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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 8:46:10 AM

sublizzie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

This is pathetic

Yes. It's very sad. Reading this kind of thing makes my heart hurt.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 8:47:58 AM

Bobkgin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

quote:

If and when I have questions, I will ask them

You did ask questions...in the title of your op. And in the body of it. I answered the one in your title, and others addressed the ones in the body of your op. Then, instead of discussing the issues you raised, you did something else. (For the life of me, I can't succinctly charactize what you did. All I know is that you haven't addressed the issues you raised.)

Pg. 1 Post #18, Gypsy.

Aileen's contribution was so close to what I'd have said I quoted it and added a few thoughts.

quote:

quote:

I did in the "Machismo and BDSM" thread.

Strangely enough, in that thread I was accused of only responding to those who agreed with me, and ignoring those who called me out.

I didn't follow that thread. By the time I happened on it it was too long to read. Besides, it was about Machismo and not the public scene. Why would I participate in a thread about Machismo in order to discuss the Public Scene? (that's a rhetorical question and doesn't require an answer)

That's alright. I had the same thought, which is why I started this thread.

quote:

quote:

And when I addressed them, I was accused of not responding to enough of their posts.

What does my comment have to do with "them"? What them are you referring to? (Thats not a rhetorical question. I'm baffled and want to know.)

"Them" is those people who called me out.

quote:

quote:

I suppose it is an honour that so many want me to respond to them they are willing to complain when I don't.

I didn't mean to honor you. I do value the public scene as a import part of the whole bd/sm spectrum and don't like to see it being misrepresented and ridiculed by those who have no interest in it, as you have done in your op. Perhaps you feel honored by my comments. I assure you, it wasn't my intention.

If it is an honour, it is not one I am seeking, I assure you.

In the past, here and elsewhere, there are some who indulge in the public scene who seem to exhibit a certain chauvinism towards home-spun bdsm. I have often seen home-spun bdsm characterized as "false authority, deception, and ignorance".

Thought it might clear some cobwebs to invite a discussion on whether the public scene is the "One True Way" or not. Curious to see who and how many think home-spun bdsm has no value.

And as someone is bound to ask, "home-spun bdsm" is the kind that does not involve the public.

< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 10/12/2007 8:52:46 AM >

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 8:53:49 AM

RapierFugue

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

If and when I have questions, I will ask them,

I suppose it is an honour that so many want me to respond to them they are willing to complain when I don't.

Those two sentences appearing in the same post almost made me lose my morning coffee through my nose!

Bob asking questions expects answers. To be asked a question is being "honored". Didn't realize that Bob was honoring us all. I didn't notice any complaint about the lack of response, it was simply a statement of fact. A lack of response to challenge has come to be expected.

What's the implication in refusing to answer questions and ignoring response when its provided? Dishonor? Abandonment? Betrayal? Cowardice?

Hercules (note the Machismo reference) has a thirteenth labor, this one generating a similar with a smell to the cleaning of the Augean stables in a single day - getting Bob to answer a direct question, or respond to his own quoted inconsistency.

Thank you for your consistency, Bob.

And don’t you just love the siphoning of quotes from one thread to another, in the classic “Mummy mummy! Nasty Rabbit said bad things about me!” routine, when the truth is a million miles away.

I’ve seen that sort of thing tried so many times on UseNet; by dint of that kind of language and the “Thank X, Y and Z” but not A, B and C, who pointed out how clueless the poster was, the idea is to project an “I’m the boss of this group” image, in the classic passive-aggressive manner. Ie, all the kudos, with none of the fallout from being seen to be a bastard.

It never, ever works. There’s no cover-cream for ignorance.

PS: The not answering the question routine is classic troll-bait too.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 8:55:22 AM

Alumbrado

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Psssssssttt!! No Feeding!

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 8:58:27 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

in the classic passive-aggressive manner

I also find it very passive-agressive to thank those who stay on-topic, as a way of calling out those who dare to go a bit off-topic. I will never understand why some people are compulsive about staying on-topic, but to me it speaks to their rigid nature or possibly they don't understand the beauty of the thread-jack.

Anyway, Rapier may feel it's an honor to feed the bridge dwellers.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:00:55 AM

Bearlee

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Sadly 'home-spun bdsm' is also the kind that can result in people dying from unloaded guns going off in their orifices and suffocating submissives dying when they loose the straw that is their breathing tube while they lie encased in plasticwrap in a closet overnight. 'Home-spun bdsm' is also what turns a lot of people off to bdsm, because it is so full of wild fantasy, incomplete education, and half-baked ideas on how to reach the heights possible in this lifestyle.

