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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 9:42:45 AM

Rushemery

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if your on collar me but what is norm we are all abby normal . you can not find sanity in the insaine. Nor will the what seems to be ok may not be. Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. it is how the twisted work.lol

I dont think we are abnormal just open minded, I have come across a lot of kinky people in the nilla world, have have nail and tooth scars to prove it, they just dont want the lable

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 9:51:29 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if your on collar me but what is norm we are all abby normal . you can not find sanity in the insaine. Nor will the what seems to be ok may not be. Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. it is how the twisted work.lol

I've asked before, but could you please share the cocktail of drugs you're on? I'd love to take a test drive in whackjob land.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 10:04:30 AM

miladyh

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It all depends on the comfort level and yes (call me shallow if you want) there has to be an attraction there as well.

On a first meeting I may do some play but am I going to let that person tie me up to where I have no way to defend myself if need be NO WAY IN HELL.

If at a gathering or other function where there are others around then I will consent to being tied and a friend who knows my limits and how far they can be pushed is observing. Of course those are discussed with the person whom I have consented to play with before anything begins as well.

Another thing I have is a voice and yes it can get very loud if need be...I would rather cause a scene than risk my own safety.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 11:04:07 AM

brightspot

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Trust: What is trust in the lifestyle. Do you trust everyone you meet the first time. do you go off of gut feelings. what things do you use to qualify a new sub. dom, domme. How far would you go in your trust with the other.

I have heard of people playing on first meeting. Some say they been talking online for years or months. Others play at a munch or even at events for the first time with out really knowing that person trusting others opionions of that person. but do we really ever know them?

On-line with someone local, I would e-mail a few times, talk on the phone and then if still interested meet in a pulic place. After that trust would be dependent on my gut feelings I get when with this person and
that varies a lot.
Deep trust dosen't come for me for quite sometime after establishing a relationship, but that also deoends on the individual.

On-line and LDR's is a whole other story. I would have to talk and get to know the person for at least a few months before talking about meeting person but even in this instance it would depend a lot on the indiviual and my gut feelings on how long I wait until one of us actually travels so we can meet, staying in a hotel the first visit or two.

Guess you could say I am pretty careful when it comes to the trusting department.

Missy.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 11:06:26 AM

MistressDoMe

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Everyone, especially women need to be careful.
Whether you meet online, at the mall, at a D/s function, or
at a club,
We all take risks in life, but playing with complete strangers
is not a risk that I would take.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 11:14:09 AM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if your on collar me but what is norm we are all abby normal . you can not find sanity in the insaine. Nor will the what seems to be ok may not be. Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. it is how the twisted work.lol

I've asked before, but could you please share the cocktail of drugs you're on? I'd love to take a test drive in whackjob land.

lol

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 12:42:00 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if your on collar me but what is norm we are all abby normal . you can not find sanity in the insaine. Nor will the what seems to be ok may not be. Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. it is how the twisted work.lol

I've asked before, but could you please share the cocktail of drugs you're on? I'd love to take a test drive in whackjob land.

can I get some too because I just re-read his statement 4 times and DAYUM latex... but that made no fucking sense at all

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 1:04:37 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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Having learned a lesson the hard way, I do take more precautions, I don't give out details where I live, I do not engage in play on first meets, I meet only in public places and even then have even said I want to take a couple days after the meet to consider if I want to see the person again or vice versa which give me time to really think without feeling pressured to commit and also time to reflect. Currently considering a long distance dom have been chatting online with for some time, the rule is if they do come to visit they must get a motel or hotel room, I will not have them over to my home and again the first bit of time will be no playing , I state the terms early on, if they are really serious in wanting to get to know me and possibly have a relationship they will abide by the term if not they came find someone else and not waste their time or money.

