18 years old (Full Version)

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knees2you -> 18 years old (6/27/2004 12:48:35 AM)

[:)]Hello I read a profile where this Domme was 18 and and had a list of things a mile long She was interested in. I just wonder how much bdsm an 18 year old would really know[&:] What age is to Young??? does anybody have experience or can anyone just give some feed back~~

Sincerely, eyesofAslave[;)]

quote:

"No I'm not affraid of Who's behind the door~[:D]
quote:



Jasmyn -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 1:50:37 AM)

I wont play with anyone under the age of 24 ... have peeved off few 23 and three quarter year olds in my time lol.

[image]local://upfiles/14851/325A09AFB6CB4F8E8D21813C9DDF4427.jpg[/image]



sarbonn -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 6:59:12 AM)

I definitely understand. For the last six years, I have been doing my graduate work at a university where practically every woman is in the 18 to 23 year old demographic. When I first came here, I thought, "wow, lots of beautiful young women." Now, I'm more apt to think, "wow, these women sure are young." Looking at them from afar, they're wonderful, but when having conversations with so many of them, that fantasy of "women mature at a younger age" can often be just that, a fantasy. I often feel like I'm conversing with children, and for the most part, there might be some reality to that observation.

Now, I'm not convinced that this is the way it is with all 18 year olds, but having come up against a serious maturity level gap in my interactions here, I've pretty much joined the crowd of never dating anyone younger than 24 myself.



Voltare -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 7:51:18 AM)

Sadly, I have to agree with what's said so far. The frustrating part of that fact, is that I am 27 myself, and that doesn't lend a lot of 'wiggle' room. I certainly don't plan to wait until I am 35+ just to broaden the gap, but rather I am convinced there is much to be gained by enjoying the vanilla company of the occasional brilliant young women I meet, and when the right situation comes along, it will.

Stephan



iwillserveu -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 8:00:31 AM)

I'll be the first to cut her some slack. Those may things she's interested in learning about. No, I'd not volunteer to be the guinea pig unless a more experienced Domina was teaching her.[:)]



sarbonn -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 8:59:38 AM)

In follow up to iwillserveu, I guess I would like to add the following:

I used to have the strange distinctive experience of converting vanilla women into dominant women. This wasn't through plan but because when I was dating young women (I was dating the 18-25 demographic a lot when I first went back to school while I was in my low thirties...no, not that long ago), I was trying really hard to find a non-bdsm relationship, but I couldn't completely break myself off of the lifestyle. My past was very present through the Internet, and it only took one casual search of my name to understand far more about me than I could ever reveal in a conversation. So, I would have women I was dating coming forward wanting me to explain what they had found while checking up on me early in the relationship. Surprisingly, very few bolted, but were more intrigued and interested, with me often hearing the phrase, "now I understand why you treat me so well, unlike the other guys."

Way too many times, I ended up being the person to introduce this young woman to the bdsm scene. Usually, after getting deeply involved in the scene, they would sometimes go way beyond me and kind of go off the deep end or just need to find far more than I could ever teach them. And that became somewhat of a habit after awhile.

It might amuse a number of you to know that at least ten of the VERY well known female dominants in the professional dominant scene were introduced to the scene by me because they dated me some years ago. Some have retired during that time, but a number of them are still very strong in their fields to this day.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is the sort of the reason I tend to stay away from both vanilla relationships and from very young women. I don't want to be the one training anyone. I don't want to be the one introducing anyone to the scene. For once, I want to find myself being introduced and trained by a woman who knows a lot more than I do (and yes, there are many, many women...and men, for that matter...who know far more than I do).

I sort of took a vacation from bdsm for about six years now. It's amazing how quickly one becomes forgotten in that time, and that's all right. It does, however, make it very interesting trying to find one's place back in the community again when coming at it from an outsider and no longer an entrenched insider.



Sundew02 -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 9:16:38 AM)

I will have to qualify my answer, it depends on how much patience and maturity they have going in. I myself cannot see an 18 year old having the experience to dominant a male. If they list experience of more than equaling their attaining the legal age of 18, I wonder how responsible they are. Jail bait is jail bait and to risk someone else getting a record for playing with you, corrupting a minor, then I would not want to have her touch any sweet males. For myself mid thirties is as low as I go.
At least a year of mentoring, when you are attempting to be the one responsible for the well being of another in this lifestyle is a must. As always this is just IMO. Stay safe, Sundew



LadyBeckett -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 9:46:06 AM)

This seems to come up a lot, or at least I seem to be typing this a lot, lol. It would depend on the individuals background. There are those of us who were actually raised in the lifestyle. If my daughter were to choose the lifestyle (which has not been determined, although she clearly demonstrates a dominant personality) she would have a wealth of information available to her, not to mention what she already knows as a result of growing up with a Mother who is also a dominant woman/Mistress. Although, when seeking a submissive, my personal age limit is 30. That is simply a personal preference.



perverseangelic -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 9:46:16 AM)

I feel bad for people who are youg, because we -don't- get taken seriously. It's frustrating, because even with a legitimate desire to learn, we are often brushed off as kids who don't know their minds.

