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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 12:58:01 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Like some others have said, I really don't find it comparable. 

Before I jumped into anything RT, I spent a good deal of time reading other people's opinions and building friendships with cyber people.  I still have some really great friends that I have never met in person.  I'm grateful for the amazing resources the internet has provided.  I think it's kind of silly when people make fun of those who are currently OL to make their RL look more amazing.  (Not suggesting you are doing that, but I'm sure with a thread like this...the attitude will follow.)  Not everyone is OL because they are married or they have no balls, some just do not have the resources to make it happen immediately.

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(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:00:07 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
But, in short, what did he tell you?  Did he brag about how well he cyber-whipped an ass to be beat red, or did he claim it lead to him better understanding the relationship in which these scenes would happen?


Yeah I guess that's the part that kind of put me off.  He was telling me how 'strict' he was, and that he expected his submissives to do what he said, and how his strictness paid off and all (he told a girl to write a 1000 word essay, and when she didn't he kept doubling it until he eventually said if its not there tomorrow consider our relationship over) and I was just kind of thinking "ok but...thats the internet.  there's no commitment."

I guess that if someone makes an online commitment it means something to them but I honestly can't fathom it.  I've never done it, and doubt I would be able to.  Like Miz Kitten said...when real life comes calling the computer gets shut off.

I don't know...I can't judge a person based on that one conversation....I guess it's just not the most auspicious beginning.

Edited to add: he was also saying how his years of experience taught him the proper protocols, and manners of addressing someone, and "how a submissive should serve" and stuff....He fortunately doesn't do the s/Slashy t/Typing but I'm still wondering...do I want to be trained to be a real life IRC slave?


< Message edited by xoxi -- 10/1/2007 1:05:58 PM >

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:01:15 PM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		I have learned certain things online. BUT I have learned a lot more in Real Life. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:12:50 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		No, there is nothing that has them as the same. Anyone who thinks that is highly delusional. And in regards to the previous comments about browsers, I guess male subs are smarter than dom's because all computer people know Firefox and IE suck, Opera's where its at!

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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:14:28 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm all about having as many prospectives as possible.  Since, ultimately, most could pretty generally agree that real life relationships are the goal, experience in real life is probably the more valuable of the two.  Still, I think both are quite important.

I've had a good number of both types of experiences before.  I'll be blunt.  The sex is much better in real life.  The romantic aspects are much better online.

[Edit]To your annex..
"do I want to be trained to be a real life IRC slave?"

Sort of curious, what do you imagine might be the difference between a "real" slave and an "IRC" slave?  Kind of an interesting thought.. I'm just drawing blanks at the moment.

You know, I have a hard time empathizing with the want for experience, since, from a Master's point of view, it's more fun to break in new slaves than to deal with those already relatively set in their ways.  Not that it's important to the subject, but just a tangent observation I'm enjoying contemplating.[/Edit]

---
For anyone, in general, I'd recommend you try both.  Real life is, overall, more productive.  But that doesn't mean having only real life experience is a good thing.  You're still missing experiences you could've learned a lot from.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 10/1/2007 1:19:55 PM >

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:16:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In My personal opinion, no.  For some people, the online experience does wonders for them, but I'm not one of them.  Just like there is more to Domination than someone with a good aim (for those sadists out there), there is also more to it than just whipping out assignments and creating rituals.  While people can gain things from the online world, there is also so much that is lost when not having any sort of in the flesh relationship.
 
Let Me illustrate the point.  Currently, I know a Top who has had one real life scene with a bottom and the rest of their communication has all been through the net.  He does give her online tasks and so on and so forth, but I don't see how he is possibly her Dominant without having the real life experiences, save the one, to grow from.  While the two involved feel it is a D/s relationship, I don't see it any deeper than anyone I would chose to Top casually and have had some chats with. 
 
I'm sure there will be folks who have internet only relationships who will have a different opinion.  All I can say to that is what works for one doesn't always work for another.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:21:59 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

is online experience equivalent to real life experience?



No.

At best I'd think of online 'experience' as akin to high school: you can learn a lot but very little practical experience.

For example, whatever an online 'sub' experiences, he/she is not going find him/herself helplessly bound up and at the mercy of a flesh-n-blood human.


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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:25:10 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer
So to you it may not matter, I prefer a person with some real life experience. Someone who has a clue about who and what they are, what their needs and wants are, what life skills they can bring to the mix, etc.
The whole clean fresh slate thing does absolutely nothing for me. Because unless they are 18 and sheltered they will have something I'll need to adjust reguardless. Considering that I am 42 and the odds are potential additions will be 35+ the idea that they will come to me fresh and new and having no need for untraining and retraining even if it was not formally training by a Dominan but rather life conditioned by husbands or fathers it is still the same to me. The fantasy of having a clean slate is just that fantasy


I agree that there is no such thing as a clean slate.  However, my point is that "experience" is irrelevant.  What has to be learned or unlearned will be problematic and vary from slave to slave, but all such learning or unlearning is in relation to my requirements and expectations.


