RE: Difficulty finding a Dom?

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breatheasone -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/4/2007 8:37:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: exogenous quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 quote: [And Lord help me, if the OP is "older" at 34 years old, then I am most ancient at 47 years old. What in the hell does that mean… am I ready to be retired to BDSM convalescent home? Hell no! WAIT there's BDSM convalescent homes?????????? Sign me up! l I hope so! LOL. I don't want to waste away in a bed, complacently waiting for the grim reaper. I want to go out with a happy, loud, yell! I want to be yelling OH GOD I'M CUMMING...and then go....LMAO

defiantbadgirl -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/4/2007 10:14:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: exogenous The theory of person who is naturally submissive becoming a switch in order to be able to order a sub to dominate her is “interesting” as well as disturbing, to my way of thinking. What about Dommes ordering straight male subs to perform same sex acts? Few seem to find that "disturbing." I am not interested in manipulating How is this manipulating? Male subs choose to be subs because they enjoy pleasing women, right? Therefore, wouldn't they enjoy dominating a woman if they were ordered to because by doing so they would be pleasing her? It's not like they would be ordered to all the time. I would dominate them too.

susie -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/4/2007 11:01:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: exogenous The theory of person who is naturally submissive becoming a switch in order to be able to order a sub to dominate her is “interesting” as well as disturbing, to my way of thinking. What about Dommes ordering straight male subs to perform same sex acts? Few seem to find that "disturbing." I am not interested in manipulating How is this manipulating? Male subs choose to be subs because they enjoy pleasing women, right? Therefore, wouldn't they enjoy dominating a woman if they were ordered to because by doing so they would be pleasing her? It's not like they would be ordered to all the time. I would dominate them too. DBG I think you find this easier to consider because you identify as a switch. For me as a submissive, of course the most important thing is to make my Master happy. He knows that and he knows that he could order me to do anything he wanted, but he is also well aware of my personality and the fact that I would find it impossible to dominate anyone. It is just not something I could do nor even know how to start doing.

exogenous -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/4/2007 11:16:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: susie quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: exogenous The theory of person who is naturally submissive becoming a switch in order to be able to order a sub to dominate her is “interesting” as well as disturbing, to my way of thinking. What about Dommes ordering straight male subs to perform same sex acts? Few seem to find that "disturbing." I am not interested in manipulating How is this manipulating? Male subs choose to be subs because they enjoy pleasing women, right? Therefore, wouldn't they enjoy dominating a woman if they were ordered to because by doing so they would be pleasing her? It's not like they would be ordered to all the time. I would dominate them too. DBG I think you find this easier to consider because you identify as a switch. For me as a submissive, of course the most important thing is to make my Master happy. He knows that and he knows that he could order me to do anything he wanted, but he is also well aware of my personality and the fact that I would find it impossible to dominate anyone. It is just not something I could do nor even know how to start doing. Thank you for so eloquently clarifying my point. As I wrote previously, "I am not interested in manipulating a sub into being something that does not jibe with who the sub truly is."

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 2:57:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne personally, id fuck the fat dude (if its a dude) before id fuck fabio......but then im told im peculiar.... shudder[:'(] I was pointing up double standards.. Everyone does that sort of thing-to some extent. I look at it this way-would YOU date an opposite sex (or same) counterpart of you? If not, one has NO reason to complain. i would, and have.......the eyes are what get me.....as long as theyre not hidden with rolls of fat, im good.....

