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Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:24:42 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		On another thread someone said that "most" women lie about how many partners they have had. Do you lie about your sexual past, number of partners, experiences, etc. and if so what is your reason for doing so? Would you be upset if you learned your partner had lied to you about their past?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:28:42 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		No need for me to lie or explain.
I am more concerned with the future, than the past.
As I said on the other thread, I am more concerned with having
a partner with no sexually transmitted diseases, who is not HIV positive.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:29:44 AM   
Twice


Posts: 179
Joined: 9/15/2005
From: Gainesville, Florida
Status: offline 		I don't lie about it, but I'm ashamed of it.  As such, I can see why it would be easy to lie- not to have to admit what you've done.  Especially for anyone who can relate to my case- in which they had a lot of meaningless sex in the past and are now in a serious relationship and wish it had never happened.  So it would be easy to lie and pretend it never happened.  But that's even MORE dangerous, because you're lying to yourself as much as the other person....

_____________________________

-K

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:30:01 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i would not lie but i also would not answer the question as to me it is private and not something i would discuss outside of an established D/s relationship. The past is the past.  Just their asking me would tell me a lot about where their head was at.  Why focus on something that has no relevancy to the present relationship, unless they were looking for a virgin, then i would say well ok i am not your woman and leave. 

It's a silly juvenile question to ask in my eyes. Something HS kids are obsessed about not mature, responsible adults looking for meaningful relationships. 

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:32:18 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I agree velvetears, I could see if I was 22 or so.
Who cares? I am more concerned about the serious relationships they have
had, their ability to commit to me and be disease free.
I could care less what a man of 45 did when he was 19.

(in reply to velvetears)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:37:13 AM   
SoulOfIron2007


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Speaking from a man's viewpoint, I don't see someone's sexual past as important in most cases, and never ask about it. Though on occasion, women have chosen to share things they felt I needed to know, in which case I listened with polite sensitivity. There are some things that need to be shared, obviously... STDs are a HUGE issue, and anyone hiding them from a prospective sexual partner is criminal in my mind... But other than that, what you've done is what you've done. I'm more interested in what you want to do now than what has gone before. *grins*

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:38:58 AM   
Kizanth


Posts: 14
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		Neat question, not for the question itself but for the possibilities it brings.

To be frank, I'm most likely to be a bit dismissive of those who come waltzing into the thread and say "oh yes, I lied about something elementary and worthless." 


(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:42:19 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Nope, I don't like. If askedhow many men you've been with I say i don't know it's not like I wrote every one of them down,, which is the truth I don't know how many men there's been in and out.

I would be yes, because our relationship isn't supposed to tollerate lies. Lie's are trust and deal breakers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

On another thread someone said that "most" women lie about how many partners they have had. Do you lie about your sexual past,

Would you be upset if you learned your partner had lied to you about their past?

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:43:16 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't lie if ask point blank, but I don't volunteer that type of information either.  I don't see it as anyone else's business.  What I did in the past is just that...past.  And I don't think I would like someone discussing what he did with me either.  Course, none of that makes any difference to me anyway.  Unless, someone wants me to be their first...depending upon the activity, I may want to know if he's had any experience. 

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:49:01 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		yes i am always honest about my sexual history, and i've never seen it as something to be ashamed of nor as a dark secret only to be shared with that one true love. if anyone asks and i can tell they're sincerely interested, i tell. what's the big deal?
as far as someone i'm in a serious relationship with, they would know all about my sexual history long before we made a commitment to one another. knowing and accepting my sexual history is part of knowing and accepting ME. it's extremely important to me to be loved and accepted for who i am, and my part is a big part of who i am. if it's something they have even the slightest issue with, then that's not someone i can be in a relationship with.
i see many saying "the past is the past" or what does it matter what a 45 yr old did when they were 20...well if that person is your mate, you should simply be interested in who they are, in their life journey, in how they came to be who they are today. i care about what my Master did when he was 17, when he was 20, when he was 30, because i care about him and want to know all i can about him.

