RE: So do single female submissives hate men?

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (Full Version)

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RRafe -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:25:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Subjecate That is you, how many submissive women develop negitive attitudes before they ever even develop their sixth sense for bull?? Quite a few. It's rather unfortunate to engage in that sort of emotional masochism. I've dated such in the past-never again. Self fullfilling prospects of failure are not what I consider to be "fun."

sexyred1 -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:27:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Oh, and to answer the question, what are men missing? Try being a submissive female for one day and reading the emails we get, here and elsewhere. Walk a day in our high heels, Bob, and you will clearly see what is missing. You know, that is a very interesting challenge. It would make for a very interesting thread. I don't know, Bob, somehow I cannot see you in heels, but I appreciate that you find my suggestion worthwhile. [;)]

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:29:49 PM)
Speaking as someone who was once a single submissive herself... I was damn picky about who I'd let come anywhere near me in the context of a D/s relationship. If I couldn't bring myself to trust the other person for whatever reason, I'd nix it. I don't trust very easily, either. Perhaps that's the case for some others out there? You could have a billion single Masters out there, but only be able to trust, say, a handful of them.

BondageTopJere -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:30:42 PM)
No they don't, at least not men. Idiots, children, and liars maybe, but not men. But after that, that still leaves quite a lot left. The main reason I've ran into is subs are picky, to be blunt. They want as close to their ideal Dom as they can get, and those ideals are quite literally all over the place, and thats just the D/s aspect. Toss in all the vanilla stuff too, theres maybe a bare handful of Doms that are right for them, and thats just considering strictly relationship ideals. Then their locations, age, etc. As for why their picky, that, IME boils down to choice. Or rather choices. Take a stereotypical D/s dynamic for example. In that sort of relationship, what choice, or more specifically, what decisions can a sub make? In a stereotypical realtionship, just two, and one comes before the other. The last question is "Do I obey and stay, or do I ignore and leave?" Its the one decision they can never give away, no matter how much a few would like too. The first question is "Do I want a relationship with this man in the first place?", knowing full well that if they say "Yes" to the first question, forever after theres only 1 more decision to make, which is the relationship equivalent of full-scale nuclear warfare. For vanilla types, saying yes to the fist question has a lot of leeway; I've yet to meet a vanilla women wasn't sure she couldn't change her man to her liking eventually, to some degree or another. They'll take less than ideal guys, assuming they can do the fixer-upper rountine in the future. The sticking point is that in stereotypical D/s, there is no fixer-upper. A less-than ideal Dom can't be fixed up, not because a lack of ability, but due to a lack of desire. Trying to change a Dom would in effect be trying to taking control of a Dom, which is pretty much self-defeating the entire point of the D/s relationship first place!. Thats a prety bare-bones opinion of mine; theres a huge amount of room of individual situations, desires, ideals. But I've yet to ever talk to sub who wanted to put conditions on her beginning the relationship in the first place; Doms only meet her full criteria or they don't; there is no in-between. Limits yes, negotiation yes, the fun process of integrating lives yes, but all that happens after shes said yes to the first question, in least in her own head.

Bobkgin -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:30:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Oh, and to answer the question, what are men missing? Try being a submissive female for one day and reading the emails we get, here and elsewhere. Walk a day in our high heels, Bob, and you will clearly see what is missing. You know, that is a very interesting challenge. It would make for a very interesting thread. I don't know, Bob, somehow I cannot see you in heels, but I appreciate that you find my suggestion worthwhile. [;)] Actually, a lady very dear to me long ago told me that I have the kind of legs women would kill to have. [:)] But I was thinking more in line with "Black Like Me". It -is- a good suggestion. Don't be surprised if I take you up on it. "A Day in the Life of a Faux Submissive" [;)]

amelliagrace -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:32:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Bob... you are kidding right? The title was an attempt at humour based on the title "so do Dommes hate men". But the OP is serious enough. It would seem to be the easiest thing in the world to be in a relationship if one were a submissive woman. The only thing I can think of to delay it is selectivity. But selectivity is a two-edged sword: it defines what you want, and it defines what you don't want. Given that some have been here for years, it would seem they have seen an awful lot of what they don't want, and very little if any of what they want. That's a reservoir of knowledge I hope my question is tapping. As I said in the OP: this is no criticism of anyone's choice. I am asking what the men on this system are missing that these women remain single for so long. Good lord, you think being a sub is EASY? Do you have any IDEA of the risks involved-and how long it takes to find sane and competent tops? NFS