Public play is not all about sex... Closing your mind to 'public play' is, to me, much like closing your mind to education, improved technique and even friendship. To me, avoiding 'the BDSM community' is like avoiding books because you think you can learn by trial and error.

beverly

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:01:41 AM

welshwmn3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Perhaps, in the absence of a LTR, the public scene is the only place where people like Rabbit can find a person with whom they can get an hour of r/l experience once a month or whatever.

Not the same as having a loving SO with whom one lives and shares a loving and responsible relationship where, night after night, week after week, year after year one accumulates vast amounts of r/l experience.

And to think all those years are worthless because they did not involve a public scene ...

In your apparent haste to ridicule a person, you paint a whole section of people with a pretty nasty color of brush.

My primary Sir and I have, in the past, been very regular attendees to local munches and play parties. The only reason we are not involved in the local community now is due to his really obnoxious work schedule. For the past two years until now, he did not have a 'traditional' weekend off, at all. Now, luckily, he has one month of Saturday/Sundays off out of every 4 months, so we might be able to get a little more involved in the local groups.

We live together. I am his wife as well as his submissive. We have been together for 10 years and married for 5.

I'd say that 1) we have a LTR, and 2) we have a fair amount of RL experience, as I am his submissive 24/7.

Not all who go to play parties are looking for "one hour of r/l experience once a month". Or whatever.

And yes, Sir's and my BDSM practices also include the act of lovemaking, but we do not "make love" in front of a room full of strangers. We can see the beatings and bondage and other things as a form of foreplay, and yet we can control ourselves in a public setting and we can wait until we get home before ripping each others clothes off.

It's sad to see one who, when he is being reasonable, has some good things to say, gleefully descend to this level.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:04:51 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
In the past, here and elsewhere, there are some who indulge in the public scene who seem to exhibit a certain chauvinism towards home-spun bdsm. I have often seen home-spun bdsm characterized as "false authority, deception, and ignorance".

Where other than here are you referring to Bob? Another internet message board? Certainly not amongst the members of a real time lifestyle community? Well, of course not, as you don't have any affiliation with any real time lifestyle communities it would be impossible for you to know how those people view it now wouldn't it?

Well, if I attended every single munch or event within a 100 mile radius of my home every month, it would probably leave between 20 and 25 days where there was no public event happening. I would have to say that the other members, not unlike myself, would be practicing what you term "home-spun BDSM" on those other 20-25 days a month. Actually, I would say that they are probably likely to be practicing "home-spun BDSM" for greater than 20 hours of the days that they do socialize or play publically as well. Unless of course, you know of people who live out their lives in public....I would say that most people who are practicing BDSM are practicing "home-spun BDSM" for the vast majority of the time.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:08:02 AM

LaTigresse

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Usinnnnnnnng fast reply here.........

I have to congratulate Bob this beautiful fall morning!

As I was back playing around in bindery a thought occured to me (as they often do when I am doing brainless type work and my brain refuses to shut off.)

Bob has accomplished something I have never before seen on the CollarMe Forum Boards.

He has managed to get more people to agree upon one single topic than any other poster since I have been reading the threads.

So, here's to you Bob! Cheers! (raising cuppa filtered water high)

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:08:40 AM

AquaticSub

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For that matter, I can only think of one or two people who attend my monthly group who are single. Most are in very committed relationships, most are long-term and a good amount of them are married or might as well be.

In my experience, BDSM events are not the place to go for single people to hook up.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 10/12/2007 9:10:11 AM >

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:08:57 AM

Mercnbeth

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Simple question (no response necessary from you in this case Bob), albeit a poll:

How many consider the referenced Rabbit post a OTW position?
How many consider Bob position and initiating this thread a reference to OTW?

Feel free to support your position with appropriate source quotes.

Vote early - Vote often - and, if you are from Florida, make sure to bite off any hanging chads.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:10:01 AM

Kana

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Hmmm, lets see, try this link:
http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/
Look up especially ad hominem, personal attack, then poisoning the well
then re-read the originating post.
I don't mind stupidity, its the human condition for far to many people, but faulty logic is inexecusable.It is a sign of lazy thinking.

< Message edited by Kana -- 10/12/2007 9:11:18 AM >

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:12:47 AM

Alumbrado

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(Puts ear to ground...)

