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Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:12:58 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		This post is based on something that happened to me last night, so bear with me.

I met a guy from this site, and as we were walking by the lake he asked me what brought me into this lifestyle.  I told him that I had my first 'kinky scene' when I was 19, although I didn't see it as that, and first started using the words (such as 'Dominant' or 'submissive') when I was 22 in a relationship with a guy who used them.

Then I asked him the same question and also asked what his experiences were.  He told me what brought him into it (which was a real life scene with a girl he knew) and that he was a sub with her.

Then however he started talking about his 'experiences' online, and how he was 'training' submissives online, and that's what made him realize he enjoyed being dominant, and so on.  So for like 20-30 minutes I got a very detailed history of his BDSM experiences....on the internet.  I would think that since it was such a long conversation, and so detailed, he would have included 'real life' experiences as well, but even when talking about punishments he was telling me about making online people write essays and stuff.

I guess my question is...is that considered 'experience' even?  I was kind of thinking throughout the conversation 'ok when are we going to get to the real stuff' and when it didn't come I didn't want to ask to put him on the spot...although I probably should have, just to find out.  I basically just told him that I didn't understand the idea of online submission, or submitting or being collared to someone I've never met, and I don't consider it to be anything more than playing a computer game such as the Sims...except with other people.

So regardless of the compatibility issue, I just have to ask - is online experience equivalent to real life experience?  I mean it is great if you are looking for an online relationship, but does it carry over into 'real life' experience or is it the same as having 10 years experience as a waitress and assuming you're qualified to be a chef?
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:17:53 PM   
MizKittenD


Posts: 14
Joined: 9/24/2007
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline 		I personally think there are some things you just can't learn online. BDSM is one of them. Who's to say that the cute little sub he's "dominating" online isn't some middle aged man drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon and watching reruns of cops while he pretends to do whatever punishments your friend doles out (because I'm sure essays aren't the only punishments he gives). Also, I know it's possible to form an online attachment, but how likely is one to value that attachment when real and local life comes calling?
And we all know that there's a lot of non-verbal communication going on in BDSM, which just doesn't transmit properly over a DSL connection.

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:19:26 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think I'm overstepping by saying "no, of course not".  How could it be? 

Not saying that online experiences couldn't be valuable (I wouldn't know), but I can't imagine that they'd replace hands-on experience.  Otherwise, we'd have a lot of expert spaceship captains, pirates and dragonslayers, if you get my meaning.


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Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:20:31 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Oh, I don't know....what version of IE was he on?

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:21:06 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Oh, I don't know....what version of IE was he on?

Ron


All *twue* doms use Firefox!


_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:22:29 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		NO, except by those who only have online experience. Anyone who has much more than a few months RT experience can tell you right away that there are tons of things that just don't translate.

(in reply to MizKittenD)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:23:05 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		For me it would be similar to reading war and peace, vs feeling that bullet hit your shoulder.  You know it's supposed to hurt, but you can't know how much till it shatters your flesh.
Kyst

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:23:15 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Oh, I don't know....what version of IE was he on?

Ron


All *twue* doms use Firefox!



LOL, I know I do.......it was a trick question to sniff out a wanker.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:24:30 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Experience is apples and oranges. You can not compare online experience to real life as I would not compare scene experience with a 24/7 M/s or compare a twenty year bedroom only D/s with a one year complete D/s. Experience is just not a comparable thing.

All experience can do is what a person takes and learns from it, whether the person who experienced it or learning about another’s. It is what it means to you and not anything that can be translated to tangible grade of this makes me that.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:26:59 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I don't have any experience with online service/collaring etc, but I wanted to say that I like your Sims analogy. :)  I'm too tactile to be satisfied with cyber domination, greedy wench that I am, I want more than just my mind to be touched.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:29:25 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState

I don't think I'm overstepping by saying "no, of course not".  How could it be? 

Not saying that online experiences couldn't be valuable (I wouldn't know), but I can't imagine that they'd replace hands-on experience.  Otherwise, we'd have a lot of expert spaceship captains, pirates and dragonslayers, if you get my meaning.



