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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 6:43:59 PM   
apiercedkitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Wow Celeste I know exactly what you mean...and it is, and has been sinking in, in waves...I have some AWFUL abandonment issues...and believe me when I say I had NO clue they were THIS bad until I met my Master. I have never had this kind of fear of losing someone...EVER. Its freakin me out...



Now that you know, you can sit down and honestly discuss this with your Master. i find it helpful to put together a list of points i need to talk about... i've also found that a lot of times, i just need to actually get it out - as long as He's listening, i might be able to work some of the things out on my own just by speaking out loud. Good luck! you're already on your way to fixing it just by recognizing the problem to start with...

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 6:49:41 PM   
breatheasone


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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Wow Celeste I know exactly what you mean...and it is, and has been sinking in, in waves...I have some AWFUL abandonment issues...and believe me when I say I had NO clue they were THIS bad until I met my Master. I have never had this kind of fear of losing someone...EVER. Its freakin me out...



Now that you know, you can sit down and honestly discuss this with your Master. i find it helpful to put together a list of points i need to talk about... i've also found that a lot of times, i just need to actually get it out - as long as He's listening, i might be able to work some of the things out on my own just by speaking out loud. Good luck! you're already on your way to fixing it just by recognizing the problem to start with...

Thanks apiercedkitty, and yes...I have been blessed with a Master that LOVES to listen ...LOL..(i know where had He been all my life! LOL) Hes got a good head on His shoulders and He loves me...so I know its going to be ok...I just forget I know that sometimes....


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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 6:54:54 PM   
RRafe


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?



Yes, because it makes you an intolerable asshole.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 6:58:14 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?



Yes, because it makes you an intolerable asshole.

AYE!!!...hear ya...loud and clear and duly noted...fixing it as we speak...or tryin anyway.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 7:03:02 PM   
TennesseeRain


Posts: 35
Joined: 11/9/2006
Status: offline 		Not only do I think that negative thoughts become a self fulfulling prophecy, I also believe that positive ones do as well.  Try replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones...see yourself and your relationship as you wish it to be, and most importantly...believe it.

I think a lot of insecurities arise from self worth issues...from thinking we are not good enough.  He believes you are good enough.  You trust Him and you trust His judgement...Trust His judgement of you.  Dont think for him. Remember...He chose you.

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in secret, between the shadow and the soul."

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 7:04:16 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		As yoda would say-"Do or do not-there is no try."

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 7:05:59 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

As yoda would say-"Do or do not-there is no try."

Touche'.... and Thank you.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 7:14:35 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TennesseeRain

Not only do I think that negative thoughts become a self fulfulling prophecy, I also believe that positive ones do as well.  Try replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones...see yourself and your relationship as you wish it to be, and most importantly...believe it.

I think a lot of insecurities arise from self worth issues...from thinking we are not good enough.  He believes you are good enough.  You trust Him and you trust His judgement...Trust His judgement of you.  Dont think for him. Remember...He chose you.

You hit the nail right on the head...my Master has told me a few times now that I think of myself as a $5.00 bill, and He wants me to see the "million dollar" bill He says I really am.I am doing that as best I can..I do however stumble... I try not to wallow in it too long  though. I'm not entirely sure it has so much to do with me feeling worthless...but more I'm afraid now that I have this ...I can't keep it....Like its too good to be true kinda thing....for some unGodly reason I am having a hard time shaking that fear. OYE!...I'm dancing as fast as I can.....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 7:20:36 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Positive thought is cleansing......

Imagine a glass of dirty water.. you begin pouring clear water into it-it overflows. Continue, and it washes away the filth-all is pure.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 7:21:48 PM   
IrishMist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?


Sure it can

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 8:14:20 PM   
MaamJay


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?



Yes it can and that is why My hubby is now My EX-hubby! But that was after I spent 12 years trying in various ways (including through D/s) to encourage and support him to make the changes he said from the first meeting that he wanted to make in himself ... and never did. He has a strong fear of rejection ... so takes the offensive and rejects others ... ultimately their patience wears out and they reject him (I was his second wife!) ... and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and fuels his belief even more. It's a very sad state of affairs, but I eventually reached the point at which I had to face up to the fact that you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. All My support and suggestions and leading by example just weren't going to rub off in stimulating effective change in him. I lost count of how many times W/we had a "crisis" and he promised to change ... this time. One of the more memorable ones near the end, he even said "And if you don't believe in me, that I will change this time, then I won't be able to" ... essentially saying so it will be your fault if I fail! Why couldn't he succeed? Well it wasn't for lack of thinking or talking about it or promising it or saying he would "try" ... it was simply for lack of DOING. I'll explain a bit more ...

Anything new will feel unfamiliar, strange, a bit disquieting. It's possible to do something new for a few days but as soon as your vigilance about it drops, it's still more comfortable to backslide into the old ways. It takes a concentrated effort to sustain the new behaviour over a long enough period of time (classic wisdom is that it takes at least 21 days of doing something new before it becomes habitual and My experience is that it can take a lot longer for entrenched behaviours) for it to FEEL right and a natural part of you. That's where the ex fell down time and time again, he never sustained any change for long enough ... and when I tried to point this out (whether as his vanilla wife or as his Mistress) he always became defensive, aggravated and totally closed to what I was trying to say. Practise makes perfect ... you need to actively practise new behaviour ... and your Master needs to actively encourage and reward that practise. He needs to be vigilant in detecting signs of backsliding into negativity and gentle but firm in His reminders. you need to be open to His reminders, grateful for them as they are the means to helping you to maintain the doing.

