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RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 11:26:23 AM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		 
This is a great thread, thanks everyone for the insights.  I'm not a slave, I value my independence and freedom very highly and consider this a huge part of the beauty of my submission, so the idea of a permanent collar as a representation of a contract and ownership is kind of antithetical to what I feel like I have to give.  I'm still working on understanding what others value in the concept of being collared/collaring, I think I've been pretty successful at appreciating what others get out of this, but it isn't for me.   These concepts are important to me because I've just begun a relationship with a dominant and a slave.  I greatly respect what they have and enjoy appreciating it more deeply as I get to know them more.  I do enjoy the play collar, and I do understand the desire for a tangible symbol of the connection/commitment, but for me, a collar doesn't seem a good representation for my personal context. 


_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 2:10:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was literally having this exact conversation with My boy yesterday.  Actually, I will be directing him to this thread, as some people's definitions of collars are different than Mine and I want him to see other opinions as well.
 
To give My own opinion, I actually have more than one definition.  For example, I do have a play collar for those times that I casually scene, to signify the beginning and end.  I don't always use it, but it is often discussed when negotiations are had.  Some bottoms enjoy the experience more when it is used, so it is available for that purpose.  It does not have any real signifigance other than something that is used to designate the beginning and ending of play.
 
I also still believe in the three levels of collars, as far as symbolism.  When I was explaining them recently, My best definition are the vanilla equivilants of the promise ring, the engagement ring, and the wedding ring.  While most will say that collars have a deeper meaning than the example, the above is something that most people can understand, whether or not they are in the lifestyle.
 
Just some thoughts of Mine since the word "collar" itself came up.......
 
Collars as a fashion statement:  Some people like them, and it signifies a person's interest in BDSM.  Not something I permit, and not something that holds a lot of value to Me.
 
Collars of Protection:  In today's age, I don't really think they are necessary.
 
Velcro Collars:  This is a harsh catagory.  The same could be said for quick marriages.  Then again, some decisions between two people to marry soon after meeting each other also last literally for decades.  It's hard to know whether or not it's really "velcro" not by how soon it goes on, but rather how long it takes for it to come off.
 
 
Thank you for starting the thread.  It was a very interesting read.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/1/2007 2:11:28 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 6:12:42 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		My honest answer: I don't know. I have given a collar once where it meant total commitment. She got religion and I was judged a pervert (is it wrong to be a pervert?). I've used them in play. I hope someday to give one that will encircle both of us for the rest of my life (damn ... what a romantic streak .. geesh). I think the two (or more) people involved give it its meaning. What others think .. who really cares.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to leatherette)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 6:17:59 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I used to think it meant much more than it does now...but...i have had play collars etc...only one given collar in 2001 and that was given too hastily by a man i was in an eight month relationship with and my first  and i really don't know what it meant now..thinking back..i think he was insecure and wanted to say..hey this is mine or whatever...his big thing was protocol...i think as "submissives" when we get a collar that matters we know it...i haven't read all the other postings like i usually do as i have been gone a few days..but in this case i don't think it matters!

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"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 6:27:44 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Depending on which of my pets you ask, and which you ask me about, the collars have very different meanings.
Angel's collar is a symbol of ownership and commitment.  He gave himself completely to me on Sept 15 of last year, and since then he has been working hard to be the best slave he can for me. We plan on being together forever, though wether or not we decide to go into the trappings of vanilla marriage and all that we havent decided or even really discussed. He has his locked collar that he only wears when I ask him to. He doesnt need anything full time.

For Kitten, his collar was the symbol of his submission. Once I put that on his neck, he knew it as playtime until I decided it came back off. Even if he wasnt originally in the mood to play, the collar put him in subspace quickly.  But once it came off, he and I were more or less equals.

For some of my others, it has just been a playtime tool. Only Angel ha ever worn one for me that was a symbol of a relationship and not just of a play role.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/1/2007 6:34:48 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		The collar I wear 24/7 to me means I am loved and owned for the rest of my life. I also collared my Master... He wears the collar I put on His neck 24/7 also. I would never normally speak for Him...but in this case I do KNOW that He also views His collar as a symbol of my love and ownership of Him for the rest of His life.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/2/2007 9:32:52 AM   
MasterShibari


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

The collar I wear 24/7 to me means I am loved and owned for the rest of my life. I also collared my Master... He wears the collar I put on His neck 24/7 also. I would never normally speak for Him...but in this case I do KNOW that He also views His collar as a symbol of my love and ownership of Him for the rest of His life.


Is it an actual collar that he wears, or something that symbolizes a collar?

M. Shibari

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/2/2007 9:39:43 AM   
lurkingtiger


Posts: 19
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Middle Tennssee and Florence, AL
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, to me, a collar is symbolic. It's not a binding piece of equipment that locks a submissive to her Master. That can only happen if the submissive shares an emotional bond with their Dominant. It's just  a symbol of the power exchange that takes place in the relationship. Too many people buy into the RP/Yahoo/AOL Bullshat about it being this magical ring that will keep you on your knees. *sigh*

(in reply to Tigrita)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/2/2007 9:43:12 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lurkingtiger

Unfortunately, to me, a collar is symbolic. It's not a binding piece of equipment that locks a submissive to her Master. That can only happen if the submissive shares an emotional bond with their Dominant. It's just  a symbol of the power exchange that takes place in the relationship. Too many people buy into the RP/Yahoo/AOL Bullshat about it being this magical ring that will keep you on your knees. *sigh*


it *is* symbolic.  a person wearing a wedding ring doesnt magically become faithful to only one person, saying that you submit and wearing a collar doesnt do that either.

being true to your word, being honorable, believing in the bond between dominant and submissive, THAT is what makes the collar worth something.

kitten, who should be sleeping...