Cyntilating -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 4:49:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: exogenous The theory of person who is naturally submissive becoming a switch in order to be able to order a sub to dominate her is “interesting” as well as disturbing, to my way of thinking. What about Dommes ordering straight male subs to perform same sex acts? Few seem to find that "disturbing." I am not interested in manipulating How is this manipulating? Male subs choose to be subs because they enjoy pleasing women, right? Therefore, wouldn't they enjoy dominating a woman if they were ordered to because by doing so they would be pleasing her? It's not like they would be ordered to all the time. I would dominate them too. hi Defiant That is not what you suggested orginally in your topic question. The above scenario is Topping someone ( who understands this is a scene and who is not giving you their submission)..they are bottoming in the moment, or in a scene. >> You originally suggested (becoming a switch) " changing who you are and what you feel inside to get a date" basically. so that changes the topping/bottom scenario into something manipulative and fake... ie. Professing to be A DOMinant when that is not your nature>> and engaging someone elses submission who thinks you are...is unfair and lying to both* parties.* [ I was wondering if any bbw subs out there ever considered becoming switches and ordering male subs to dominate them? ] and then it is convoluted further by ordering ones submissive to reverse their nature and dom their dom ??? The whole thing makes my head hurt to think about too long. "becoming" a switch.....is that like "becoming" lesbian? Are switches switches because they cannot make up their minds? .... I don't think so. Are bi-sexuals bi-sexual because they "just wanna do everyone they see" ....not in my opinion, or from my experience and observation. Reminds me of an episode of Will & Grace ( man oh man I miss that show ) Grace accidently comes across a room giving away free coffee and donuts.....shes "loading up" and asking someone > "why the free donuts"? Shes told that shes at an AA meeting and the refreshments are complimentary and funded by the contributions of the members.... she hesitates a moment and then ends up staying for the meeting and, of course, HAS to profess " Hi Im Grace and Im an alcoholic" ... but hey! means free donuts! so what the heck?right? ...who's she hurting??? its funny well because its will and grace but youre also shaking your head thinking > ohhh grace, thats sooo wrong on so many levels... so yes, back to your last comment ..yes it is manipulative. and above all > it's compromising yourself....your genuine self. Personally, I would rather be relationship-less and on my own, than compromise and lie about who I am in order to be with someone. as as Grace also said:( when the poker team didnt feel she "fit-in" and didnt want to play with her anymore) ..." well, thats fine...I happen to think I'm great and so I'll just go in my room and play with myself!" hhurrrummpffff

chickpea -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 5:11:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 obviously physical attraction is very much a part of any initial getting together. l Not when what you are seeking is under the skin ... like a heart of gold. I have to disagree with that...a heart of gold can't replace physical attraction completely just as physical attraction can't replace emotional compatibility. They're two separate requirements and I think both are important for an intimate relationship. Obviously emotional attraction tends to make someone more physically attractive because you see them as a sexual partner, but everyone has their limits as far as this goes. The line may vary depending on the individual (and usually on how attractive the individual judging is) but there is definitely a line where no amount of emotional compatibility can turn the relationship into anything more than a friendship. Besides...sex is important in a healthy relationship. Kinda hard to have a healthy sex life if both your bits are covered by 500 lb rolls [:'(][:'(][:'(] I thought this at first, but as long as he's healthy and can satisfy me etc... has a great personality, respects me, is sensitive to my needs etc etc etc you know... then who cares. I think physical attraction is good for the "opening the door" and inital interest if you're in a horny mood (lol), but I think that personality and person-himself, integrity, and character (not lying, etc..) etc.. will carry the relationship forward all the way down the road to bigger and better. I've met so many Hot Idiots. It's disgusting. It's like looking a beautiful statue and discovering that it's a plastic fake that was made in china and is full of holes inside...worthless. The hot and bodies are all just to cover an idiot inside. It makes it even more repulsive that he's hot, and completely disgusts me personality-wise. I am big on the inner-person. That's what I feed off of. I think initial lust is all physical, like flipping through pages of a gossip magazine or eating candy. Candy is just a quick-sugar fix that doesn't last long and makes you sick and bloated later, if there's no substance to it. I cannot be in a shallow relationship for long, it is not the way I'm built. Even if this guy were a billionaire or whatever, I'd say see ya and bye. I know, i know, I'd get ahead more in life, but that's just not who I am. I'm not built to be that way. What really gets me is a great guy. Scarey, how it is... but building a great life together is such a great high, and you can't do that with a hot-looking idiot (or not so hot-looking idiot).. you know what I'm talking about....is so much better than working off of just initial physical attraction forever, which I'm sure lots of people try to do. Oh, and guys who aren't that attractive but then have a bitter attitude about hot guys or I'm all that just because I want to force the fact that I think I'm great for no reason just because, gimme a break...that's disgusting too. I don't know maybe guys are different. They're built to build relationships on the physical attraction (you know the darwinian propogate their genes and seek the healthiest looking person), but I don't see how they would just need physical unless all they need is a trophy wife or the short-term sex. Okay, I've beaten this topic to death..lol

