RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE?

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:38:30 PM

RRafe

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The frustrsation would probably drive me nuts.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 6:54:30 PM

MistressPurpleFL

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Maybe I stated it incorrectly; relationships in general can be hard to maintain; but when one is into BDSM and another isn't then it can be more complicated; or there may be sexual tension supressed for one person involved. He did not know about the other side of me; I decided not to share the other part of me with him and that should have been a red flag for me SINCE I usually have no problems revealing the dominant side of me.. It was an experience and unfortunately I know I can not seduce him to the other side ( God issue for him)

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:05:56 PM

SayaNereida

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MistressPurple,

First, what is YOUR definition of ‘real’ love?
It seems as if you are saying that ‘real’ love cannot be found within a bdsm relationship. Why do you believe that?

For me, I would have difficulty defining it as ‘real’ love, IF at least the potential for a bdsm/D-s relationship did not exist.

However, if in an existing relationship, bdsm had to be discontinued due to physical limits, etc, I would not leave that relationship if the bdsm side had to end.

I have always been dominant and can not see myself supressing my true self even for love.
This statement is rather important to your answer. If you already know you will need to suppress this, don’t you think you will eventually come to resent it?

Out of curiosity, are you being asked to suppress it?

In my case, my dominant is my friend, my lover, and my life partner; I would not be happy any other way.

My opinion, for what it is worth, and with all due respect, is that you may be trying to divide yourself and your potential relationship into too many tiny boxes. It is not likely, although always possible, for one person to be able to find the key to all of the boxes.

Saya

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:06:11 PM

celticlord2112

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I did....once.

But not for her. For two boys who deserved a chance to grow into men.

I won't do it again.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:09:58 PM

YourhandMyAss

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No. I would not sacrifice bdsm, because it's me, kinky is who I am. I've done the whole don't be myself because I met someone I liked before I met someone kinky, wasn't totally happy wasn't fufiled they were sad I wanted someone outside them, eventually I got frusterated with the situation.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:12:04 PM

DocRudy

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~fast reply~

Chances are, even if you love the person more than the BDSM lifestyle, the partnership will be incomplete and strain over time, since a seemingly large part of you will be unfulfilled.

Love, sadly, does not conquer all.

-DR

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:14:36 PM

RRafe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DocRudy

~fast reply~

Chances are, even if you love the person more than the BDSM lifestyle, the partnership will be incomplete and strain over time, since a seemingly large part of you will be unfulfilled.

Love, sadly, does not conquer all.

-DR

Agreement. Some things just seem to be hard wired.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:16:54 PM

MistressPurpleFL

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Dear Saya:

Real love can exist most definitely in a BDSM relationship the individual that I was in a relationship would not have been accepting of my lifestyle. I did not act on my dominant side; wondering if it was really something I needed or could it have been something I could have given up for love. As I learned being dominant is not a hobby or phase but in reality who I truly am so I had to release him and in doing so I released myself from the invisible barrier self doubt.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:21:23 PM

Decimus

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I couldn't love a woman who wasn't my domme so I wouldn't have to sacrafice my lifestyle for love.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:24:09 PM

akisha

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I tried that once.

I grew to resent him and very much dislike him. Not only because we didn't have a bdsm relationship, there were alot of reasons but that was a big part of it.

I don't think I'd ever do it again. I'll not say never because you "never" know for sure what you might do down the line somewhere.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:25:13 PM

PsyVamp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Decimus

I couldn't love a woman who wasn't my domme so I wouldn't have to sacrafice my lifestyle for love.

Ditto... in the opposite direction. I don't even associate with people not in the life on some level at this point, so I don't think giving up my dominance would be an issue.
And yes, I do believe in love.

~Psy

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:30:42 PM

downkitty

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To me, the question would be more like, "Can X really love me if he isn't aware of and love such a huge part of my personality.?" If he doesn't love the me that I am, he wont love the me I try to be to please him. You can't ever really be what someone wants you to be, unless it is who you are already.

I could give up a social network, I think, if "BDSM Lifestyle" is more of a reference to active socializing with a like-minded community. However, I don't think I could give up a core personality trait, which I believe submissiveness is to me.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 7:32:20 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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I was lucky to find a mate that was involved in the ls before we met, so therefore I didn't have to give bdsm up for love,I did that once and was paying for that mistake for years..My beautiful diva wife is an equal partner in all we do...

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 8:03:11 PM

Tristan

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I think there are two separate issues involved in this question. There is the kink and there is the relationship. I truly enjoy the kink. It's exciting and adds spice to the relationship, but I could give that up without hesitation for the right person. Besides, no two people have exactly the same kinks anyways.

The relationship side is different. I think that we need to find someone who is compatible on a primal level. Someone who compliments our core personality. I have found that if you are connecting on that primal level, the D/s part of the relationship will follow. It may happen immediately or it may develop over a few months as the inhibitions are lost. At least this has been my experience.

