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RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 7:54:13 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Woot! Sexy, sweet and down to earth stockingluvr54 is back with us! So glad to see ya - you've been missed.
If only you were in Georgia and I was not a BBW - I'd scoop you right up. ;-) Dang...Somebody should.

Ahhhh! Mistress Ocilla! Thankyou thankyou! I'm truly flattered for the kind words! I'm gonna throw one back at ya ok? Guys... I've bs'ed with this creative Lady (heavy emphasis on Lady!) on the other side and over the phone. I strongly believe Ocillas' head and heart are in a good place...No shit! Thanks again J..... (I'll shoot ya a note probably tomarrow?...much to tell)

Now back to the OP... If and when I do perve the profiles I quickly skip over the "All about Me" profiles. Also skip some of the real "scary" ones that are above and beyond anything I can comprehend like fireplay and knife play,etc. Also skip the "service only" profiles but that's just me........

(in reply to ocilla)

Post #: 21

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 8:00:37 PM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam

How to NOT find a male slave
1) Actually be a female dominant, who expects to have a relationship with a man who submits to his lady.
2) Refuse to accept his orders on how to treat him as a slave. M

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 22

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 9:07:51 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

but should be all about US?

No, it really is all about me.

Kidding, I agree with you, stockingluvr.

OK.... I'll split the difference with you? How about "It's all about Us" You get your dominant "U" or You in there and I'll change that capital "S" to a whimpy little sub "s". Or maybe U/s....?????

pssssst....glad U agree (chatspeak....gotta luv it!)

...

Okay, all bets are off. Now I don't agree at all one bit!

Chatspeak makes me twitch!

Bad bad!

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 23

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 9:11:58 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

but should be all about US?

No, it really is all about me.

Kidding, I agree with you, stockingluvr.

It pleases me a great deal to see women on this forum acknowledge that it really is about establishing a relationship where the needs of both the Domme and the sub are met. If something is to last and both are to be happy, the needs of one cannot be entirely ignored in favor of the other for an extended length of time!

BTW, another to add to the list of what not to do, is send messages to subs you don't know asking for tribute just because it's your birthday!

- pixel

Collared to Majik

Awww man, you mean you're not getting me anything for my birthday? I'm going to go cry now!

What if I give you some time? My bday isn't until January, anyway!

In all seriousness, the way I see it, if both parties aren't getting some degree of satisfaction from the relationship, there really isn't much incentive for them to stick around.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 24

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 9:37:54 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMaam
How to NOT find a male slave
1) Actually be a female dominant, who expects to have a relationship with a man who submits to his lady.

Actually, I don't see where this is a problem for a man who wants a lifestyle D/s relationship. But I can understand where some are attracted to the concept, but may have difficulty with the reality, especially if introduced to them with too much control too fast for them to handle at once. I can also see where negotiating what areas the power exchange extends to may be an issue that could be problematic for some D/s relationships.

quote:

2) Refuse to accept his orders on how to treat him as a slave. M

The media and stereotypes of the lifestyle do such a disservice to WIITWD! There's nothing quite as exciting for me as when Mistress finds new ways or feel comfortable with introducing new ways of expressing/exerting her control and domination of me in order to see my reaction and to learn how far my submission has progressed!

It doesn't happen overnight that one gives their complete trust to a woman and automatically begins to submit to her will without question. I suspect that many expect too much too soon from a man in that regard. It takes time for a man to get to know a woman and truly desire to want (and need) to serve her from his heart.

- pixel

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to FullfigRIMaam)

Post #: 25

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 9:45:50 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Honestly I find the other way to be true more often, I ask male subs repeatedly about what they desire and like and get the pat what you want answer. Explaining to them that their viewpoints are important to a successful relationship seems to fall on deaf ears, I move on.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 26

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 9:54:29 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

Awww man, you mean you're not getting me anything for my birthday? I'm going to go cry now!

What if I give you some time? My bday isn't until January, anyway!

What if I got you a bus ticket out of Dayton to say Columbus? Would that stop your crying?

- pixel (a former Buckeye)

Collared to Majik

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 27

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 10:08:09 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Actually, I don't see where this is a problem for a man who wants a lifestyle D/s relationship. But I can understand where some are attracted to the concept, but may have difficulty with the reality, especially if introduced to them with too much control too fast for them to handle at once

I agree that two people need to get to know one another before anyone can control/submit to the other. But it is just a matter of why folks seek to do this. I agree that submission is difficult (extremely so in fact to folks like myself); if it weren't, I'd still be married. Having said that, I am of the get to know and let the relationship fall into place (or his submission/my dominance grow in degrees.

