...i sent you an email on the other side and you didn't even read it...did you even get it? jeeeze...i love the internet....

Wow, you did??? I never got it!

You know, earlier today I sent a message and noticed that at the top it said "message was NOT sent". I had never seen that before, and I barely caught it. Sure enough, it wasn't in my sent file.

So resend! I saw you checked out my profile but figured you walked away! lol

ok. so...i saw that you read my message and i am guessing that since we had this little discussion here, you had to have sent me something back...cause you don't seem like a total ass...well...now i didn't get anything back...and if i didn't get anything back from you, i feel a lot better about not getting things back from people like Aswad and Satyr6406 and SmokingGun82 amongst many others...cause collarme servers must be eating emails...*sniffles*

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ArgoGeorgia)

Post #: 39

RE: How Do You Approach a sub Online? - 9/14/2007 8:59:18 AM

ArgoGeorgia

Posts: 256
Joined: 2/9/2007
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

ok. so...i saw that you read my message and i am guessing that since we had this little discussion here, you had to have sent me something back...cause you don't seem like a total ass...well...now i didn't get anything back...and if i didn't get anything back from you, i feel a lot better about not getting things back from people like Aswad and Satyr6406 and SmokingGun82 amongst many others...cause collarme servers must be eating emails...*sniffles*

Well, I am a total ass, but I did send you something last night at 8:31 p.m. EST and it says you read it at 8:32 p.m. EST. Somehow I think the servers are lying to us all! I'm definitely not understanding why the emails aren't going through. I'm guessing if there is a lot of activity something might be getting hung up.

_____________________________

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No, seriously. They have t-shirts for everything nowadays.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 40

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