I'm guessing that if the D/s part of the relationship did not develop, than the person you are with is probably not someone you can connect with on this deep emotional level. What I look for is an emotional connection. Once that is present, the D/s part has always followed. Again, this is only my experience for what it's worth.

Tristan

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RE: Would Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 8:10:02 PM

sula

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No.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 8:11:15 PM

EvilGenie

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I have to beg to differ regarding the real world, expectations and acceptance of a Dominant woman. I am a Dominant woman and was a Dominant child. I have lived in several countries on several continents and have found acceptance of myself as a Dominant woman wherever I have lived. It has been the most difficult in the US. However, I recently married in Morocco where I used to live and am returning to live in January. Is who I am S&M? No, I am a Dominant, that is me and nothing and nobody can or will ever change that. Most societies I have lived in not only accept a Dominant woman but welcome her.

Do I need to tie my husband to the bed to be catered to? Do I need to ball gag him for him to anticipate when I want a coffee and get it for me? I could ask a million more questions and the answer would always be NO. Even if I began to explain this lifestyle to him he wouldn't get it. What he and society knows is that I am a strong, independent, intelligent, witty and caring woman. He just happens to love me to the extent that he is actually quite submissive though has no term for it because S&M never was/is 'my thing' anyway. I am accepted fully and completely, deeply in love and loved and do not have to be at all untrue to my own hard wiring of who I am.

Our home is usually, at some point during the day or night, quite full of people and they all hear me yelling from the other room for him and watch him get up and run. Does he do this because we have a D/s M/s relationship? No, he does this because that is his way of loving me and all who know us readily accept this as he is happy. Their greatest concern is his happiness not that I call and he runs. For me, I have the best of it all finally and well deserve it. He is a highly educated, strong and intelligent man who, at the times when *I* need it, can quite happily go solve an issue of ours on his own. I don't have to micromanage to be happy. I DO have to be me to be happy and that is not compromized in any way by anybody. So, technically we do have a D/s relationship though don't need the labeling. Yes the primal level connection was made and the remainder followed naturally based on who we are naturally.

When we feel like it we even get some kink on but doesn't everyone? It just isn't to the extent that I am into flogging any longer.

I don't feel as though I have given up ANYTHING and know I have gained a great deal.

Just my two cents!

EG

< Message edited by EvilGenie -- 10/2/2007 8:40:34 PM >

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 8:31:58 PM

daddysliloneds

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nope; then again, i couldn't fall in love with someone who wasn't into bdsm and/or ds either.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 8:36:47 PM

Arastella

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My personal belief (DO NOTE, BEFORE YOU FLAME ME, ITS SIMPLY MY BELIEF) about submissives is that if you call yourself a "true submissive", then you KNOW you can't just give it up. You KNOW that if you give it up and live a "vanilla" relationship instead, there will always be something missing. And yes, I do believe if the person you found can't grasp the BDSM concept, then they aren't meant to be.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 8:45:59 PM

Missokyst

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I guess I must not be "true". For me, kink is bdsm. I am a masochist, but I can take care of my own needs if it came down to it. If I loved someone, I could give up the need to be beaten.
But ds.. when I am in a relationship, the mate always comes first. I cater to my mate like I do my family. It is my nature to care for my people. It is my nature to defer my wishes to what my mate requires. I do not see this as kink. I see this as personality.
If I was in a relationship that developed into love, I am fairly certain that it is my personality which he would find favor with. It has nothing to do with kink. It has everything to do with the need to make your mate happy. He could be nilla and still appreciate that. And if he did not, more than likely he and I would not be together. We would not have gotten to the point of "falling in love".
Kink is great.
Love can be done without kink.
BDSM is play. Submission is the way some people are within a relationship
Now.. if I were a dominant, then the situation might be different. But then again.. if someone is with you, falling in love with you, then they accept that your personality is strong.
And if you aren't tying them up and beating them, are they any less to you?
If so, it is probably not love.
BDSM is play. Love can be done without kink. DS is personality.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

My personal belief (DO NOTE, BEFORE YOU FLAME ME, ITS SIMPLY MY BELIEF) about submissives is that if you call yourself a "true submissive", then you KNOW you can't just give it up. You KNOW that if you give it up and live a "vanilla" relationship instead, there will always be something missing. And yes, I do believe if the person you found can't grasp the BDSM concept, then they aren't meant to be.

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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/2/2007 9:47:31 PM

Mercurialdame

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An absolute YES.

The 'high' of being in love, surpasses any moment in time, ive had within bdsm without love.
Whilst subspace/domspace may be haven for the moment within it, its allways transient.

Love i find is more enduring.

Of course, being greedy, i have both.

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