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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:25:43 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

From the sidelines Bob I have to say you are looking more and more foolish every time you keep at this.  People are laughing at you.  You are making a fool of yourself trying to win this argument - and everyone knows I am not a huge promoter of the "bdsm scene" - but your argument is empty.

Akasha


I think this is an excellent example of the immaturity and intolerance that exists in the 'community', A.



It is nothing of the sort. It is people honestly telling you how you come across to others. Like it or not your posts are showing you to be a sad insecure person. The only person doing that is you.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:26:19 AM   
welshwmn3


Posts: 126
Joined: 3/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I admit, I've yet to hear of a crime committed where a gun went off, or someone was bagged too long. Perhaps that is more an American thing than a Canadian thing.



You've not been paying attention to the news lately then.  The example she quoted (the person being wrapped in saran wrap with a straw for air and locked in a closet all night) actually happened.  Recently.  The people who did this BDSM scene gone wrong are now being charged with either murder or manslaughter, I forget. 

Safewords can't help if you can't use your mouth or any other body part to say them.  People can't show they are in danger if they are locked away in a closet and nobody comes to check on them all night.


(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:27:34 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		BOB again I answered your question and you failed to answer the one I returned to you.
Afraid to answer mine???

I'll opely admit that mine is tough to answer comming from your perspective without either looking foolish or proving my point but that's the hazards you take when discussing things you don't grasp very well.

Again which way will a person learn more and faster
1. Reading a book on the subject and experimenting from there
2. Reading the book and then listening to and talking with the author face to face and experimenting from there?

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:31:49 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Complete with lateral transfers of knowledge taken from one field and moved to another Centuries back to before recorded time, all the way back to man teaching his sons how to hunt, and women their daughters how to recognize medicinal plants.
It's not an unbroken line as you obviously missed in my post.
It is a zig zag of knowledge learned from experts in one field and then transfered to another field.
But then again maybe I should not expect you to comprehend the basic idea of education and the passing on of knowledge since obviously you learned everything you know first hand through trial and error never havinfg spent a day in a classroom or being taught things by someone else. But rather choosing to be the independant man learning how to do everything you do without instruction of the face to face variety. LOL

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:33:54 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Like spanklette, I'll bite too.

I have been involved in the BDSM community here as much as my time allows.  I have been to demos and play parties and have attended Thunder.  During all this time, I have played publicly on only rare occasions.  BUT I did learn a hell of a lot from interacting with other dominants...male and female...and from submissives...male and female...not belonging to me.

I have read as much as I could and have set aside that which seemed too fantastic or too ritualized or too romantic or too cold for my tastes.  What seemed to make a lot of sense, I processed further.  What made no sense to me, after hearing it and or reading about it from several angles was put on a shelf to be reviewed as experience and other learning came about to be examined again and if still nonsensical was then discarded.

I have often stated that my first partner and I were both relatively new to this and we learned a hell of a lot from each other, one of the most important being that we could really create a fucked-up situation without some outside influences from those more experienced and knowledgeable than we were.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:34:57 AM   
Hergirl0824


Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Watching this thread, and those of the same vein, remind me of my early hetro married years. Fruitlessly trying to reason with a drunk.

Makes a person wonder.......



bravo


_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:35:36 AM   
LordVelvet


Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		Bob,
I am not in the age bracket that you are but I would have to say that My 3 year old makes more sense than you do. I have yet to put your argument together.
LordVelvet

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 147
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:40:03 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: welshwmn3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

I admit, I've yet to hear of a crime committed where a gun went off, or someone was bagged too long. Perhaps that is more an American thing than a Canadian thing.



You've not been paying attention to the news lately then.  The example she quoted (the person being wrapped in saran wrap with a straw for air and locked in a closet all night) actually happened.  Recently.  The people who did this BDSM scene gone wrong are now being charged with either murder or manslaughter, I forget. 

Safewords can't help if you can't use your mouth or any other body part to say them.  People can't show they are in danger if they are locked away in a closet and nobody comes to check on them all night.




You've got one death given how many of millions of bdsm encounters a year world-wide?

You want to use this to argue that home-spun bdsm is dangerous?

From http://www.collarchat.com/m_1273438/mpage_1/key_safeword%2Chospital/tm.htm Post #17
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

...

Some of the play parties I've been at don't specify 'safe words' or 'safe gestures'.  These parties tend to leave the negotiation and determination of a safe words up to the adults involved. 