My rules may be over the top to some people but I am not looking for causual play partners and setting the rules helps to eliminate/reduce those interested only in casual play. also firms up the tone that I do expect to be respected and lets them know I do not view myself as a doormat or piece of meat. I don't necessarily go by the 6 month rule that others proscribe to, but I do need to feel some trust and be sure I am comfortable with the person before starting to play

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 1:35:59 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Trust: What is trust in the lifestyle.

I think that this is what your OP was really about as we have had a would you have sex on a first meet, or first meet type thread recently?

Anyway I just felt I wanted to say that I trust people in the lifestyle far more than I trust those outside of it.
And, since your OP has made me consider this, I suppose I trust those who are the kinkier the most. Now this might sound like I am out of my freakin mind as you so eloquently put it, but I guess I am as I am more in my physical awareness now in my unserstanding of my needs than when I used to rationalise and intellectualise and try to moralise about what I needed.
So: polyamorous, bi, or rather pansexual, switch with limits set usually by my Dominant or my Master sgould I be fortunate enough to experience that progression. 'Me' looks freakish enough put simply like that BUT I do trust those who know themselves enough to know their kink. The more they know their kink the more I trust them.
That's not all of my answer because your OP has made me think.........

ed. because I am in after glow of a 24 hour TPE or APE (whatever term you use), re0living the dynamic rather than focusing on my spelling.....................

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 10/21/2007 1:39:14 PM >

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 1:39:31 PM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Count me in the "out of your mind" category. Odd that no one seems to bat an eye at the gazillions of folks who meet someone in a bar and go home with them, but egads, "playing" on a first meet?

I met my Master online in June, over 3 years ago. We talked several times a day, every day, until we met in person two months later. Everything in my gut said I could trust him, but since I didn't trust my own instincts very well back then, I Googled him from the start and confirmed everything I needed to know. Plus I was able to share all his personal info, including his photo, prior to my venturing off to meet him.

As for how far it was going to go...as far as he chose it to.

I am safer with him than I was with my husband of nearly 20 years.

This could be me although in our case we only chatted for just over a week before we decided to meet (and I must be out of my mind, play on the first meeting). I have no idea what it was about him that made me agree and even now when we discuss it neither of us can come up with an answer. It was gut instinct and it worked. 3+ years later we are still together and I am in the happiest relationship I have ever had in my life. So gut works at least for me.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 1:42:42 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Trust: What is trust in the lifestyle. Do you trust everyone you meet the first time. do you go off of gut feelings. what things do you use to qualify a new sub. dom, domme. How far would you go in your trust with the other.

I have heard of people playing on first meeting. Some say they been talking online for years or months. Others play at a munch or even at events for the first time with out really knowing that person trusting others opionions of that person. but do we really ever know them?

On-line with someone local, I would e-mail a few times, talk on the phone and then if still interested meet in a pulic place. After that trust would be dependent on my gut feelings I get when with this person and
that varies a lot.
Deep trust dosen't come for me for quite sometime after establishing a relationship, but that also deoends on the individual.

On-line and LDR's is a whole other story. I would have to talk and get to know the person for at least a few months before talking about meeting person but even in this instance it would depend a lot on the indiviual and my gut feelings on how long I wait until one of us actually travels so we can meet, staying in a hotel the first visit or two.

Guess you could say I am pretty careful when it comes to the trusting department.

Missy.

I agree with this totally, If local then the meeting speeds up considerably. I dont set how long i wait but if local it will normally be after a week or so. How long it takes to play is differant its all based on guts and how you feel about the other person. I think you get very aware of how genuiene a person is, you will pick up on small sentences more so within this arena than others because trust is so vital. In that respect normally you are more safe than you would normally be because you are more cautious.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 1:43:15 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if your on collar me but what is norm we are all abby normal . you can not find sanity in the insaine. Nor will the what seems to be ok may not be. Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. it is how the twisted work.lol

I've asked before, but could you please share the cocktail of drugs you're on? I'd love to take a test drive in whackjob land.

can I get some too because I just re-read his statement 4 times and DAYUM latex... but that made no fucking sense at all

whackjob? is that a blowjob on blow??????

