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RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 8:07:43 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		My collar means that i belong to Him. Like others have said - it's just a symbol... but it's a symbol of His feelings towards me and of mine towards Him. Even when i'm not wearing it (and, because of work and school, i can't wear it 24/7), i know that we have a commitment to each other.

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normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 11:20:28 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i don't believe in consideration or training collars, to me they seem like overkill and diminish the concept of what a collar would mean to me.  Since the Master gives the sub a collar to me it meant i have earned it through my devotion and submission to him.  It means he wants to keep me as his submissive and that he is also committing to me as Dom/Master.  It is something i treasure. 

Play collars can be worn - the ones with the D ring but they are just props. 

my ex gave me two collars - one was a symbol of my submission to him (it was black leather with the D ring) and the other was a gold chain with a small star made of small rubies - that was a symbol of his love for me.  The chain i wore always. 


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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 11:28:04 AM   
SlaveSuru


Posts: 89
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

My collar means many things to me.  Most important to me is that I am His.  He gave me His collar as a symbol of the unique bond that we share and the commitment we made to each other.  It's also a symbol of being owned and under His care completly.  Sometimes though when I misbehave or do something I shouldn't He takes it from me and I am not allowed to wear it.  This is very humiliating,  and taught me a good lesson.   This has only happened twice and really drove the lesson home.  My collar is simple,  a band of 3/4 inch black leather with an o ring in the front and a silver pendant hanging from it. 

My collar is also a source of comfort in hards times He is not there to guide me.  It encourages me to be strong and to remain calm even when I am in a stressful situation.  It's a wonderful reminder of who and what I am


_____________________________

Master Dax's loyal and loving slave
Those who walk in the footsteps of others often find themselves lost, forge your own path in life!

(in reply to leatherette)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 12:58:40 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		Most of the times that I've used collars they were used as d/s scene markers. The relationship was a power parity relationship but we occasionally played d/s scenes.

In d/s relationships I've had, there were other markers. One wore a leather thong around her wrist. Another made herself a bead anklet that she wore for the tenure of our d/s relationship and I cut off her at the end. Others had no markers.

I've run into a problem a number of times with collars. People seem to think of them with a similar problem to the way many people think of a wedding ring. Which is to say, they seem to think that the symbol is somehow a solution to a problem - that if they can only get their partner to agree to the symbol, things will be ok.

I disagree. The symbol is simply a symbol. If there's a problem, then the problem needs to be dealt with directly. No symbol will solve a problem, no matter how closely associated the symbol and the solution might be for someone.

And because I've often had difficulty getting a partner to separate these two things, I've often been unwilling to use a collar in d/s relationships. For some strange reason, the alternate symbols didn't seem to have this overloading.

shrug

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 1:54:44 PM   
amelliagrace


Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline 		Collars come in many "flavors".  They can be divided into the Actual and the Symbolic.
 
Actual (more or less physical) collars run the gammut between "prop used in play" to "kinky fashion statement" to "token of commitment or ownership" to "love token" to "BDSM wedding ring".  The difference between a collar used to leash or chain a sub/slave/bottom during a scene is a completely different thing from one given at the time of "collaring" - even though the same item may be used in both situations.
 
  The collar that Master fastened around my neck when I became his was custom made for me - wide leather, chain ornamentation, functional rings.   No one else has ever worn it, or ever will.  It qualifies as an "Actual" collar, in more ways than one.  It is the one.  I wear when we scene,  when we are alone together,  when we sleep, when in the company of likeminded friends.  I've never placed it around my own neck - ever.  The only time I've ever taken it off myself was at his direction, after waking (and it not being socially acceptable to keep it on where I was gonig), at his specific instruction.  I TRULY am uncomfortable removing it myself - even when instructed to do so.  It has a heart shaped lock, and when we are together, the lock is fastened.  The key resides on his keyring, always.
 
We are not often together, and when apart, the collar stays with him.  It is his, not mine, as I am his.  While I am no less his when we are apart, I love the feel of that specific collar around my neck, and cherish every moment that it is there.  I often wear collar style jewlry, though not required to do so, because I personally enjoy the symbolism.  It is also a means of giving myself when we are apart - I'm not required to do it, but do it out of love, honor, respect, and desire to submit in whatever ways are possible.  Which brings me to Symbolic collars...
 
