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Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 3:59:29 PM   
breatheasone


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Become a self fulfilling prophecy?
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?



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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:02:19 PM   
kyraofMists


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Yes, I think it can.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:05:31 PM   
CuriousLord


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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Can it cause you to do and/or say things that unconsciencely cause you to lose the very thing(person) you want so desperately to keep?


'course.  Checking up constantly can drive someone away.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:15:35 PM   
SolarAndViolet


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Yes, I believe it certainly can...

'violet'

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:16:19 PM   
havingfaith


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Absolutely!

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:17:59 PM   
breatheasone


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I'm SO screwed...(I'm a wreck as i write this) If i could just get a HOLD of myself.... I can't seem to buy a rational thought at the moment...do you know how irritating that is? I fully realize NO ONES patients is infinite, I just wish I didn't require so Goddamn much of it..... 

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:24:13 PM   
babygirl005


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i don't know what is causing your distress right now, but the best thing to do is to step away and put your thoughts somewhere else untill you can think clearer.  Go for a walk, eat a chocolate, read a book anything to take your mind off of it until you are past the intense emotions.  Perhaps then you can think a little clearer and not cause either one of you to say or do things you would regret.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:32:19 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: babygirl005

i don't know what is causing your distress right now, but the best thing to do is to step away and put your thoughts somewhere else untill you can think clearer.  Go for a walk, eat a chocolate, read a book anything to take your mind off of it until you are past the intense emotions.  Perhaps then you can think a little clearer and not cause either one of you to say or do things you would regret.

Its really rather embarrassing... and no doubt I'll be pegged as immature at best....but this business trip Master has been on this week has been VERY hard on me...and i KNOW i have been kinda pouty about it...and i also in a moment of haste and emotional upheavel created a post that was ...well rather judgemental and harsh. and of course now i am worried about the fallout that will come when Master gets home....It really isnt easy admitting this.


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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:35:15 PM   
teamnoir


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Yes, of course.

This is what makes it so insidious. It creates the misfortune, and the creation of the misfortune then provides evidence that the negative belief is correct.

Beliefs are squirrelly things.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:43:55 PM   
SirCache


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Absolutely.  Part of being a Dom is the ability to remain confident in yourself because a sub needs to draw on some of that strength, they have to believe in you.  A sub who cannot believe in their Dom will ultimately be forced to choose whether they wish to stay, or find someone who radiates that strength and resolve.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:53:27 PM   
babygirl005


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We all do things in a moment of emotion sometimes.  Probably the best thing is to just admit to your Master what you have done, before He finds out some other way.  Beg His forgiveness.  If you have a relationship with your Master based on trust and love, He may be upset with you, but will forgive.  Then just try to learn from this.  Find some way to keep yourself from reacting in a fit of emotion.  And remember that words can never be taken back, but they can be forgiven.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 4:53:54 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirCache

Absolutely.  Part of being a Dom is the ability to remain confident in yourself because a sub needs to draw on some of that strength, they have to believe in you.  A sub who cannot believe in their Dom will ultimately be forced to choose whether they wish to stay, or find someone who radiates that strength and resolve.

I agree...and seriously, my Master has exhibited the patience of Job where I'm concerned....its His stamina I'm worried about... I'm not exactly a walk in the park over here.....I know that about me...I guess the up side is...I'm SO willing to have a mirror held up to me and be challenged to examine, and correct myself. Without my Masters rock solid demeanor I would have crumbled months ago..... I'm just hoping His is as strong, as I am fucked up....LOL


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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:00:47 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: babygirl005

We all do things in a moment of emotion sometimes.  Probably the best thing is to just admit to your Master what you have done, before He finds out some other way.  Beg His forgiveness.  If you have a relationship with your Master based on trust and love, He may be upset with you, but will forgive.  Then just try to learn from this.  Find some way to keep yourself from reacting in a fit of emotion.  And remember that words can never be taken back, but they can be forgiven.

I appreciate your reply....I am SO in unchartered water in this...Master and I both are...He is handling it a bit better then I am LOL I am dealing with emotions I never knew i could have. Its just still a little overwhelming at times....all the intensity...and fire....ok... thats enough of that....LOL thanks again for your kind words.
Sincerely, Candy
Edited to add: I'll try not to emotionally vomit all over Y'all anymore LOL


< Message edited by breatheasone -- 9/20/2007 5:02:44 PM >


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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:05:39 PM   
NefertariReborn


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I think the more important point is finding out what is causing the insecurity and doing something to address it and hopefully extinguish it.  He can have the patience of Job but if the same triggers continue to present themselves in your dynamic, your resolve to be emotionally balanced will be harshly tested.  Don't look at the symptoms....the emotional upheaval, the posts in the forum, find the root cause and wipe it out!

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:24:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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The thing is, you ARE recognizing that there is a problem and that you need to get a hold of yourself.

You're already miles ahead of a lot of people with those two steps alone.

Now take the next step- STOP, withdraw, get yourself calmed down.  You're problem is that you're losing perspective.  Go get some.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:26:08 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The thing is, you ARE recognizing that there is a problem and that you need to get a hold of yourself.

You're already miles ahead of a lot of people with those two steps alone.

Now take the next step- STOP, withdraw, get yourself calmed down.  You're problem is that you're losing perspective.  Go get some.

Yes Ma'am.....consider it done...and thanks....


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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:28:20 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

I think the more important point is finding out what is causing the insecurity and doing something to address it and hopefully extinguish it.  He can have the patience of Job but if the same triggers continue to present themselves in your dynamic, your resolve to be emotionally balanced will be harshly tested.  Don't look at the symptoms....the emotional upheaval, the posts in the forum, find the root cause and wipe it out!

Agreed...and i KNOW my Master will be very helpful in that...He has an awesome mind and a keen eye... and I have the want to shed this load....


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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:49:27 PM   
Celeste43


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Insecurities rise up in the strongest people. He's been the rock you've been leaning on and now that leaning post isn't there. Sort of like having a crutch pulled out from under your arm when you've been using it for months.

If it helps, I was absolutely sure for over a year that every time he went down to see his ums, he would agree to try again with his ex for their sake. I think it finally started to go away when he turned to me before leaving and said with a sigh "You're not going to go all weird on me again, are you?". Hearing it that bluntly made me realize what I had been doing. And as was already said, realizing what's going on is the first step.

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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 5:55:13 PM   
breatheasone


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Insecurities rise up in the strongest people. He's been the rock you've been leaning on and now that leaning post isn't there. Sort of like having a crutch pulled out from under your arm when you've been using it for months.

If it helps, I was absolutely sure for over a year that every time he went down to see his ums, he would agree to try again with his ex for their sake. I think it finally started to go away when he turned to me before leaving and said with a sigh "You're not going to go all weird on me again, are you?". Hearing it that bluntly made me realize what I had been doing. And as was already said, realizing what's going on is the first step.

Wow Celeste I know exactly what you mean...and it is, and has been sinking in, in waves...I have some AWFUL abandonment issues...and believe me when I say I had NO clue they were THIS bad until I met my Master. I have never had this kind of fear of losing someone...EVER. Its freakin me out...


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RE: Can insecurity and negitive thinking.... - 9/20/2007 6:34:53 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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To the OP ..you need to put your focus somewhere else..My mother always said if you focus on self you will experience more unhappiness than if you focused on others instead...Tempting

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