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RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/20/2007 4:13:07 AM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

If someone is not experienced enough to be able to make their own choices and decisions about possible Doms / Masters then how are they experienced enough to make the choice of who to have as a protector.



Well said susie - but dang it! Now my head hurts.

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Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/20/2007 6:43:12 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: purepleasure

In all the times that I see a post when a submissive - new or not - is under "protection", I can't help but wonder who or what she needs protecting from.  If it's from others online, they should turn the friggin' computer off, because they obviously can't handle being on a website of an ADULT nature, and deal with adult issues.  If he or she needs protection from themself because they are too irresponsible to handle their lives, they still need to turn the computer off and get professional help.

Otherwise, if they're here for roleplay... go, have fun, but don't include others in your lilttle cyberdrama.



Thank you for your thoughts, purepleasure


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Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/21/2007 7:43:42 AM   
Ladyofthemanor


Posts: 51
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline 		From my own experiences the ones that are under protection are ones that feel like they aren't good judges of character, and that the "protector" is someone that they maybe scening with or as the protector puts it, i am training her for her "new" dom....(insert laugh here)   These women want to be helpless or appear helpless, and are normally under the age of 30. 

i find it a HUGE joke when a slave or submissive says their under the protection of this dom or that, because in my mind, it is the Dom getting his milk for free.   Also, if the submissive or slave is not being educated further on the lifestyle, to me it is someone grooming the sub/slave for his own use.  i am a firm believer that the ONLY person that can train a sub/slave is it's owner, not some wanna be owner.

And don't get me started on the cyber domination...

slavelilly


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(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/23/2007 8:31:31 PM   
MasterWilliam55


Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with LadyHiscus and mystictryst and would like to add that experienced submissives can serve in this role as well. I'm not sure it has relevence on-line, but in real life it can help Dominants and submissives alike find a suitable partner.

If someone doesn't need another in their corner, that's their call. But many do. If you don't like being checked out by a third party then move on. You will find many who do not need this. But some in real life situations such as a play party or meeting someone for the first time need the assurance that this person has some standing in the community or at the very least is known by other experienced players.

This is not always neccessary, but with so many people setting up meeting on the internet, it can't hurt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: mystictryst

I've heard the term before as well. Generally, I believe, it refers to an uncollared submissive who is 'under the protection' of a dom/domme who is not their owner/master/etc. A dom or domme will take these uncollared ones under the 'protection'... Meaning they are in their 'safe' care - if they attend parties or such, the 'protector' makes sure any advances are genuine and the submissive is indeed interested and I would imagine 'online' they would fulfill the same role.

It's one of those things that I can't say I understand, however, I have known some uncollared girls who felt it necessary to have a protector to help weed out the trolls (I've not witnessed this online, only in real life).



I have done  this IRL, and it is a for real thing, not a 'status symbol'.  It's not necessarily that I have to be anyone's bodyguard, but I do guide them through scene negotiation, make introductions, act as the safe call, and generally give them the feeling of security that they are not alone out there.  No clue what I would be doing for someone online, IMO if you are grown up enough for the scene, you can handle the delete and block functions on your own.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/23/2007 9:18:41 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		oh wow lets see this means sub on reserve lol

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/24/2007 3:39:50 PM   
LostMyself


Posts: 72
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		My former mistress had mentioned something about "protection collars" mainly as kind of an underground railroad for abused subs, but also sometimes for wayward subs who suddenly find themselves on their own and can't handle it..

I wouldn't call them protectors, but a lot of subs have online mentors that would help screen doms they're thinking about meeting..  After my relationship ended, my friend introduced me to her master, who helped me through a lot and I'd have have definatly had anyone I was consider meeting talk to him first, partially for his "approval" or just kind of assessment of them, since he's experienced and better at assessing another dom than I'd be, and partially because of his insight into me.

I'm not really sure of my current situation, and not looking now, but if I were to be again, that's what I'd be doing..

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 10/24/2007 3:48:44 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Well in essence of a D/s relationship the Dom/me becomes like a protector, in the sense that the safety of their submissive/slave is important to them so that way you could be viewed as a "protector."  Generally like someone mentioned earlier I have seen "protector" in RP games and Pimps. 
I think without knowing all the details a "protector" could potentially be the person who reviews the people she is "hooking" up with and is in their sense of word protecting her from what might otherwise be a bad situation, this could be a good friend, a pimp, an ex boyfriend, a sister anyone really.   This is of course just my thought on this.   
A good thing to look at might be how much experience has she had in the lifestyle, perhaps this "protector" is someone who is without knowledge and is playing/praying on her innocence (I can almost not laugh when I say that) within the lifestyle.  At this point anything is possible really. 
Hope it helps, I do agree with RRafe that a Dom/me should help another Dom/me.   