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 1:58:16 PM

TNstepsout

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I don't trust anyone. Real life or lifestyle until I have reason to trust them. (and that takes a while and I'm still cautious) But it depends on the level of risk involved. Playing at a local dungeon where I know there are rules and monitors is far different that going to someone's private residence. The local dungeon (at least the one here) is a reletively safe place to engage in play. Now there is also the factor of how much one can handle. If you consider yourself a lightweight, probably better not to just hand yourself over to a stranger. Has nothing to do with trust, it has to do with not knowing each other well enough to work well together.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 3:31:18 PM

LATEXBABY64

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if your read some songs do they make sense till they are song. Coded messages are always fun
My statement was to make a point. What someone could present to be on the outside they may not be on the in side. Kinda like the double life thing. Not everything is a straight forward answer or to the point resolve. You can read all these things. Goto all the events even be mentored by someone who's well rounded in the lifestyle. But you never know them

reads as fallows

if your on collarme = we are all here for a purpose
but what is norm = who perception is it
we are all abby normal . = we all carry something that makes us different
you can not find sanity in the insane. = there is no simple answer
Nor will the what seems to be OK may not be.= your right may be wrong
Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. = Evil can manifest itself in many ways and forms

it is how the twisted work. this is the key statement

I always hear how people are in to intellectual discourse.

So how about this Can you trust someone really or just for the moment in time

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 10/21/2007 3:35:07 PM >

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 4:06:13 PM

beargonewild

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

if your read some songs do they make sense till they are song. Coded messages are always fun
My statement was to make a point. What someone could present to be on the outside they may not be on the in side. Kinda like the double life thing. Not everything is a straight forward answer or to the point resolve. You can read all these things. Goto all the events even be mentored by someone who's well rounded in the lifestyle. But you never know them

reads as fallows

if your on collarme = we are all here for a purpose
but what is norm = who perception is it
we are all abby normal . = we all carry something that makes us different
you can not find sanity in the insane. = there is no simple answer
Nor will the what seems to be OK may not be.= your right may be wrong
Hidden with in is always a dark horse or a dark heart. = Evil can manifest itself in many ways and forms

it is how the twisted work. this is the key statement

I always hear how people are in to intellectual discourse.

So how about this Can you trust someone really or just for the moment in time

The way I see it, trust is a concept which is always evolving. The initial trust a person gives to another, the deep trust a person has with their long time partner, trust between good friends: yet when something happens it affects the level of trust between the people involved.

There will be no set agreement on what is evil/normal/trustworthy/sane or insane. each person perceives these attributes based upon their own experiences and ideology.
Is poking another with needles normal? to some it's yes to other's the answer is no.
To me, being involved with a married man is fine, yet many will admonish me for having an affair. Better yet, many people believe a person like myself are evil because I am attracted to men, yet I find this attraction to be perfectly normal.

Trust is something who we as humans develop over time and experience. There are and will be situations where we will take that blind leap of faith and do something which we normally wouldn't. Yet we still trust that we will be ok for this action and we place a measure of blind trust that the situation we enter will not be harmful to our own well being and personal safety.This is human nature.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 6:45:41 PM

slavegirljoy

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For me, trust is trust, whether i'm with people who are involved in BDSM or not. i don't make a distinction between vanilla and BDSM, in that regard.

When i first meet someone, it's not an issue of whether i can trust them or not. i don't even worry about that, because i know that people can be very good actors and can be very unpredictable and subject to change, without warning, even when they seem trustworthy. The responsibility for keeping me safe is my own and it's not something that i'm going to just easily hand over to another person.

It's not someone else that i need to trust. It's me i need to trust. No matter where i am or what i'm doing, i need to trust that i:
* will pay close attention to my surroundings and where the exits are
* will listen to my inner voice
* will protect myself, as much as i can
* will know when something/someone doesn't look, feel or, seem right to me
* will not do anything stupid
* will know how to safely remove myself from a situation or a person that causes me to be concerned or to doubt their sincerity and/or stability.