toservez -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:35:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: Subjecate That is you, how many submissive women develop negitive attitudes before they ever even develop their sixth sense for bull?? Quite a few. It's rather unfortunate to engage in that sort of emotional masochism. I've dated such in the past-never again. Self fullfilling prospects of failure are not what I consider to be "fun." quote: Quite a few. It's rather unfortunate to engage in that sort of emotional masochism. I've dated such in the past-never again. Self fullfilling prospects of failure are not what I consider to be "fun." Actually this thread, and in my opinion very understandably, has a male just do not get it type vibe but this comment has a lot of truth to it. Whether this site, this life or regular personal sites and people looking for a relationship too many from both genders are have closed hearts and minds that failure is already built in to the equation and people should stay away from them. The issue though is not to make submissive women out like we are different then other people and somehow we need less to be happy then other human beings. The stereotype you are submissive you only really just need to serve someone crap.

Bobkgin -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:35:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere For vanilla types, saying yes to the fist question has a lot of leeway; I've yet to meet a vanilla women wasn't sure she couldn't change her man to her liking eventually, to some degree or another. They'll take less than ideal guys, assuming they can do the fixer-upper rountine in the future. The sticking point is that in stereotypical D/s, there is no fixer-upper. A less-than ideal Dom can't be fixed up, not because a lack of ability, but due to a lack of desire. Trying to change a Dom would in effect be trying to taking control of a Dom, which is pretty much self-defeating the entire point of the D/s relationship first place!. Good points, Jere. Especially the one I've quoted above. Thanks.

amelliagrace -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:35:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie Perhaps that's the case for some others out there? You could have a billion single Masters out there, but only be able to trust, say, a handful of them. BINGO!!!!

leatherette -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:35:58 PM)
SCREAM BOB!!!! If you'd just drop the defenses and excuses and quit the complaining - then maybe the positive aspects of your personality would shine through this fog of yours.

sexyred1 -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:41:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leatherette SCREAM BOB!!!! If you'd just drop the defenses and excuses and quit the complaining - then maybe the positive aspects of your personality would shine through this fog of yours. Hey..in his defense, good old Bob showed a bit of sense of humor a few posts up when I suggested he walk a day in a submissive woman's high heels and he agreed!! :)

litleone8620 -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:47:26 PM)
quote: For vanilla types, saying yes to the fist question has a lot of leeway; I've yet to meet a vanilla women who wasn't sure she couldn't change her man to her liking eventually, to some degree or another. They'll take less than ideal guys, assuming they can do the fixer-upper rountine in the future This, I agree to. But I never understood the need to change a person. quote: The sticking point is that in stereotypical D/s, there is no fixer-upper. A less-than ideal Dom can't be fixed up, not because a lack of ability, but due to a lack of desire. Trying to change a Dom would in effect be trying to taking control of a Dom, which is pretty much self-defeating the entire point of the D/s relationship in the first place!. If you want to change a person, why are you with them in the first place? I'm with the person I'm with because I like what I know about him. It's unlikely for me to find a person with whom I am 100% compatible. But I'm not going to try to change him so we are. And not because that would defeat the whole purpose of our D/s dynamic. But, because, what's the point of my being with him, if I don't want to be with the person I fell for (if it came to that). Everything about him comes together to make the guy that I am with. That includes the things I don't like about him. If there are things about him that I don't like enough to want to change him, then I'm going to leave that relationship. I'd rather be alone than pick somone less than ideal and try to change him later.

Bobkgin -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 1:58:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: litleone8620 quote: For vanilla types, saying yes to the fist question has a lot of leeway; I've yet to meet a vanilla women who wasn't sure she couldn't change her man to her liking eventually, to some degree or another. They'll take less than ideal guys, assuming they can do the fixer-upper rountine in the future This, I agree to. But I never understood the need to change a person. quote: The sticking point is that in stereotypical D/s, there is no fixer-upper. A less-than ideal Dom can't be fixed up, not because a lack of ability, but due to a lack of desire. Trying to change a Dom would in effect be trying to taking control of a Dom, which is pretty much self-defeating the entire point of the D/s relationship in the first place!. If you want to change a person, why are you with them in the first place? I'm with the person I'm with because I like what I know about him. It's unlikely for me to find a person with whom I am 100% compatible. But I'm not going to try to change him so we are. And not because that would defeat the whole purpose of our D/s dynamic. But, because, what's the point of my being with him, if I don't want to be with the person I fell for (if it came to that). Everything about him comes together to make the guy that I am with. That includes the things I don't like about him. If there are things about him that I don't like enough to want to change him, then I'm going to leave that relationship. I'd rather be alone than pick somone less than ideal and try to change him later. Sounds like you are looking for the piece of the puzzle that fits you. I've often said I seek those who fit me as if we were pieces of the same puzzle, pieces that fit. There are others who wish to be molded to fit, like clay.