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/3/2007 8:27:51 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gothbytch

in my opinion,if you need protection on the internet,you have no buisiness being ON the internet....get up slowly and walk away from your computer,now! lol



good advice

(in reply to Gothbytch)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 3:27:55 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Once again, we beg the question, if you make good choices in protectors, what do you need a protector for and if you make shitty choices in partners, why do you think  you will make a good one in a protector.

I spell protector, mentor, trainer, and asshole all the same way...abuser.


WHEW!  That certainly covers your one true way.

As a person who spells protector FRIEND, and tries to be a good one, I say good for you that you have such strongly held opinions.


Very nice sentiment, i like that

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 3:35:26 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Once again, we beg the question, if you make good choices in protectors, what do you need a protector for and if you make shitty choices in partners, why do you think  you will make a good one in a protector.

I spell protector, mentor, trainer, and asshole all the same way...abuser.


WHEW!  That certainly covers your one true way.


That wasn't a statement, that was a question, one which by the way, you have yet to answer although the fact that you enjoy playing the role of "protector" and can't answer it is very very telling.


I'll answer that one... At least out of my own personal experience. When I had my chatroom I also had the rep to go with it. I don't beat around the bush, I've always be very open and honest with everyone I've come in contact with. I've called Canada to talk one girl out of a suicidal depression, I've called England to talk another out of complete withdrawal from society and I've offered my phone number to anyone that sincerely wants to talk to me, don't believe me?... email me on the other side I'll give it to you as well. I don't know LadyHibiscus, but the possibility exists that she too earned a rep for being helpful and sincere among her peers just as you have earned a rep here...
 
Jewel

I have known her for about 7 years now, and yes, she does have a rep for helping others and just being a really nice person. While i have never met you in the real world, we have exchanged emails and i get the feeling you also have a pretty good rep for helping others. Hopefully you can come to Detroit one day and i can introduce you to the wonderful people here.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 4:32:44 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ShiftedJewel
 
To those of you that say if they aren't capable of making grown up decisions then they shouldn't be doing it... go to hell... There are people out there that know what they want but just can't figure out how to get there and live through it. Just because you're a big girl/boy and can take care of yourself doesn't mean everyone is and those who aren't don't deserve to be here. You meet the most amazing people when you reach out to help. She thanked me once for all I had done. I told her the only thing I did was point... she did all the work.

 
This entire post touched me ShiftedJewel, and I agree with you, I do not think it is anyone's place to tell another person how to follow their bliss... all that is important is that we do so.

To the person that started this thread.... I would say that it would benefit you to listen to others more than pick apart what little you know of them. People are wonderful in their diversity and their approach to life. Your post seems to be very denigrating to someone that is a complete stranger to you based upon very little information. It is a shame that you assume that you know everything about this lady, and she came up so "short" in your eyes, because she may have been the one that would have made your heart sing forever more... you will never know.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 4:51:40 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

This afternoon a female who identifies as submissive initiated an e-mail to me saying that she likes my profile and posts via the boards.  As we exchanged a couple of e-mails she asked me if I knew her "protector" and mentioned him by name.  My reply was what is he protecting you from.  Her response back was she was surprised by my question since I have so much experience in the lifestyle.  I replied back and probably was a little smart with my comments including all my years in the lifestyle hasn't taught me about protection, I teach, learn, dominate and own.

She replied that I was clueless. 

So, am I clueless because I don't understand the protector label especially via online? Help me understand what a protector does in lifestyle relationships and is a protector only a dominant.

Lastly as I asked this person, what does a protector protect you from?