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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 9:54:47 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

On another thread someone said that "most" women lie about how many partners they have had. Do you lie about your sexual past, number of partners, experiences, etc. and if so what is your reason for doing so? Would you be upset if you learned your partner had lied to you about their past?


I haven't totted up sexual partners or experiences and wouldn't have a clue about *number*. Experiences fade over time and unless something reminds me, they reside in the *long ago* file.

I wouldn't lie about it but I don't want to talk about it either. I don't offer it as discussion fodder and haven't been asked, either. I suppose I see no relevance.

If I was lied to, I'd  be more interested in why it bothered him enough to lie, than the *lie* itself.

agirl



(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:00:07 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I make it clear I was, and am a person who takes a great deal of pleasure from sex.  I've become far more discriminating over the years, and have always taken measures to protect myself and my partners.  I'm regularly tested for HIV and other STDs (for reasons unrelated to my sexual activities), and I don't engage in sexual activities outside of firmly and clearly established boundaries when I am in a relationship.

I was speaking for a while with a slave who asked me about my history (specifically the number of partners.)  She was appalled, and when the relationship ended, she ended up throwing it in my face.  I could tell at the time that it was going to be an issue, by the way she asked.  That was a sign to me, that we weren't compatible.

The issue isn't "how many people have you slept with" for me, so much, as "why have you slept with x numbers?"  A woman who's only had one or two other lovers, because she absolutely requires love and sex to have a deep and powerful connection, and absolutely refuses to consider engaging in sex without love isn't likely to be a good match for me.  Same too, with a woman who is promiscuous as a means of compensating for deep unresolved emotional issues.  A woman who's only had one partner for lack of opportunity, but is willing to experiment with me (in a safe fashion), or a woman who's had many partners because she enjoys the act itself, is a great match for me.

A woman who lies about her sexual activities and interests, is a deal breaker.  Not because I abhor liars to the degree that I've read already in this thread, but because I expect and require my relationships to be, indeed, so intimate that anything can be shared.  I won't hold back who I am, and I won't get involved with someone who (once that level of trust has been established) will hold back from me.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to daddysprop247)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:01:09 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

On another thread someone said that "most" women lie about how many partners they have had. Do you lie about your sexual past, number of partners, experiences, etc. and if so what is your reason for doing so? Would you be upset if you learned your partner had lied to you about their past?


I haven't totted up sexual partners or experiences and wouldn't have a clue about *number*. Experiences fade over time and unless something reminds me, they reside in the *long ago* file.

I wouldn't lie about it but I don't want to talk about it either. I don't offer it as discussion fodder and haven't been asked, either. I suppose I see no relevance.

If I was lied to, I'd  be more interested in why it bothered him enough to lie, than the *lie* itself.

agirl





This is exactly how I feel, you hit the nail on the head.
I don't have a list of how many and their names and I only remember the important ones.
All I could tell someone, are the ones that were important!
I have had very serious relationships, and I told my partner every thing about myself
that was important.
I have never met anyone that even asked me how many partners I have had, if asked I would
have to say over 10, and move on.
I have never had the need to lie, what I have shared has always been enough.
I was thinking maybe this question is more important to Male Dominants?
Being a Female Dominant or even a single female, it has never been an issue for me or anyone I have
ever met!

< Message edited by MistressDoMe -- 9/16/2007 10:02:31 AM >

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:01:31 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I wonder if people see it as more acceptable to "reduce" the number as opposed to "exaggerating" the number. I don't see a difference. The number itself is really pretty irrelevant to me....but experience level is. I certainly wouldn't want a man to claim vast amounts of experience in order to make himself more "attractive", nor would I wish to be led to believe that he had very limited experience if that was indeed not the case.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to daddysprop247)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:03:38 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
On another thread someone said that "most" women lie about how many partners they have had. Do you lie about your sexual past, number of partners, experiences, etc. and if so what is your reason for doing so? Would you be upset if you learned your partner had lied to you about their past?