"I just wonder how much bdsm an 18 year old would really know "

I'm 21, but I've been active in BDSM et al in 'real life' since I turned 18. And I'd been making friends online (under my true age, with NO intent to meet. I may have been young but I wasn't dumb, and didn't want to put myself or others at risk) since i was about 14.

Many of my friends are young dominants. They know what they want, having come to their desires as early as I did, but cannot act on them, because no one will give them a chance to learn and practice. They, and I, know our desires. Most of us knew them before we turned 18.

I realize that maturity comes with time and age, and that before maturity is reached it is unwise to try to controll someone else's life. However, it seems reasonable to be able to at least play with such controls. My friends are unable to do even that, because they are 20 and younger.

I personally agree with Sundew in regards to mentoring. I do get approached by a lot of just starting out people and -always- advocate finding an older and more experienced dominant to guide them. To make a blanket generalization, you can tell the level of seriousness by how well that sugestion goes over.



proudsub -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 9:46:23 AM)

Here's an old thread on the same topic:

does age matter



anthrosub -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 9:56:56 AM)

i agree with the need for people to have reached a certain age before they can be considered appropriately matured. Many Dominant Females will not accept submissive males under 35 (some even older) and i'm sure a similar restriction applies to female subs as well. Of course, this is also dependent on the maturity level of the Dominant (male or female). There's also the differences in what Female Dominants look at in a submissive versus male Dominants. But that is a whole other subject.

i have no experience in the BDSM world with Dommes under the age of 38 but i did have the unique opportunity to go to college in my late 30's and mix with the students, most of whom were in the 19 to 27 range (even some of my professors were younger). i was repeatedly amazed at how immature the majority were towards getting an education. i went to a private college that was relatively expensive and it was sad to see so many people going to school with a "get by" attitude. Their parents would have been shocked.

When i was their age or younger, i remember feeling mature and confident...yet i know this was a relative perception. i'm certain the confidence a young Dom/me projects is equally so. Obviously there are always exceptions but finding one would be happen-chance. Besides, i think there's a significant communication value relating to someone who's grown up in the same time frame as myself.

Dominant or submissive, BDSM or vanilla, i think there are definite milestones unique to each individual that will be passed through and it's these intangible events that determine the maturation level of two people attempting to interact on an intimate level.

anthrosub



topcat -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 11:05:16 AM)

Midear Knees-

From the other side of the dynamic, At eighteen, for that matter, at twenty I had never had sex without my partner being restrained in some way. As a matter of fact, in my thirties, sweaty and smoking after sex, I remarked, "well, that was great, for non-kinky sex!" My partner looked at me and said "you mean, Pulling my hair, pushing my face in the pillow, and pinning my wrists behind my back _isn't_ kinky?" (to which I repiled "oops!") I had been making an effort to be more vanilla, as the girl concerned while quite agreeable to all this stuff, wasn't really _into_ it herself. point being that while the sex was always kinky, I wasn't really a dominant as I think of it in the larger sense.

In any event, my thinking on it, combining the above with my more recent experience on this side of the slash (having recently tossed the shoes of a twenty five year old) seems to be that while it works good in the bedroom, in the day to day it falls short. Someone at that age has a lot of things to still work out in their life, and dominance, at least in my understanding of it, takes a level of stability, of solididy, that most people just don't have prior to thirtyish.

stay warm,
lawrence



Sinergy -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 7:34:27 PM)

The problem I have with this whole thread is that it revolves around the circumstantial logical fallacy.

A person who is 18 and grew up in an upper middle class family in a suburban neighborhood may not have used the brain in his/her head.

On the other hand, a person who is 18 and survived alone from age 11 in Bosnia probably does.

The issue, to me, is not their chronological age but their maturity level.

And having said that, my neighbor (42yo woman, married) stopped by to chat, and said she was so happy that there was somebody else in the apartment complex who was not 12. I would put them at 15, as most of the hotties who inhabit the pool have full breasts and womanly curves, but I got her point.

Sinergy



Jasmyn -> RE: 18 years old (6/27/2004 9:18:05 PM)

For me some of it has to do with maturity etc...but a lot of it is more age appropiateness ... someone once asked why our law makers have age of consent etc and why cant teens be allowed to explore sexually ...and my answer was simple ...to protect teens from adult predators...sexual exploration for teens is just that...sexual exploration for teens ... sexual exploration for teens doest mean sexual exploration for teens and every over 30 tom, dick and harriet who wants to get a leg over or be legged over.

Similarly, my age limit for d/s is not saying that under 24's cant be capable of dominance and submission, but I think it should be something they explore within their own peer group first and foremost...get a feel for it, see if it really is something they want in their life and not just some teen fantasy wank ideal.

If they cant find someone to explore it with before then, then I'm happy to assist when they have reached my age limit, but not before...although I have on occassion indulged someone who in my opinion was capable of handling the emotional roller coaster than can come from being subservient to a dominant someone.


