Bobkgin
Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
I think I'm either a glutton for punishment (no pun intended) or so bored right now that I'm willing to throw myself into the lion's den, but here are my thoughts on punishment.
While this is really more an argument in semantics, I still prefer the concept of discipline, to that of punishment. Discipline comes from the latin - disciplina to teach/instruct and falls more in line with my expectations.. While there are many definitions where the two words seem to overlap in their meanings, discipline seems to bear less negative conotations in the approach toward behavior modification than punishment.
As a parent, I cannot imagine how harmful it would be to my children if I were to approach their behavior in such a way that were they to disobey me, I would consider it an unforgiveable betrayal. In fact, I fully expect that there are times when they will disobey me. Children do childish things. They test limits, they make mistakes. Perhaps adults are better equipped to make better choices (and perhaps not) but they are all; We are ALL, fallible. Adults make mistakes too. The most dedicated person can and often will, make poor decisions. Honestly, if I were so perfect, that I was beyond the capability of screwing up - what would I need a Dom or a Daddy for? Perhaps for some, it is ONLY about control and ownership, with no leeway for growth and mistakes, but for me personally - D/s is also about teaching and guiding, learning and growing. I hope to never be so old that I cannot learn something from another or grow into a better person. In many instances in my life, I have learned the most, from my mistakes or from the mistakes of others.
If there was no hope that I could redeem myself, I would find little more to compel my actions than fear of that unyielding repurcussion. In my mind, holding my security, my love and the object of my adoration and worhsip ransom in such a way is a grievous form of emotional blackmail. It is saying that if I cannot perform perfectly, without exception, that I will always live with one foot on the curb and the door half- slammed behind me. Honestly, I would be miserable under such circumstances, for I would have no trust in the longevity of my/our relationship. Yes, it is good to never become complacent. To never take anyone or anything for granted. But, there should (in my mind) be a better balance between perfection and abandonment. To exhibit perfect and infallible obedience or leave? I would wither under such a daunting and impossible expectation. To me THAT is abuse. Give me the option of redemption any day, over the emotional blackmail of abandonment. Disicpline offers one the chance to atone for mistakes, and it provides an opportunity learn and grow and improve. Now, how that disipline/punishment is metered out - may or may not be done in an abusive way. Where there is opportunity to teach and mentor and assert your control there is opportunity for abuse. This is the nature of the beast and falls within the realm of possiblity for any relationship; be it parent/child, Dom/sub, Master/slave.
Just my thoughts on the matter. I haven't even read the entire thread, so if I have repeated what others have said - GMTA.
hmm...
A comparison between adult sub/slaves and children ...
And a plea for tolerance and understanding in the face of disobedience ...
I suppose when people enter monogamous marriage they might argue that an affair every now and then should be met with tolerance, understanding, and "an opportunity to learn, grow and improve". They might further argue that they do not want to enter a marriage where an affair will automatically lead to divorce, or such serious repurcussions that a divorce is the most likely outcome. How many affairs should be tolerated before the marriage is ended, and is that enough affairs for the philanderer to make the marriage worth the effort?
Indeed, how many times should a person expect their betrayal of another's trust be tolerated to make the relationship worth the effort of the person who betrays trust?
No thought given to how worthwile a relationship is for the person whose trust is betrayed, I see. Just how many chances does a betrayer get and is the relationship worth the effort if the betrayer doesn't get enough chances to betray another's trust.
A unique point of view in my experience, Winsome.
on edit:
Let's look at this from a different perspective:
How many times can a dom ignore a safeword and expect the sub to stay in the relationship?
If it is okay for the sub to betray the trust of her dom and expect the dom to tolerate it, then it must be okay for a dom to betray the trust of a sub and expect her to tolerate it.
Or is this proof a double-standard is being applied here, and that the trust of a sub must always be respected while it is okay to disrespect the trust of a dom?
< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 9/30/2007 7:30:23 PM >
_____________________________
When all is said and done, what will you regret?
That you never really lived?
Or there was so much living left to do?
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RE: Why is Punishment not seen as Abusive? - 
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