I don't lie about it because Master doesn't really care.  He has zero interest in hearing about what I did with other men, how many I did it with, etc.  What He is interested in is the two of us now.  He has never asked for specifics but I have shared some things with Him concerning my earliest experiences and experiences with other females.  He wouldn't judge me on the number of partners I've had, He just doesn't care to know the details.  If He DID care, I'd tell Him anything He desired to know.  As prop alluded to, I need to know my partner loves me even after they know all the gritty truth............luci

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To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:04:22 AM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe I will start a thread on lying about BDSM history or experience.
That is a very different situation.
I have run into many in this lifestyle that lie about their experience's or their
abilities, that normally has nothing to do with sex.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:51:45 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		DoMe,

That's a pretty old D/s topic.  I think erin was, in fact, referring to sexual experience though.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 10:52:14 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

y
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247


i see many saying "the past is the past" or what does it matter what a 45 yr old did when they were 20...well if that person is your mate, you should simply be interested in who they are, in their life journey, in how they came to be who they are today. i care about what my Master did when he was 17, when he was 20, when he was 30, because i care about him and want to know all i can about him.



I'm not sure that it's a *should be*. At least not for me. Knowing everything about him is up to him, not up to me, no matter how endlessly fascinating I find him.

agirl



(in reply to daddysprop247)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 11:01:05 AM   
ghoster78


Posts: 5
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		It is curious that no one answered, "Yes, I lie about who I did, how many, what we did, and all the rest."  Did any of us expect to see that brutally honest of a response?  I guess there is defense to such a blatant response by challenging the purpose of the question, or why the question was asked, or to treat the question as derisive because it is beneath the repondant's status to actually answer. 

I am male, so I lie (a flaw of my gender I do try to mitigate), and have probably lied about my sexual past a few times.  I cannot presently remember a good juicy lie to recount that I did tell somewhere in the past, but I am reasonably sure there was at least one incident.  I suspect at least some respondants here, when pressed by a satisfied and after-glowing partner, have lied about their past by way of association. 

A lie by association is when you lie through affirmative response (with a nod, grunt, umhum, or yes) to that partner, who has just pleased you in some fabulously exhilerating way, who asks if he/she had pleased you with the very best skill, duration, method, or whatever, that you have ever experienced, when you know differently.  I think many of us have done that.  I know I have.  I have certainly know I have, particularly in vanilla situations, in my past.  Like when little Mrs. Straight-laced looked up from her oral perch on my crotch, dribbled a bit from the corner of her mouth, and asked if she was my "bestest ever sucker", well (sigh)...I said "Yes."  Truth being, her mother was much better at it in nearly every technical category.

Did I have to lie to little Mrs. Straight-laced?  No, of course not.  Should I have?  No, again.  Was it the best I could do for her ego (positive-feedback) and to protect her mother's secrets (negative-feedback)?  Yes, and yes again.  Should I feel badly for my lie?  No, I didn't feel bad then either.  Had I just lied to a sexual partner about my sexual past?  Yes, very much so.



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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? - 9/16/2007 11:10:48 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		This is a topic that always surprises me.  Master wanted to know everything.  Every experience I had, and how it affected me.  He wanted to know what made me tick, what my buttons were, what my hang ups were, how I felt about myself as a result of my past, what I was afraid of, what excited me, where baggage areas might be, where painful memories lay, and what brought me to where I was when he found me.

I had no issues telling him everything he wanted to know.  I didn't see the relevance in it, but he wanted the info so I provided it, in detail.

He read it all, and began pointing out unhealthy patterns I had which I was never aware of.  It fascinated me.  He established rules for me based on those patterns.  He learned that much of my sexual activity occurred when I was in a very dark place in my life, and he came to understand what drove me to do certain things as a result. 

Sex is such a personal topic, so providing this information, and having him receive it, without judgment but with care, did much for creating a bond and trust between us.  I never regretted it, in fact, quite the opposite.  It was the beginning of shining a light on that darkness and understanding that it was safe to finally come out.  It was the beginning for me to understand what brought me to do the things I did, and to start making healthier choices for myself.    It was the beginning of learning that it was ok to finally trust someone, and that he wouldn't hurt me for doing so.

So for me it worked out quite well.  Had I left it all in the past where it was, far too much that needed dealing with would never have been dealt with.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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