Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Clueless about Protectors


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Clueless about Protectors Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 3:49:51 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I have never understood the concept. I once noticed a very young Australian female sub was "under the protection of....................insert name" a MUCH older man. The thing I didn't understand was that they lived in different states. What was he protecting her from? Anything physical and it would take an hours plane trip to get to her, plus booking time and travelling to and from the airport. She's be dead by then surely? Or horribly mangled. Or whatever. Was he going to travel interstate every time she was going to meet a potential master? Make sure she paid her rent? Ensure that the dog next door didn't piss on her petunias?

The thing that really tickled me was that I looked up the girls full profile and the following day the "master" emailed me to say that if I was interested in one of his little ones, all I had to do was ask. I look at lots of profiles, rarely contact anyone. And didn't know I needed permission. So I'm guessing, for him at least, "protection" meant pimping.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:15:30 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		In a totally different context, when We hosted public play parties, We offered to put unattached subs under a very temporary "house protection" while at the party. This meant they could have one of Us listen in if they wanted to negotiate a play scene with a Dominant at the party and We would keep an eye on the scene to make sure all went OK. Not all subs took up that offer, but some very nervous newbies did and it helped settle their nerves and they got an appropriate intro to bdsm, instead of just hovering around the fringes too scared to get started. In that context I thought it appropriate and very real. But online protectors ... well, the best they could be would be someone to run things past ... not much real protection!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:31:07 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, I have to chime in here. I ran a chatroom for a long time and this girl was a regular there... she was very new to online in general. We spent a lot of time talking about the lifestyle, she was extremely curious and wanted to learn all she could. Then one day her so-called "Master" came into the room and spoke to me in private. He tried like hell to tear me apart for teaching her about the lifestyle and forbid her to come back to that chatroom. The next day she came in. I told her that she was going to get in trouble with him and she told me that he copied and pasted the whole conversation between him and I and that he lied continuously. That wasn't acceptable to her. Long story a little shorter... he did get angry and took her collar away. I offered her a collar of protection. Why? Because there wasn't anything that was going to stop this girl from getting involved in the lifestyle one way or the other... period. Anyone that had talked to her knew that about her. But she was extremely naive'. She had lived a life of abuse. I asked her to write her life story. She did and everyone that read it cried. But as I said, nothing was going to stop her from getting involved with the lifestyle.
 
She wore that collar for nearly two years. Yes, I even sent a "collar" (it was really a fancy necklace) to her in England so that she would have something solid to touch. My husband and I "raised" her in the lifestyle, and believe me, raising kids was easier. She was totally ignorant in everything that had anything to do with sex and freaked out every time someone mentioned it. I pushed her to learn, I talked her through when she wanted to shut down and withdraw, both online and on the phone and I was always honest with her about our relationship, I told her she was like one of my kids (she's only about 6 years younger then me chronologically) and would never have a sexual relationship with either of us, that seemed to much like incest. Over the two years she came to see us twice, once by herself and once with her husband.
 
There were a lot of rocky times, quite a few times when I had to put my foot down and simply tell her NO, she was not going to do one thing or another for her own safety sake. She was one of those that would jump in with both feet and end up terribly hurt or worse.
 
We grew to love her and her husband, she is such a special person. This has been a few years ago and today she is one of the most incredible people I've ever met and I wouldn't trade my experiences with her for anything. Like I said, she was one of those people that was going to get involved come hell or high water and simply needed someone to point her in the right direction, temper her enthusiam occasionally (or frequently) and just plain tell her no when she wasn't thinking of her own safety.
 
To those of you that say if they aren't capable of making grown up decisions then they shouldn't be doing it... go to hell... There are people out there that know what they want but just can't figure out how to get there and live through it. Just because you're a big girl/boy and can take care of yourself doesn't mean everyone is and those who aren't don't deserve to be here. You meet the most amazing people when you reach out to help. She thanked me once for all I had done. I told her the only thing I did was point... she did all the work.
 
