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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 10:25:37 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		EG, I dont think she meant no one else has said it, I think my wording was just a bit simpler.
The majority of us see ourselves that way, I think.  This is who I am, not what I play at.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 10:30:32 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I have to wonder if it's deep, abiding love, if the person does not or cannot love the whole "you". I am a multi-faceted person, most people are generally speaking. I'm not just submissive, I'm not just a mom, I'm not just a masochist, I'm not just a daughter, sister, friend, voracious reader, book lover, etc. I am many things coming together to make up the whole me. Having to give up part of who and what I am in order for someone to love me and be happy with me isn't going to work in the long run. I would rather keep looking for the one(s) who accept and love ME, not just select parts of me. If I'm not happy and fulfilled, then I can't make them feel happy and fulfilled.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 12:33:35 PM   
chadra


Posts: 32
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Would you sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for the possibility of "real" love or shouldn't the one who loves you accept the "dominant or submissive" side of you.


I'm interpreting this queston as would I sacrifice BDSM because I love someone or shouldn't the one who loves me *be* the dominant side of me... not just accept, but be.  They are different.

My husband accepts my kink wholeheartedly.  Knows about it, understands it and yes... accepts it.  On the other hand, any expectation of mine for him to be my dominant has to be similarly shelved.  I can ask him to try for me, and he has done that.  We've gone the route of exploring if it's in him.  He's not dominant... he's vanilla.  So, it's come time for me to accept that in him just as he accepts my orientation as a sub.

The next question is one of sacrificing the lifestyle for love.  Would I do that? 

Yes. 

Lastly, then, it's about how to meet my needs and orientation into all of the above.  Those questions are still outstanding between us... like everything else, it comes down to communication and committment.

Good luck.


(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 1:36:07 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		Very well said Kyst. My husband fell in love with ME, the whole and true me, the loving me, the warm me, the intelligent me, the perfectionist me, the me who naturally takes control, the lovely sweet and Dominant me. The only 'me' I know how to be as it is tough enough being myself let alone trying to pretend I am something I am not! I can be and am all of those things. WHO I am in all my many facets that makes me who I am were and are always present up front. I am grateful that he found me and did fall in love with me.  I am happy to love him as deeply in return for who he is; a very catering warm, intelligent, 'puts her first always' sort of man. I would say he is veryy submissive by nature and I can stop him in his tracks home or out with a certain look but is our lifestyle defined by BDSM? Nope.

Be Well!

EG

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 1:39:32 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

EG, I dont think she meant no one else has said it, I think my wording was just a bit simpler.
The majority of us see ourselves that way, I think.  This is who I am, not what I play at.

DV

Oh no DV I didn't think that was meant at all and yes you said what I was in fewer words which can be a very good thing! I am a writer so I forget at times that being less wordy is a good thing..

Be Well!

EG


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 3:06:03 PM   
GregariousGreta


Posts: 42
Joined: 4/29/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I probably wouldn't sacrifice my BDSM lifestyle for love.

Unlike what I was taught as a child, love has many facets one being sex. A complete relationship on an intimate level, for me, requires physical intimacy as well as mental/emotional. Many partners' relationships die over time due to their sex life being close to none or completely null. If I can't share the most intimate of things such as BDSM with my partner, then I don't consider it a complete relationship.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 5:04:08 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		As usual because people are different and have different needs then the answer to the question is different for each of us.
Someone can be dominant or submissive and not be interested or able to enjoy BDSM activities.
It's a personality trait not a kink.
I can't have any kind of intimate/ltr with a dominant person. We quite simply will bang heads at some point. I can act submissive as long as I am getting what I want just like lots of people who call themselves submissive.  But it's a role that they play. However playing a role for a long period of time is hard work. I know because I have done it for most of my life. If someone I am intimately involved with doesn't do as I tell them to do I want to discipline them. I can't because it's against the law. So I find vanilla relationships difficult. However the sad thing is that most of the BDSM men who I have met or talked  to aren't submissive they are dominant men who want someone to cater to their kink or they just want a woman and they think that acting submissive will gain them one. Some vanilla men are submissive to me. But that doesn't mean they would submit to my discipline. Submission and dominance is a continuum. Some of us are happy with a loving D/s relationship with a little kink or even no kink at all. I want both. But of course I'm prepared to compromise for the right person. Loving someone means you are willing to compromise. It's just that the compromises can in the end kill the love and the other side is that all the kink in the world won't in the end be satisfying without love.

(in reply to GregariousGreta)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/4/2007 5:14:52 PM   
MistressPurpleFL


Posts: 112
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		There are many degrees in which love can be defined and yes I feel that he has fallen in love with ONLY the part I have chosen to show him.  It was not fair to him or me to continue in a relationship I thought or later knew I would grow to be resentful in because I was not truly being me.  As I mentioned I loved him enough to let go and in doing so I freed myself. 
 
