RE: Difficulty finding a Dom?

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CutieMouse -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:18:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance Wow cutiemouse. What a wonderful testimony, thank you so much for sharing. You wouldn't happen to have his number? (teasing - sorta). LOL I actually didn't "like" him much (sometimes) during the process, but it was good for me. After that relationshp ended, I briefly got involved with a gentleman who was interested in going to the extreme of plastic surgery (I've given birth 5 times, which does not make for a supermodel's abdomen no matter how thin you are LOL) - I told him I was open to discussing it, but really didn't see a reason for it.The guy offered me a tummy tuck on a silver platter, and I was totally ambivilant about it. Sure there are things I'd like to be different about my body, but I like me... which shows, and (IMO) gives me an enormous advantage in the beauty department over other people.

HisCompletely -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:19:43 AM)
very true once again Bob :)

HisCompletely -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:21:56 AM)
smiles at CutieMouse, as i always say, wear that abdomen with pride :) For 5 reasons...........smiles.

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:22:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy quote: ORIGINAL: HisCompletely I agree Bob, and also to add to that, what does it say to the man's self esteem for "wanting" to change someone? It says he is living in a fantasy world based on what he 'sees" online etc as the "perfect" woman..............A man with confidence does not look into these things so deeply and desires their mate for several reasons, and yes, it begins in the heart, and the mind. If you do not have that first, what you have is a relationship based on physical attraction, which will last a very short time, in my opinion. I don't see how a DOM wanting to change a sub is his self esteem issue. Well, if beauty is so important, why not look for and wait for someone who is 'naturally beautiful', without the need for changes? But if you are impatient, or do not believe you can attract that kind of beauty (ergo, a self-esteem issue), what do you do? The answer seems to be: "Build one".

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:26:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CutieMouse I can't speak for Stephen or anyone else, but I will say that I took his comments quite differently than you, probably because I've had experiences which might be similar to what [I presume] he's suggesting. ... He fed my soul, and through feeding my soul I became a more beautiful woman. CM, if that was all they were saying, I'd be in complete agreement with them.

Sexynmentalinkc -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:28:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin From my perspective, such desires being issues of self-esteem, I would not call it "forced", but rather "taking advantage of" their self-esteem issues. I acknowledge that by your light, you are helping them achieve goals. But were I to do the same, I'd have to break my ethics against taking advantage of someone with low self-esteem. Society places an inordinate, and in my opinion, wholly commercial emphasis on "beauty". There must be trillions tied up in the industry world-wide. They have every reason to make every one of us insecure about our looks. As I don't subscribe to fueling that industry, I see those who do as being victimized by the insecurities that industry deliberately seeks to inspire in each of us. Just a different pov to consider. Well, you mentioned (and I snipped) breast 'work'. Just to put things in perspective... Breast cosmetic surgery has the single highest satisfaction rating of any medical procedure performed on women. Clearly most (many) are happy with the results and very often feel better after it's all said and done. They can wear clothes they've longed to wear - or simply feel better in them. I've spoken to many that have such work - and almost universally, they are happy they did it and stated that had they known exactly how happy they'd be should have done it sooner. Now, that's not everyone (because I don't believe in absolutes). I empathize and agree with your comments about the overly-commercialized and marketed body-image industry. They do have a vested interest in creating an uproar, so to speak. However, at the same time...they do so because there is a market that clearly seeks that out. Believe me, I know it's a hard subject but on some level, lil' Suzie Homemaker generally wants to be considered desirable by their mate.....inside AND out. From my experience, a woman feeling desirable and so on is a health issue - it's a mental health issue (i.e. when you look good, you FEEL good). And there's nothing at all wrong with that. tips his hat - Mr. S

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:35:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight i know weight is a health issue that is why i am losing weight. I went to the highest of 315 and i am down to 277. I know it isn't much but it is a start. That's great! Imagine wearing forty pounds of butter strapped to your body. [;)] quote: But that is not what defines me, my weight. It is WHOM i am, what i believe in, what i am about. It is not all that defines you, but it is part of what influences who you are and what you can do, just like any illness or disability. Fortunately this one you can overcome. quote: New Journey: let it begin! grins... That's the spirit. [:)]