So, I confess... I'm guilty of offering that collar of protection and I wouldn't trade that experience for love nor money.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:37:50 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Jumps out of the computer and attacks the cute one. I.m glad that you have no protection.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:42:45 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't prescribe into the whole online protector business.  "Protector" is just another label with multiple meanings.  If you have been in the lifestyle for a number of years and never heard of "Protectors" you are not alone.  This is not a common nor mandatory practice of the BDSM lifestyle.

However, what really is a "protector"?  I never heard of this official label until coming here to collarme.com.  Hell even the mighty wikipedia.org mentions nothing about "protectors" in the BDSM lifestyle.   Wikipedia does a great job of describing the labels/meanings of anything and everything including BDSM. 

Hell, try to Google BDSM protector or BDSM protectors and see what you come up with.  LOL.   It's obvious this prospective submissive bought into somebody elses bull shit that protectors are something common and needed.

However, still this label appears to be a new growing trend online.  So what the fuck is it?  For me, I see it as being a role of Mentor or teacher or guide.   This is useful for somebody new, stupid and vunerable to have.   However, there comes a time when somebody no longer with need a "protector".   Now, I have played the role of "protector" in general with anybody I know.   Basically, involves me opening my mouth and sharing with another person my Gut Reaction, thoughts, Knowledge or whatever else. 

Now, in terms of going to BDSM social events or dungeons.  Some people will have somebody else go along with them, as a sort of personal body guard.  This is not all the uncommon with Vanillas going out to a bar or dance club even.  There are countless reasons why as well.  Some people don't trust their own judgements, some people trust their own judgement but just want discourage having 101 guys hit on them.   Some people want to get their trust friends opinion about people they met.  It's also a bit of a companionship role. 

Anyways, protectors don't need to be Dom.  They can be anybody really.  It's somebody that is trusted and respected by another person. 

This is my take on what a "protector" is.   Nearly any of the sub/slaves I've exchanged emails or talked voice on the phone with from this site, think or feel the same way about somebody having an official protector, That it's a bit of a joke.  This explains why you're not gonna find much reading material on the subject either.  LOL..






(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:47:37 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Decimus. A person may ask for protection to help stop unwanted advances. She may not be able to stop the offending person because they precieve that she is just a helpless woman. But if they believe that she is owned then they tend to back off. A protector need be nothing more than a good friend.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:49:28 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I get that, but if you talked to someone that wanted you to talk to a third person before meeting how would you respond?  That's my concern, interjecting another into two people's initial meeting phase.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 4:54:51 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Now here's something that mentions the role of a Protection Collar

The Protection Collar;  This particular collar is worn by new Submissive at various events to show that She is under the protection of a Dominant. All approaches to the submissive wearing this collar should be made through the Dominant whose protection she is under. This is a temporary collar that it is normally returned after the event
has adjourned.   Ref: http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/lcaseythecollar.htm

It's obvious that the Dom in this case is the "Protector", however it's just a tempory role for the event.  Now, this I can buy into a being a common practice.   However, after the event she is no long under protection.  

I can see how this practice is being adapted to the online community though.  Because being on a website such as this is an on going event of sorts.  Where somebody is interacting with others in the lifestyle.  

Now, the question to ask?  Is this new online evolution of "protection collars" and the evolution of non tempory protectors really needed?  It's obvious why and how this practice intially got started.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 5:01:14 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thegirlincharge

In reality he "protects" her from feeling alone as she sits alone on her computer.
Most likely in her (and his) mind he is "protecting" her from all those awful wannabees that are there to take advatage of her pure innocence. He, of course, not being one of those.


As someone who is part of the evil "CM gang" and has the audacity to think actually having not only done this but done this in and around hundreds of others counts for something, this sort of crap happens mainly online and in real life primarily around the nuts who get run out for causing drama and other idiocy.


