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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 6:03:56 AM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline 		Hi!
 
I sent you a long private on the other side and am sharing this here:
 
The feelings and wants are complicated...........
The needs are always simple............
 
And: Every negative thought is an opportunity to 'flip it' and feel better.
Example:
"I feel so overwhelmed...I will never be good enough to deserve this."
Flip to:
"This is a golden opportunity for me to step back, and think about what is good in me, to deserve this" "I am caring, thoughtful, open to growth, inspirational, etc"

 I do this every night when I am going to sleep: I let my mind float, and whatever pops up, I 'flip' it to a positive. I always feel better in the morning.

Every negative thought can be flipped...EVERY one. Your thoughts fuel your emotions, and your emotions fuel your REactions. Positive thought fuels positive emotions, which then fuels positive ACTION.
 
Hope this is helpful,
Miss Irish

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 9/25/2007 6:06:42 AM >

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 7:19:12 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

Hi!
 
I sent you a long private on the other side and am sharing this here:
 
The feelings and wants are complicated...........
The needs are always simple............
 
And: Every negative thought is an opportunity to 'flip it' and feel better.
Example:
"I feel so overwhelmed...I will never be good enough to deserve this."
Flip to:
"This is a golden opportunity for me to step back, and think about what is good in me, to deserve this" "I am caring, thoughtful, open to growth, inspirational, etc"

 I do this every night when I am going to sleep: I let my mind float, and whatever pops up, I 'flip' it to a positive. I always feel better in the morning.

Every negative thought can be flipped...EVERY one. Your thoughts fuel your emotions, and your emotions fuel your REactions. Positive thought fuels positive emotions, which then fuels positive ACTION.
 
Hope this is helpful,
Miss Irish

Yes thankyou....you have mail....


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 8:06:55 AM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		As I read this question, I'm taking a class on how to prevent this type of thinking which can lead to irrational behavior and one of the things I am learning from my instructor is how to stay in wise mind 90% of the time as opposed to being in either emotional or reasonable mind. But it also helps to be around those who are emotionally (dare I say mentally) healthy people or I call them, "green people" as opposed to those who are always so negative, or "red people". I know it's kind of deep, but then so is the Atlantic Ocean! Lol

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 8:15:09 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		have you cried yet? not just sobbed a little, or the poor me cry, but deep powerful soulful wails? our bodies have built in release valves, but whn we resist them or block them then the energy goes into obbsession, compulsion, and fear.



_____________________________


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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 8:21:16 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

As I read this question, I'm taking a class on how to prevent this type of thinking which can lead to irrational behavior and one of the things I am learning from my instructor is how to stay in wise mind 90% of the time as opposed to being in either emotional or reasonable mind. But it also helps to be around those who are emotionally (dare I say mentally) healthy people or I call them, "green people" as opposed to those who are always so negative, or "red people". I know it's kind of deep, but then so is the Atlantic Ocean! Lol

Believe it or not I understand this...and am very fortunate to be around some very good and level headed people that love me. I'm thinking my trouble has been you can't fix what you won't acknowledge. Self examination is not my all time favorite pass time...so I have been remiss. I have been processing alot of new feelings lately...I think it overwhelms me at times...in a good way...but I have also noticed behavior I don't like...and I need to get to the heart of that.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 8:27:46 AM   
breatheasone


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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

have you cried yet? not just sobbed a little, or the poor me cry, but deep powerful soulful wails? our bodies have built in release valves, but whn we resist them or block them then the energy goes into obbsession, compulsion, and fear.



Crying....this is a sore subject for me. For a very large majority of my life I would experience negative consequences for crying...so I learned not to...or not so much anyway. Since I have know my Master I have been a non-stop water fountain...LMAO. and He doesn't get mad!!...so i cry ALOT  To be honest it really irritates me, how much I cry...Like, I honest to God can't control my fuckin tear ducts or some shit!!??...but to have a private, in my room, body shaking cry?...no...not lately...and I'm probably due you're right.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 8:50:27 AM   
SirEbonyPhoenix


Posts: 195
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: My realm in Central Indiana (you guess where :P)
Status: offline 		Glad to be of service! And best wishes to you!

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"If it takes one to know one, then you must be one."

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 9:28:05 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

have you cried yet? not just sobbed a little, or the poor me cry, but deep powerful soulful wails? our bodies have built in release valves, but whn we resist them or block them then the energy goes into obbsession, compulsion, and fear.



Crying....this is a sore subject for me. For a very large majority of my life I would experience negative consequences for crying...so I learned not to...or not so much anyway. Since I have know my Master I have been a non-stop water fountain...LMAO. and He doesn't get mad!!...so i cry ALOT  To be honest it really irritates me, how much I cry...Like, I honest to God can't control my fuckin tear ducts or some shit!!??...but to have a private, in my room, body shaking cry?...no...not lately...and I'm probably due you're right.



there you go, cry for all the tears you were not allowed to cry, cry for the sillyness and shame you feel about crying, cry for the fact you cant controll your crying...

lets be real here, crying is scary and real, we avoid it at all costs because we want to be in control at all times....but then why are we here in bdsm?

being in control is an illusion, and those of us drawn to this life IMO are looking to explore that a little, you know?

btw i dont see masters in control either, but i dont think they need to be, they are more like conducters of ochcastras, does a condutor have control? no, but he has the alighnment of will, and with that he can make a symphony.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 1:57:04 PM   
breatheasone


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Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

btw i dont see masters in control either, but i dont think they need to be, they are more like conducters of ochcastras, does a condutor have control? no, but he has the alighnment of will, and with that he can make a symphony.

