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mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:22:16 PM

pleasureforck

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Joined: 7/2/2007
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My mom thinks my Sir can't truely commit because he doesn't believe in marriage. It's frustrating not being able to tell her I'm collared and that we feel it is a commitment just like marriage. Actually after an 18 year vanilla marriage I feel closer and more committed to my Sir than I did my ex. I know I shouldn't care what she thinks but she's my mom and never shuts up. lol...I'm not asking for advice, just venting.

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RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:25:41 PM

IrishMist

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No offense, but I would have thought that at 41 years of age; you would stop looking for your mother's approval.

/shrug

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RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:29:14 PM

laurell3

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OP we are the same age. At this point in my life I don't see much of a need to formalize a relationship in marriage personally and it's a sentiment that's been shared with prior and my current partners. This doesn't mean them or I are any less commited to each other, just more realistic about the need to have our relationship recognized by others. But, yeah, stop listening to mom and look at how you feel about the relationship, or tell her that it's more a sign of not wanting to pay for a divorce attorney than commitment.

l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/13/2007 4:30:06 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 3

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:30:17 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
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i dont think she seeks approval, just understanding....my mom adored my ex as a son in law, but said she wouldnt stay married to him for 15 minutes.....it was her opinion, and i would roll my eyes and such....but it would have been nice for her to have liked him more...

forget that shit about her being totally correct about him and me taking 20 years to figure it out-lol......i just think most of us like to not have static with our moms....

to the op-try telling her yall have a commitment deeper than you felt in your marriage and you wish she would just be happy for you......it might work

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(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 4

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:33:00 PM

kitttty

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Joined: 10/10/2007
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I am posting on this thread to get rid of this stupid ass vanilla cone. yeah 26!

You really dont want to get married? Do you even want things to last forever with your boss in life?

Im with your mom though. There is no substitute for marriage. It's the ultimate collaring ceremony.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 5

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:35:01 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
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If your Mom's approval IS important to you and the understand of the lifestyle as well, then perhaps a Holiday gift in the form of Dossie Eaton's and Catherine Listz When Someone You Love Is Kinky is in order.

Cheers!
Z-

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"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 6

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:50:20 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck
. It's frustrating not being able to tell her I'm collared and that we feel it is a commitment just like marriage.

Your collar means nothing to a court of law and in that case I do think that legalities count. I've seen many people end up losing just about everything because there was nothing legal in place. So, unless you live in a common law marriage state, you're just a girlfriend.

A very good friend of mine lost just about everything when her Dominant/fiance died suddenly of a heart attack. His family came into the house that they lived in and cleaned it out. Even taking items that were hers or that they had bought together.

So, in some manner your mother may be correct. Unless he's taking care of the legalities to protect both of you in the case that something happens, then ....yes, he's unable to commit.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to pleasureforck)

Post #: 7

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 4:53:58 PM

laurell3

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Wills, power of attorneys, contracts can all deal with those issues. The only one that can't be changed is benefits. Until the law recognizes SOs, most insurance only covers relations, meaning marriage. Getting married for property and financial reasons only seems to be a bad decision in my opinion.
l

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 8

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:14:06 PM

InkedMaster

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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While I believe what is in ones heart is what makes or breaks any relationship, to me a collar worn with devotion is significantly more meaningfull than a piece of paper that has been notarized. I know there are those who believe in the sanctity of marriage and that's cool, but ya know God doesn't require a signed piece of paper and a stamp on it to make it Holy Matrimony, the State does and all the State wants are fees, filing fees etc. Then lets open this can of worms, social security gets reduced to just one check per household for a married couple while those living in a just as loving relationship get to to keep thier own individual social security checks which means two for the couple instead of only one, not to mention any previous pensions from a prior marriage may be null and void in the case of a woman remarrying. Want to appease your Mom, get her off your back, get married, have a wedding, invite family and friends, just dont sign the piece of paper.

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(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 9

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:20:24 PM

CutieMouse

Posts: 81
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I am posting on this thread to get rid of this stupid ass vanilla cone. yeah 26!

You really dont want to get married? Do you even want things to last forever with your boss in life?

Im with your mom though. There is no substitute for marriage. It's the ultimate collaring ceremony.

I've been married. Never again, thank you. There is no ceremony (wedding or collaring), no ring, no collar, no physical symbol necessary for me to be in a trusting, loving, committed monogomous relationship. (That's right - I feel absolutely no need or desire to be formally "collared" to be in a committed long term relationship...)

Take couple A and couple B - both are together 20 years; however, couple A went through the formality of marriage, and the couple B didn't. Is couple B any less "forever/Boss of your life" than couple A? The words and ring are just words and a ring; I trust actions, not things.

(I do believe that committed relationships should include Power of Attorney/Wills/etc to anticipate issues of medical health/death/etc.)

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 10

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:24:30 PM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I am posting on this thread to get rid of this stupid ass vanilla cone. yeah 26!

You really dont want to get married? Do you even want things to last forever with your boss in life?

Im with your mom though. There is no substitute for marriage. It's the ultimate collaring ceremony.

Why can't things last forever without marriage? I am in a totally committed relationship that does not involve marriage. Neither of us is religious so to us marriage would be a piece of paper. I would far rather we stay together because we want to be with each other than feel that we have to be because we are married.

I am 47 and have never been married and Master is a widower. My parents are in their 70s and just care that I am in a happy stable relationship. That is more important than anything in their view.

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 11

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:27:15 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
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A woman after my own heart.

I personally feel the whole "marriage means more then anyother form of commitment" is a load of bullshit. I'm as commited to my girls as much as the guy that puts a ring on his girls finger. I just don't need pointless symbols for it.