That's how i have kept myself as safe as possible, while still living my life the way i want, whether i was hitchhiking as a 14-18 year old around California and then across the U.S., with another teenage girl or, going to concerts and talking and dancing with men i didn't know or, camping and hiking in the mountains alone with my little girls or, walking alone, after a night class, across a dark campus parking lot or, meeting a man for the first time, who i only knew from phone conversations or chatting online.

There are a lot of situations, not just BDSM-related, that are dangerous and that require, the trust of, not other people but, of myself, in order to stay safe. The unexpected happens sometimes and, no matter how much precaution is taken, there is no avoiding the possibility of being hurt. i'm not going to let the possibility of something bad happening to me keep me from living my life the way that i want. i'm just going to do it as smartly as i can. i'm going to protect myself as much as possible and hope for the best.

Riding my bicycle, as a form of transportation and recreation has always been something i enjoy and, i have always understood and respected the fact that sharing the road with vehicles, driven by people, can be very risky. So, it was that on a quiet suburban street on a Monday morning, while riding my bicycle with my 4 year-old strapped in her seat, following the rules of the road and, wearing our helmets, it still wasn't enough to completely protect us from a drunk driver, who was passed out at the wheel of his car that jumped the curb, veered across the sidewalk and, crashed into us in the parking lot of her daycare center. But, i hate to think what would have happened, if we hadn't had our helmets on. Helmets do help save lives, even if they can't save the rest of the body.

Life involves taking some risks but, it doesn't have to involve carelessness or recklessness.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Trust: What is trust in the lifestyle. Do you trust everyone you meet the first time. do you go off of gut feelings. what things do you use to qualify a new sub. dom, domme.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 6:54:52 PM

LATEXBABY64

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i like what you said about it is me i need to trust
good point of view

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 7:28:44 PM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Trust: What is trust in the lifestyle. Do you trust everyone you meet the first time. do you go off of gut feelings.

It's on a case by case basis. Mostly I trust my intuition and I talk with someone for a while before deciding to meet them. I've met dominants in public and I've also gone straight to someone's house or had someone to my home for a first meeting. I don't know if it's really a matter of trust or it's a combination of things. I really can't explain it other than to say I just know who I'm safe with.

I've only met one person who I thought could have been a danger to me. We had been talking for an entire summer for hours every day on the phone, at first I liked him, then I started to get bad feelings about him. After a while he absolutely made my skin crawl with bad vibes, but I just had to satisfy my curiosity. I wrote his name and address, phone number and place of business, on about 6 sheets of paper and I left them all over my house in different places, then I got in the car and went to meet him at a local restaurant. I came home alive, but never saw him again.

quote:

what things do you use to qualify a new sub. dom, domme.

I just go with how they seem to me. After talking to someone for a while, you kind of get a sense of them. It's not like a list of things you can put your finger on as qualifiers.

quote:

How far would you go in your trust with the other.

For me it's not really a question of how far I'd go with my trust. It's more a question of -How much calculated risk am I willing to take.

quote:

I have heard of people playing on first meeting. Some say they been talking online for years or months. Others play at a munch or even at events for the first time with out really knowing that person trusting others opionions of that person. but do we really ever know them?

I've "played" on a first meeting once. Others I've met once or twice before doing anything like that. Depends on the circumstances and the person.

And no, we never really know anyone, not even a spouse that we've slept next to for a couple of decades.

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 7:37:25 PM

topcat

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<raising hand>

yep, outta my freaking mind.

Some of the best scenes I have ever done were followed by aftercare that began: "are you here by yourself? -and what is your name, by the way?"...

Which I do not condone, but well, there I am...

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RE: Are you out of your freaking Mind - 10/21/2007 9:14:52 PM

onegoodgirl

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Yeah.. I admit I have a few MREs leftover from my hurricane kit... keep a few in my car for emergencies too.. they aren't bad :)

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