LOL

I agree completely...although the reason I asked was because he said it so matter of factly that I thought perhaps I was the one who was behind the times.

But yeah...people don't study for their drivers test by playing Super Mario Kart...or join a band after a year playing Guitar Hero...or go on 'So You Think You Can Dance' with no experience beyond playing DDR...so I would assume it would be the same with relationships.  I've actually noticed a few signs of 'internet relationshipitis' already...instant attachments and stuff...so yeah. 

He was a nice enough guy, I'm willing to give it a second date...but I have to make it clear you don't treat a flesh and blood woman like a screen name

(in reply to TotalState)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:34:52 PM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		I have a similar question to this topic. .

I, myself, don't see how you can do BDSM online. Their's people who can Roleplay it, but since you can't be with the person physically, you don't know what's really happening of if they're really even listening.

When someone says they want to see if you can Dom online, (but if that Dom's not an Roleplayer), how does that entirely work? A sub can ignore you, or say they did it but actually have no proof of doing it. . It gives you an open world of lies, so how can you actually know that person is that person without being there?

I have more to add, but unfortunately I have to run out the door. Sorry if I hijack your topic. xoxi.

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:37:26 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I don't see it as equal at all, having "experienced" both and much prefer hands on to typing.

My thoughts from my experience.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:39:46 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have never understood cyber relationships. I have had several people I considered friends, try to suck me into that and it always makes me uncomfortable. I make it very clear that I don't "do" internet relationships except friendship. Then to have someone I have grown fond of try to take it there when I know they haven't the intention or ability to take it into real life just sucks.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:41:35 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		No way is it equal...nor can anyone claim experience IN MY OPINION if all they have had is "online" exposure

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:42:57 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		Why does it matter?

I prefer to focus on the strength and dynamic of the relationship itself.  I really don't care how much "experience" a slave has before she enters my service.  What matters is experience serving me and adhering to my precepts and rules--and in that regard every slave I take on starts with the same level of experience (none whatsoever).


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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:50:00 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I suppose it depends if you want a scene or a relationship.  Online, sure, he'd probably pick up a lot of aspects of relationships.  The scene and the sex, though, he'd likely not have many benifits from outside of ideas of things to try.

It's kind of funny.  Some people on this thread are making the "twue" jokes, claiming that this guy you went out with is one of the people claiming to be "twue".  However, to me, it appears that most of the responses here are claiming to be "twue", to me.

But, in short, what did he tell you?  Did he brag about how well he cyber-whipped an ass to be beat red, or did he claim it lead to him better understanding the relationship in which these scenes would happen?

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:54:15 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		So to you it may not matter, I prefer a person with some real life experience. Someone who has a clue about who and what they are, what their needs and wants are, what life skills they can bring to the mix, etc.
The whole clean fresh slate thing does absolutely nothing for me. Because unless they are 18 and sheltered they will have something I'll need to adjust reguardless. Considering that I am 42 and the odds are potential additions will be 35+ the idea that they will come to me fresh and new and having no need for untraining and retraining even if it was not formally training by a Dominan but rather life conditioned by husbands or fathers it is still the same to me. The fantasy of having a clean slate is just that fantasy


(in reply to celticlord2112)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:55:01 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		CelticLord - the reason I think it matters is because the relationship dynamic would be different with someone inexperienced than if they had 10+ years of experience.  And if someone's whole experience was online, they would have certain ways of doing things that might make sense online but not so much face to face.

If a guy had little to no experience, that's fine.  Some people are just naturals    But if he has no experience yet claims to have some (and in fact claims to have MORE experience than I do, when I have 5 years of RL experience and he has 10 of online) then I think I might start to get a bit resentful.

All past experience is, like toservez said, just good for what you learned from it.  But I really don't want to have to break a bunch of internet habits to be able to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the flesh, you know?

(in reply to celticlord2112)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:57:22 PM   
ErusDespicienta


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		NO !

_____________________________

You can't always get what you want but if try, sometimes, you might get what you need.~~ Rolling Stones

(in reply to xoxi)
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