(in reply to lurkingtiger)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/2/2007 8:33:59 PM   
MasterShibari


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline 		A ring means nothing unless the person wearing it choses to make it mean something.  Collars, like rings, are all about choice.  No?

M. Shibari

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/2/2007 8:39:19 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		to me?  it means they ran to the pet store and spent a few dollars on something for their dog, or they were stupid enough to believe they were going to give it to me and expect me to think of it as something special

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/2/2007 11:55:39 PM   
slave4Darby3d


Posts: 106
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		My collar means I am owned, that I belong to him in every way.  It means that we are dedicated to each other, in our respective roles, in our relationship. Its not a costume to me.  Its not jewelry.  It could be paper or metal and be strong either way.

It symbolizes a deeper committment to me than a wedding ring ... but I dream of having both with my beloved Master.


(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/3/2007 12:01:20 AM   
trusting


Posts: 144
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline 		my collar means that i was the chosen one for Master... it shows my devotion to Him and only to Him. it means that i have made a lifetime commitment to serving, honoring and obeying Him. 

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"Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one." -Malcolm Forbes

(in reply to slave4Darby3d)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/3/2007 11:57:42 AM   
MasterShibari


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4Darby3d

My collar means I am owned, that I belong to him in every way.  It means that we are dedicated to each other, in our respective roles, in our relationship. Its not a costume to me.  Its not jewelry.  It could be paper or metal and be strong either way.

It symbolizes a deeper committment to me than a wedding ring ... but I dream of having both with my beloved Master.




How is it deeper, in what way?

M. Shibari

(in reply to slave4Darby3d)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/3/2007 5:55:01 PM   
newandreadygirl


Posts: 3
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		well.. me and my boyfriend are new to the lifestyle but i let him put a collar on my neck and i wear it when he says so.. i have 2 kids so naturally i dont wear it 24-7 but when i can i love wearing it.. for me it signifies that i am his and i love being his. I would like to find an anklet or necklace i could wear 24-7 and never take off except perhaps to bathe.

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/5/2007 8:14:36 AM   
MasterShibari


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline 		Ummm, third question that has gone unanswered.  I suppose this is a read once and never again kind of thread.

(in reply to newandreadygirl)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/5/2007 8:17:46 AM   
DocRudy


Posts: 153
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

How is it deeper, in what way?

M. Shibari


I can't directly speak for S4D3D, however, the presumption is that is is deeper because it symbolizes a relationship that arguably requires a deeper commitment than a normal 'nilla relationship.

-DR

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/5/2007 9:13:13 AM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		The collar around my neck is a single strand of matched natural amber.  It only comes off when it would get wet, due to the linen string.  It is a constant tangible reminder of my Master NChaka, which is important to me, since we are still long distance.  The sybolism in His collar is something we spoke of just last night.  Here are few examples:
  • Amber is warm to the touch, and its warmth reminds me of His love.
  • It encircles my neck, just as His care and guidance surrounds me. 
  • More 'circle' symbolism is found in the boundaries He sets for me; the parameters I live my life within.
There is so much more, but those are a few of the things it reminds me of.

As an illustration of how much I cherish my Master's collar, it recently came off in my sleep.  I was talking to Master via webcam shortly after I woke up when I reached up to touch it (something I often do) and realized it was not there.  I was frantic!  He watched in amazement as I searched for it, urging me to calm down and slow down.  Thankfully, I found it on the bed quickly; the clasp had simply come undone.  I do think that being apart from Him may make me treasure the symbolism of actually wearing His collar more.


_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/5/2007 9:36:35 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		 
I have seen debate about this topic in many places over the past twenty years or so, which is about as long as the collar as a committment device has been of major interest to the BD/SM scene. The promotion of this is a factor largely fueled in the beginning by the internet. Collars have been used as bondage devices for a very long time, but often there originally was no more significance than a set of cuffs. The BD/SM collar can be as important a symbol as the partners make of it, just as a ring can be, or a frat pin can be, or a lover's dog tag can be, or whatever symbol is important to those involved. No symbol is inherently powerful or serious, that gets put into the symbol by the committment of the partners. In early days of the on line community there were a lot of people for whom it was important to have a new sort of symbol to designate BD/SM committment, because a lot of people were honoring one relationship which their wedding ring symbolized, while establishing and honoring another relationship with someone else which their collars symbolized. There have probably been as many different limits and restrictions put forth in these situations by dom and sub partners of any gender as there are people in these situations. Now it is much more common and acceptable to come out as a kinky person than it was then, and there seems to be a bit less on the need for those dual life relationships, but this is only an impression I have, not based upon facts. In any case a collar, like a ring or a ceremony or a promise, is only as serious and as binding as you make it be. My partner and I use some symbols which have great significance to us, but which most vanilla folks would not notice even in the workplace. I liked the post about the strand of amber. Amber is one of the oldest gems humans used, and it has been significant in commerce, trade routes and jewelry for thousands of years. The electrical potential of amber caused it to be considered magickal, and in ancient Rome it was known as electrum. My partner and I like working in amber ! 

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to amiciaN)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: What does a collar actually mean to you. - 10/5/2007 9:39:17 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Did you know that Elvis was into the lifestyle. He sang Won't you wear my ring around your neck. He must have believed in collars. Collars mean what you want them to mean.  

(in reply to amiciaN)
Profile   Post #: 80
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