I have known a man who submitted over time, and it becomes a pleasant/hot relationship. I've known one man who never will, because he doesn't trust himself or me to lead, except when he's really horny and needs a domme fix.

Than there were the other two who wanted me to exert control immediately; the first, I ended up in a 4month relationship with, and it was kool as he indeed did as I asked; the other wanted a relationship with my floor/feet, without the inconvenience of courtship/getting to know me; and this of course is when the "if you want me to take control and make all the plans/decide what we do at all times, I'll need your bank/credit cards please." LMAO
Runs off before anyone kicks her butt for introducing financial domination into the mix.
So, of course I agree with you; but I'm speaking from my experiences, which have become much more pleasant now that I don't spend much time dealing with wankers online. M

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 28

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 10:17:18 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

Awww man, you mean you're not getting me anything for my birthday? I'm going to go cry now!

What if I give you some time? My bday isn't until January, anyway!

What if I got you a bus ticket out of Dayton to say Columbus? Would that stop your crying?

- pixel (a former Buckeye)

Collared to Majik

That depends on if anything spiffy is goin on in Cols. How about Chicago, instead? It's prolly the same or cheaper!

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 29

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/15/2007 10:31:47 PM

bisubmalepa

Posts: 5
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

and here i thought i was the only one that thought that way LOL.....i'm really glad to see both Dommes and subs alike agreeing on the us of a relationship.....just my 2 cents.

_____________________________

I'll try anything three times, want to know why...please ask?

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 30

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 12:06:26 AM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Stop looking though you sometimes find someone once you stop caring about finding someone. So, how NOT to find a male sub would be to refuse to speak to any of them. Though, it's a really good idea to take a break when you're frustrated with all of it.

I think most women are looking for a lot more from a male sub than the men themselves are prepared (or expect) to give. The men I have encountered online have all wanted a McDomme, none have really wanted to get to know me beyond what I would do to them. It floors most of them when I'm not interested in sharing all my favourite kinks right away. That is all they see when they look at women here. If you only spend time searching for male subs on sites like this you will be really burnt out and discouraged very quickly. So that would be my second way to NOT find a male sub - looking online only and never trying out a local munch. Or, better still, just meeting men and seeing if they perk up at the idea of some kinkiness.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to bisubmalepa)

Post #: 31

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 12:17:50 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Sure

If it's all about you-it'll stay so.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 32

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 6:29:07 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

I am amused to see that both threads seek to help men ;-)

Both threads seem to

A) focus around submissives
and
B) men

Many men still approach the FemDom/male sub dynamic as being fantasy. Male fantasy focuses on the man and what someone does or can do to him. Some of them do this because all it is, is a fantasy for them. Others just don't have the experience to know how else to do it. The ones just lacking experience will be polished (rough edges removed) and learn from each contact with Domme. The ones for whom it is a fantasy will continue seeking the fantasy and having unrealistic expectations.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 33

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 7:18:11 AM

peterK50

Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline

Complain, complain, complain that no one is real out there, then ignore someone when they send you a message.

_____________________________

Religion Is About Seeking Knowledge, Not Knowing All The Answers.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

Post #: 34

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 7:21:58 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Think of yourself as "true" and the rest of the world as "false".

Slight problem with reality there.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to peterK50)

Post #: 35

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 7:39:33 AM

MistressLikeToys

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Laura

Stop looking though you sometimes find someone once you stop caring about finding someone. So, how NOT to find a male sub would be to refuse to speak to any of them. Though, it's a really good idea to take a break when you're frustrated with all of it.

I think most women are looking for a lot more from a male sub than the men themselves are prepared (or expect) to give. The men I have encountered online have all wanted a McDomme, none have really wanted to get to know me beyond what I would do to them. It floors most of them when I'm not interested in sharing all my favourite kinks right away. That is all they see when they look at women here. If you only spend time searching for male subs on sites like this you will be really burnt out and discouraged very quickly. So that would be my second way to NOT find a male sub - looking online only and never trying out a local munch. Or, better still, just meeting men and seeing if they perk up at the idea of some kinkiness.

The only online thing and never getting real time to meet people makes alot of sense to me, and I see so many people Dom and sub who do it and dont understand it.

