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RE: A Punishment Paradox - 10/18/2007 12:24:33 PM   
metropolis93fan


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Would you please tell her she's not alone? While I DO do things to warrant being in trouble, lol, my boyfriend is no longer able to deliver the kinds of punishments I feel I need... ones that keep going, etc. It's burned him out. I just pray the same doesn't happen to you two. Right now we're looking for an outside disciplinarian... Is it something that would help you two? Doubt it, but it can hurt to throw my two cents in, can it? (And I apologize for not reading this ENTIRE thread... I really should get off of here and start doing some pre-calc!)

Christy

(in reply to charlotte12)
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RE: A Punishment Paradox - 10/18/2007 12:39:31 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


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I personally have had success with set up for failure tasks for punishment and I've also had disasterous results.  One thing that I realized a few years ago is that I kind of get off on this and it leaves a mixed message and can lead to some emotional garbage.

Good thread!

Z-

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(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: A Punishment Paradox - 10/19/2007 5:08:43 PM   
charlotte12


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Well i had to dig to find this thread again so sorry for bringing it back up but i wanted to come back and thank you all for your input. I have not had time in the last few days to come online and read the rest of the responses so i'm sorry i did not respond to questions asked of me. I will not continue the discussion as i think a lot of good stuff was said and i'm not trying to drag anything on but i felt the need to say thank you to all who contributed because it has helped me feel a lot less alone in these feelings i have that i have not been able to explain or understand very well.

We are still talking about it and things are progressing. Perhaps being chained to his bed every night has been helping me remember my place. tee hee...that gives me the idea for a fun little post.

His charlotte

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(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
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RE: A Punishment Paradox - 10/19/2007 7:56:23 PM   
amelliagrace


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Joined: 8/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

She desires punishment, yet she is well behaved?


I agree; I've never encountered this type of desire.  I can rationally see where it's coming from (maybe on par with the concept of sticking pins in one's body, to relieve pain? LOL)  More seriously, I am guessing that she has a powerful drive to be made to fear and respect the person she serves (she nods as she reads me writing this between my hands) and that fear and respect encourage her to obey (as does her desire to please me, from a more emotional level.) Does this possibly stem in part from the fact that is is a relatively new relationship?  For many of us, security comes not just from knowing where the boundaries are, but in testing them to make sure they hold firm.  Something on the order of "Is he reallllllllllllllly strong enough, consistent enough, that I can relax and simply "be" within those lines?"  I personally am that way in my relationship, but am horrified at the prospect of failin, disappoing, or "breaking the rules", which makes it darn difficult to get comfortable and secure.  In my case, this manifests differently than in a desire for punishment, but then, I've seen this particular internal dynamic manifest in several different ways in different people/relationships.
 
Yet without feeling the growl and bite from disobedience, she's left to wonder if there really are any teeth to those rules and expectations (more nodding.)  And possibly a little fearful of what might happen is she ever did truly transgress ina serious manner?  It would be quite natural, IMO, to long to know just how deeply the teeth would bite, so as to be able to think, "OK, if I ever really screw up, this is what it would be like, and I know I could survive it."
 
And, because she does love and care for me, emotionally, she's even further driven to obey - thus leaving her incapable of willingly disobeying me to a degree where she'd be punished for a transgression.  Charlotte, I can sooooooo relate to you there.

I can't imagine how this could be confusing to anyone.  (and yes, we're both laughing.) You two are an inspiration and thing of beauty to behold - JMO, ought to be everyone elses, too.

 
I'm going to go give this some more thought, and see if I can come up with anything constructive to offer.
 
Regards -
 
Grace


Stephan

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: A Punishment Paradox - 10/19/2007 8:04:30 PM   
amelliagrace


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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Perhaps a regular maintenance spanking is in order.

I have instituted these with my slave and she seems to find reassurance in them--a reminder of her place and of the boundaries I have defined for her.

Technically it is not punishment, as there is no sin to expiate.  However, it may give her what she needs.



I personally adore these.  It is also true that I've never gotten a spanking I didn't earn with good behavior.  For me, the security of knowing that the absence of this was going to be one of the two primary results of poor bahavior eventually took the edge off my craving for punishment to show me the "worst case" and increase security.
 
Regards -
 
Grace

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: A Punishment Paradox - 10/19/2007 8:08:36 PM   
amelliagrace


Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

Well i had to dig to find this thread again so sorry for bringing it back up but i wanted to come back and thank you all for your input. I have not had time in the last few days to come online and read the rest of the responses so i'm sorry i did not respond to questions asked of me. I will not continue the discussion as i think a lot of good stuff was said and i'm not trying to drag anything on but i felt the need to say thank you to all who contributed because it has helped me feel a lot less alone in these feelings i have that i have not been able to explain or understand very well.

We are still talking about it and things are progressing. Perhaps being chained to his bed every night has been helping me remember my place. tee hee...that gives me the idea for a fun little post.

His charlotte


I'm glad to hear that things are progressing .  Now that I've read the entire thread I also see that I was woefully late to the party, so to speak.  That 'll teach me not to look at the date stamps, won't it, LOL?
 
Best to you -
 
Grace

(in reply to charlotte12)
Profile   Post #: 66
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