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New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 2:56:30 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Masters and Sirs,

I was just wondering if you wonderful, good people could help me with something. Yesterday Sir set me a task to complete, Sir wanted me to work very hard at this task and said he wouldn't normally allocate this task until much later. Sir has very limited time for his slave at the moment.(family emergency) This is a relationship based online, until such time as we can meet.

I agreed to do my best, and Sir said he wanted me to find Sir another slave. This was to help me as a newbie to learn how I should act and behave, Sir may also use this slave sexually and expects me to do as I'm instructed. (I'm not bi or really interested in other women.)

So I thought about this for a while, Sir likes the idea of a poly relationship. So I started reading about this kind of relationship and the more I read, the more I realised I wasn't keen. I don't think I could cope with watching or knowing Sir was using another slave sexually,its not about not wanting Sir to be happy, I just know this kind of thing would really mess me up in the head. As well as the fact that Sir would want for me to have to do sexually things with another woman. ( I realise to some Master/Sirs that this is putting my own needs above Sir's)

What I'm not really sure about was, whether Sir just wanted to see how much I would be willing to embrace something that Sir would enjoy? Regardless if I didn't and in doing so, would put Sir's needs above my own thoughts and feelings? Whether Sir just wanted me to learn more from a female slave prespective? and to understand more about how I should behave? Or Sir was completely serious and wanted another slave?

I have emailed Sir, to say how I felt, as I wanted to be honest, this was a day after the task was set, I did want to give myself time to think about the task and idea. I told Sir exactly how I felt, I did this because I didn't want to do the task, get Sir happy and excited and then say, oh by the way Sir, slave doesn't like it. I do also know that as a slave there are times when I have to do things that I don't like!

A thousand thoughts were running through my head, was I not good enough? was I not fullfilling Sir? what if Sir preferred the other slave to me? what if I was cast aside? what if Sir really enjoyed this, and I didn't? Do I say, do I be honest and communicate how I feel? or push through it for Sir? was this a test?

Then I felt bad, so awful. I hadn't even tried to do the task, I hadn't even thought that I should try and embrace this, to see if I could grow to like it for Sir. Sir said I had to try really hard, and I felt like I failed at the first hurdle for not even trying. That I said yes, and then I said no, and now I'm just so confused. This is something that Sir has trusted me to do, and expects daily reports. I so want Sir to be happy and fullfilled, but I'm scared and worried about losing Sir.

I'm also concerned that when getting another slave involved and promising meetings and play, and then for Sir and this slave to be so happy, with me sat there feeling like crap. Its not just going to mess with my head, its going to mess with everyones head.

So I guess the thought of disappointing Sir was too much and I said I would do this task and hope to embrace it enough for Sir, although I still felt I couldn't be in a poly type relationship and that I might still feel this way at the end of the task.

I've not heard anything from Sir and before I start this task, I just wondered if you Master's/Sir's could give me any advice or suggestions, or comment on whether I handled this the right way? or the wrong way?

slave fi x
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:06:08 AM   
mefisto69


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline 		Did you two negotiate poly aspects in the beginning? If not, you've let him know how you feel and he hasn't responded yet. This is all online play and may well be head games BUT......you know it isn't for you. So, you can wait for a reply before you do anything or you could start a search telling the newbie slave that she will be your replacement. If you find one that can live with his requirements, send her along to him and you march off in the other direction.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:27:53 AM   
untndedrosegardn


Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not a Master but this one caught my eye...... 
If he is putting you in a position that is so uncomfortable and makes you feel unsafe, then perhaps you need to take a pause and reflect. Sometimes regardless how badly we "need" to serve, the one isnt the right 'one' and we need to follow our gut. There is so much more to look at when adding someone that just "a new toy" factor. I noted you said it is currently online, but I would assume it is at some point your wish to change that.  This is where things like how this/these people will factor into the rest of your health and wellbeing. How it can effect families, health, etc. 
You are correct, there can be countless reasons behind his request..... and you can analyze it to death and still be confused.  If you ask for clarification and he fails to give it, perhaps that is a post it note to take notice of.  For me, being slave only works so long as I know regardless of the pain, suffering etc, that the Dominant in the end has my best interest at heart.  I realize most will disagree. if I 'know" my safety and wellbeing is foremost, than I know I can tackle anything He asks...... because He would never choose to let harm come to his property. (the old, dont break your toys if you want to have them to play with later).
If he isnt instilling that sense of safety in you, then perhaps you both need to pause and reflect. Its not a one sided job. He has his end of the bargain to keep up just as much as you do.
Its my hope for you that he answers you and clarifies, and at the minimum addresses your fears.  Having always been in poly relationships, and I understand the misgivings of adding to the mix.
Be well and safe

(in reply to mefisto69)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:31:58 AM   
CandyLover


Posts: 68
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fifi

I've not heard anything from Sir and before I start this task, I just wondered if you Master's/Sir's could give me any advice or suggestions, or comment on whether I handled this the right way? or the wrong way?