xoxi -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:51:48 AM)
You know...quite a few people consider morbid obesity (100 lbs overweight) to be not only a severe health risk but also a physical defomity. Think about this from a logical standpoint. A man who is 6" 'long' at a healthy weight will be about 4" when 100 lbs overweight because there's a layer of fat padding the base of the penis. And that 4" will be covered in a roll of stomach anyway [:'(] Now put that 4" with a morbidly obese woman who has waaaaaaay more than 4" of butt and stomach. I guess missionary position is out. Reverse cowgirl might work but I've said before I hate being on top. You know there are websites that specifically deal with the acrobatics of having sex while obese? It's not just a matter of insert tab A into slot B any more... And to be honest, I would say those who say looks don't matter at all (vs those who say that their partner doesn't have to be a beauty queen, just has to be attractive in their eyes) are in a serious minority and would actually venture a guess that it has more to do with insecurity about their own looks. Not everyone of course but taking pride in one's appearance shows a healthy mental outlook. I'm not talking about an obsessive gymrat who won't go outside without 5 lbs of makeup but simply an active interest in presenting oneself well. I am overweight myself...definitely a flaw but I don't dress like a frumpy fat chick and I certainly don't eat myself happy and become obese rather than overweight. And besides weight, there are so many things that affect ones appearance. Posture is at least as important as weight if not more so in presenting a streamlined appearance. A size 10 standing straight will look a lot nicer than a size 6 hunched over. Then there are also the little things, like hair, dress, makeup, even keeping nails manicured and neat. Imagine a dom that said he would flog you if you bit your nails...he would be changing your appearance for the better but nobody would think that was so awful. I know the weight issue is very touchy to a lot of people but really now...it's not like anyone was born obese. There's a very simple way to lose weight. Burn more calories than you eat. Anyone can do it really, and if I did a few more crunches and a few less Frappuccinos I would probably look a LOT better than I do. But I loooove my Frappuccinos...it's a choice I"ve made, and I'm not going to cry if a guy says he doesn't like me because my stomach is a big mess of whipped caramel and coffee...cuz if I had to live the rest of my life with that guy, but with no Frappuccinos, I would be a very sad kitten indeed.

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:55:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sexynmentalinkc Well, you mentioned (and I snipped) breast 'work'. Just to put things in perspective... Breast cosmetic surgery has the single highest satisfaction rating of any medical procedure performed on women. I'd be curious to see how those stats were generated. quote: Clearly most (many) are happy with the results and very often feel better after it's all said and done. They can wear clothes they've longed to wear - or simply feel better in them. I've spoken to many that have such work - and almost universally, they are happy they did it and stated that had they known exactly how happy they'd be should have done it sooner. Now, that's not everyone (because I don't believe in absolutes). I empathize and agree with your comments about the overly-commercialized and marketed body-image industry. They do have a vested interest in creating an uproar, so to speak. However, at the same time...they do so because there is a market that clearly seeks that out. I really don't think so. I think a market has been created through careful manipulation of mass media, not only in creating a standard but in sustaining a standard that inspires insecurity and low self esteem amongst many people who are, for one reason or another, without a partner. Thus ... quote: Believe me, I know it's a hard subject but on some level, lil' Suzie Homemaker generally wants to be considered desirable by their mate.....inside AND out. From my experience, a woman feeling desirable and so on is a health issue - it's a mental health issue (i.e. when you look good, you FEEL good). And there's nothing at all wrong with that. tips his hat - Mr. S There's that old Steve Martin line: "It's not how you feeeel, its how you look." [;)] It has been my experience that a woman feels "desirable" when she is "desired". Certainly changing the appearances can increase the lust factor, but that only makes her body "desirable". How many woman want to be "desired" for their body only? Ten years down the road, when the warranty on the implants wears out, how "desirable" will she feel then if she's not in a relationship with someone and lacks the dough for new ones? There are long-term implications for these kinds of quick-fixes which neither you nor Stephan must live with if you choose not to. But the women, once changed, must live with them for the rest of their lives. Just look at the mess that caused the last implant recall. Did you help any of those women who ended up having to turn in their implants? Did you encourage any of them to get the implants that were later recalled?

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 8:59:04 AM)
Setting aside those physical reasons for being overweight - thyroid, disease that limits mobility, etc. People gain weight by indulging in certain behaviors and habits. Is it so hard to believe that a person who has difficulty with self-discipline is benefitted by associating themselves with someone who can help guide them toward better habits? Encouraging them to get out, get active, eat healthier. There is a difference, from my perspective, in someone who demeans a person and tries to force them into changing to meet their own selfish desires, and someone who guides, nurtures, encourages and compliments another toward meeting mutual goals. Some men and women have an inate need to guide and teach and mentor others. They find it fulfilling to see the person they already love and admire, blossom under their tutelage. I think this form of D's manifests itself in many different aspects (the least of which involves body image), and it is what I find exceptionally beautiful about the D's dynamic.