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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:27:58 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I can't see online "training" or "experience", as anything more than fantasy fullfillment.  It's filling a need or craving they can't get real time.  So I guess in the meantime it fits the bill, so they can feel some kind of power over another.  And yes that goes both ways, it's just not people who claim they are Dominant.  People who claim to be submissive say the same thing about their online "training". 

I noticed that some people when you talk to them, count online as part of their many years of experience, which I don't understand at all.  You really can't learn to swing a cane or do electrical play with a living breathing person, if all you are doing is testing it on inanimate objects or yourself....if you are even doing that. 

Some people will argue that they can do the mental part of this online.  I disagree with that as well.  A long time ago when I was exploring this, seeing if there were really others like me out there...I got sucked into something online.  It didn't last long and I was never "trained" online either by anyone.  I also never count it when people ask me how long I have been doing this.  He had me do things like homework and write stuff, but you know what?  It was totally unfullfilling and really silly to me.  After all, that guy was really just a stranger, no matter how long we talked online or on the phone.  And I can't trust and really submit to strangers.  When I finally did meet him, he showed his true colors anyway.  I don't think he had a clue how to wield that cheap dowel rod on me, regardless of the 15 yrs experience he claimed.  So I of course learned a very valuable lesson from my experience, and I wonder how many of his 15 yrs  was actually online or telephone "experience".  Either that or he was a sadist without heart, and a liar who plays way outside the box.  But I actually think it was the former.

I just think you can't get that close to someone online in order for them to do anything with you and vice versa.  Online is a nice way to exchange ideas, have fun chatting with others, and it's a good way to make initial contact prior to meeting people.  All this is just my opinion, as I am sure others will disgree with me.  Especially ones that say they "train" others online. 

< Message edited by texancutie -- 10/1/2007 1:30:00 PM >

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:31:55 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I read two different question, so responding to both.

quote:

Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life?


No.  It isn't seen as equal.  But that's how people judge it and look down on it.
It's not my plate of chips, but I see it as equal to but different from. 

quote:



So regardless of the compatibility issue, I just have to ask - is online experience equivalent to real life experience? 


No.  But then no relationship is equiv to another.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to xoxi)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:31:57 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

The romantic aspects are much better online.


I'll admit I was possibly too dismissive of online dominance, but I simply can't fathom this.  Romance is better when you can't hold someone's hand and look them in the eye?  Romance is better if you aren't there all the time with a person, committing, not just when you have online access, but your life to someone? 

I can't help but be a little sceptical, but I don't mean to offend so please don't take it that way.


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Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:48:23 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Ok.. I can see that if you are a dom wanting a sub.  But, would that also translate to a submissive with some experience, and a dom who only has online experience?
Now me.. I started this young, doing it with someone younger.  Oddly, he had some physical experience in this and I had not.
When I am talking to a prospective dominant I don't care how much experience he has had as I see each experience as new.. BUT, if his only experience is online dominantion, I take a step back.  Why?  Because too much of what I see online is bunk.
So.. if you were sub, would you enjoy finding out that your prospective dom had only done this online?
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Why does it matter?

I prefer to focus on the strength and dynamic of the relationship itself.  I really don't care how much "experience" a slave has before she enters my service.  What matters is experience serving me and adhering to my precepts and rules--and in that regard every slave I take on starts with the same level of experience (none whatsoever).



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to celticlord2112)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:53:13 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I certainly do not think you an equate online BDSM experience to real life experience.  It would be something akin to the differences between reading about an artist's sculpture and admiring the pictures, or standing in the shadow of that towering edifice and caressing its curves.  Tactile sensations are so much better.

It is my hope that I will never underestimate the power of the mind, and how real something can SEEM to the person who has had their imagination set soaring by a beautifully written scenario.  Online experiences can open ones mind, spark imagination, help reveal inner truths.  I do believe this.   

I role play online (not BDSM - just fantasy stuff), and I enjoy a thought provoking collaborative writing effort, but as thrilling as a good story can be; it simply can not come close to matching the real thing.  Because BDSM/D's is REAL to me, online simply has no interest for me aside from being one of the tools I use to find others and begin to get to know them.  Eventually, no matter how much I enjoy chatting online - I want the real thing!

