pixelslave
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Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ocilla
quote:
ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
One way for a domme to not find a male slave for a broader relationship is to expect a broader relationship and interest to be taken in her broader personality, and yet present or emphasize the side of her that appeals to sex related matters. For me, an it's-all-about-me attitude appeals only to the sex related part of me.
Maybe its because it is late and my brain is tired - but I am having difficulty comprehending what you are trying to convey - and I want to understand. Are you saying that a Domme seeking a broader relationship should just be her whole self and not lead or only present or over emphasize her sexual side? Or are you saying that in your opinion that the broader personality should be more equal and only the sexual side be the "all about me"? Or am I grasping any of what you are conveying? Thanks for clarification...
I can't speak for Sea, but I can for me. When a woman is looking for a broader relationship, it seems to me that the focus of the written description in her profile should perhaps be more about her vanilla interests, her personality, and what she generally seeks from the submissive she desires to meet. Similarly, vanilla interests, personalities and overall compatibility as people should seem to be primary focus of the initial "getting to know you" period instead of sexual interests until a large part of the other has been established. 
CM provides a checklist for interests and levels of experience when it comes to play and other interests. That can be used to establish if there's a basis for compatibility in regard to all kinds of interests. In a broader relationship, getting to know each other as people and establishing compatiblity outside the bedroom, playroom, dungeon, etc. is more important to the long term possibility of success in my opinion than what might happen in terms of kink. Using CM's list, one can also establish if there's compatibility in kink as well, which in my experience can be a changing and dynamic kind of thing as people and relationships grow.
In a Domme's written profile, I feel that less emphasis (perhaps in the form of less space and it's location in her profile?) should be placed on the sexual aspects, while still stating clearly what is most important to her in terms of her interests in play and more importantly, the desired nature of the D/s dynamic she seeks; the specific details of which can be discussed more thoroughly once basic compatibility for a broader relationship has been established in terms of personalities and shared interests. In real life, one doesn't give someone they've just met a list of all their kinks, nor expect that the other would be open to exploring them with them initially until a more secure relationship has been established. 
I suspect that what Sea was also alluding to is that it's often a "given" that many Dommes are likely to have more of an "it's all about me" attitude during sexual play, which apparently appeals to him. Other Dommes may want their needs to come first, but also have a desire to see that the sexual needs of their subs are also met; the latter being particularly true in broader relationships, perhaps as Akasha has described in hers.
I hope you find this explanation from my viewpoint on this subject helpful. 
- pixel
Collared to Majik
< Message edited by pixelslave -- 9/19/2007 11:37:17 AM >
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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!
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RE: How to NOT find a male slave - 
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