Candy, I understand that you are feeling bad about what has happened. This is relatively early in your relationship and I would hope that your Master has the sense to realise that backsliding can happen and be prepared to continue to work with you. ONLY YOU CAN ACTUALLY BREAK THIS HABIT. Only you can choose to BE different which will ultimately help you THINK differently and FEEL differently. There's been a lot of good suggestions here as to how to handle this specific situation ... use those ideas ... but what's ultimately more important is how you handle the future.

All the very best to you and your Master
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 8:34:21 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		MaamJay, Thank you for sharing your story...it really opened my eyes to a few things...it was very gracious of you. I do realize I need to do something...ANYTHING different...I am striving to discover those things now in fact...I mean I am a reasonably intelligent woman...I should be able to think through this. I just wish I knew what to focus on 1st ..or what might be the best diversion activities for me to engage in....I am fairly confident that I'll come up with something though. I used to tell my kids..."When that burden gets heavy enough, you'll put it down."   Its getting mighty heavy.....

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 8:42:02 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Look in the mirror.

Afflict you with you-there will be change.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 8:44:24 PM   
devotedsylph


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I'm SO screwed...(I'm a wreck as i write this) If i could just get a HOLD of myself.... I can't seem to buy a rational thought at the moment...do you know how irritating that is? I fully realize NO ONES patients is infinite, I just wish I didn't require so Goddamn much of it..... 


To answer your original post, yes those thoughts can be a self-fulfilling prophecy *IF YOU ALLOW THEM TO*.  They can also become a tool for self-discipline and training.

You seem to be pretty self-aware of what you did and why.  Is this common for you?  Do you know in the middle of a snit of what you're doing?  If so, then my advice to you would be to go ahead and write your posts, text messages, letters, email, etc. Let the thoughts and emotions pour out of you.  Then commit to waiting a set amount of time before doing anything with it.   When the time is up, re-read what you wrote.  Fiddle with it some, then leave it alone again.  Do this as much as you need to - you might even want to commit to fiddling with your words for a predetermined minimum amount of times - and after all that, THEN step back and decide if you want to send/post it or not.

If you don't, then you can either tuck it away or delete it altogether.

sylph

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 8:51:29 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Look in the mirror.

Afflict you with you-there will be change.

True enough, self evaluation is not one of the easiest things I have ever done, nor is it my favorite thing to do, although I have done it before,  I'm sensing a need to perhaps revisit it... So I guess its time to put on my big girl panties  huh?


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 8:54:01 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I'm SO screwed...(I'm a wreck as i write this) If i could just get a HOLD of myself.... I can't seem to buy a rational thought at the moment...do you know how irritating that is? I fully realize NO ONES patients is infinite, I just wish I didn't require so Goddamn much of it..... 


To answer your original post, yes those thoughts can be a self-fulfilling prophecy *IF YOU ALLOW THEM TO*.  They can also become a tool for self-discipline and training.

You seem to be pretty self-aware of what you did and why.  Is this common for you?  Do you know in the middle of a snit of what you're doing?  If so, then my advice to you would be to go ahead and write your posts, text messages, letters, email, etc. Let the thoughts and emotions pour out of you.  Then commit to waiting a set amount of time before doing anything with it.   When the time is up, re-read what you wrote.  Fiddle with it some, then leave it alone again.  Do this as much as you need to - you might even want to commit to fiddling with your words for a predetermined minimum amount of times - and after all that, THEN step back and decide if you want to send/post it or not.

If you don't, then you can either tuck it away or delete it altogether.

sylph

Those are some very smart and doable suggestions ...Thank you very much.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 9:14:21 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
I have some AWFUL abandonment issues...and believe me when I say I had NO clue they were THIS bad until I met my Master. I have never had this kind of fear of losing someone...EVER.


You haven't had this much fear of abandonment in a long time because you haven't gotten this close to anybody in a long time. The more you open up, the more vulnerable you make yourself, the greater risk of hurt there is.

Of course if you don't open up, then you are hurt by being lonely. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. However, if you've picked someone good for you who is willing to wait this out, and I'm talking months not days, the greater the reward from opening up because then you really aren't alone.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/21/2007 12:00:16 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?

Yes. People that fear (dogs) get bitten (by dogs). Have faith, feel confidence.

< Message edited by Rule -- 9/21/2007 12:02:03 AM >

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/21/2007 12:04:15 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Wow Celeste I know exactly what you mean...and it is, and has been sinking in, in waves...I have some AWFUL abandonment issues...and believe me when I say I had NO clue they were THIS bad until I met my Master. I have never had this kind of fear of losing someone...EVER. Its freakin me out...


Make sure you share this with your master.  Acknowledging the fear is the first step in moving past it.


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/21/2007 2:31:21 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TennesseeRain

Not only do I think that negative thoughts become a self fulfulling prophecy, I also believe that positive ones do as well.  Try replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones...see yourself and your relationship as you wish it to be, and most importantly...believe it.

I think a lot of insecurities arise from self worth issues...from thinking we are not good enough.  He believes you are good enough.  You trust Him and you trust His judgement...Trust His judgement of you.  Dont think for him. Remember...He chose you.


Thank you!  i believe this as well.  i believe our negative thoughts actually attract negative actions and reactions from ourselves and from others, but positive thoughts attract positive actions and reactions.  i have found that to be absolutely true in my own life and have been simply amazed on how when i refuse to let negative thoughts have power over me, the happier i am.

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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