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 5:38:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chickpea quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 obviously physical attraction is very much a part of any initial getting together. l Not when what you are seeking is under the skin ... like a heart of gold. I have to disagree with that...a heart of gold can't replace physical attraction completely just as physical attraction can't replace emotional compatibility. They're two separate requirements and I think both are important for an intimate relationship. Obviously emotional attraction tends to make someone more physically attractive because you see them as a sexual partner, but everyone has their limits as far as this goes. The line may vary depending on the individual (and usually on how attractive the individual judging is) but there is definitely a line where no amount of emotional compatibility can turn the relationship into anything more than a friendship. Besides...sex is important in a healthy relationship. Kinda hard to have a healthy sex life if both your bits are covered by 500 lb rolls [:'(][:'(][:'(] I thought this at first, but as long as he's healthy and can satisfy me etc... has a great personality, respects me, is sensitive to my needs etc etc etc you know... then who cares. I think physical attraction is good for the "opening the door" and inital interest if you're in a horny mood (lol), but I think that personality and person-himself, integrity, and character (not lying, etc..) etc.. will carry the relationship forward all the way down the road to bigger and better. I've met so many Hot Idiots. It's disgusting. It's like looking a beautiful statue and discovering that it's a plastic fake that was made in china and is full of holes inside...worthless. The hot and bodies are all just to cover an idiot inside. It makes it even more repulsive that he's hot, and completely disgusts me personality-wise. I am big on the inner-person. That's what I feed off of. I think initial lust is all physical, like flipping through pages of a gossip magazine or eating candy. Candy is just a quick-sugar fix that doesn't last long and makes you sick and bloated later, if there's no substance to it. I cannot be in a shallow relationship for long, it is not the way I'm built. Even if this guy were a billionaire or whatever, I'd say see ya and bye. I know, i know, I'd get ahead more in life, but that's just not who I am. I'm not built to be that way. What really gets me is a great guy. Scarey, how it is... but building a great life together is such a great high, and you can't do that with a hot-looking idiot (or not so hot-looking idiot).. you know what I'm talking about....is so much better than working off of just initial physical attraction forever, which I'm sure lots of people try to do. Oh, and guys who aren't that attractive but then have a bitter attitude about hot guys or I'm all that just because I want to force the fact that I think I'm great for no reason just because, gimme a break...that's disgusting too. I don't know maybe guys are different. They're built to build relationships on the physical attraction (you know the darwinian propogate their genes and seek the healthiest looking person), but I don't see how they would just need physical unless all they need is a trophy wife or the short-term sex. Okay, I've beaten this topic to death..lol I think you expanded on my point quite well. My impression of beautiful women is that they have had quite a bit handed to them simply because of their looks. Those who are less-beautiful have had to develop personality traits to compensate for what they were not getting due to looks. While some can be bitter, I've found far more hearts of gold within the less-beautiful than in the beautiful. Not that the beautiful can't have hearts of gold. I'm sure some do. But I've found a much higher percentage of 'plain janes' with beautiful personalities than I am ever going to find amongst the "beautiful people". Caveat: I am not your typical male, lusting after a gorgeous body. I want the heart and mind of someone who has learned what matters most, and what lasts longest, is who we are inside, not what we look like.

xoxi -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 11:15:13 AM)
I think you misunderstood me. I'm not saying that you have to only date the equivalent of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie...I'm just saying that there has to be some level of physical attraction for a relationship to succeed on the physical level. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder - I mean Fabio is a male model but the general response to his pic was "ewwww he is SO not my type" so it's not like there is one standard "attractive" mold that someone has to fit in. Like I said earlier - personality and emotional compatibility definitely make a person more attractive because you have feelings toward them. However I'm sure everyone has either met or seen someone that no matter how great their personality was, they couldn't see as more than a friend because the lack of physical attraction was just too much to overcome. And that person might be beautiful in someone else's eyes...but thats irrelevant. The important thing is whether or not you are physicall attracted to that person.