Judging by the other two threads you've started, I'd say the only right way to handle it would be to end the relationship.  It really doesn't seem like it's working out for either of you.  Adding a third isn't going to help one bit; it's very likely he's looking for a replacement and doesn't want to make the effort himself.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:32:03 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi mefisto69,

We did talk about it as we talked about other general vanilla stuff, but I didn't feel we talked about it heavily, as something Sir would expect of me, or that Sir really enjoyed. Maybe I gave a completely different vibe at the time and Sir thought I would enjoy it. I don't know, lol.

I see what your saying, and maybe this is what he wants me to do, thanks for what you gave me slave, find me another one, I'm bored of you.

I'm the newbie slave, I think Sir just wants me to find another slave, new or more experienced.

Maybe the task is too soon for me.

Did I handle it in the right way? in telling him I wasn't keen, or was that wrong and I should have tried to embrace it?

slave fi x

(in reply to mefisto69)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:38:28 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Candylover,

Thank you for your reply, its hard at the moment because Sir is going through a very painful time, and his time is very limited. I'm not going to say why because its not my place. So I do understand the time problems he has. The other threads where at the time when Sir hadn't explained to me what was going on in his life. So I do understand that I may not get what I need from Sir at this moment in time, I do feel a little let down because I'm struggling to know what to do with this. But Sir is interested in a poly relationship and he has told me a bit about this. Whether like you say, he is just trying to find a better replacement I don't know. Just confused really, but thank you for taking the time to reply.

slave fi x

(in reply to CandyLover)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:46:42 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fifi

Hi mefisto69,

We did talk about it as we talked about other general vanilla stuff, but I didn't feel we talked about it heavily, as something Sir would expect of me, or that Sir really enjoyed. Maybe I gave a completely different vibe at the time and Sir thought I would enjoy it. I don't know, lol.

I see what your saying, and maybe this is what he wants me to do, thanks for what you gave me slave, find me another one, I'm bored of you.

I'm the newbie slave, I think Sir just wants me to find another slave, new or more experienced.

Maybe the task is too soon for me.

Did I handle it in the right way? in telling him I wasn't keen, or was that wrong and I should have tried to embrace it?

slave fi x



Hang on - let me get this straight: he’s not got enough time for one slave, yet he wants you to go find another?  You will, I hope, forgive me if I suggest he’s more full of bollocks than Tom Jones’ Y-fronts.
 
3somes are fun, but require effort.  Poly can be wonderful, but requires even more effort; the common theme here is “effort”.  Now of course it could be that he has a genuine family emergency, but the fact that, at a time when he’s got the least amount of time for you, he expects you to go out and score him another slave, makes me very suspicious.  Had he said “go out and chat to other slaves and see what you can discover about yourself” then ok, maybe (although it would still indicate a lack of experience on his part), but “go out and find me another slave” is firmly into Jerry Springer territory for sheer cheek.
 
You’re new to this; you need encouragement, education, support, effort and time to come to terms with a new lifestyle and way of thinking.  Now ask yourself if his asking of you to go out and find him a third achieves any of the above goals.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:49:27 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi untndedrosegardn,

Thanks for replying. I see what your saying, and I do feel before a 'third' person is involved then I should be clear on how I feel. I've not started searching or anything yet because I'm not really sure I should. If it back fires and Sir is messing around then he is going to have two hurt slaves on his case, and that I wouldn't put on any other slave.

I do at some point want what Sir and I have to become real, and I only hope this does happen. I'm very pleased I have meet him, although some may think otherwise.  

I do believe he has my best interests at heart, maybe I'm just not ready, or the task is too much. But I do really need him to clarify what I should do. But sometimes I do feel its a little one sided-I'm sure this is because of Sirs other commitments, which is why I'm not pushing it or making it any harder than it needs to be. Trust me Sir knows I'm not stupid or a doormat.

Thanks for taking the time to reply,

slave fi x

(in reply to untndedrosegardn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:49:36 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~
Speaking as a switch and also as one who is geared towards poly, I can see some potential issues leading to dissatisfaction in the relationship. No all are poly oriented and as the others pointed out, itf this wasn't discused at the begining of you relationship, then it should be done so soon. IMO, I feel that a better approach to seeking a third should take place once the initial relationship is on solid ground and the primary couple are well established in their dynamic. Secondly, communication has to be clear and concise regarding the wants, needs and desire that your Master and you want and don't wnt in a poly situation. My own goal is to either create a poly household for myself. I had been in communication with another submissive for several months and he balked at the issue of polyamory. I had made it clear from the start this is how I am to which he was accepting just to keep me happy. This wasn't acceptable as I want my sub to be as poly oriented as I am.. Needless to say I ended up releasing him.
   My view is my sub must and should have the same basic goals as I do to keep the relationship thriving. Though it is a D/s dynamic, underneath it still is a relationship between 2 people.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to untndedrosegardn)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:54:50 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Given the load of problems you've been posting about this isn't going to work.  Of course you feel like something is wrong.  From your words something is wrong.  And if you all don't fix that it this will always be wrong for you.  Now that isn't rocket science.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:55:20 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		You two haven't met and he already want you to look for another slave?  Um, that seems VERY odd to me.  I think the two of you either need to concentrate on your budding relationship or you need to walk away.  What if you meet and there's nothing there?  YOU'RE supposed to find your replacement?  Is that something you want to do?

