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how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 7:39:41 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Who is shallow here....step up and raise your hand. Don't be shy, it's O.K., as we are all human and have flaws.
I'll be the first to admit that I have turned down request to be served by someone only because I did not think we had the right chemistry physically.
Now, I think it is really shallow for someone to solicit height, weight, body proportionate adds, because I have met some very beautiful subs that I never thought I could hit it off iwth and have. So, I'm open, yet still have certain flaws when trying to get beyond the appearance.

Even though, many would consider me an ugly beast myself, I still believe in the fairytale....Beauty and the Beast

I going to get killed in this thread....I know....but how many can relate?.....honestly?

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

Post #: 1

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 7:49:43 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

personaly experience.. dated someone i hit it off with.. didnt worry about appearences.. got along great.. best friend.. but every time they tried to kiss me i cringed. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLY. Shattered their ego, to say the least. Appereance and being attracted is important. i tried it the other way. Doesnt work. Silly to think, you could one day be in bed with some one who you find unattractive. Shallow? Practical. Appereance is all persepective to say the least.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 2

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 8:21:35 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

I have always been attracted to what most people find to be rather unattractive (or at least not the most sexy).
Physical appearance is important, but I think that for every person there is someone else that thinks that however they look is the sexiest they have ever seen.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 3

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 8:21:43 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

Appearance is a factor in who I approach, absolutely. I have found, however, that the longer I know someone whose personality is appealing, the more attractive that person becomes to me. I somehow develop a greater appreciation for their better features and am less bothered by the unappealing aspects of their physique.
Timothy

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 4

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 8:26:39 PM

junkyard

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

How can chemistry be unimportant? Only if you are some kind of extreme fetishist for clothes or certain activities, I should think. Otherwise, hell yeah - chemistry matters! "Chemistry" is how bodies communicate and it's not *all* in our heads.

It's not shallow either. It's just wanting what you want, and not wanting what you don't want.

I had a good friend when I was a teenager. One night she and started to make out and I got a deep sense of her personal fragrance. Now, don't get me wrong - she didn't smell badly or anything like that. But something about her scent said "not this one." She kept wanting more, but I had to back away from the situation.

The nose knows.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 5

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 9:14:54 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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First impressions are almost always based on what we see, appearances. This is true and easy to demonstrate when you stop to think about it. If I see someone across a room or they see me, we each form an opinion of the other based on what we see because at that moment it is all we know of the other, and yet on that we judge them. We may later change our opinion, but that very first impression was based on appearances. We dress appropriately for job interviews... why, to make a good first impression because we know we will be judged on it. Advertising companies spend millions of dollars every year researching packaging, why, appearances affect sales because we judge what we buy in part on how it looks (does a fancy looking coffee maker really work any better just because it looks fancy, of course not, but statistically buy them anyone even though they cost more). Book stores can tell you that part of what makes or breaks a book is the cover are... it directly affects sales, appearances (so much for not judging a book by its cover, we literally do). What we see is intensely important to what we think. So much so that Leonardo da Vinci had this to say about it.

quote:

The eye in which the beauty of the universe is mirrored for the observer is of such great worth that whoever consents to its loss deprives himself of the representation of all the works of nature which make the soul that gazes on them content to remain in the human jail... but he who loses it leaves this soul in a dark jail with no hope of seeing again the sun, the light of the whole world.

What we see matters to us, appearance matters to us. It is a Politically Correct myth that appearances do not matter. That is not to say that such things as secondary sexual characteristics are the only part of a person's appearance that matters. What matter it if a woman has long flowing hair, but is otherwise filthy, unkept and unclean? A man may have bulging muscles, but will that matter if his hair is greasy and uncombed, his clothes dirty, his teeth yellow and missing, and everything about his possession seems uncared for and neglected by their appearance? Big tits or a chiselled jaw only get you so far, if you don't take care of the total package, you'll still come up short. And even if you don't have those prominent secondary sexual features, by paying extra attention in other areas of your appearance you most certainly can make up for it.