(in reply to TotalState)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:55:50 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		At some point this question has been rehashed so many times that to put forth anything original or to read anything original is almost impossible.
Is online a real experience? Absolutely!! However there is an stipulation. It is only an experience if 1) you have experienced it 2) if your submission and dominance is of a highly mental nature.
Can he learn how to swing a cane? No
Can she experience the strike of a cane against her flesh unexpectedly? No
With cams and telephones it would be extremely difficult to be a 40 year old male pretending to be a 5 foot 19 year old blonde woman.
Does the wax feel different as it falls onto your flesh when you are holding the candle as opposed to your partner holding it? Yes, though speaking from experience it is still a delicious feeling. And yes i have experienced both.
When in real life a Master tells his slave to get the groceries at 2:00 wearing a bottom stopper (butt plug but i hate that name) can she lie? Yes
Can an online sub lie bout it too? Yes
Lying is abound in situations for many people. That just is a personality defect. Why, if power exchange gets me going, would i lie about doing that task? That makes no sense at all. An online Dom has to be equally, if not more so, creative in their tasks because they can not feel their hand strike against the flesh of another.
Should their experiences be completely devalued? No ... because there are some experiences that just are. No d/s relationship is the same and if you are someone who requires s/m than no you can't gain experience online. It is much like someone who likes to eat at restaurants to know how to be a waitress. These things take practise.
If you are more geared towards power exchange, then yes you can count online practise because you do not need to be physically present in order to caress someone's mind.
In days of yore, there were many people who loved passionately with the tools of pen and paper. There really is no difference to now a days use of technology.
What works for one may not work for another. His experiences may not add up to a hill of beans for you. They may be just right for someone else though so it is important that you decide your own needs in a relationship. Is it important to you that he know various techniques on how to deliver pain?



< Message edited by astarri -- 10/1/2007 1:59:12 PM >

(in reply to TotalState)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 1:59:21 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TotalState
quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

The romantic aspects are much better online.


I'll admit I was possibly too dismissive of online dominance, but I simply can't fathom this.  Romance is better when you can't hold someone's hand and look them in the eye?  Romance is better if you aren't there all the time with a person, committing, not just when you have online access, but your life to someone?


Yeah, I can certainly see how this would sound weird.

I suppose it's, when I've had an online relationship, there was little to do but talk.  To share.. to get to know eachother deeply.  People tend to open up more online, too.. to be less afraid of speaking about secrets.  I honestly believe that if a real life couple were to split apart for a year, across the country for some reason or another, and keep in touch well online.. they'd probably learn a lot about eachother.  Then there's the lack of reliance on physical appearance.. it's just for that person's mind and personality.

I guess I'm not entirely sure what it's been.  Hell, maybe it's been all coincidence.. just.. online relationships I've had tend to be far more passionate than real life relationships.

(in reply to TotalState)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:01:15 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I can masturbate too.. but it's not the same.
Face to face, human interaction, physical touch, hearing the voice resonate in your ear, seeing the eyes engage you, and play you like a puppet.. is a lot different than letting my imagination do the work while both of us masturbate.  Heck.. even mutual masturbation is better in person.
IMO there is no comparison.  But if it can't be had otherwise, then it can seem like it.. unless you really really love up close and personal contact.
.. I am one of those up close and personal people.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to astarri)
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RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:07:05 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		Masturbation is a glorious thing ... with out a doubt!!
Precisely my point though Missokyst ... up close and personal is YOUR thing. So for you an online d/s relationship wouldnt work. It is probably the norm for the majority of people and thats okay.
It was asked whether his experience is valid though.


(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:12:21 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		CuriousLord - this is just a guess but I would imagine an online relationship would seem more passionate because the entire focus of the relationship was you and her talking.  You didn't have to do laundry together, or go to the grocery store, or go apartment hunting if you wanted to move in together...it was 100% just you and her talking about how much you cared for each other.

The 'mundane' parts of real life are far less passionate, but I wouldn't equate passion with romance.  Romance is the little things that distract from the mundane.  It's picking up a dozen cheap roses at the grocery store just because...or getting off work early and rushing home to prepare a candlelit dinner to surprise your SO when they get home...romance is the little drops of passion sprinkled throughout daily life.

If a relationship was just based around passion in real life I doubt it would last longer than when the toilet paper first ran out 

(in reply to astarri)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:17:58 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

If a relationship was just based around passion in real life I doubt it would last longer than when the toilet paper first ran out 


I think this is a pretty common view.  I also think it's why I end up rejecting almost every girl that makes an advance.

There's better out there.  And it works in real life.  My poor slave who I'm nursing back from her snapped legiment.. however its spelt.. is proof enough of this for me.

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is Internet Experience Seen As Equal to Real Life? - 10/1/2007 2:21:34 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		You are speaking about YOUR idea of romance though. Picking up a cheap bouquet of flowers from the grocery store is not my idea of romance nor can we expect it to be everyone elses. My idea of romance is having a snow ball fight in a snow storm. These terms are so subjective to how each person defines them.

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 40
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