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 11:44:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi I think you misunderstood me. I'm not saying that you have to only date the equivalent of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie...I'm just saying that there has to be some level of physical attraction for a relationship to succeed on the physical level. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder - I mean Fabio is a male model but the general response to his pic was "ewwww he is SO not my type" so it's not like there is one standard "attractive" mold that someone has to fit in. Like I said earlier - personality and emotional compatibility definitely make a person more attractive because you have feelings toward them. However I'm sure everyone has either met or seen someone that no matter how great their personality was, they couldn't see as more than a friend because the lack of physical attraction was just too much to overcome. And that person might be beautiful in someone else's eyes...but thats irrelevant. The important thing is whether or not you are physicall attracted to that person. Okay, I can say she has to be an adult, human, genetic female, freshly bathed, without rotting teeth or running pustules. Does that count as a standard for "beauty"?

xoxi -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 12:37:06 PM)
As a matter of fact it does. Now all the chicks with backne and tooth decay will feel left out [;)]

Stephann -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 12:59:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin Caveat: I am not your typical male, lusting after a gorgeous body. I want the heart and mind of someone who has learned what matters most, and what lasts longest, is who we are inside, not what we look like. I am. I like beautiful women with beautiful bodies. I just also expect them to have hearts of gold. I'm also willing to help a woman to look her best. I find women with beautiful hearts, with encouragement and attention, eventually come to have beautiful bodies as well. Regards, Stephan

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 12:59:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xoxi As a matter of fact it does. Now all the chicks with backne and tooth decay will feel left out [;)] Sorry, but I don't believe acne (?) and tooth decay are what I had in mind when I said "rotting teeth or running pustules".

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 1:02:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin Caveat: I am not your typical male, lusting after a gorgeous body. I want the heart and mind of someone who has learned what matters most, and what lasts longest, is who we are inside, not what we look like. I am. I like beautiful women with beautiful bodies. I just also expect them to have hearts of gold. I'm also willing to help a woman to look her best. I find women with beautiful hearts, with encouragement and attention, eventually come to have beautiful bodies as well. Regards, Stephan I view weight as a health issue, not an aesthetic issue.

Stephann -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 1:05:41 PM)
Why are you assuming that weight is the only issue I was addressing? Everyone has their virtues and flaws; some of us just happen to be flawed in a way that causes other flaws to well outbalance the virtues. I don't want someone who wants me to accept them broken, or overly flawed; I want someone who is as driven to improve their lives, as I am to improve mine. Not because I am overly flawed to begin with, but because those who do not push themselves to become better ultimately end up miserable. Stephan

Bobkgin -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 1:21:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Why are you assuming that weight is the only issue I was addressing? *quote:* ORIGINAL: Stephann I like beautiful women with beautiful bodies. I just also expect them to have hearts of gold. I'm also willing to help a woman to look her best. I find women with beautiful hearts, with encouragement and attention, eventually come to have beautiful bodies as well. quote: Everyone has their virtues and flaws; some of us just happen to be flawed in a way that causes other flaws to well outbalance the virtues. I don't want someone who wants me to accept them broken, or overly flawed; I want someone who is as driven to improve their lives, as I am to improve mine. Not because I am overly flawed to begin with, but because those who do not push themselves to become better ultimately end up miserable. Stephan So shall I assume you were also referring to breast implants, lip enhancements, etc?

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 1:26:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin Caveat: I am not your typical male, lusting after a gorgeous body. I want the heart and mind of someone who has learned what matters most, and what lasts longest, is who we are inside, not what we look like. I am. I like beautiful women with beautiful bodies. I just also expect them to have hearts of gold. I'm also willing to help a woman to look her best. I find women with beautiful hearts, with encouragement and attention, eventually come to have beautiful bodies as well. Regards, Stephan Damn, I have to rethink all this now cause I wanted to find myself a real skinny trailor park white trash looking girl, with a bad attitude.

mytruth2u -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 1:59:37 PM)
I am an over weight sub and new to boot but i don’t really think of that as a problem. A Dom that doesn’t want that is not the Dom for me period. I personally could never imagine becoming a switch just to get a guy to Dominate me either. I think that that would just fuck with my head. Am i really being a sub if im forcing him to dominate me? I am a sub and the idea of having to dominate to be a sub seems very confusing and slightly wrong to me.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/5/2007 2:10:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 You're all the same to me fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you May I direct your attention to the "Partners on behavioural Meds..." thread. You might find some useful information there. Hahahaha. Why? Are you dysfunctional on that thread too? I think he was talking about you. duh.....im sure she and everyone else knew this........and you just thought it?

taralynn -> RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? (10/6/2007 4:37:39 PM)
He doesn't want them broken or overly flawed... that way he can break them and fuck them up himself.

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