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Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 1:12:34 AM   
Bobkgin


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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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In my Machismo and BDSM  thread MadRabbit posted the following:

I can assure you the public scene is a lot different then the Internet, Bob.

I hope day you have some contact with it so you may actually know what you are talking about at some point.

 
I am curious to know how many other 'clueless wannabes' out there learned their BDSM in the privacy of their own home, in the intimacy of their loving relationships with spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends.

How many other 'clueless wannabes' decided not to include a room full of spectators in their love-making practices?

How many other 'clueless wannabes' did not feel the need for strangers telling them what to do when figuring out what to do with their lover?

In other words, how many of us are practising bdsm without a 'clue' because we didn't follow Rabbit's "One True Way"?

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That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.
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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 1:23:16 AM   
hisannabelle


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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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greetings bobgkin,

i am not sure if you are referring to public scening specifically or the local/regional/national bdsm community in general; i was not brave enough to read all of the machismo thread, so i will just respond on both counts ;)

i have been involved in the local scene a little bit; i attend munches when i can, but as that's not often and they're held even less, i don't get to go often. there's not a very active local community here...the most we get is one munch a month, and as far as i know, play parties are virtually nonexistent. my dominant is not really interested in that sort of thing (he's a very private person), so i always attend alone; for that reason, and because i don't know how to drive or have other transportation, i cannot be a part of the local communities a few hours away (that seem to be more active and have things like play parties).

for the most part, my experience has come from learning from him (he gained experience a long time ago in many different areas, mainly through a relationship with an experienced switch), reading (books, websites, message boards), writing, and thinking things out for myself. one of the problems for us is that we are in an age gap relationship (i am 19 and he is 54) and thus there are many events i cannot attend because i'm not 21 yet, so even if we could travel and he were interested, there are still a lot of activities that would be limited for us because of that.

i think there's a lot to be enjoyed with getting involved in one's local community, and of course if workshops are offered, that is great, too. but there are other ways to learn, and i certainly would not by any means say that public scening is the one true way...the choice to scene in public is, imho, a very personal one and doesn't make anyone more learned than thou or anything like that. the only area in which i would think local involvement or at least training with someone who is already learned in an area is vital is if you are trying to learn a new technique, like play piercing, that is simply something it's unsafe to learn from a book or through trying it out. but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to be involved in your local scene...sure, you could attend a workshop if that's available, but you could also seek out piercers privately who are capable of teaching things like that (there is a very renowned local piercer here who does that kind of thing, for example). so to me that is the only area where i'd think it's really necessary...and that to me isn't really a matter of being involved in the local  community so much as it is knowing that you are learning in the way that is best and safest for that particular practice or technique (whether "best and safe" means alone with your partner, from a workshop, from a friend, from another dominant, from an expert in that particular field, or whatever).

i hope that makes sense...i am rather exhausted. :)

respectfully,
annabelle.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 10/12/2007 1:29:09 AM >


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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 1:23:30 AM   
CrazyC


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Bob,

I learned outside of the scene for at least six months meeting diffrent Doms on our own, and to be completely honest have never really did much BDSM in public. I've done other things (hehehe) but never any kind of play.



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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 1:36:08 AM   
crouchingtigress


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From: Maui
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 this feuding makes me sad.



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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 2:26:05 AM   
spanklette


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I'll bite...
 
Personally, I do think people should get out of their bedrooms and into the local scene. It's not really a "one true way" thing so much as it is a learning curve. And, I'm not necessarily talking about scening in public. I have scened in public, but it has it's own flavor that doesn't suit every palate.
 
Being involved in the "community" doesn't have to mean play parties. It can just mean poking your head into a munch or going to one of the fairs. Even if the people aren't your thing, there's plenty of high quality equipment to be had and you might get a chance to meet some of the people who make said equipment. And, networking with the locals can't be all bad.
 
Here's the other thing...there are plenty of people out there who could be considered experts in respective fields of kink. I surely wouldn't miss an opportunity to pick a brain or two on how something can be dome more efficiently and more safely.
 
Sure, sometimes the local events aren't in abundance...but people speak in generalities. I moved from a place with a booming scene to one that is quite stagnant unless I make the trip to Seattle. Maybe I take all of this with a grain of salt because of that. Lately, most of my networking has been on the computer, except for one very weird encounter at Lenscrafters...but I digress...
 