It will be difficult the next couple of months or so because I see him often; I know that he loves a part of me but their is no real chance for us to melt into one or have him accept the fact that I am Dominant and that will never change.   Please understand that it was my decision to not introduce him to ALL of me do to our initial conversations.  I was not pretending to be someone I wasn't I was hoping that being my somewhat vanilla side would be enough but it has never been enough or shall I say the COMPLETE me.
 
Sadly Love does not Conquer all !!!!

_____________________________

"Life is too short to stay in the missionary position" By Mistress PurpleFL

"Nothing caresses like a suede whip in my hand; now let me touch you all over." Be me

"Smile at me with your eyes as you KNEEL to serve me with your HEART!" By me

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/5/2007 4:31:44 AM   
CuteIrishM4F


Posts: 104
Joined: 7/19/2004
Status: offline 		Well said Knight of Mists,

I think love is the most important thing of all. But changing who you are...? Is that love? There are many emotions which in this common tongue we call 'love', but they are not at all the one thing. And all people are different, and change constantly. Be aware of that and you cannot go wrong...

A.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/5/2007 5:37:34 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Love and Kink, is what I am looking for.  I know myself well.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/5/2007 6:02:44 AM   
SweetMystress


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/5/2007
Status: offline 		As with many, I was a dominant child, teen, young adult etc..
It is who I am, during My lifetime, however, I've been in the sub role, to learn who I am, and to learn who My partner would/will be. I've learned what I needed to know from both sides. (Admitting I loath being a subbie & tried to be vanilla) However if done for love, can be mildly toleralble. Just not for any length of time

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/5/2007 8:05:00 AM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		I found out this year that i am not a *twue* submissive, that i couldnt be with a Dom, but i could very well get along with a Top. So my answer is yes, i would sacrifice the lifestyle for love cause bdsm isnt me, but only a part of who i am.

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Become who you are. - Socrate

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/5/2007 11:26:46 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressPurpleFL

The concept of maintaining a vanilla relationship is already complex enough without adding bdsm.  Would you sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for the possibility of "real" love or shouldn't the one who loves you accept the "dominant or submissive" side of you.  The reason I have put this topic out is because I have recently had to deal or actually I am still dealing with this issue.  I would love to hear the opinions of others on this matter.  I have always felt that love should be unconditional to Extent (oxymoron isn't it of sorts?) but really I can not be with someone and truly be myself if they are not either accepting of the lifestyle or in the lifestyle.  I have always been dominant and can not see myself supressing my true self even for love.



Personally?  No, I would not. 

The reason is that someone being right for me is about more than just loving them.  It's about a mutual respect, compatibility, and timing in life.

Love is rather easy to find.  I've mutually been in love with a few people in my short life.  Only one I chose to marry and share my life with, because we were not only in love but also had those other factors that are needed for a good relationship.

And I've ended relationships with those I've truly loved because that respect wasn't there, or we weren't wholly compatibly, or the timing in my life was not right for such a relationship.

I won't give up a part of me, alter myself, to try and force compatibility or try to win the non-existing respect of someone I care about. 

Instead, I keep loving them while looking for the next love who I match with better.  In fact, most I never stop loving... that's where some of my longest and best friendships are from today:  people who the love was with, but who a romantic, life-sharing partnership just wasn't right.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to MistressPurpleFL)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/5/2007 10:08:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Turn it around. You fall in love with a nonkinky person who does not like at all an inequal power relationship. Why aren't you willing to sacrifice what you need, a BDSM relationship, to make them happy?

Nonkinky people have as much right to their hard limits as kinky types do. And if that includes no power relationships, no s & m, no kinkiness, then so be it.

You can love someone without the relationship having any chance at long term success. And sometimes, no matter how much love there may be, you just aren't compatible.

That's an extremely excellent way of putting it.  I always say that love doesn't DO anything in a relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Would YOU Sacrifice the BDSM lifestyle for LOVE? - 10/6/2007 10:31:08 AM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I've thought about a variation of this with a twist.  If I had to choose between kink and finding a partner to have children with, what would I do?  Finding a partner is one level of meshing interests.  The desire to have kids filters out more people.  For me, procreation is highly erotic.  It's the pinnacle of my sexuality.  So it's a no-brainer that I'd go for baby-making (and therefore love) before kink.  No regrets.

Does that mean no submission?  Probably not.  My last partner was highly submissive without ever mentioning BDSM.  He was obliging, enjoyed putting me first, and was a pleaser without par.  I missed the kink, but the trade-off was well worth it.  He was even fine with me having other partners, so I could have cultivated an overt, kink-oriented submissive had I wanted to.

Before I identified as dominant, I identified as submissive, and before that I was vanilla (though I dislike that word).  The men I've been attracted to have been very consistent through these changes: intelligent, emotionally intelligent, creative and responsive to my desires.  I can't see waking up some day and loving someone who isn't this way.  I'm going to get my needs met.  It just might not be *labled* BDSM,

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 115
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