AquaticSub -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:01:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin There are others who wish to be molded to fit, like clay. Sure. However, I'd bet one of my collars that most of them aren't dominants. I don't think a lot of submissives go into a d/s relationship looking to mold their dominants into what they want.

WillowRain -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:05:28 PM)
Dear Bobkgin, I've read some of your posts on the board and you seem a rational sort. However, many here are not of the rational sort. My profile clearly states that I am not looking right now, does this even slow some people down a second? nope. Lots don't even read profiles and will send out one or even two canned messages. Sometimes I get things that are flat out insensative, sometimes rude, sometimes clueless, sometimes unreadable. There are real men here, I know some of them. They are in my life, and in my community. I spent time with two of them this past weekend. I've known one for a year and a half and the other for about three years, both I first met at public events, not online. They are trusted by me, and they are my friends. Why am I not in service if I know so many great people? Because I am taking some time to balance my life. There isn't any need to rush. I would say that there are lots of folks on here, D type, s type, and switch type, who just arn't in a rush. Some folks are just here for the community and won't look ever for a partner through an online medium. I wouldn't take the boy comment personally. You haven't forced naked pictures on us yet, and you can write complete sentances, sadly that brings you up into the top 25%. I wish it was different. :)

breatheasone -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:08:22 PM)
quote: I've often said I seek those who fit me as if we were pieces of the same puzzle, pieces that fit. My Master used a broken glass analogy to describe how He and I fit together....same principle though.

BondageTopJere -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:08:50 PM)
quote: If you want to change a person, why are you with them in the first place? I'm with the person I'm with because I like what I know about him. It's unlikely for me to find a person with whom I am 100% compatible. But I'm not going to try to change him so we are. And not because that would defeat the whole purpose of our D/s dynamic. But, because, what's the point of my being with him, if I don't want to be with the person I fell for (if it came to that). Everything about him comes together to make the guy that I am with. That includes the things I don't like about him. If there are things about him that I don't like enough to want to change him, then I'm going to leave that relationship. I'd rather be alone than pick somone less than ideal and try to change him later. Good point, and past experience tells me that your point about yourself is actually a very common trait for subs to have, and is the main reason those criteria subs have are often-times why Doms are very difficult to find. To paraphase a little green guy, "Meet or meet not, there is no change". Does his good points balance out his bad? At what point does the scale tip from "Yay" to "Nay"? To the OP, near as I can tell this is going to be the answer to your question. It might not be the exact same from sub to sub, but somewhere in their reason as to "why", this little kernel is going to be found; everything past that is merely illustration.

Bobkgin -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:12:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin There are others who wish to be molded to fit, like clay. Sure. However, I'd bet one of my collars that most of them aren't dominants. I don't think a lot of submissives go into a d/s relationship looking to mold their dominants into what they want. Sorry, I should have been clear and said "other submissives". Which is not to say there aren't a few malleable dominants. I can be flexible about many things, but not things like safety or my authority.

litleone8620 -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:12:40 PM)
quote: There are others who wish to be molded to fit, like clay. Agreed, but like Aquatic said, most of them aren't dominants. I can see how a dominant would want to mold a submissive to his liking. But if that's the case, why is he with her in the first place? Because he settled? Because he's too lazy to actually find a person he likes as they are? Because he's too desperate, and will take just anyone? And on the flip side. Why would a submissive be ok with being changed into something she wasn't originally? If a dominant wanted to change me into something else, I'd question why he was with me in the first place.

WillowRain -> RE: So do single female submissives hate men? (9/25/2007 2:16:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: litleone8620 Are you aware that there are some submissives who want to be talked to and treated as a submissive from the word "go"? It is not a role or a label to them, it is what they are (or at least, what they claim to be). To talk to them as a person is a sign you are not strong enough a d/m for them. I can see how men looking to talk with someone like that would end up stepping on toes if they assume to talk that way with everyone. To me, what you describe would not show me that the person was strong, I would interpret it as cluelessness and very little rl experience. My respect for them would plummet if they were anything but polite.

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