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Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 9:46:46 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I've been watching "The Avengers" ('98, Fiennes and Thurman) and what I find so striking about it is the display of etiquette and politeness, despite the need to be violent, etc.

And then I thought of this forum as a BDSM gathering of people, many conversations occurring and people moving from one conversation to another and back again.

That got me wondering whether the way people behave here is the way they'd behave in a face-to-face BDSM gathering.

Which of course had me wondering if the way they behave there is the way they behave here.

Which boiled down to this topic:

What is your code of personal conduct when attending a face-to-face BDSM gathering (or the closest thing you have to it in the Vanilla world, if you've not attended such a gathering)?

Is there a difference between the way you behave there, and the way you behave here?

If so, what and why?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 9:50:27 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Well I don't belch and fart freely while I am at play parties and I do at home, Why don't I behave as freely at home as I do at parties? Because it's rude and socially unacceptable.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 9:55:16 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I am pretty much the same wherever you find me, work, church, here, other on-line communities, within my Lodge, at a munch, a play party, or with my family. What I talk about may be different but my core behaviors are the same.

Just my thoughts.......

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 10:01:40 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

That got me wondering whether the way people behave here is the way they'd behave in a face-to-face BDSM gathering.

I'm more shy in the real world, depending on the setting and my mood. However, a good deal of that stems from the fact that as a child I would stutter so badly that I simply couldn't talk. Pair that with a chatterbox personality and you've got some problems. Because of that I may be more willing to offer an opinion here than in the real world where I have to speak.
quote:


What is your code of personal conduct when attending a face-to-face BDSM gathering (or the closest thing you have to it in the Vanilla world, if you've not attended such a gathering)?

Be respectful, listen to those who have more experience, try to make friends. I don't touch others without permission, I ask the owned party in private if they are ok with me asking if I can scene with their owner because that is what I would like them to do. I don't interupt scenes, I try not to start a scene when other people already have one going since I get pretty noisey. I haven't been to a munch but I would guess that I would simply try to not bother those surrounding us if we were in public.
quote:


Is there a difference between the way you behave there, and the way you behave here?

Now, the whole shy thing aside, I don't really think that I behave that much differently. I state what I think when I think it's useful or called for. I crack naughty jokes and sometimes put my foot in my mouth. A few people here have met me in real life so maybe they feel differently!


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 10:12:28 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't operate the same at a social gathering offline as I do on online discussion forums at all.  Completely different contexts with completely different expectations.

In social offline gatherings, I use the same good manners any mature reasonable should be able to handle and operate within, there's no special kinky code of conduct.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 10:59:05 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		I am always polite and kind wherever I am BUT…I am not nearly as smart in real life as I am here…lol….Smart may not be the best analogy but here we get to study other responses. Check our spelling and diction.  Play like we are thinking real hard on the subject before we submit to the thread.In real life I am much less likely to speak out…and a lot less likely to argue a point.

< Message edited by kdsub -- 9/22/2007 11:50:12 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 11:14:53 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		My behaviour is fairly similar across all mediums. I try to be polite, and I like to think that I generally succeed at that. Aside from that, I'm just me. *shrug*

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Bobkgin)
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RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 11:34:59 AM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		Online, I'm much quicker to engage people. I find it easier to track nonverbals here than in person. Easier to manage the group dynamics. And I get time to think about my participation in ways that I don't in person.

In person, I'm slightly more withdrawn generally. I find it more difficult to participate at all.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 11:44:32 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		I behave the same way in a bdsm setting as I do in vanilla life. 

