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RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 7:54:04 PM

subscapejunkee

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Joined: 9/29/2007
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oh, is that what this forum is for? judging others? i thought it was a community of support for an alternative lifestyle. my mistake.

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Post #: 41

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 7:57:30 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amiciaN
To slaveluci--
When one is seperated from his/her Dominant, the sound of the Dominant's voice can have a rather profound effect. Think of what the sound of your Master's voice does to you and then imagine what the effect would be if you were apart.

Yes. I am aware what the "sound of the dominant's voice" can do, I think. I don't have to "imagine" the effect it has "if" we are apart. Been there, done that. I didn't say it didn't have an effect. I asked about the "asserting his dominance" by phone comment. I asked for specifics about what that meant. Only the OP can answer my particular question as it was addressed to her statement. Thanks though............luci

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Post #: 42

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 7:58:34 PM

kittensmailbox

Posts: 744
Joined: 1/7/2005
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my former Master had a key to my place... didnt have to worry about leaving my place unlocked...

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RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 7:59:27 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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You put it out there. Don't be mad because no one liked your response. That is life on the forums. It's an internet forum and if you don't like opinions that don't mirror your own then maybe a public internet forum is not the place to discuss your personal relationships. We all have different opinions and we all don't like some of the answers we get.

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Post #: 44

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 8:00:03 PM

OrionTheWolf

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Joined: 10/11/2006
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Judging occurs all the time. How else do you apply a value to something? It requires a judgement. If you do not want comments, whether they support your position or not, then do not make them public. Sometimes supporting someone, is telling them the things they don't want to hear, but need to hear. I have a rule, and that is if something strikes an emotional cord in me, then it requires a deeper look. By following that rule, I have been able to heed some good advice, that initially I didn't like how it sounded.

Orion

quote:

ORIGINAL: subscapejunkee

oh, is that what this forum is for? judging others? i thought it was a community of support for an alternative lifestyle. my mistake.

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RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 8:01:55 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subscapejunkee

oh, is that what this forum is for? judging others? i thought it was a community of support for an alternative lifestyle. my mistake.

Hon,
You specifically asked for any help that anyone could give. Believe me when I say that it is only with the best of intentions that I made the statement about your "dom" needing to be told how to "dom" you by another "dom." You asked a question and people answered it. To most people with any amount of solid common sense and/or life experience, that doesn't sound like a really ideal situation. To submit to someone who doesn't seem to have a clue what to do with you once you've submitted just doesn't seem really productive to me. That's just me. You asked. I stated my opinion. And that opinion is based on observing what has happened with many others in your type of situation. If you don't want honest, hard answers, please don't ask. No harm intended. Sorry you found so many comments judgemental................luci

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Post #: 46

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 8:45:45 PM

devotedsylph

Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

hi i am in my first relationship with my Dom. He is working with a mentor who decides how i should be tested. its mainly him testing my reactions to certain stuff but i never know if its real or test til after i reacted and not straight away either. eg my last one he was due to come see me in the eve. he was over hour late and i text to ask if still coming (reason being i have to leave door unlocked if i am expecting him and i dont want to leave it open all night!). no reply, so then i get worried and text to ask if he is ok, no answer, phone him. no answer. i was worrued sick all night and in morning got text 'sorry, drunk too many beers'. well, i was not happy about this and told him respectfully why. anyhow, apparently my reasons why passed me on this one. he once said its going to be tough going but he thought we could get thru it. does anyone have this similar sort testing? how bad does it actually get? how many chances do you get?. this has been going on for months now and i have no idea how long its supposed to go on for. what happens at the end (collar?!) he hasnt explained all this. any tips getting thru it? instead feeling safe and secure i keep dreading whats coming next and what happens if 'i dont make the grade?'. is the relationship over? thanks for any help you can give X

I fail to see the purpose in this sort of "testing". It seems more like he's just getting a kick on knowing that he has you that hooked on him that you will fret and fuss if he doesn't show.

Test him back and lock the door if this happens again. Better yet, just go out and have a nice time with your friends, then don't answer his calls.

A Master should make you feel cared for, not like he's about to toss you to the curb.

sylph

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Post #: 47

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 9:14:40 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subscapejunkee

Thank you OrionTheWolf. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but it's so true: One of the sub's few choices is begging; make it count.

You know you sound like a very sweet person...why on earth would you listen to, and zero in on THIS statement when you have been given so much good solid advice and opinions hun?.....BTW....PLEASE listen to slaveluci...she ROCKS!!!!

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Post #: 48

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 10:47:33 PM

girlygurl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Well, only one side of the story here, but my gut reaction is that this guy is full of shit.
Celeste

What BitaTruble said!