I do agree that if a safe word had been set that the Dominant or Top involved should abide by said word and all its connotations.  That being said, safe words are rarely called because things are going swell and the submissive involved has a premonition that things will suddenly go sour so decides to call the safe word to ensure that said 'bad thing' doesn't happen.  Most of the time a safe word is called because something has already gone horribly wrong and the person in question needs to be taken out of the scene (and oftentimes out of the building - ie: hospital).

...


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to welshwmn3)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:44:01 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I ain't a big fan of munches or any public event.  Does that make me a homespunner like you BOB?  I think not. That would make me just 'spun'.  What others do is their business. 

quote:

You are still saying "experts" learn from "experts".

How many thousands of years has this been going on, Archer?   


Yeah, they kinda do actually.  Not all men here were raised by mammas and they may have had consistant role models throughout their lives.  Watching in awe as any man/or powerful woman gets sh*t done in order to live a comfortable life. 

You say you 'invented' yourself.  A 'self-made man' as you call it.

Ever notice that without some sort of leadership that these types of people have convinced themselves that their way is the only twue way?  Why? because by 'creating' yourself from lad to to a man out of sheer necessity causes a lack in one of many things. 

One of which is not knowing that the masculine ego and 'self' that one speaks so fondly of has learned to underestimate the world of others. It is sad that you had to teach yourself how to be a man. Did you ever think that in doing so you taught yourself improperly with bad judgement habits?  I do.

*btw, reminds me to pat myself on the back for having great male role models for my own son.  Leaders lead for success.  Loners breed angst. (who then grow up to be disfunctional forum posters).


< Message edited by came4U -- 10/12/2007 11:47:27 AM >

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 149
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:45:03 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Complete with lateral transfers of knowledge taken from one field and moved to another Centuries back to before recorded time, all the way back to man teaching his sons how to hunt, and women their daughters how to recognize medicinal plants.
It's not an unbroken line as you obviously missed in my post.
It is a zig zag of knowledge learned from experts in one field and then transfered to another field.



So there were always experts?

Going back to the chimps, or Adam, whichever you prefer?

Just can't admit anyone can learn from scratch, can you?


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:45:50 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		And th most common cause of an accident is Someone playing beyond their actual level of ability.
Someone who read a book and scanned 10 websites and then assumed that they were ready to try it.
RT face to face learning is not the be all end all but it comes in well ahead of just reading a book and trying it out when it comes to safety, and amount of knowledge transfered.
The reason is simple and well established written word conveys about 7% of the entire message. Non verbal communication carrying important information impossible to be conveyed in the written word is missing.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 151
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:47:31 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

In my Machismo and BDSM  thread MadRabbit posted the following:

I can assure you the public scene is a lot different then the Internet, Bob.

I hope day you have some contact with it so you may actually know what you are talking about at some point.
 
I am curious to know how many other 'clueless wannabes' out there learned their BDSM in the privacy of their own home, in the intimacy of their loving relationships with spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends.

How many other 'clueless wannabes' decided not to include a room full of spectators in their love-making practices?

How many other 'clueless wannabes' did not feel the need for strangers telling them what to do when figuring out what to do with their lover?

In other words, how many of us are practising bdsm without a 'clue' because we didn't follow Rabbit's "One True Way"?


I'm not sure that Mad Rabbit was advocating one true way.....
With that being said:

I learned some elements of my kink in the privacy of partners and friends and eventually it was through those that I came across that I found the leather community as a whole.

There is nothing wrong with learning elements in private and getting those resources via the community.  We are all here because of that so collarme is also a community as well, at least an element of it.

I'm not the biggest community fan because sometimes I don't get those in it but it does provide me a resource to meet people I am interested in getting to know just as collarme.com and (now-though I'm not sure if I like it or not) Mydungeonspace.com does as well.

TGIF,
Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:49:09 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		LOL again you missed my contention entirely, never said you couldn't learn from scratch said it was slower and a waste of prefectly good resources.

The invention of this format The written word was created so that information could span generations and not have to be reinvented from scratch.

Obviously you can't admit that reinventing the wheel is a waste of time when you have a wheel factory next door, and ou could be working on improving the wheel rather than chipping away at a piece of rock trying to make it round. While Cars drive by you.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 153
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:53:58 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		I'm behind, crazy behind but (and I hope that this isn't hijacking).  Who is calling themselves experts here?  I don't see it.  Have people like Archer been mentored, has Archer mentored anyone? I'm sure the answer is "Yes" but I don't see anyone pulling the expert card but you, Bob....

Help me understand....

Z-

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:54:55 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

In my Machismo and BDSM  thread MadRabbit posted the following:

I can assure you the public scene is a lot different then the Internet, Bob.