What a beautiful picture you painted with your words.... I couldnt agree more...Master and I have both cried together on occassion. It was like we both gave ourselves to the moment. The realization that what you have searched for your whole life, that thing you were beginning to doubt even existed, is staring You right in the face saying "I love you"


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 2:54:53 PM   
MDTopCouple


Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?



Yes, yes, and again, yes!

I firmly believe that our attitudes can make a huge impact on what we attract to ourselves (or what we push away).


_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 2:57:27 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?



Yes, yes, and again, yes!

I firmly believe that our attitudes can make a huge impact on what we attract to ourselves (or what we push away).


I couldn't agree more...although changing ones attitude is no small feat.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 3:08:02 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?


Yes I think so and I was just saying something of this as a sort of confession in my response to slavegirljoy in the thread about do ampitees......

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 3:11:46 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?


Yes I think so and I was just saying something of this as a sort of confession in my response to slavegirljoy in the thread about do ampitees......


What do you think is the biggest mistake people make  in this scenario?


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 3:13:45 PM   
MDTopCouple


Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		You are very right, changing your attitude is tough.

Then again, even realizing that you need to change your attitude is sometimes beyond comprehension.

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 3:16:57 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

You are very right, changing your attitude is tough.

Then again, even realizing that you need to change your attitude is sometimes beyond comprehension.

LOL..oh boy howdy!! do I hear ya on this...my one of my son-in-laws come to mind....LOL


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 3:17:14 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

As I read this question, I'm taking a class on how to prevent this type of thinking which can lead to irrational behavior and one of the things I am learning from my instructor is how to stay in wise mind 90% of the time as opposed to being in either emotional or reasonable mind. But it also helps to be around those who are emotionally (dare I say mentally) healthy people or I call them, "green people" as opposed to those who are always so negative, or "red people". I know it's kind of deep, but then so is the Atlantic Ocean! Lol


This is the start of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Wiki) DBT is based upon the work of Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D. who developed this treatment for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, see Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Linehan ISBN 0898620341. Core Mindfulness SkillsEmotion Regulation SkillsInterpersonal Effectiveness SkillsDistress Tolerance Skills

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 3:20:35 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirEbonyPhoenix

As I read this question, I'm taking a class on how to prevent this type of thinking which can lead to irrational behavior and one of the things I am learning from my instructor is how to stay in wise mind 90% of the time as opposed to being in either emotional or reasonable mind. But it also helps to be around those who are emotionally (dare I say mentally) healthy people or I call them, "green people" as opposed to those who are always so negative, or "red people". I know it's kind of deep, but then so is the Atlantic Ocean! Lol


This is the start of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Wiki) DBT is based upon the work of Marsha M. Linehan, Ph.D. who developed this treatment for people with Borderline Personality Disorder, see Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Linehan ISBN 0898620341. Core Mindfulness SkillsEmotion Regulation SkillsInterpersonal Effectiveness SkillsDistress Tolerance Skills


HOLY SHIT....thats a great link....Borderline Personality Disorder is very similar to what i have or what I was treated for maybe I should say. I'm not sure I am considered to still have it since I have been treated for it already.


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 4:38:29 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone


HOLY SHIT....thats a great link....Borderline Personality Disorder is very similar to what i have or what I was treated for maybe I should say. I'm not sure I am considered to still have it since I have been treated for it already.



*disclaimer...only in my personal opinion *
According to diagnosticians pesonality dosorders are there for life....anyway i don't belive in labels but do believe in process of change and yes also believe that once we start labelling this and that person as PDA or BPD or ASD or OCD or well you know the list is now ever-increasing and endless....we are condemning....but nevertheless simply think that DBT is THE most beautiful bridge between REBT and CBT and as it's dialectical it's about movement and process and tension and swing ('scuse) and progesss..............................worth a goodle eh?

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 5:38:21 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone


HOLY SHIT....thats a great link....Borderline Personality Disorder is very similar to what i have or what I was treated for maybe I should say. I'm not sure I am considered to still have it since I have been treated for it already.



*disclaimer...only in my personal opinion *
According to diagnosticians pesonality dosorders are there for life....anyway i don't belive in labels but do believe in process of change and yes also believe that once we start labelling this and that person as PDA or BPD or ASD or OCD or well you know the list is now ever-increasing and endless....we are condemning....but nevertheless simply think that DBT is THE most beautiful bridge between REBT and CBT and as it's dialectical it's about movement and process and tension and swing ('scuse) and progesss..............................worth a goodle eh?


Indeed...I actually googled the disorder I have...LMAO.......it has been a long time since i've read up on Dis associative  Personality Disorder......What a mind job!....(no pun intended lol)


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/25/2007 6:22:49 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I'm curious, but do you feel the fact that you're dissociative plays into your insecurity?

I ask, because I have strong dissociative tendencies (no formal diagnosis).  I'm never sure exactly what's 'real' so I get real paranoid really fast and am very quick to "flip" things in a negative direction.  I also tend to be hypservigilant so not a whole lot gets by me and  I generally have lots to work with when I'm spinning scary stories inside my head.  These tendencies get worse the closer I am to someone (I tend to keep people at a distance which probably exacerbates my feelings of disconection.)  All this makes me insecure in a deep sense.

The "flipping" idea mentioned earlier is a great one, and  something I've learned to do, though I never had a name for it.  The way I see it is that I know, in a logical, sense that the world can't be as  scary/bad/awful as I sometimes perceive it to be, but I have no sense for the reality so there's a good as chance as any that something I perceive to be negative could actually be a positive.  So everytime I perceive a negative, I try to twist it into a positive and tell myself that things could go either way. I just try to remember that, and keep my cool/ refrain from acting, until I get to a point where I can decide whether somethings a positive, negative or neutral.  I guess I try to suspend judgement until further notice.

All this not withstanding, I still slide into backward spirals.  My Master's really good at bringing me out of them. :)




_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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