(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 11:47:07 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I am formally polite in Leather/Kink social gatherings until the other
Dominants present become less formal in their interactions.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 11:55:45 AM   
jezChelle


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline 		i was raised up not allowed to speak in a group setting untill or unless i am spoken to, and sometimes when i am insecure in a larger group or a new group...i tend to fall back on that training. If Those i serve are present i tend to take my ques as to what is expected from Them directly...and go from there as to whom i am or am not permitted to have an exchange.  But once i am comfortable, i am typically polite and can carry my end of a conversation.  So i am different face to face than what one may find me here.  In either case i prefer being engaged and asked on my preferences.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 12:03:56 PM   
passionateflame


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/29/2007
Status: offline 		as a collared sub i behave the same way in a vanilla gathering as i do here or if i were to attend a BDSM gathering i would behave the same way.
i would think about who i represent whether i am in His presence or not i would be representing Him in a BDSM setting and in a vanilla setting i represent the way i was raised my parents so many years ago. its the same thing.

(in reply to jezChelle)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 1:53:17 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i have two basic rules: (basic kindergarten rule) keep your hands, feet and toys to your self until given permission to do otherwise and never assume...and i have done pretty good as long as i keep those in mind...not every Dominant is labled "Dominant" and not every submissive is labled "submissive" or whatever title they go by...and going about hugging random people without permission or spanking everyone that walks by or forcing strangers onto their knees is generally frowned upon and will eventually, at some point get you sent to the hospital....so...play nice kiddies...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to passionateflame)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 4:20:43 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		This has really got me thinking; I am so many different things to so many different people.....mother, therapist, writer, friend, neighbour, lover, submissive (slut), lecturer.....and to be honest I just wing it generally all the time and what I mean by that is i try to stay as much in the now as possible.
When I write I can write a short in less than 30 minutes and factual stuff at a speed of up to 15,000 a day. I can lecture from the hip AND (since I have my mars in scorpio I am assured) I can explode with emotion but just as easily clip a quip that will have 'em rolling in the aisles. I am off the scale extravert and intuitive....and make a pretty good private dancer whereever I am. And I can listen with an open heart and ears.
Even when I'm 'slutting' i don't play. My sis and I sometimes play a game. As she is a dominant female she has a radar for submissive males. I, it seems, am a atrget for dominants. I do find, and this is i suppose my anser to the OP, that I kinda go into a submissive number whenI am around a domiant. On the tube train, standing in a queue, passing one by in the street. it's like a chemical thing. Eyes down, fluttery little eyelash thing and a more mincing walk. When I catch myself out it makes me smile inwardly as shame left me a long time ago. I walk rather walk with a kink than with shame, or blame anyday.


(in reply to passionateflame)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 5:05:39 PM   
DCroommate


Posts: 29
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Well I don't belch and fart freely while I am at play parties and I do at home, Why don't I behave as freely at home as I do at parties? Because it's rude and socially unacceptable.


Ewww you mean you're belching and farting while you are writing here on CM... ewwwwww

~ann

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 6:48:56 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I behave the same as I do in "vanilla" (god, i hate that term), situation.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 6:51:48 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		I'm usually a loudmouthed, somewhat hyperactive goofball in everyday life.  But for some reason I find that when meeting other people in the lifestyle face-to-face, I turn extremely shy.

Which is probably not a bad thing, seeing as I regularly have no inner monologue about ANYTHING, but still.

As a general rule I try to be polite and not cause trouble, unless somebody cops an attitude with me, in which case the fangs/claws/etc. come out.  Anger management is for quitters.

(in reply to DCroommate)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 7:25:59 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Different people sets ,call for differing behavior sets...example of people sets: Family,friends,work place,kink settings,message forums etc..all requiring different behaviors in one way or another..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 7:30:47 PM   
MaDomAura


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline 		In my area party etiquette is usually defined. One "rule" seems constant, don't approach or interact with a sub without the Ds consent.

This isn't a problem with single or solo subs, so....

This creates a question. You can't always tell a submissive by appearance, then there are those who switch. I might want to top, with a sub or switch but not knowing who's a sub or switch means making their acquaintance. If etiquette dictates that I ask permission from their D then how do I even begin to interact?

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Etiquette while attending a BDSM gathering - 9/22/2007 8:30:57 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		you speak politely to everyone as if they are a person until they indicate that you should do otherwise....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MaDomAura)
Profile   Post #: 20
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