Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Subs Vanilla Life


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Subs Vanilla Life Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 1:47:25 PM   
Stallions


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		Is it improper or unethical for a Dom to involve himself in, or even try to establish a subs "vanilla "life?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 1:48:36 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Depends upon the relationship and what they both want.

(in reply to Stallions)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 1:49:00 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I concur with Bandit



_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 1:51:05 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		If by "vanilla" life you mean life beyond the relationship...no, it's not unethical at all.

Every submissive will have her boundaries beyond which the Dom needs to be hands off, but up to that boundary, the dynamics of power exchange not only permit such involvement but may even require it. 

If the submissive consents, there is no ethical issue here.




_____________________________



(in reply to Stallions)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 2:02:26 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i can only relate my own experience to answer your question.

Daddy has a general interest concerning my nilla life and UMs and offers advice when i have problems/questions. other than that, He doesn't play an important role in their lives only mine.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Stallions)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 2:02:29 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

If by "vanilla" life you mean life beyond the relationship...no, it's not unethical at all.

Every submissive will have her boundaries beyond which the Dom needs to be hands off, but up to that boundary, the dynamics of power exchange not only permit such involvement but may even require it. 

If the submissive consents, there is no ethical issue here.


I strongly agree with this and just add the reality of a power exchange life over theory just be careful to be consistent and think things through on this even if you both agree. When you get into “vanilla life” you get into dealing with other people and a Master’s orders or things done on a whim or not might cause issues that can damage your submissives relationships with friends and family members that all the theory and chest thumping on “real” you or your power exchange relationship is your relationship can get damaged.


< Message edited by toservez -- 9/14/2007 2:03:21 PM >

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 2:20:10 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stallions

Is it improper or unethical for a Dom to involve himself in, or even try to establish a subs "vanilla "life?


I would have to say whether or not a Dom tries to establish a sub's vanilla life would depend on what both partners are seeking in the relationship.
 
A Dom involving himself in his sub's vanilla life is in no way improper or unethical, unless they both want to be casual friends with benefits engaging in occasional sessions and neither party wants a relationship. In my opinion, more Doms should involve themselves in their sub's vanilla life. Otherwise, what is the sub to her Dom except a secret behind closed doors? What are the chances of secret encounters developing into a solid relationship? That type of arrangement reminds me too much of a woman who is a married man's secret mistress.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 9/14/2007 2:26:32 PM >

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to Stallions)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 2:34:53 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

I would have to say whether or not a Dom tries to establish a sub's vanilla life would depend on what both partners are seeking in the relationship.   A Dom involving himself in his sub's vanilla life is in no way improper or unethical, unless they both want to be casual friends with benefits engaging in occasional sessions and neither party wants a relationship. In my opinion, more Doms should involve themselves in their sub's vanilla life.


I do agree I think in a relationship that is full and a more sever power exchange relationship I would encourage a dominant to get involved with their submissive’s life. I know I want and enjoy that aspect and find it good for the relationship on many levels.

I though do not think it should be forced, makes rules or rituals that have no impact on either the dominant or the submissive but are there just to be there but from a personal standpoint I prefer as much consistency in my life and if my Master wants and can get involved in all areas of my life that is fine with me.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 5:32:19 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		As I've mentioned before, I don't believe there is a separation between bdsm life and vanilla life.  There's just life.  If you're only interested in someone when it comes time for the kinky stuff, then what have you really got with her?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 5:43:19 PM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		If it is something within the relationship boundaries, then yeah, why not?  While I can't speak for every other relationship out there, I can say in mine, our roles do not end the second we walk out the front door.

(in reply to Stallions)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 7:26:50 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

As I've mentioned before, I don't believe there is a separation between bdsm life and vanilla life.  There's just life.  If you're only interested in someone when it comes time for the kinky stuff, then what have you really got with her?


You beat me to it. I don't or can't seperate my life into vanilla and non vanilla. I have a life which I live and share with my partner / Master. Everything that happens is within that life. I am in the process of changing jobs so that I do not have to spend 3 hours a day travelling. The decision accept one of the 3 roles on offer has not been my decision alone. We have discussed the roles and the various differences and he has had an input into which one I take. Obviously he wants me to be happy in the job I do but had he decided on one job in particular for some reason, then that is the one I would have taken.

Unethical? No. That is the way our dynamic works. He is my Master 24/7 and not just when he wants to take up the role.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 7:32:44 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		I would have absolutely no interest in a man who wasn't interested in being a part of my "vanilla life."

By "vanilla life" I presume you mean the times when I'm not engaging in kinky or sexual activities, such as work, doing laundry, watching movies, eating dinner, etc.  Considering I want a man to be in a relationship with rather than a kink buddy I would expect him to take an interest in my life.  I also tend to do a more "24/7" type of power exchange where the two of us have shared goals and he is the one who will take the lead and be the dominant partner.  It's actually those little things in the relationship that I find to be totally hot in the strangest ways...anyone can say "bitch get on your knees" but it takes someone who really cares about me enough to pay attention to my life to say "bitch file your taxes I refuse to allow you to wait until the last minute" or even "bitch here's $50 go get a pedicure and come home looking pretty for me"

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 7:36:02 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		OK, I could do that, but the fuckin laundry better be set, or your are taking a $50 asskick..........fair? 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 7:52:56 PM   
SolarAndViolet


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

OK, I could do that, but the fuckin laundry better be set, or your are taking a $50 asskick..........fair? 


You do talk a big game, don't you, Internet Tough Guy.

-Solar


< Message edited by SolarAndViolet -- 9/14/2007 7:53:10 PM >

_____________________________

Vici, Vidi, Veni... (S)

Happy to be owned by Sir (V) (violetaelf)

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 7:55:19 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

OK, I could do that, but the fuckin laundry better be set, or your are taking a $50 asskick..........fair? 


The fact that you think you even have to specify that makes me seriously wonder if you've ever had a woman who knows how to treat a man in your life

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 7:55:59 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		LOL, internet tough guy............

yeah, hook me up.
Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SolarAndViolet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 8:01:43 PM   
MistressLikeToys


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		I am going to agree with what most here are saying.  Every relationship is differnt, from vanilla to 24/7 life style.  So it is all a matter of what was agreed on and how the relationship works.  Its just a matter of how the gears stay lubed....as well as other things.

< Message edited by MistressLikeToys -- 9/14/2007 8:03:18 PM >

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 10:30:23 PM   
MissAnthropic


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline 		I wouldn't consider a part time relationship simply for sex. There is no vanilla life and BDSM life, there is just my life and my views and perspectives. There are no safe words in being who you are.

(in reply to MistressLikeToys)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 10:36:32 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAnthropic

I wouldn't consider a part time relationship simply for sex. There is no vanilla life and BDSM life, there is just my life and my views and perspectives. There are no safe words in being who you are.


Hello and welcome MissAnthropic, I agree with you.


< Message edited by MzMia -- 9/14/2007 10:52:42 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MissAnthropic)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Subs Vanilla Life - 9/14/2007 11:38:23 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Depends. Just realize that if you think her boss is not being fair dumping last minute projects in her lap and you order her to refuse them, you're responsible for her bills once she gets fired. Interfering with how she raises her family to an extent that her ex wins custody because they're so unhappy with your rules means you've ruined her life forever. Are you prepared to handle the fallout?

Now if you're talking about making her go to sleep at a decent hour instead of staying up watching horror movies, go for it. Just be sure that the only interfering you're doing will help her, not hurt her.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Subs Vanilla Life Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109