Thanks,
Z-
When I was an internet newbie, I spoke to a man who made the jump from AOL chat to msn chat.   We were chatting about how to identify a collared submissive online.   He said that AOL had a different protocol on how to set up a screen name of a collared submissive.   If anyone remembers, msn was the subby screen name followed by the Dominant, screenname or just the intials of it.   He went on to say that on AOL they could even identify if the collar was a collar of submission or a collar of protection.   I'd personally never heard of this before and asked what they were being protected from.    He said, fakes, trolls, stalkers.   I always sort of wondered if this need for an online protection started on AOL.   
         My personal thoughts.  
     I think that at one time and anyone with more knowledge can correct me if I am wrong, that in some real time play parties and functions, there were different colored collars that submissives could wear to functions.   I think one color did sort of serve as a collar of protection.   Meaning, she was at the party with a person who did not identify as her Master, yet she came to the function with him and was not up for grabs for any Dominant.    I could be way off base on this but it was explained to me once a long time ago and I do not think that this is fully practiced now.   Anyways, I can understand this concept in a real time setting.    Maybe the collar would not deter some asswipe, but another Dom stepping in, might.   And in a real time setting, it is totally different than online.  You can not block someone from contact with the pressing of a button.
      With that said, I think that somewhere along the line, the real time protection collars made their way onto the net.  Because they began as real time, it was embraced online as a 'true' way.   Now perhaps, and this is only my theory, because online collars got a ton of negative publicity, they have dropped the phrase, 'collar of protection' and simply parade as protectors.   Whether this is the case or not it still sort of means the same thing.    The protectors think they are protecting the submissives from--- online fakes, trolls, stalkers.   
        Now thinking back to me as a newbie---if I had of begun my experience online---and some 'Dom' came to me and said, 'Squeakers, you need my collar of protection"   and he explained why I needed it---yes I probably would have believed it if he made sense in his explaination.    And further if this Dom was feeding the fantasy I had of the lifestyle as a newbie, I probably would have told you DarkDaddyZ that you did not have a clue.   Because this other Dom was telling me what I wanted to hear, he was getting my lustful thoughts going and I could not think futher than that.  
       So to sum it up to me, protector is someone who wants to give the illusion of  being real time, but has yet to get out of the fantasy mode.    And those who have protectors, might be new to the whole thing.   They may not realize there is a block button.   And maybe they are merely caught up in the fantasy end and think by having a protector they are emulating something real time.         
     I personally do not think they are needed online.   I have a block button, my computer turns off, I can block email messages--hell I can even block in coming calls and if some asswipe were to come to my home, (not at all likely) I have an adult  son and 9-1-1 works but no online protector is going to keep me safe.       

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 4:54:34 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		This protection stuff doesn't make sense to me. If your able to give consent then you should be able to have enough brain cells to determine who or what is right for you in life based on various factors and not depend on a "protector to do it for you or what ever a protector does....

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If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 133
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 7:25:50 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I can understand feeling afraid to a point where I couldn't trust my own judgment and wanting someone else to choose for me. But honestly, I would hope that in such a situation the someone else would tell me to go get the skills I needed to be able to judge for myself.

Because although the protector might be able to save her from playing with someone over her level at a party, he isn't going to be there when she has to negotiate salary, decide if a job offer is best suited to her skills, stand up and demand a doctor listen to her and not keep taking phone calls while charging her for his time, accept a date from a guy she meets at a party, decide how best to balance apartment costs vs commuting time, etc etc.

The skills needed to make good judgments in life are needed in all areas of life, not just this one.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 134
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 8:01:13 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		I'm hesitant to give an opinion on this topic.  I don't understand the hostile responses, or the flaming of people's opinions and in some cases, feelings.  That type of conversation never gets anyone anywhere, and only reflects on the close minded ones who seem to think they are the ultimate experts.  The beauty of this lifestyle (and yes, I consider it a lifestyle, not just roleplaying) is that is can be different for everyone.

In our real time community we hear of the "House" situations frequently.  Haven't any of you heard of that?  An experienced Dominant/Master/Mistress takes new Doms in as a mentor to train them.... they also have uncollared submissives who are friends of the House and are under House protection.  It is more of a training situation than anything, but, it is not laughed at or made fun of in our community.  If a Dom is interested in an uncollared submissive who is under House protection, then he will talk to the Master/Mistress of the House before engaging with the uncollared submissive.  It is NOT unusual here.

Yes, we all have to be intelligent enough and mature enough to engage in this, whether you consider it a lifestyle or just a roleplay to get your rocks off.  But, there are many who need to be guided into it, and, believe it or not, these Masters are NOT into it for sex.  They do NOT play with or have sex with the submissives in their House who are under protection.  They mentor and guide them.  These Masters have their own collared slaves to enjoy.

With all the predators out there (and that is evidenced by the vast number of men in particular who are in this expecting and demanding sex) I don't see a damn thing wrong with a new submissive wanting some guidance and protection.

Go ahead and flame me if you wish.... but, the experiences of the girl on here who was raped and beaten are a perfect example.  Most predators are very smooth talkers.  (Ted Bundy is a perfect example)  If a trusted and respected person in the community offers to screen potential partners for an uncollared submissive for awhile, I see nothing wrong with it. 

But, go ahead.... blast away... That seems to be the favorite activity on this thread.  I have very thick skin.  <Grin>



_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 135
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 8:39:56 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

I'm hesitant to give an opinion on this topic.  I don't understand the hostile responses, or the flaming of people's opinions and in some cases, feelings.  That type of conversation never gets anyone anywhere, and only reflects on the close minded ones who seem to think they are the ultimate experts.  The beauty of this lifestyle (and yes, I consider it a lifestyle, not just roleplaying) is that is can be different for everyone.

In our real time community we hear of the "House" situations frequently.  Haven't any of you heard of that?  An experienced Dominant/Master/Mistress takes new Doms in as a mentor to train them.... they also have uncollared submissives who are friends of the House and are under House protection.  It is more of a training situation than anything, but, it is not laughed at or made fun of in our community.  If a Dom is interested in an uncollared submissive who is under House protection, then he will talk to the Master/Mistress of the House before engaging with the uncollared submissive.  It is NOT unusual here.