There are as many differnt types of "collars" as there are people on the planet, is sometimes seems.  Personally, I view this as a good thing.  Tattoos, brands, bracelets, simple gold or silver chain around the neck, anklet, specific colors of clothing - all of these have been used by Dominants and submissives, to represent the reality of "MINE", "His", "Hers".  Heck, I even know of one Dominant who's everyday collar for his submissive is the style of panties and bras she is allowed to wear (and they must be purchased by him).  One Dominant friend gave his slave a "public" collar, a chain mail necklace, which she wears to work every day.  When returning home, she has two collar options, the one that says "Please, Master, use me, beat me, fuck me, play with me, test me, push me", and the one that says, "Master, I'll do whatever you say, but I am soooo not feeling myself today."  One subbie I know of had a miniature flogger on her keychain which served as her everyday collar.
 
There are Collars of Training, of Consideration, etc, as others have mentioned.  Even though the specific attitudes and practices of those in this life differ vastly with regard to those, I don't see that as problematic - such diversity is one of the beauties of this life...even when some people are clueless idiots with nutty opinions  (Hey, I never said that I agreed with every diverse opinion, even if the variety is a good thing, now did I?  Snork.)  Someone once asked my Master "what kind of collar" it was that he and I had.  His answer to that question is forever etched in my mind, and on my heart.  "Permanent", he said.

A collar is a tool, a prop, a scene implement.  It is also a sacred thing, no matter what style or form it takes, when exchanged between committed individuals.  They need not be obvious to be binding, they need not be "permanent" to be sacred.  The one I wear around my neck when sleeping with Master, or in a scene, as much as I cherish it, isn't the one that really matters.  He and I both believe that the one that isn't obvious to the naked eye, the one that is always there, whether anyone can see it or not, is the vital one.  The collar around my heart is far stronger and more durable than leather or metal.
 
I'm not even going to start my rant on "Velcroe Collars", that travisty which is a shame and disgrace (IMNSHO) to this life those who live it.
 
JMO, of course.
 
-grace

< Message edited by amelliagrace -- 9/24/2007 1:56:41 PM >

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 2:27:00 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		A collar, to me, is a way to feel connected to my Master.  I am still wearing my training collar in our private life, but in the bright light of the public view, my engagement ring has been designated a dual purpose: one, to mark that I am his fiancee, and two, to mark that he has taken me as his own.

Especially right now when our living situation is not so ideal as we'd like it to be, it makes a big difference to have some form of a collar (like LuckyAlbatross said, it isn't just about neck-wear for me, either).  If I start missing him too badly or feel particularly lost and alone without him, I look at my ring or I take my collar out of the Debauchery Box(tm) and hold it for a while until the feeling goes away.  If I close my eyes while I hold either collar sometimes I can feel him with me, and that makes all the difference on a gloomy day.



(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 2:53:55 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		For me, His collar (at the conceptual level) means that I'm his slave.  Nothing more and nothing less.  It's like a statement of fact and something to live up to.  As a statement of  fact, its a source of security and comfort.  As something to live up to, its a challenge to stay the course when I'm having trouble.




_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 3:01:13 PM   
michelleryder


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		I love my collar and wear it 24/7 it signifies i'm masters slave.

(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 3:06:08 PM   
BondageTopJere


Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm, past being a really nice peice of bondage gear or for use in roleplaying,  my ideas about what a collar means to me are rather... diffuse? As a top, a collar to me holds no special significance. As a possible Dom, I can see it having the same meaning as the usual suspects.  But in reality my own viewpoints regarding collars is not as of much import as her views and feelings regarding them.  Is wearing one something she needs in order to fully realize her submissiveness (for some reason Popeye and cans of spinach pop into mind). Is it something else?  

In a lot of ways, I think anything regarding collars past scening is going to be about realizing what she wants.  I don't need one, but if shes does have that need or desire, then she will have one. Course, she might have to jump through a few hoops first, far too much oppurtunity for some inventive and quite possibley sadistic fun in the process

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 3:13:45 PM   
BoundDragon


Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		I summed it up to him this weekend and the best way I could put it was "its the equivilent of a wedding ring"
I accept it for life & signifies that I know where I belong... & he knows it too.

If we are apart (which happens quite alot because we are still looking for a house together) it helps me feel like he is right there. It brings me comfort & warmth but also reminds me to still behave and keep up my standards even if he's not there to see.

It signifies a lot of love, trust & commitment

(in reply to BondageTopJere)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 3:34:23 PM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		I only formally collar a slave in person, as a physical deomstration of their acceptance of a Slave Contract with me.