xoxi -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 9:06:44 AM)
I have also heard that people who get breast augmentation generally are happier than other forms of cosmetic surgery (lipo especially) because they have more realistic ideas. A woman with an AA cup who wants some silicone to be a B cup, or a mother of three who wants a small implant and a lift to regain the youthful look she once had, are far more realistic goals than those who expect a surgery or two to do extensive reconstructuring of their stomach butt and thighs. A few links http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=17533617 "Patient satisfaction was assessed using the client satisfaction questionnaire (CSQ-8) because of its easy applicability. Results: The complication rate was low in both patient subsets, thus confirming the safety of the transaxillary approach, as compared with the more common submammary technique. However, a higher level of satisfaction was detected in the former patient group, indicating a more favorable aesthetic outcome with the transaxillary augmentation mammaplasty. Conclusion: Endoscopically assisted transaxillary augmentation mammaplasty is a safe method with predictable results associated with a high level of patient satisfaction" http://news.softpedia.com/news/Breast-Implant-Increases-Self-Esteem-Sex-Drive-and-Satisfaction-50013.shtml " Figueroa-Haas investigated 84 women aged 21 to 57, recording their perceptions of self-esteem and sexuality before and two to three months after cosmetic breast augmentation. She found improvements in the women’s self-esteem and sexual satisfaction linked to the breast augmentation by employing two scientific scales, the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale and the Female Sexual Function Index (describing sexual arousal, satisfaction, experience and attitudes). The average increases were from 20.7 to 24.9 for self-esteem on the 30-point Rosenberg scale, and from 27.2 to 31.4 on the 36-point index for the sex function. There were substantial rises of sexual desire (plus 78.6 %), arousal (plus 81 %) and satisfaction (plus 57 %)." Obviously realistic expectations are needed...and also a reasonably healthy self esteem to begin with. Doctors are advised to decline patients who think cosmetic surgery will 'fix all their problems' or 'make them happy' because it simply can't. Realistic expectations and healthy self esteem to begin with at first are crucial in getting this type of work done.

Maya2001 -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 9:22:44 AM)
Every single one of us have views on what combinations of traits we find appealing in a partner and I doubt with any person it focuses on just one trait.. but for different individuals certain traits have a higher priority then others, some may view intelligence as a higher priority than age and feel sense of humor is more inportant then size, in other individuals the physical traits are more important and their is nothing wrong with having ideals and preferences and trying to find one the meets most of the traits that appeal to themselves the strongest, as that is what forms compatibility and makes for stronger relationships. Some people do have distorted views of what traits is important to them and they often come to realize that over time with failed relationships or with maturity and as a result they will adjustments to the priority of certain traits that are important to them. If Sexynmentalinkc and Stephan can find most of their ideal preferences in one person, then congratulations should be inorder not condemnation for ignoring those that are much farther from what they feel would make a good partner for them I personally have no interest or desire in a dom that is age 35 and younger nor am I interested in one that non self supporting, or for wanting a Dom not a Domme or sub, nor am I seeking a sadist or strictly vanilla partner. I would not want to come on here and be told I am wrong for what I feel is important to me in what appeals to me in a choice for a partner or to be told that I am discriminating against certain sector as a result. Every single on of us are guilty of discriminating against some sector of the population by having a preferences in what we desire /see, arguing and debating about anothers preferences and trying to say they are wrong. seems quite silly and hypocritical in light of

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 9:39:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=17533617 That one is about which surgical method is prefered for breast implants. quote: http://news.softpedia.com/news/Breast-Implant-Increases-Self-Esteem-Sex-Drive-and-Satisfaction-50013.shtml " Figueroa-Haas investigated 84 women aged 21 to 57, recording their perceptions of self-esteem and sexuality before and two to three months after cosmetic breast augmentation. As it says: "two or three months after" Given a reasonable amount of recovery time, they are just starting to play with their new 'toys'. Of course they are going to have a high opinion of it. What about five years down the road, or ten, or those who had their implants recalled, or those whose implants broke? BTW, I have my doubts that 84 women from the Florida area would count as a statistically legitimate sample of nearly three million women nation-wide. I'm not a statistician so I could be wrong, But the plus/minus chances of error given that sample are probably rather high. But thank you for pulling out some stats, Xoxi. Always helpful to have some real-life numbers to work with.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 9:40:48 AM)
i wont even scream i am fat and that offends me.....all i can say is fat folks can do the missionary position, although i have no clue why we would want to.... as for the rest of how no ones born fat, all so easy....blah blah blah.......you really have no clue what youre talking about there.....but i defend your right to have those opinions

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 9:51:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maya2001 If Sexynmentalinkc and Stephan can find most of their ideal preferences in one person, then congratulations should be inorder not condemnation for ignoring those that are much farther from what they feel would make a good partner for them I personally have no interest or desire in a dom that is age 35 and younger nor am I interested in one that non self supporting, or for wanting a Dom not a Domme or sub, nor am I seeking a sadist or strictly vanilla partner. I would not want to come on here and be told I am wrong for what I feel is important to me in what appeals to me in a choice for a partner or to be told that I am discriminating against certain sector as a result. Every single on of us are guilty of discriminating against some sector of the population by having a preferences in what we desire /see, arguing and debating about anothers preferences and trying to say they are wrong. seems quite silly and hypocritical in light of I hope that is not how this discussion is being viewed, Maya. I see it as a discussion on the ethics of aesthetics and body mods. We each have points of view, and ethical standards which can be described and discussed and compared without any pressure on anyone to change or feel condemned. That there are things I cannot do because my code of ethics forbids it in no way should inhibit another from believing differently if that seems right to them. Were I to limit my discussion to matters where my code of ethics was not involved, I'd have very little to say, as my code runs throughout my life and lifestyle. I don't see that my code for my life should impact anyone else's way of thinking or living, unless they want it to.