Yes, we all have to be intelligent enough and mature enough to engage in this, whether you consider it a lifestyle or just a roleplay to get your rocks off.  But, there are many who need to be guided into it, and, believe it or not, these Masters are NOT into it for sex.  They do NOT play with or have sex with the submissives in their House who are under protection.  They mentor and guide them.  These Masters have their own collared slaves to enjoy.

With all the predators out there (and that is evidenced by the vast number of men in particular who are in this expecting and demanding sex) I don't see a damn thing wrong with a new submissive wanting some guidance and protection.

Go ahead and flame me if you wish.... but, the experiences of the girl on here who was raped and beaten are a perfect example.  Most predators are very smooth talkers.  (Ted Bundy is a perfect example)  If a trusted and respected person in the community offers to screen potential partners for an uncollared submissive for awhile, I see nothing wrong with it. 

But, go ahead.... blast away... That seems to be the favorite activity on this thread.  I have very thick skin.  <Grin>


   I understand exactly where you are coming from, I would never go to any play party without a protector of sorts--but what about protectors on the internet.   A Dominant only known to a submissive through the internet offers his protection to a submissive.   What is he exactly protecting her from and how does she know that he has her best interest in hand.   Yes, a few examples have been given by those who have protected others online and they did so effectively and with very good intentions.   But I think these people are merely a handful and it's the ones who label themselves as protectors with only bad intentions in mind that have given the whole term a bad rap.  
      

< Message edited by Squeakers -- 11/4/2007 8:41:26 AM >

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 136
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 9:30:59 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		Well... I have been on these sites for years, and I, for one, don't put much faith or validity in any "online" relationship.  I have been lied to and manipulated by trusting people online that I have been stupid enough to believe were sincere.  I have become very jaded about meeting anyone online who is serious about this as a lifestyle and not just looking for a good time.

The only thing I can think of that could possible benefit a new person on here is to have someone they can talk to as an advisor before agreeing to meet a stranger.  None of the rest of it makes any sense to me.

I made my post because the majority on here don't seem to have ever even heard of the "protector" or "under House protection" circumstance.  I find it hard to believe that Denver is the only area that has this type of thing.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to Squeakers)
Profile   Post #: 137
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 9:44:30 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Well... I have been on these sites for years, and I, for one, don't put much faith or validity in any "online" relationship.  I have been lied to and manipulated by trusting people online that I have been stupid enough to believe were sincere.  I have become very jaded about meeting anyone online who is serious about this as a lifestyle and not just looking for a good time.

The only thing I can think of that could possible benefit a new person on here is to have someone they can talk to as an advisor before agreeing to meet a stranger.  None of the rest of it makes any sense to me.

I made my post because the majority on here don't seem to have ever even heard of the "protector" or "under House protection" circumstance.  I find it hard to believe that Denver is the only area that has this type of thing.


I have met several people from connecting online. In only two of those circumstances were there misrepresentations about who they were. Those two lied about their height.

I have only met two people that  became romantic (or should I say BDSM-ish) relationships. Both of these people did not misrepresent themselves online to me... and I did not meet them right away. We got to know each other over the course of months.

I am sorry that you  are jaded, but I would ask you this, how many liars have you met in the real world? I have met many that lied about being married or other things like what they do for a living. Just because you meet someone flesh and blood does not make them honest.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/4/2007 9:45:10 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 138
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 10:02:43 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

Well... I have been on these sites for years, and I, for one, don't put much faith or validity in any "online" relationship.  I have been lied to and manipulated by trusting people online that I have been stupid enough to believe were sincere.  I have become very jaded about meeting anyone online who is serious about this as a lifestyle and not just looking for a good time.

The only thing I can think of that could possible benefit a new person on here is to have someone they can talk to as an advisor before agreeing to meet a stranger.  None of the rest of it makes any sense to me.

I made my post because the majority on here don't seem to have ever even heard of the "protector" or "under House protection" circumstance.  I find it hard to believe that Denver is the only area that has this type of thing.
   I  understand completely and agree with you.   For the ones that do not understand where you are coming from chances are they have probably only been exposed to just the online protector and that is where all the hostility comes from.  

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 139
RE: Clueless about Protectors - 11/4/2007 10:11:46 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		juliaoceania,

I am very happy for you that you have had such good experiences in meeting people online.  I have not.  In several years, I have only met two men who were what they proclaimed to be online.  The vast majority that contact me have no interested in meeting real time and only want their online fantasies fulfilled.

I wish you and everyone else on here nothing but luck and happiness.  I have just had better luck meeting people at BDSM events, groups or local munches than I have had online.  It's just me, and my experience.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 140
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