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Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:10:38 AM   
indiegrrl


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/13/2006
Status: offline 		I realize the answer will vary from person to person. Just curious how and why people answer the way they do.  I personally have not formulated an answer yet.
 
Is love a want or a need?  If sessioned enough, is that a replacement?
 
indiegrrl
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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:15:21 AM   
Estring


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Status: offline 		I don't think love is a need necessarily. I imagine you could go through life without ever loving. But why would you want to?

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:30:18 AM   
velvetears


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Status: offline 		Life does grow in the desert but its not as lush and green and beautiful as life in a rain forest. 

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:35:41 AM   
sirguym


Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline 		Its a state of mind.

We all to have it, and want it to last, but it rarely does, at least not in the same mad, intense way.

But nobody 'needs' it - many go to their grave after a long and fulfilling life without ever truly finding it.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:38:45 AM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
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Status: offline 		Loving what I do is a need. 

Other people loving me is a want.  

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:41:34 AM   
breatheasone


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Status: offline 		DEFINITELY a need....

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:46:38 AM   
murmur


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Status: offline 		I do not understand why someone would choose a life without love. Is the person afraid of the commitment or of opening herself up? Is being alone more easy?
Love is a need for me (if you hadnt noticed already), in any forms that can exist. Friendship is a kind of love, companionship is a kind of love, a quick complicity with a stranger is a kind of love. Any kind of connection, the human is a creature of connection.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:49:57 AM   
SirCache


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Status: offline 		What few people really want to admit to is that love is a lot of work.  Sure, we all get carried away by lust every now and again, and most of us have fallen (or believed we have fallen) in love before.

Love changes so much, it is so dynamic that unless you keep up with it, communicate your needs effectively... you'll lose it.  And how we define love changes over time--the things I loved in my wife when we first met are still valid, but now I can love her for things like watching the child in the morning so I can sleep in.  I think love is something that is both want and need--unfortunately people sometimes want it for reasons that are self-serving and not embracing of all those involved.  I think it's also a need where we seek it out.

Even when we lose one love, almost all human beings look for another.  Perhaps it's merely instinct that we have somehow interpreted to be love--I don't know. I do know that if I am seeking love, simply going through the motions will not be enough for me, and I will eventually feel the acts themselves are empty, hollow things bereft of meaning.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 10:56:41 AM   
murmur


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirCache

I do know that if I am seeking love, simply going through the motions will not be enough for me, and I will eventually feel the acts themselves are empty, hollow things bereft of meaning.



Beautifuly said.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 11:03:17 AM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		I fluctuate on whether or not I even want love in my life. Sometimes, I think I'd be perfectly happy going the rest of my life with nothing but random encounters. Both in a vanilla and non-vanilla sense, sometimes I'm convinced that as long as I've got the physical aspects, I'll be perfectly happy.

Then I remember the things that, for me, only come with love. The recognition of subtle voice changes, the shared memories, the way it feels to wake up next to the same person day in and day out, knowing they'll be there if I reach my hand out... knowing exactly how their hand fits into mine, and being able to do it without thinking...

That's why I answer love is a "want." I could live a fine life without someone to love/someone to love me. I have friends, I have a small section of family, I don't lack for companionship... but, like others have mentioned, there could be so much more.


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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 11:07:58 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Love is a want to me. It just happens to be on top of the want category and I consciously add it to my need list.

Love is not easy and you cannot force yourself to love but I also do not think you can leave it up to fate either. It is like most things in life up to the individual if they want it how much they are willing to work for it.


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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 11:50:02 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

Is love a want or a need? 

It is neither.

quote:

If sessioned enough, is that a replacement?


.no.
 
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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 11:51:41 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Life does grow in the desert but its not as lush and green and beautiful as life in a rain forest. 


Lush and green - maybe not.  But it can be just as beautiful.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 1:39:47 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings indiegrrl,

love is, psychologically speaking, a need, to some extent. obviously it's not a need to exist, but it is a need in order to thrive.

i don't think it is a need for bdsm relationships generally speaking, but for some people, it is important and for them individually it may be a need. in that case, no, lots of scening will not be an adequate stand-in. for others, lots of scening is all they need and they do not wish for love at all. in my experience, for those for whom love is a need in bdsm relationships, trying to use scening as a substitute does not work in the long term.

for me, personally, i would not choose to enter into a loveless m/s relationship. our relationship is very loving. i have no problem playing, dating, and having sex with people i am not in love with, though (or falling in love with the people that i play, date, and have sex with, for that matter, either).

respectfully,
annabelle.


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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 1:41:42 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
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From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		I believe that love is necessary for emotional well-being, but not necessary to physically survive.

The only things we REALLY need to keep living are food, water, oxygen, and protection from the elements.  Anything else, like music, art, love, family, etc. just accentuates it and makes it more pleasant.  It's the icing on the cake.

I'd imagine that a life without love would be a pretty miserable one, though.  Eeeeesh.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 1:47:25 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		For me, it's definitely a need... it's not a life-sustaining need... but it's a need non the less. i've tried living without it... having the whole "meaningless" sex thing. i enjoyed it for quite a while but, gradually, my desire to be in a "loving" relationship came back. Just my experience, of course.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 1:58:10 PM   
SubmissiveLion


Posts: 40
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Very good point Pyrrsefanie.  I think you can definitely have a BDSM relationship without love.  Its purely physical and takes care of your physical needs, and sexual desires.

But at some point, for any relationship to go past that "point".  And for you to truly have someone open up to you, love is a must.  Its like you can have fun, but when you love someone its better fun.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 2:00:15 PM   
Neala


Posts: 70
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Love of some form is a need for survival purposes. If a child grows up never knowing love they will latch on to the next strongest emotion...anger, desire, greed. You have the perfect mess for a serial killer. Problem!

I think the love that people search for from the time they hit puberty is a want.

The end.

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 2:02:22 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		Hence my opening disclaimer of "for me."

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RE: Love: A Want or Need? - 9/26/2007 2:06:53 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		this is a fast reply.

As the daughter of 2 feminists who are coming up on their 50th anniversary (crusty, cantankerous 75 year old husband and wife, fussy but happily married still) the topic of want and need is a family topic that has often been discussed and debated often and imo is loaded differently for women as a rule than it is for men.

Somewhere in my late 20's ,when I started fining myself in a position of hiring, firing, coaching, training and managing scores of people, I started to notice a pattern of difference in the way women negotiated for their renumeration versus men. 

Men tended to base their lowest renumeration cut off (meaning the point at which they would walk away from negotiations rather than go lower) on their most base wants in life - of course in relation to the the value of their skills in the market place.

Women, would on the whole tend to start their negotiations just barely above their most base needs and would then allow the negotiations to go below the renumeration they actually needed to thrive and succeed most optimally.

This is mostly food for thought....I pretty much advise the more masculine approach as being better.  When one starts to dip into or give away or let go of their needs (well at least as an employee - could be different as a slave perhaps) they will be more likely to be resentful, and stunted.  Having base wants met (an how to define base wants is another issue in and of itself) encourages us to thrive and be the best we can be.  As I mentioned before....just food for thought.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 9/26/2007 2:11:36 PM >

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