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(in reply to CutieMouse)

Post #: 12

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:32:18 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

Getting married for property and financial reasons only seems to be a bad decision in my opinion.

That used to be the reason for marriage. And for some people it makes sense. It just depends on where you are in life and what your priorities are. There is also property/financial risk in marriage, depends on what steps you take to safeguard your things.

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(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:32:52 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Wills, power of attorneys, contracts can all deal with those issues. The only one that can't be changed is benefits. Until the law recognizes SOs, most insurance only covers relations, meaning marriage. Getting married for property and financial reasons only seems to be a bad decision in my opinion.
l

You'll notice I didn't say "marriage". I said "legalities". That means that all of the things you listed get taken care of. It means that you do a "domestic partner" registration in the states that allow it. It means one partner doesn't get hung out to dry if something happens. You don't need to be married to do that. To me that shows commitment.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 14

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:45:15 PM

kitttty

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Well, you can avoid rings and ceremony and then go out of your way to organize wills and property divisions and life insurances and maybe a legal civil union so that you have all the benefits of marriage. That's just more work for you.

But no- marriage has nothing to do with love. It has everything to do with bondage. For thousands of years it has been the sanctioned method for a man to own a woman or women in nearly every culture around the world. Old english law used to say that under the law, a husband and wife are one person and the husband is that person. You can't take your girl around on a collar and leash, but you can give her a wedding ring, which once upon a time was like the same thing (and still is in many countries). Master now has named me kittyslut, which is a fine name, but my vanilla boyfriends gave me pet names too- darling, pandabear etc. But my identity will be officially sublimated under a man's when i change my name, the indication of my own heritage and personal identity. I will become Mrs. 'John Joeseph Smith', a person that isn't always even recognized as an independant individual. When you are married, you file taxes as one and file them through the head of the household (that is a pretty erotic title). This is like the vanilla world begging for sadomasochism. Financially, you can become one with joined credit and assets. Historically the only person who mattered here was the man and the woman was bound to his credit and assets. For thousands of years the religious vows were that the woman promised to obey the husband as Lord and Master for the rest of her days. Slavery never even had that kind of connotation- no one cared about the consent of slaves. It was the wife who had to consciously lose her identity and name, give up all control of assets to the man who owned her and obey him or else go to hell.

You can wear a collar and you can claim love but there just is no substitute for marriage. Only marriage has the thousands of years of history, thousands of years of religious significance and thousands of years of legal binding as the official stamp of slavery of the man as the Master and the woman as the slave. It is a terrible oppressive institution and this is why I fetishize it so zealously. If I were vanilla, I would totally refuse to subject myself to such an insulting and outdated tradition.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 15

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:53:58 PM

pleasureforck

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Joined: 7/2/2007
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That reminds me, if I get married I lose my alimony and social security which will be higher from my ex than if I marry my Sir. I need to remind my mom of that. lol...

I am not seeking her approval. Just needed to vent after an annoying conversation.

My Sir has said he would like to get life insurance and making out wills is a good idea. Thanks.

_____________________________

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:55:21 PM

laurell3

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Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Well, you can avoid rings and ceremony and then go out of your way to organize wills and property divisions and life insurances and maybe a legal civil union so that you have all the benefits of marriage. That's just more work for you.

Most of these things you would do even if you did get married, so, no, it's not more work. Wills, health care power of attorneys, living wills....everyone that can afford it should do these regardless of marital status.

and yes, osidegirl I was agreeing with you except where it comes to benefits.
l

(in reply to kitttty)

Post #: 17

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 5:57:52 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I am posting on this thread to get rid of this stupid ass vanilla cone. yeah 26!

You really dont want to get married? Do you even want things to last forever with your boss in life?

Im with your mom though. There is no substitute for marriage. It's the ultimate collaring ceremony.

Why can't things last forever without marriage? I am in a totally committed relationship that does not involve marriage. Neither of us is religious so to us marriage would be a piece of paper. I would far rather we stay together because we want to be with each other than feel that we have to be because we are married.

I am 47 and have never been married and Master is a widower. My parents are in their 70s and just care that I am in a happy stable relationship. That is more important than anything in their view.

I agree with you susie!

Marriage has really been more about "religion" in my opinion or even government. But there are many long term successful partnerships without marriage, the long term key is taking care of your future and you can do that without being married. There are some that have been in ltr that didn't take of those things when their partner passed on and that's why they've had have problems and issues.

This has turned into a good thread!

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 18

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:03:53 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Well, you can avoid rings and ceremony and then go out of your way to organize wills and property divisions and life insurances and maybe a legal civil union so that you have all the benefits of marriage. That's just more work for you.

Most of these things you would do even if you did get married, so, no, it's not more work. Wills, health care power of attorneys, living wills....everyone that can afford it should do these regardless of marital status.

and yes, osidegirl I was agreeing with you except where it comes to benefits.
l

Exactly. And isn't your commitment worth the extra work to make sure that the person you love is protected?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 19

RE: mom thinks my Sir can't commit - 10/13/2007 6:06:46 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforck

That reminds me, if I get married I lose my alimony and social security which will be higher from my ex than if I marry my Sir. I need to remind my mom of that. lol...
I am not seeking her approval. Just needed to vent after an annoying conversation.
My Sir has said he would like to get life insurance and making out wills is a good idea. Thanks.

Do a health care power of attorney for each of you also, so that if either of you are injured, the other can make medical decisions on their behalf rather than more remote family members who may not know their desires as well.
l

(in reply to pleasureforck)

Post #: 20

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