Cyntilating
Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: serisa
hi i am in my first relationship with my Dom. He is working with a mentor who decides how i should be tested. its mainly him testing my reactions to certain stuff but i never know if its real or test til after i reacted and not straight away either. eg my last one he was due to come see me in the eve. he was over hour late and i text to ask if still coming (reason being i have to leave door unlocked if i am expecting him and i dont want to leave it open all night!). no reply, so then i get worried and text to ask if he is ok, no answer, phone him. no answer. i was worrued sick all night and in morning got text 'sorry, drunk too many beers'. well, i was not happy about this and told him respectfully why. anyhow, apparently my reasons why passed me on this one. he once said its going to be tough going but he thought we could get thru it. does anyone have this similar sort testing? how bad does it actually get? how many chances do you get?. this has been going on for months now and i have no idea how long its supposed to go on for. what happens at the end (collar?!) he hasnt explained all this. any tips getting thru it? instead feeling safe and secure i keep dreading whats coming next and what happens if 'i dont make the grade?'. is the relationship over? thanks for any help you can give X
Serisa,
....since you say this is "the test phase" ( btw, I'm not familiar with this phase ) of your relationship>>> perhaps you could ask yourself if HE is passing YOUR test?
is he? what and where is your watermark that indicates what feels right, what sends off warning signs in your gut?
When I read what you have written > what comes to my mind is the question> is he testing her or is he using his "position" to impose excuses for what is really lousy behavior.
I can't and won't tell you what kind of a relationship is right for you ...but I can say that
When my master wants to "see my reaction" he is there watching me, talking with me, engaged in Us..
not trying to "trick me" to see how I respond...
he is not lazy, nor does he take the lazy way out.
He is engaged and aware and makes sure I feel every bit of that command and authority of the situation.
He does not hold me to any responsibility or accountability that he himself isn't also living up to as well.....so even after this long> if I am expected to account for why I didn't call or come over when anticipated >>> He would also feel the same sense of responsibility to account for his whereabouts and absence. He wouldn't do it because He had to ( because he doesn't ). he would account for his whereabouts because its part of his role to make the choices and decisions that will always secure the trust we have between us.
....and I can guarantee his excuse would have nothing to do with having too many beers.
"cuz i'm the dom/me" is not an excuse for poor judgement..
and doesn't cut it alone for instilling trust and security in a relationship.
without the actions to back it up> its just a sentence...easily said.
is he passing your test?
what criteria do you have in your mind that defines the kind of relationship YOU want to be in ? want to submit to?
not asking you to answer me, per se, just asking so you think about it..perhaps
smiles
_____________________________
Cyndi
.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton
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tested by your Dom - 
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