(in reply to thegirlincharge)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 5:04:31 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Jewel what you did is admirable and wonderful.  I'm referring to having any prospective Dom/me have to go through another third person to even chat with the sub...this defies logic to me and seems unlikely to get positive results.  Having someone to run things by is totally different.  I still do that occasionally after 10 years.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 5:45:43 AM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		*Braces self for all of the flames that i'm going to attract*
Okay, here's the deal. When i first came into this lifestyle i was young, eager, immature, and gullible.  After about a year of constantly falling for stupid crap and ending up hurt a friend of mine offered to be my guardian. It sounded okay to me, and then we met in real life and we had sex...When i came back home suddenly everything that He had taught me to do and be was wrong.  Thankfully that relationship ended soon after that.  And i came to see the whole guardianship or on line protector for what i assumed it was: an easy way for some men to get laid, and have to make no commitment to the sub/slave. About four months after the end of that, however, i ended up putting myself in a dangerous and stupid situation.  Long story short? i allowed myself to be raped, beaten, a few other unspeakable things, and consequently i not only didn't know who i could trust, but wasn't even sure i could trust myself or what i thought i knew.
Upon my return home that night/morning, i was talking with a friend on line.  (One who i knew was only interested in me because He cared about me.  He only wanted to see me heal, grow, and become happy.  His motives were pure, and i knew i could trust Him completely). He actually lives in another country and He offered to be my on line guardian/protector.  So, for a period of time (until he got sick) anyone who wanted to contact me had to contact Him first.  Did He save me from anyone or anything? i don't know....maybe from myself.    Which was frankly, the scariest person i had met in a long time.
Just my experience,
Flame on......
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 5:49:37 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Kali,

Would you recomend someone seek a "protector" if they had to go through what you did to find one?  I don't mean to be flip, I am serious.

Imagine if instead of people supporting the concept, they instead talked about how to learn the skills to make wise choices.

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 5:51:46 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Given the insight you displayed here Kali, I think YOU saved you from you by growing and learning to protect yourself. 

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:01:17 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ
Do some of these Doms or Dommes really protect or is it a status symbol?


i've always thought it was just the "protector's" need to be the "big guy" on campus... i happen to be one of those subs who much prefers being my own "protector."

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:01:41 AM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Michael,
Truth is? i wouldn't wish what i've endured on my worst enemy....Okay, well that might be a slight exageration, as i'd love to see him have to endure some kind of pain....
At any rate, i think what You wrote about is  exactly what my relationship with my 'guardian' provided for me.  While He did initially weed through the jackasses and wannabe's it opened the door for me to be able to ask questions, seek feedback, and learn what's healthy in the lifestyle and what's not.  In the end, however, upon his illness occuring i was left on my own.  And due to the grace of God, i accidentally met the most wonderful, kind, encouraging, honest, and insightful Dom i've ever even dreamed of. So, in actuality i do think Your point is both valid and sound.  i do think we could do away with this whole online protector and guardian's thing if we began to open up the lines of communication.
Laurell,
Thank You so much, You have no idea how much that means to me.
Kali 
 
Edited to add: This 'dom' i've met, there isn't anything that we haven't talked about....Lifestyle or otherwise.  i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's okay for me to ask any question or say anything i need to.... If only more people had been this open or encouraged this type of conversation, then perhaps more people can avoid situations like i put myself in.

< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 10/18/2007 6:04:49 AM >

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:03:11 AM   
Jayxkes


Posts: 138
Joined: 7/8/2004
Status: offline 		Kali,
I sincerely hope no-one flames you for such a good post!

It does go to show that, like any relationship, done right it's a good thing.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:13:53 AM   
MickeySwitch


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		You've got that right kitty ... unless it's the big dog, he's of no use as 'protection' ... and even then, a "Protector" is only as relevant as the other Doms make him.  His protection totally depends upon other Doms honoring that a sub is 'taken.'  But the honor of the Old Guard is long gone.  If someone is pestering you & he doesn't know your Protector, or just doesn't give a damn, then the Protector is as worthless as a tit on a boar.  Lot's of "Protectors" just collect subs & think there's status in having a herd of subs hanging onto his pants legs going "Ooh, protect me.  I'm so helpless, I can't think for myself." If you can't protect yourself, then a Protector won't do you any good .. unless he's committed enough to to take his gun & shoot any MF who's bothering you (and, then he'll be committed alright).

quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty
i've always thought it was just the "protector's" need to be the "big guy" on campus... i happen to be one of those subs who much prefers being my own "protector."

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:19:10 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

But the honor of the Old Guard is long gone.