The best way, in my opinion, to not find a male sub is to be honest with them. I have not been on this site long, but with an inbox full a day its nice to see its a happening place *yay*. While I am not looking for a slave at this point I got an email from someone with a slave profile and the email and profile intrigued me. So I corresponded back. This person wanted to be chained 24/7 and abused by his Mistress at her whim. Fine and dandy, but then I told him that I would expect other things from him in a domestic setting and that chians 24/7 (while romantic in theory) isnt really feasable. I got a short, "not what i am looking for" response....not that I expected any different.

So, I would say the best way not to find a male slave is to open and honest from the get go. When you shatter thier fantasies right off the bat, they never come back.

**While this comes off highly sarcastic, I am serious as well. The problem with sites like this is the fantasy factor. This is in every orientation, not just Doms or subs in particular. Alot of people are caught of in the fantasy that is created online and in books with stories and fiction. Until they experience it and see the reality of it all it will be pretty hard for any connections to be made. And as far as common sense in an online setting (as far as contacting others with politness and reguard) its a rarity, cherish it if you find it.

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 36

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 7:51:24 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I treat the "the whole online thing" as a game when it comes to 1sts, which would include first emails out and first emails in.

No matter what happens, I learn something about them and they learn something about me.

What happens to malesubs and femdoms during the courtship experience is completely different, hence the chasm of little empathy and understanding.

I like occupying our position though. I like having to do everything the best possible way in order to succeed. I like the empty mailbox. I like the dearth of offers, solicitations, and interest. I like the scant chances of connection. I like personal interest being requited by money solicitations. I like having, like-no-admireres. Combined together, it all scares me, but I like it anyway.

I don't really have any gripes with femdoms, especially in cyberspace where its all game to me, the likes of which I don't take personally (for the most part.)

Women, on the other hand, sign up and its admireres, emails, and attention up-the-a.......ss. Urgh, God that would be awful. There is nothing worse than unwanted, bad attention. Hell, we'd probably have to figure out the mail controls or something to deal with it.

What amuses me and strikes me as sad too is the # of women who post (femdoms, its never happend with a femsub in my experience) who you write to off the CMMB b/c of something they said on the CMMB ---- and that letter never gets opened. It gets routed through the mail controls into oblivion.

Can you imagine how awful it would be if you wrote something that stirred or moved a woman here on the CMMB, and then when she wrote to you privately about it, you didn't even get it or notice it?

-------

Anyway, mistakes are their own punishment. If femdoms or malesubs make them, I don't see much use in either piling on about it or becoming bitter that folk's don't know better. If possible, its better to have a sense of humor. Mocking is good too, so I appreciate your thread. This thing is a HOOT!!!

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/16/2007 7:58:06 AM >

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 37

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 10:35:42 AM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

Spend a lot of time complaining on threads like this one.
See where they gets you.

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 9/16/2007 11:10:07 AM >

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 38

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 11:28:14 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Honestly I find the other way to be true more often, I ask male subs repeatedly about what they desire and like and get the pat what you want answer. Explaining to them that their viewpoints are important to a successful relationship seems to fall on deaf ears, I move on.

You do have a valid point, Laurell, but...

First, let me state that I am not a male sub. I'm a bottom, so that's where my prespective comes from. I call myself a "Service Bottom" partly because the most important thing to me is that the Top have FUN. I've had some techniquely great scenes that simply weren't very fulfilling to me because the Top was just going through the motions, was too concerned with fulfilling my needs, not hers. So, the energy flow just wasn't there. I've had others that involved more than a few things that I don't much like, that were nonetheless GREAT scenes because she had a great time and the energy flow was fantastic.

But, you are right in that a sub or bottom needs to be able to articulate his likes and dislikes during the all important "getting to know one another" stage. This is something that can be very difficult, especially for the inexperienced to do. One reason is not knowing what they like and dislike, other than pleasing a woman, and another is a lifetime of fear of exposure and ostracism for his perverted desires. This can be very hard to overcome, it's taken me many years to get as far with it as I have and I still have a ways to go.

It's very important that a potential couple have a lot of common likes. Without that, there can be no compatibility. This is why, in the OP, I objected to "Domina's" profiles that say, "Don't tell me about your kinks. Your kinks don't matter. Only mine matter."

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 39

RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 9/16/2007 2:16:36 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

1. Write a profile starting with the words, "It's all about ME."

Luckily, I was smart to embed the phrase in my profile when I was looking. Or perhaps the key is not using caps. Or maybe the two long-term submissives that I found through CM were discerning enough to look beyond that apparently hated phrase. lol

In any event, when I said "Your sexual proclivities are irrelevant. This is all about me," I meant it.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 40

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