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 3:56:07 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi RapierFugue,

I know I did think, hold on you hardly have time for me, how can Sir have time for two? But I had a feeling that Sir was thinking the task would involve more time on my part, finding a slave, talking to them etc. It was to help me to understand about being a submissive, and how I should act/behave. I do think Sirs intentions were right on this, it was a learning process, but I was just concerned for my position in his eyes, and that of involving a third person and disappointing/hurting them.

Most of all I do agree with your last statement, I am struggling and feeling a little alone in all this. Its quite ironic that the following day, when I was hoping to talk to Sir about this, he's not online!

Thanks for taking the time to reply,

slave fi x

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:01:17 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		There is no should in how you behave or act.  You may want to talk to another sub or slave about your feelings, but no third party can tell you how you SHOULD act.  There's no way you should try and bring a third person into your relationship when you haven't even met the man.  Doesn't make sense.  Unless she's to be an online slave also.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:02:21 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi bandit 25,

I agree with what you said, I have expressed my concerns that perhaps I'm not good enough, or fullfilling Sir enough. I really would rather it was just the two of us to start with, and for a long while too. I need to have trust, communication and honesty, as well as a relationship that has had a lot of time to develop,  before I can even consider a third person. Which I'm not really that interested in either.

I think this is all about me finding him a better slave, so he can kick me to the curb. Which is why I haven't done it yet, until I hear from Sir and see what he is thinking/feeling.

I feel a fool sometimes.

Thanks for replying,

slave fi x

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:02:44 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Let's see if I've got this straight....  "Sir" doesn't have a lot of time for you right now but despite the fact he's never even met you, it's actually an opportune moment to have you find him a *second* slave?????
 
I'm gonna say what your own instincts are screaming at you.  Since you've never actually met, go with what you do know and definitely LISTEN to what your instincts are saying!  You've gone and got yourself attached to a user-loser!  It's a common and desirable sub trait to wanna please and not disappoint your Sir but, unfortunately, he's using that against you.
 
It's damned obvious you're not gonna be happy in a poly relationship and good luck with being yet another fem/sub out there "talent scouting" for Sir - the subs you contact are gonna love you!  "Sir" is a cheating loser and he's using his self proclaimed lifestyle title and your own naivity to troll for extra curricular sexual activity and the best part (for him) is that he's suckering you to do all the work and screen out the rejections and inevitable obscenities coming your way.
 
You've actually handled things commendably and respectfully.  Now you need to finish the good work and be true to *yourself* and esp your conscience.  Count your blessings you haven't met this creep and keep it that way.  But you already know that; you just need to start believing it.....
 
Focus.

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:06:56 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Don't feel foolish fifi, you're new.  You're trying very hard to be pleasing, but you know something isn't right about this.  Follow what your gut tells you.  Unless you have some burning desire to be poly, I'd just walk away.  It's hard, but better now than later.

Honey, it's not about finding a "better" slave, this is about you.  Do what YOU think is best for YOU. 

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:11:55 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		He can't be bothered to meet you but he wants you to find him someone he will meet and fuck? And he's assuming that once he gets that, then he can command you to have sex with the other girl?

You know, normally people discuss monogamy and polyamory upfront. Since he managed to not discuss that with you then, this is the time for you to say hard limit.

Oh, and his limited time due to family? That means his wife keeps close tabs on him.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:14:02 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Let's suppose that your post is true. In that case your online master is either a fool or a player. In either case he is unfit to have a slave or a sub. Dump him. He is not for you.

< Message edited by Rule -- 9/19/2007 5:07:40 AM >

(in reply to fifi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:16:30 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		fifi, it's incredibly easy to ignore things which are not right because we want so desperately to belong, to do things right.  Your "Sir" has no time for you, and yet, wants to  you find him another slave.  This post, in context with your other posts, say loudly to me that he's playing a game with you.  Do yourself a favor, save yourself some heartache.  The red flags in this relationship are so prolific that I really don't see how you can continue to sweep them away with the utterance of, "It's not my place".  You're a newbie, how do you know what your place is, even? 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New task from Sir and confused... - 9/19/2007 4:18:04 AM   
fifi


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2004
Status: offline 		Hi Focus50,

Thank you so much for your words. I will admit you brought tears to my eyes, to know from someone with experience and knowledge that for once I have done something right and handled it the right way, means so much. (I question how I am supposed to be sometimes, being new) All I have ever seeked from him, was some form of  praise, recognition for what I have done, I know sometimes I have been a brat, but I do feel recently I have been the best slave I've ever been, only to be asked to find him another slave. Gee thanks for the confidence vote.

You have described completely what he wants, and I feel a fool for even considering to do it, just to please him, Sir asked, (why do I call him that) for daily reports, heres a size 8, petite, gorgeous, much more sexy than I and more experienced slave for you, and sit back and wait for the contact to stop.

I think I know what I have to do, and it is so hard. Just when I think I've found a good dom, lol.

Thanks again, Fi x

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 20
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