It means exactly what that slave contract says, no more, no less, and it will be different for each slave.

Moreover it will be private to my slave and myself. So I can only answer the question fully to a prospective slave!

Otherwise a collar is just an item of bondage gear, a piece of a costume.

What is the Old Guard 'under consideration' collars, 'training collars', etc. anyway?

My understanding of the 'Old Guard' was that you were collared or not. Simple as that.

I have been around, reading widely and in depth since the early 1960s, doing it since the 1970s in many circles.

I never came across this concept of different levels of collar before maybe 6 months ago.

(in reply to leatherette)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 3:49:41 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Nothing.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 3:53:53 PM   
JoanieHoney2001


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Being rather new to the lifestyle I take my collar very seriuosly. To me it is an outward sign of my submissiveness to my Sir. When we are at home I wear the collar that we designed together on Collarfactory.com and at all times I wear this braided leather bracelet he bought me in Chicago. I wish I could wear my collar 24/7 but the people I work for are pretty uptight, I'd probably lose my job 5 minutes after walking in the door!

Just my two cents.

Jo

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 4:17:09 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Like terminolgy each person is going to make it their own.

I don't wear a collar, I'm not "owned" but I am married and wear a wedding band that has it's own meanings to us. Rob (hubby) will never collar me in a D/s fashion, that being said he is still my first priority, and has the veto on who I do play with. He and my Top.

I have worn a play collar, I loved the weight of it *s*

For me a collar has whatever meaning the person wants it to be. Wether a life long commitment or just an expression of being a part of someones D/s -M/s family and not necissarily as a slave either but as a submissive/bottom/pet-pick the term that suites best, something that makes you feel like you belong and are a aprt of something more than yourself.

Or it can just be a peice of bondage gear to attach the  chains too.

denika

(in reply to JoanieHoney2001)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/24/2007 6:51:57 PM   
gcarlos


Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Seems like i have been answering alot of questions about collars lately....for me, Master and i have been together over ten years.  But this time has not always been as M/s, most of the time in fact has been vanilla.  So a collar means to me the next level of our commitment.  As much as i feel "lost" without my wedding band, i also feel "lost" without my collar.  Some have commented that this is superficial, however in our situation i would beg to differ.  My collar reminds me what i am and of my "new" commitment to Master.  For him, it shows my submission to him.  Sometimes for us this M/s dynamic gets lost in our vanilla life....so my collar is a strong symbol for us.

Best,
Master G's {girl}

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/25/2007 10:53:03 AM   
MasterShibari


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amelliagrace


I'm not even going to start my rant on "Velcroe Collars", that travisty which is a shame and disgrace (IMNSHO) to this life those who live it.
 
JMO, of course.
 
-grace


I would love to hear your opinion of velcro collars.

M. Shibari

(in reply to amelliagrace)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/26/2007 2:15:06 AM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		I wear a nylon-webbing collar because I made promise to myself, that I'm going to follow my own path and not one that someone specifically spells out for me that I may or may not fit. Now, the collar itself is just a symbol or prop, but I chose that one because persuing an interest in bdsm is something I am doing for myself, instead of being a white sheep. It's associated with being submissive, but it doesn't actually define anything for me. It's more I enjoy wearing it, and it's an indication that 'this is what I'm into.'

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/26/2007 10:01:33 AM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I have not been collared yet but when i am collared it will be like a wedding band but a Lifestyle Wedding band  atleast that is what a collar means to me when i am owned

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 9/30/2007 4:01:56 PM   
subnstudent


Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		how do you come to that conclusion now, even though it hasn't happened yet?

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 11:01:49 AM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		-Fast Reply-

Well first of all I want to specify that if I wear an ugly leather dog collar it's simply bondage gear.  To attach a leash to or something. Wouldn't wear it out in public, wouldn't date a man who thought it was proper for me to do so.

But a symbolic collar to me is a piece of jewelry, a 16" or so necklace, that symbolizes ownership.

That to me is sort of like when people used to give each other class rings.  It means 'you're mine' but unlike an engagement ring, doesn't mean 'you're mine forever.'

Of course I would hope that if a man gave me a symbolic collar, things were at least heading in that direction, but regardless it's just a way to symbolize and cement the commitment of a relationship.  Like how people used to "go steady" or whatever.

(in reply to leatherette)
Profile   Post #: 60
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