Jasmyn



Dunimos -> RE: 18 years old (6/28/2004 9:35:01 AM)

I've met a lot of immature 30+ year olds.
I think the bottom line is as with everytihng else in life, most people are not taken too seriously untill after their 30's, just as it is in business and else where. I noticed a difference when I turned 30. Its still a shame that many will judge a person based on age and often chose to opt out of taken a real potentially ingenius D/s under their wing. I for one was young when introduced to the lifestyle by some very generous folks who took their time and where very patient with me. Lucky for me *grin and eventually lucky for them too.
So, my 2 cents are, Be sure that you dont over look someone who could really add to your life and you to theirs just because they are (young, old, tall, short, thin, fat, briliant, slow, dark or lite). We all started somewhere.



Voltare -> RE: 18 years old (6/28/2004 10:50:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

The problem I have with this whole thread is that it revolves around the circumstantial logical fallacy.

A person who is 18 and grew up in an upper middle class family in a suburban neighborhood may not have used the brain in his/her head.

On the other hand, a person who is 18 and survived alone from age 11 in Bosnia probably does.



I don't know that it's a matter of fallacy per se, though I agree with your arguement. The issue (at least as I read it) wasn't a matter of making determinations that 'all 18 year olds are immature' but rather '18 year olds tend to be immature.' It's a bit like saying 'submissives tend to enjoy spankings.' I know darned well that not every single person who considers themselves (or is considered by others) to be submissive enjoys spankings, but I'll bet dollars to dimes that if I put a poll up on this site that asks submissives if they enjoy spankings, I'll get an overwhelming majority saying yes.

The fact remains that I simply have little in common with the 'average' 18 year old. At 25, I sat in my freshman college classes at MSU next to quite a few of them. I almost felt like a senior citizen - and trust me it isn't because I have any sort of hard core prejudice against younger people. There were only so many conversations I could have about fake ID cards, keggers, and last night's football game before I learned to just politely nod and tune out. On the flip side, just because the person grew up in Bosnia and was alone from the age of 11 doesn't necessarily mean I will find myself compatible with them either.

The qualities we seek in people are unique to each of us. If I know that I generally tend to prefer submissive women with a maturity level marked between about 24 and 35, the ability to hold an interesting conversation, a great dancer, and a wonderful sense of humor then odds are I will not go visiting a kegger or an (actual) senior citizen dance to find her. This doesn't mean I put a person through a 'checklist' to see if they match my desires, as some aspects are different then others. I think -most- people do this: for those who are heterosexual, members of the same sex (for example) are (usually) filtered out immediately. For women who are bisexual, the 'norm' for poly is to seek out an additional female partner (how many profiles have we seen of slaves/subs seeking another playmate, with "NO MEN" stamped all over it.) This process of criteria isn't to inherently state that every person who does not meet the guidelines is somehow lacking in worth, but rather to ensure that at least initially there is some common ground and mutual interest.

Stephan



Sinergy -> RE: 18 years old (6/29/2004 10:49:05 AM)

quote:

The fact remains that I simply have little in common with the 'average' 18 year old. At 25, I sat in my freshman college classes at MSU next to quite a few of them. I almost felt like a senior citizen - and trust me it isn't because I have any sort of hard core prejudice against younger people


I was in graduate school and I signed up for the intramural soccer team. So here I am as an old geezer (33) playing with all these kids fresh out of high school who have been playing soccer since the age of 5.

I keep getting charged in goal until one of my teammates said "you need to intimidate them and they will stop doing it."

So I made charging me a situation where 80% of the time they ended up going "splat" rather painfully on their face and I ended up with the ball. As long as the goalie makes it look like they are going for the ball and not viciously cannonballing the player gratuitously, there is no foul. They pretty much stopped charging me after that.

Im not sure what this has to do with the thread in question, but having a geezer's life experiences sure came in handy there.

Sinergy



dmodeskitty -> RE: 18 years old (6/29/2004 11:26:55 AM)

I have been on these site since I turned 18. It pisses me off when older people say that younger people dont know what they are doing or what they want in life yet. But Its been 4 years now and I still know what I want. It doesnt matter what age you are. Somebody whos is 20 could know more about bondage then somebody who is 60. Just because somebody is 18 doesnt mean anything. Its about how the person acts and how mature then can be.

Also another thing thats helpful for somebody thats 18 would be to join a local TNG group. :)
Hope this helps



Sinergy -> RE: 18 years old (6/29/2004 1:53:43 PM)

quote:

I have been on these site since I turned 18. It pisses me off when older people say that younger people dont know what they are doing or what they want in life yet.


dmodeskitty,

I agree with your post. But I did want to mention something about this sentence.

If something some other person is doing is altering your emotional state, you are giving up the power and ownership over your own emotions to that person.

I would politely suggest you modify your approach and simply be amused at their simple-minded worldview.

Just my opinion, probably incorrect...

Sinergy



iwillserveu -> RE: 18 years old (6/30/2004 5:08:20 PM)

There is a difference in a Domme and a sub. Fankly any 18 year old guy who has read the Boy Scout Handbook could tie you up. If an 18 yearold wanted to try breath control or fire play, you might wonder about his experience more.[:)]



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