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Post #: 49

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 10:57:00 PM

girlygurl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

I have a rule, and that is if something strikes an emotional cord in me, then it requires a deeper look.
Orion

Excuse the hijack but.... wow! I've been having an issue these days and I've been going about it all wrong. I need to look at why this "strikes an emotional cord" and maybe I'll no long here a twang when that issue comes up. thank Orion

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Post #: 50

RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 11:01:45 PM

Kalista07

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Firstly, i'd like to tell You how much courage it shows You have by coming out here and putting all of Your stuff out there for God and everyone to judge... Secondly i agree with the other posters who said You seemed like a bright, intelligent, committed, devoted and loyal submissive. My opinion of this whole mess (as someone who has REPEATEDLY) been in situations very similar to Yours is that the bottom line is You deserve better... Communication, in my opinion, is at the very foundation of what it is we do.. The next thing that's required is trust. i'm baffled by our own expectations of ourselves.. If i told You even a third of the bullshit that i allowed myself to believe by so called "Dom" men, You'd no doubt be calling the people in the white coats for me..
i understand testing, and think we all do it to some degree... (e.g. i tell Dom A an 1/8 of the story to see if it's going to change his view of me, or i tell Dom some personal information that no one else knows..) However, like so many of the other posters have told You, i don't see how it can lead to a healthy D/s or M/s relationship. i think it's just starting the foundation of Your relationship off on fear and manipulation, and no good can ever come from that...
however, since i have in fact been in many situations similar to Yours, i also remember thinking i was somehow different... Good luck, and please remember You are not alone.
Kalista

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RE: tested by your Dom - 9/30/2007 11:50:35 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

should have added in case unclear, he says he didnt get drunk. this made up and part of the testing to see if i react appropriately, apparently moral to teach me was 'this type of behaviour long term leads to lack of trust and if one day there is a serious problem and you do this alot no one will care about you as they will think you are messing them about'. this is what told him and hence he said i hade passed test. i guess trying to teach me exactly why i shouldnt do this type of thing (not that i ever would).
However, yes i was still worried sick about him all night that he could have had car crash or whatever which is why i worry so much whats going to happen next,

I call bullshit, I would question whether this guy is just using the "testing you" line to get away with crap. Whether he calls it a test or not, you have the right to say this doesn't work for me.
l

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Post #: 52

RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 12:33:00 AM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
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quote:

slaveluci wrote:
quote:

subscapejunkee wrote:
oh, is that what this forum is for? judging others? i thought it was a community of support for an alternative lifestyle. my mistake.

You specifically asked for any help that anyone could give. Believe me when I say that it is only with the best of intentions that I made the statement about your "dom" needing to be told how to "dom" you by another "dom." [...]

I think you're confusing subscapejunkie with the original poster, serisa.

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Post #: 53

It is always a test - 10/1/2007 12:38:31 AM

ededwards

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People will treat you the way you let them. I hear about alot of stuff thats called "training" that to me sounds like callous insensitive behavior. What better way to find a doormat.

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Post #: 54

RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 3:49:32 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subscapejunkee

oh, is that what this forum is for? judging others? i thought it was a community of support for an alternative lifestyle. my mistake.

Could you please tell me where CM claims to be a supportive safe space?

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Post #: 55

RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 7:18:05 AM

Celeste43

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He said he would come see you but instead got drunk. Either you're so low on his list of priorities that he forgets about you, he's so immature he doesn't know how important it is to do what you say, or he's a drunk. Any one of those choices would be enough for me to say don't bother ever coming by again.

As far as 'testing' you and not telling you about it, if it doesn't work for you then it doesn't work for you. It wouldn't work for me and I would think a lot less of someone who did stuff to get me upset and then announce it was a test. If something difficult is coming up, I want help to succeed at it. I do not at all like being set up to fail.

Oh, and go to bed with the door unlocked? Really safe thing to do. Either give him a key if you think he's trustworthy or have him come by at a reasonable hour. Leaving the house open to anyone who wants to wander in does not indicate him wanting you to be safe.

So what wonderful quality does he possess to outweigh all the bad ones?

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RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 7:32:10 AM

RRafe

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He's an idiot.

Try again.

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RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 8:06:33 AM

DMFParadox

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This type of testing is awful. He should never 'test' you to see if you'll believe a lie, even if he's justifying it by saying that he wants you to know what it feels like to be abandoned, so that you know it won't happen.

This makes me think that he's trying to 'prepare' you to accept him being missing, erratic, and insensitive. All of those things, individually, can be wrought into a sub happily, depending on circumstance; change the words to 'makes time together special', 'spontaneous' and 'callously charming.' Brought together the way he did it, they're just horrible, though. And there's a fourth sin, a cardinal one, on display: he's clumsy. Get as far away from this guy as you can; he's not skilled at all, he's an idiot trying to be manipulative and succeeding only on the basis of your naivete. And he will hurt you in ways that are permanent and ugly and scarring if you remain.

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RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 8:23:55 AM

cbaby

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serisa......what is the price tag that comes with a collar and is it worth you dreading what is coming next because you don't know the rules or if/when you are being tested............imo.....a relationship is to be built on trust and being constantly being tested smacks of underhandedness.....if you fear/dread what he is coming up with next........it is really worth a collar..........i wish you all the best in this and may your decision be what's best for you

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RE: tested by your Dom - 10/1/2007 9:09:37 AM

LordVelvet

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There have been times that I have watched a reaction to something, a test, so to speak. BUT not like this. This, to Me, only does harm. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet

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Post #: 60