Hmmm... I hear hoof beats, riding fast... getting closer... sounds like.....

Mod 11 to the rescue!

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:18:00 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Sadly 'home-spun bdsm' is also the kind that can result in people dying from unloaded guns going off in their orifices and suffocating submissives dying when they loose the straw that is their breathing tube while they lie encased in plasticwrap in a closet overnight. 'Home-spun bdsm' is also what turns a lot of people off to bdsm, because it is so full of wild fantasy, incomplete education, and half-baked ideas on how to reach the heights possible in this lifestyle.

Public play is not all about sex... Closing your mind to 'public play' is, to me, much like closing your mind to education, improved technique and even friendship. To me, avoiding 'the BDSM community' is like avoiding books because you think you can learn by trial and error.

beverly

Beverley, how do you think the "experts" learned their skills? From "experts" who came before them?

And what of those older "experts", how did they learn? From "experts" who came before them?

How far back does this unbroken lineage go? And how did the first of the "experts" learn when there were no experts before him/her?

I admit, I've yet to hear of a crime committed where a gun went off, or someone was bagged too long. Perhaps that is more an American thing than a Canadian thing.

Which is not to say injuries cannot occur. But I recall a thread on safewords a while ago where it was reported that injuries do occur in public scenes too, and that submissives too often waited till they needed to go to a hospital before safewording out of a scene.

Furthermore, I think home-spun bdsm is far more likely to occur within committed relationships.

The public scene is just that: public.

Perhaps advocates of public scenes just don't understand not everyone shares their taste for voyeurism and exhibitionism.

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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:21:41 AM

Missokyst

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Grow up. You are interpreting things like a 3 yr old. I rarely read anything you write anymore. I must be bored this morning.
*out*
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Bob, I have to say I'm disappointed that you would start an entire thread to "call out" another poster. If you really wanted to expand on this topic you could have done it in a way that called for discussion without attacking another poster. By quoting only a portion of what he said and adding your comments, we do not know the context in which that statement was made. We have only your interpretation.

This is unbecoming behavior.

I've already provided a link to the thread in the OP, TN.

But this will, perhaps, be clearer:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1334729/mpage_15/key_/tm.htm

Post #294

As for discussion, there is plenty of room for discussion on this topic.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:21:56 AM

brightspot

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I have never "scened" and prefer doing what it is that I do in private with my lover(s).

I think maybe the majority of people in this lifestyle enjoy it in private. Then there are some that love the exibitionism.

I Don't think the afore mentioned makes the people involved clueless anymore or less. I think it depends on the individuals.

Missy.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:32:18 AM

YourhandMyAss

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When I am playing Idon't notice or care if people are watching, I just enjoy the space to play and the equipment I can't get at home or with most people. All though I do love the opertunity to also play with many diffrent people should those willing to play are there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

I think maybe the majority of people in this lifestyle enjoy it in private. Then there are some that love the exibitionism.

Missy.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:39:00 AM

Bearlee

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Yup, what I do 'in public' is little more than something I might do bowling, grocery shopping or having dinner with friends...except it involves TPE and floggers and whips and winches and wenches and other toys.

Again, I'm not sure what people, most of whom have never been to a dungeon, think goes on inside them!

Naw, not much of an exhibitionist...I'm busy paying attention to the one I'm with.

And, somebody nailed it earlier... dungeons are not so much places to find a date; but more a place to take somebody you trust and for whom you care a great deal.

b

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:41:17 AM

Alumbrado

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quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

I have never "scened" and prefer doing what it is that I do in private with my lover(s).

I think maybe the majority of people in this lifestyle enjoy it in private. Then there are some that love the exibitionism.

I Don't think the afore mentioned makes the people involved clueless anymore or less. I think it depends on the individuals.

Missy.

I believe that you are right about there being some exhibitionists. There are also some swingers, and some voyeurs, and some poly, and so forth.
In my experience, none of those groups make a majority in the public facilities I've been to, so I have a hard time thinking of those things as representative of public play..

And, as mentioned above, those who play in public still probably play at home as much as anyone else.

Also the sexual intercourse aspect of playing was decidedly absent.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 9:42:34 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
Perhaps advocates of public scenes just don't understand not everyone shares their taste for voyeurism and exhibitionism.

And you can't seem to grasp the concept that not all BDSM events have anything to do with sex, meaning they have nothing to do with voyeurism and exhibitionism.

If anything, I have found that even the events designed to be play parties are lacking in people playing because they would just rather sit around and talk.

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