I hope day you have some contact with it so you may actually know what you are talking about at some point.

In other words, how many of us are practising bdsm without a 'clue' because we didn't follow Rabbit's "One True Way"?


ok ok here we go....something toget my teeth into.......

1. As i understand it Bob you live in the midst of how many acres? At what distance and at one time expense from going out to and or setting up a public scene?
2. Sorry have been working academically all day so this will lok more like a thesis: there is a distinction of expectations between public participation...often reffered to as play....and private intimacy.
3. private intimacy is more likeley to include 24/7, LTR and edge play.
4. I eschew the public scene merely because I am high profile in my professional life and prefer to remain low profile in my bdsm lifestyle.
5. My various persona as writers etc are also separate identities; this allows me to be academic, creative, a mother, publicly powerful and privately servile....oh how I love to crawl.
6. The so called public scene, or just 'the scene' here nearby in and around Oxford is highly creative and active but it is something that I CHOOSE not to participate in. This is because my kink has a heavy psychological element and mental control interess me far more than a bevaviourist approach.
7. No one way is any better than any other.
8. I believe I am innovative and an alpha submissive (YES YOU HEARD IT) and so do not follow trend, or current protocol.
9. I get messy: bruised, piss play, servile confession and voociferously vocal during a scene and I prefer this to be private.
10. When I am public itis outdoor and risky.
11. Why is it all so opposiyional and anybody knowing anything more than anyone else around here> It's consensual yes or no? and that means consenting to let others get on with what it is they do as well as what it is we do as well as what it is i do.
Essay over.
Marks please?

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:58:11 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

So you’d have a bash with a bullwhip then, without any form of instruction, would you?
 
PS: In case it’s not immediately obvious to your pea-brained, upside-down head, that’s me calling you a fuckwit.



I must say that all things considered around here lately, this new fellow sort of slid in under the radar. This makes either the second or third time he's made me snort laugh. I think he might be rather enjoyable to have around. Unfortunately he will probably be receiving a wee bit of love mail from our favourite woman in control of the forums.....

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 10/12/2007 11:59:39 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RapierFugue)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:59:40 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

If anything, I have found that even the events designed to be play parties are lacking in people playing because they would just rather sit around and talk


This has been my experience too.  Alot of people don't even play at the parties.  They socialize.  And, when I was single, I wasn't going to play parties.  Its something I do with my Master.

As for the assumption that playing in public is about exhibitionism, and voyerism, thats kind of like saying people who play tennis at a gym are exhibitionists.  And, the audience are voyeurs.  Or, better yet, people who dance at clubs, in addition to dancing at home, are exhibitionists.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 157
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 11:59:59 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		If you are reading you are consulting experts, you are however only getting 7% of the entire message you would get if they spoke to you about the same subject. So You are contending that 7% of the information is sufficient to start playing around with things for you. When the potential for that 7% + talking to the author or someone who has studied the subject to the point of being considere by their peers as an expert and getting a larger amount of the information via face to face interaction is available, you disregard it as not nessisary.

OK Mr7% have at it. I'll not waste time reinventing the wheel instead I'll drive my car and go to events where learning and education take place in an interactive environment consulting with experts and other students face to face where communication is more efficient.

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 158
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 12:01:04 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		k, I see again this will be like beating a dead horse.

all falls to bob's deaf and stubborn ears.

This is only confirming the studies and reasoning that lil boys who attempt to raise themselves into men without the proper tools and guidance from appropriate role-models (experts at being men) cause such people to insist their was is right and never wrong.  Hell, even if we all only studied with the same professor for every course university we would be narrow-minded and unworldly. Bob was his very own one room schoolhouse.  Himself at the front, teaching all his other lonely selves in all their lonely desks, pointing at all the lonely maps, to places he will never go.

hands up! hands up! yep, they all know the answers to the imaginary questions.

go figure.

Recess time. (I need coffee)

< Message edited by came4U -- 10/12/2007 12:02:32 PM >

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 159
RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 12:05:17 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue

So you’d have a bash with a bullwhip then, without any form of instruction, would you?
 
PS: In case it’s not immediately obvious to your pea-brained, upside-down head, that’s me calling you a fuckwit.



I must say that all things considered around here lately, this new fellow sort of slid in under the radar. This makes either the second or third time he's made me snort laugh. I think he might be rather enjoyable to have around. Unfortunately he will probably be receiving a wee bit of love mail from our favourite woman in control of the forums.....


Hey you have not lived until you have had one of those love notes. I got one the other day simply for telling some uber Domy type to remove his head from somewhere dark. sigh

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 160
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