If you don't want to get out into the scene...don't! There is no right way to make your journey, but there are right and wrong ways to do certain activities so that safety is paramount. Techniques can be tricky in some of the things that we do. There is also more than one way to skin a cat...so why not learn some new techniques and show off your own?
 
All of that being said, mostly I've enjoyed the networking that going to public events affords me. I get to meet the people that were once just pixels floating across my computer screen and sometimes make some lasting friendships with people who already know my "secret".
 
Here's the thing, though, as much as I love going out and enjoying my fellow kinksters...Daddy and I are still the same people we were when we get home from the events. We generally have colorful stories, something cool that we bought, and amazing friends. Nothing dramatic has changed as a result of  going to an event or ducking out to spend the night snuggling on the sofa. So, I suppose my question would be instead of why go...why not?

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"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 2:35:58 AM   
Viridana


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Being a part of the local scene does not equal playing in public. I go to almost every munch and I network alot in the local scene, never once have I played publically. That's all I have to say on the subject

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 2:45:48 AM   
RCdc


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Mostly everyone begins at home in one way or another - so that question is a slightly moot 'point'.
 
I didn't take Rabbits reference as a one true wayism.  To my reading, he simply said that unless you participate in the public scene - you simply cannot comment upon it with any real knowledge of it - only make assumptions.  Also that online BDSM and even sites like this forum, are completely different to a munch or party - just as each party and munch are different from each other.
 
Your post here indicates that you are making wrong assumptions on parties or BDSM gatherings, as they do not always contain love making practises in front of spectators (in fact I have only attended one public event that did so - and even that was restricted to a private area).
 
And no one has ever told me how to act at these events - and no one has every dared try and 'tell' Darcy how to act, behave or dominate.  Besides, why on earth would they?
 
I do not know why you, Bob, should call people who do not attend scene events as clueless wannabees, as one persons wannabee is anothers somebody.
 
I also believe it is bad form to post something to make others assume that one person portrayed anything as one true way - and I agree with crouchingtigress. 
 
Peace
the.dark.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 3:02:57 AM   
came4U


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From: London, Ontario
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scoffs

this is the sound of Bobby is making as he types... 

http://www.jamglue.com/tracks/17659

yep, a twue instigator.,

Are these forums the closest you get to public sceneing bob? I'm almost glad for that!

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 3:05:28 AM   
bandit25


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I'm with you too, Amy.  Not so much that it makes me sad, I simply don't understand the animosity behind some of the posts.  Quite frankly, I don't understand why anyone cares so much about what someone else does. 

I didn't see Rabbit's post as the One true Way either.  He was commenting upon public scenes. at least the way I read it.  I've been to my share, but I certainly can't claim to be an expert on them. 

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 3:07:44 AM   
subsfaith


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Ignoring the quote and answering the question, is public scening the 'one true way'?

Of course it isn't.  Anything is life that is achievable has the potential to be achieved in more than one way.  There is only personal choices, and a great phrase..... There is more than one way to skin a cat.

Faith

:: smiles ::

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 3:59:22 AM   
Aileen68


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I've never been to a public play space, public or private play party or a munch.  I may someday like to go to a club just to see how others play, but I have no desire to ever go to a munch.  I see no reason to eat and make small talk with a bunch of strangers just because we all like bdsm.  Public play isn't an option for me because sex is always a part of my play and I'm not about to engage in that in front of a bunch of people.  If I'm not gonna go to a munch and dine with them then you can be pretty sure I'm not gonna fuck in front of them.  That isn't a requirement to make me real or make my experiences real.  What is required is physical contact which I have and get.  No better way to learn than hands on.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:08:03 AM   
Celeste43


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From: NYS
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You've deliberately twisted his meaning. That quote refers to another arena, there is no claim that public is the only way.

As I said, how high school of you. Very, very pitiful.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:08:23 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Your post here indicates that you are making wrong assumptions on parties or BDSM gatherings, as they do not always contain love making practises in front of spectators (in fact I have only attended one public event that did so - and even that was restricted to a private area).
 