I am pretty sure the "old guard" only pestered boys with tight young asses.

(in reply to MickeySwitch)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:45:54 AM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		As mentioned, the "Protector" idea means a lot of different stuff to a lot of people.

For some women and men the protector is their pimp, whether they take a cut of the $$ or just step up meetings.

To many the term is used as a synonoym for "Mentor". It can also mean "teacher" or "trainer".

I personally have helped lots of people, have taught many, have mentored a fair number, and have been a "protector" in terms of being a big brother type to some needing help. The help might be self defense information, taking a person to a support group, standing between the person and an abuser, bringing someone into the local BD/SM community, helping them find safe child care, helping them find a job, or many other things, or giving them a ride to the airport.

One common thread here for me is that I do NOT get laid doing these things, and I do NOT acquire submissives doing these things, because to me that would not be honorable.

There have been times I have told a person I will not mentor them, because I do have a personal interest in them and I will not be honorable able to mentor them and seek partnershhip with them.

I do know of cases where someone IS a "Protector" with or without the title, and she or he will take serious action to prevent or stop the abuse of someone they know.
We have many protectors in this lovely country which many of us rarely think about. The cop down the street may get cursed when they give you a speeding ticket, but their life is on the line for our protection. The men and women of the fire dept. are protecting us. But most of all and usually least considered, the women and men of the armed forces protect us from horrors very few of us can even imagine !
Stepping up to "protect" someone you know is having deep trouble is something which should happen more often.


_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/18/2007 6:54:15 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

Dunno about real life Protectors.  Am really curious now, so will have to ask a few local friends to see if anyone they knew ever had one.  I can kind of see it maybe if you are a total newbie and nervous about meeting someone, and bringing a friend as backup.  But then again, if someone you are meeting makes you that nervous, maybe you are not ready for this.  And maybe you shouldn't meet anyone that makes you that nervous either?

I can see some people may like to step into that role because they have seen some new people rush too soon into something, and it kind of snowballs out of control and turns out bad.  But I would still see that person as more of a friend watching your back, in case you are stupid.  Not as someone in a formal role or anything.



i was hoping i wouldn't have to be the one to respond to this post....but here goes....

whenever i meet someone from the internet in my hometown, and i meet people from the internet quite often, sometimes i travel to them, sometimes they travel to me....but when they come to me, the heads of my leather household come with me...they act as my Protectors...if they could go with me when i travel, they would...but its not feasable...when i travel its a phone call every step of the way and 1 to 2 times a day until i get back and they can see me in person....and i am planning on meeting someone from the internet, from this site, very soon...and when he comes to see me, the first time we meet they will be with me...not sure if he realizes that yet...lol...but anyway....i umm guess he will soon....and they will require me to call them when i get home or to check in with them at regular intervals....and no...i am not collared to them....they are not my Master/Mistress, nor my Dominants, nor my Owners...they are my family...and my Protectors...and they come in a pair...so i have two...that must make me very important, huh? lol

but to respond to the post i quoted....i'm not a total newbie....been doing this for 6 years steadily....over 6 years actually, but we'll go with 6 years....yes, i am nervous about meeting him, who wouldn't be nervous about a guy flying halfway across the country to meet you? but am i scared, no...shhh don't tell him i said that...lol...and no, actually they aren't really friends in the way that you think of friends....they hold an authority position in my life that i have given to them...they are part of my chosen family and they are my chosen Father and Mother and they have done a much better job than my bio mother and father...but anyway...there is still a closeness, and intamacy...without a traditional friendship...and the back up part, yea, thats true...

as for the second paragraph...not just young or new or naive people do stupid shit...all humans do...its part of being human....and if there is an official role that says "wait, pause, do you really want to do that? and if you do, go right ahead" then whats so wrong with that?  we're not talking about...i don't want you to do that, so i'm gonna throw you over my shoulder and carry you off and lock you in a closet till you've got some sense in you....we're talking about being an outside voice of reason that keeps you from acting compulsively....cause once you realize what you're doing and why...its no longer compulsive....

just my take on meat life protectors...
chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Clueless about Protectors Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.086