Shallow, not at all. Its all too human.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 6

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 10:19:52 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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When it comes to women, I like to have cushion for the pushin. Victoria Secrets has never turned me on. I'm more a Lee Bryants kind of guy who likes full curvacius figures with C to DD size breast and a good ass to spank. With men, I like a good medium athletic build with a good ass to spank as well and well toned. The cock size is no issue with me. In both, I do have a foot fetish and need there feet to be well kept. I also like the physical sensation of my tongue up against crooked teeth. I do not get romanticly involved with people who have mental retardation imparamnet in reasoning and thinking skills. I refuse to take advantage of such people. Anyone who is Bi Polar, Schitzophrenic, suffering unknown Depression, or Obsessive Compulsive will not work for me either. Not even if you take your your medications and see therapy on a regular basis. I'm no longer willing to give it another try with people of have those mental disorders and need priscribed medications. Height and physical disabilitis have not been an issue for me to turn down. I'm creative and capable of dealing with challenges if and when they occur. I will also work with thyroid, insulin, and other hormone disorders affecting the physical body to the best of my ability. Those are the physical as well as a few mental aspects that I look for in a partner. If I'm shallow so be it. So many other doms, subs, and other people have there preferences on age, gender, race, hight, build, genital sizes, and such it dosn't bother me to be a little picky myself. It wouldn't bother me anyways if no one else felt this way. I'm me and I know what floats my boat. If I've lost your respect becasue of my standards, just remember to ask yourself what your standards are before judgeing me.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 7

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/26/2005 11:57:55 PM

junkyard

Posts: 107
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane
So, I'm open, yet still have certain flaws when trying to get beyond the appearance.

I came back to this thread because it seems somewhat rare that a Dominant man asks something in the forum. Further, Fastlane, I wanted to give you encouragement to remain true to yourself and not view the inability to get beyond appearances as some kind of character flaw. It's not. You just want what you want and you should get it and not waste time with people that can't give it to you.

Besides, you mention being open to a woman whose beauty is non-standard as per your preferences. What more can anyone ask, really? You'd give them a shot, but if the chemistry doesn't sizzle, then you walk, That's the way it is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane
Even though, many would consider me an ugly beast myself, I still believe in the fairytale....Beauty and the Beast

Not really sure how to put this, but I think the average woman would find you at least averagely attractive and probably more than that too. You keep trim and in shape, no worries there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane
I going to get killed in this thread....I know....but how many can relate?.....honestly?

Brother, I am co-signing it all. We have the right and duty to ourselves to chauvinistically get what we want. Exactly what we want. We spend far too much time trying to make others happy in this life. At the end of the day I am more than ready to hook up with someone who sees it as her job to make me happy. I really don't have a problem with that.

I wouldn't want to put words or ideas into your mouth, but if you were coming at this from the standpoint of some sort of guilty feelings - screw that. Leave those guilty feelings behind. If you have been smart enough to be able to identify the things that could make you happy then you would now be twice the fool to not actively seek out those things and only those things.

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 8

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 12:36:59 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junkyard

Brother, I am co-signing it all. We have the right and duty to ourselves to chauvinistically get what we want. Exactly what we want. We spend far too much time trying to make others happy in this life. At the end of the day I am more than ready to hook up with someone who sees it as her job to make me happy. I really don't have a problem with that.

I wouldn't want to put words or ideas into your mouth, but if you were coming at this from the standpoint of some sort of guilty feelings - screw that. Leave those guilty feelings behind. If you have been smart enough to be able to identify the things that could make you happy then you would now be twice the fool to not actively seek out those things and only those things.

I'll heartily second that! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having your preferences, whatever they are. If people want to whine about it and disapprove, ignore them. Its your life, you only get to live it once, make the most of it! I'm not advocating people to be purely superficial (though that's their right if they want to), what I am saying is, figure out what you really want and then go for it. Don't let worries of what others might approve of hold you back.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to junkyard)

Post #: 9

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 1:28:46 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I don't feel it is shallow. What floats your boat is what floats your boat. Personally, I'm a BBW. I'm very aware that I am not all men's ideal and when I was searching using online sites, made very sure that the sub was aware of my weight before we met. There are plenty of men who are not only fine with a BBW, but who find it preferable. Should thin women be pissed at those men because they're not likely to be chosen by BBW admirers? I feel it is foolish to take offense at someone's preferences. Personally, back when I was dating, if a man didn't have 7 inches or more, he didn't get a second date with me. (And yes, my husband more than meets my requirements in that area *grin*) Does that make me shallow? No. It means I know what is important to me and what I want.

While physical appearance isn't overly important to me, it was one of the first things I noticed about my sub/hub. Not only is he cute as can be, he has a body to die for. (Yes, I'll still love him as much when he gets old and flabby. *smiles*)

< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 7/27/2005 1:29:11 AM >

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 10

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 2:16:49 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
When it comes to women, I like to have cushion for the pushin. Victoria Secrets has never turned me on. I'm more a Lee Bryants kind of guy who likes full curvacius figures with C to DD size breast and a good ass to spank.

Hey Does your slave allow you to be talking about me like this Fangs?