 
Agree.......  It has been my experience that such activity is very rare in their occurance.  of course that is assuming that loving making practices is defined has having sexual intercourse.  For some... Doing BDSM is  loving making practice without sexual intercourse.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:09:27 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

You've deliberately twisted his meaning. That quote refers to another arena, there is no claim that public is the only way.

As I said, how high school of you. Very, very pitiful.


BUT... you must admit... Not unexpected of him

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:20:14 AM   
Celeste43


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Unfortunately, it has rapidly become my expectation of him. Mean spirited, frightened, angry, venomous. No way for anyone to live which is why I said pitiful, meaning he deserves pity for being twisted up in such hellish emotions. I really hope he turns off the computer and gets some help, I can't imagine living with such angst.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:26:23 AM   
KnightofMists


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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Unfortunately, it has rapidly become my expectation of him. Mean spirited, frightened, angry, venomous. No way for anyone to live which is why I said pitiful, meaning he deserves pity for being twisted up in such hellish emotions. I really hope he turns off the computer and gets some help, I can't imagine living with such angst.


well.... I am not so sure I can pity him... but it just might deserve to the pity.  I do see someone that does have some pretty good intellectul capacity... however... it is lost in the torment of his emotions, prejudicial beliefs and finally closemindedness. 

I can't imagine someone living with him having such angst... it is those that I would pity

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:29:41 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

this feuding makes me sad.



Sorry, CT, but this is not a "feud":

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I look forward to your future posts of false authority, deception, and ignorance. More fun for me.
 

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
 
Before the thought is raised, I'll stipulate to being obsessive. I'm obsessive about many things; two of which are: (Not necessarily prioritized)

  1. Challenging hypocrisy and fraud

  2. Fun


Bob's posts provide ample opportunity for doing both.


It's a "One True Way" crusade.

These are your saviours, prophets of the "One True Way" here to save BDSM from the terrible Bob.



< Message edited by Bobkgin -- 10/12/2007 4:31:53 AM >


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:47:23 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I've never been to a public play space, public or private play party or a munch.  I may someday like to go to a club just to see how others play, but I have no desire to ever go to a munch.  I see no reason to eat and make small talk with a bunch of strangers just because we all like bdsm.  Public play isn't an option for me because sex is always a part of my play and I'm not about to engage in that in front of a bunch of people.  If I'm not gonna go to a munch and dine with them then you can be pretty sure I'm not gonna fuck in front of them.  That isn't a requirement to make me real or make my experiences real.  What is required is physical contact which I have and get.  No better way to learn than hands on.


Thank you, Aileen.

My past partners and I felt much the same way, and I still feel that way.

Perhaps, in the absence of a LTR, the public scene is the only place where people like Rabbit can find a person with whom they can get an hour of r/l experience once a month or whatever.

Not the same as having a loving SO with whom one lives and shares a loving and responsible relationship where, night after night, week after week, year after year one accumulates vast amounts of r/l experience.

And to think all those years are worthless because they did not involve a public scene ...

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:48:27 AM   
KatyLied


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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

I have upon many occassions explained that I've particpated on bdsm boards for some 20 years (not counting the last ten or so).


Many people are not going to give you lots of points for participating on bdsm boards for 30 or so years.  It may be impressive to you, but it is still a fantasy life unless you take the big step and actually have a real-time relationship. 


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RE: Is Public Scening the "One True Way"? - 10/12/2007 4:52:33 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Unfortunately, it has rapidly become my expectation of him. Mean spirited, frightened, angry, venomous. No way for anyone to live which is why I said pitiful, meaning he deserves pity for being twisted up in such hellish emotions. I really hope he turns off the computer and gets some help, I can't imagine living with such angst.


well.... I am not so sure I can pity him... but it just might deserve to the pity.  I do see someone that does have some pretty good intellectul capacity... however... it is lost in the torment of his emotions, prejudicial beliefs and finally closemindedness. 

I can't imagine someone living with him having such angst... it is those that I would pity


And would you be so kind as to tell us when and where you studied psychiatry? When you received your diploma to practice psychiatry? And who taught you that psychiatry could be practiced over the internet?

We wouldn't want to think this was just spin on your part, now would we?



_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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