HisCompletely -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 10:01:54 AM)
A quick opinion, and one I use a lot: "You can't take it with you when you die", if you are within normal weight limits, healthy and happy, there is no superficial surgery that is necessary, except to someone with low self esteem issues, to make you "happy". It is a temporary happiness, true happiness you take with you in the form of a soul.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 10:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi I know the weight issue is very touchy to a lot of people but really now...it's not like anyone was born obese. Some medical conditions causing obesity such as gland problems don't show up at birth. There's a very simple way to lose weight. Burn more calories than you eat. Anyone can do it really, and if I did a few more crunches and a few less Frappuccinos I would probably look a LOT better than I do. Great advice for someone who doesn't have horribly stretched skin from too much amniotic fluid during pregnancy (the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds a fetus is not related to poor diet or lack of exercise). This happens to alot of women. So tell us, will diet and exercise make all that extra skin disappear? Will any amount of diet or exercise enable a woman with stretched skin to look good in a bikini?

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 11:30:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi You know...quite a few people consider morbid obesity (100 lbs overweight) to be not only a severe health risk but also a physical defomity. Think about this from a logical standpoint. A man who is 6" 'long' at a healthy weight will be about 4" when 100 lbs overweight because there's a layer of fat padding the base of the penis. And that 4" will be covered in a roll of stomach anyway [:'(] Now put that 4" with a morbidly obese woman who has waaaaaaay more than 4" of butt and stomach. ... I think we get the picture, Xoxi [:(] Certainly it is not pleasant being stuck at that weight. And knowing the long road ahead, and all the good food behind doesn't make it easier to take the first step. But that's how it's done, step by step. What you seem to overlook is a lot of people are stuck more for other reasons than good food. Diabetics and Arthritics both have difficulties that make it difficult if not dangerous to diet/exercise unless their programs are such that it can take almost forever to lose all the weight. No doubt there are many conditions that can complicate the process. It isn't always about too much cake and ice cream while sitting in front of the tv. That's why I advocate losing weight while one still can, because the complications like diabetes and arthritis can be like death-traps. But Xoxi, being cruel about it doesn't help. Try strapping 70 or 80 pounds of butter to your body and tell me they don't know the strain they're under.

SingleRarity -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 11:55:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisCompletely A quick opinion, and one I use a lot: "You can't take it with you when you die", if you are within normal weight limits, healthy and happy, there is no superficial surgery that is necessary, except to someone with low self esteem issues, to make you "happy". It is a temporary happiness, true happiness you take with you in the form of a soul. As someone who had plastic surgery over ten years ago, I can honestly say it changed my life. Not right away mind you, but over time the physical change prompted a psychological change. It was not a "temporary happiness," but instead, a life changing event that not only altered me physically, but spiritually as well. I understand it may be a quick fix for some, but you shouldn't clump us all together. Edited because the lazy ballerina forgot to check her spelling. [:)]

xoxi -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/7/2007 11:58:14 AM)
When I was 15 years old I weighed 275 lbs. I currently weigh about 175. I can tell you from experience that losing weight is not impossible, and it's much easier to do all the normal things in life (walking up the 3 flights to my apartment, the mile to the train, wild acrobatic sex for hours upon hours) without 100 lbs of butter getting in my way. DBG - I truly feel your pain. I intend to have breast augmentation as soon as I can afford it because due to the extreme weight loss (275 to 140 in under 2 years) I have...not quite lovely breasts. I definitely understand that surgery is probably the only option in that case. I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm just saying that yes gland issues are a problem, but I am on a prescription narcotic medication that slows my metabolism to a crawl. I've been on it 2 years...and have gained about 20 lbs on it. Not 100. I lost 100 lbs in 2 years so I'm sure it would be much easier to gain it...but truly moderation and good diet choices are crucial. I don't ask anyone to coddle me because I drink too much iced coffee and eat too many muffins. I understand weight gain due to metabolism issues but there's a limit to how much is based on your metabolism and how much is based on a combination of inactivity and poor diet. My grandmother is diabetic, arthritic, has had surgery on her legs 3 times and is unable to walk without a walker. She is 5'4 and I have never seen her weigh more than 160 or 170. And she has been ill my whole life. Obviously that's just one person, but I'm just saying it's not impossible to watch what you eat just because you can't hit the treadmill for an hour or two.

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