Fastlane, I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what makes your d*** rise (sorry, crass, lol)... Anyone who gives you shit for it should get a life and more self respect.. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 7/27/2005 5:50:12 AM >

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 11

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 3:33:33 AM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Hey Does your slave allow you to be talking about me like this Fangs?

The general rule is though our food is on the table and paid for, we both still get to look at the menu and commit on the items. Dosen't everyone order a big peice of chocoalte for dessert? I know that I want to but alas, I'm to full when I'm done with the main course to do so.

< Message edited by FangsNfeet -- 7/27/2005 3:37:00 AM >

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 12

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 5:55:40 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
The general rule is though our food is on the table and paid for, we both still get to look at the menu and commit on the items. Dosen't everyone order a big peice of chocoalte for dessert?

Thanks for making me smile this morning.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 13

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 6:27:32 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline

Here is a little something to chew on, Fastlane:
When I brought up CM today, I couldn't see any graphics, only text. After reading your post, I thought to myself, "I like this guy" *grins*

syn

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Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 14

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 6:29:41 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for all of the honest answers here and a shout out to Junkyard for his perspective and clarity.

I"d post longer here, but I'm getting ready for work and need to fawn over myself in front of the mirror for a while longer....Fastlane breaks into song "I'm so pretty, I'm so pretty, I'm so pretty and witty and......."

By the way, did you all see Jack Black in Shallow Hal? Too funny!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 15

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 6:30:19 AM

dechala

Posts: 114
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline

For me it's less about appearance and more about chemistry and how i vibe with someone.Chemistry can come in many forms,and it's not neccessarily about looks.Someone with a hot body and great eyes can be attractive to me but if the chemistry's not there chances are it's not ever going to be.It's mostly mental for me.Pheramones are powerful.And i'm not even going to attempt to explain what chemistry is, i truly can't explain it,it's just something that is what it is.i started a thread on chemistry not too long ago.now that having been said i do like someone who takes care of themself.IE bathing regularly,clean clothes,fresh minty breath

there wont be any chemistry with an unswashed bum,that much i can guarantee

_____________________________

dechala

"As soon we find a motel i'm gonna put my little honeybunny bride on the bed and tie her up.."
Natural Born Killers

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 16

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 6:56:56 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I have always dated a wide variety of shapes, sizes, backgorunds, income levels & sytles of men. I agree there has to be a basic attraction to someone first, but to me I'm not attracted to the shape and size as much as I am to the person inside the skin, and good hygene. COlogne can turn me on way more than a tall, tight butted man any day.My Husband was not physically appealing to me at all, but his heart was made of gold & he had integrity. He also unfortunately didn't like sex period so our marriage only lasted 7 years as I just had to go.
Some Men it's a smell, some it's their spirit, some it is their body, some it's there eyes, and some it's what they stand for in life. Attraction just based on a physical appearance to me is just eye candy. After getting use to the look, if the center of them isn't as sweet, it just leaves a hollow hole in the middle of the relationship they can't fill in my eyes.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 17

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 8:14:17 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

When it comes to women, I like to have cushion for the pushin. Victoria Secrets has never turned me on. I'm more a Lee Bryants kind of guy

You mean Lane Bryant?

I don't think it's much different than in any aspect of life. Though I have to supress snickers whenever I see a guy with floggers on his utility belt.

My look appeals to some, not to others. For someone who absolutely needs fetish wear to be attracted, it's rare they would give a second glance to me as I rarely ever wear fetishy stuff TO fetish clubs (a running joke amongst my friends is that the best way to get me to wear my leather corset is to take me to a straight vanilla club). However, someone who likes curvy glamorous interesting outfits will be knocked out by me.

My fantasy woman is rarely the woman I actually play with, but I still do HAVE a fantasy woman and that body type WILL get my head to turn on its own.

I guess it's just good to say that a good appearance is worth the effort even though it's not the only thing, but a bad appearance will be the only thing that matters.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 18

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 8:36:27 AM

EvilTwin

Posts: 50
Joined: 4/13/2004
From: NC
Status: offline

This is kind of a 2 part reply...
Am I shallow in the aspect that I will only concider someone who I concider attractive?
Yes.
Now... here is the flip side of the coin.
If I find the person appealing to Me... then I dont care what the rest of society thinks.
If a person holds my interest that is all that matters.

Jim

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 19

RE: how important are appearances.....really? - 7/27/2005 10:36:44 AM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

It's a matter of pride for me. If "you" don't have enough pride in yourself to maintain your appearance and health, what makes "you" think I will have any in "you"?

I was once told "If you can't take care of yourself, what is supposed to make me think you can take care of me". Makes sense to me.

And to really "stir the pot"

it's a matter of taking care of the "property".

Attachment (1)

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Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 20

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