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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

get a temp??? is it that easy??? just head on out to subs are us??? are they on sale or something???

something about your post seems remarkably unkind.

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Hi Treasure,

Your post conjures some thought...

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ORIGINAL: TreasureKY
In light of the many threads with regard to avoiding subs with "baggage", I'm surprised that no one has considered that the sub in question here might simply be too emotionally clingy and needy for the relationship that was agreed upon.  It's entirely possible that with her marriage ending, the sub might simply require more attention than was originally negotiated.  It seems as if quite a few doms in these forums have expressed a desire to have drama-free relationships... I would imagine that a sub going through a separation and divorce might possibly be experiencing enough drama to negatively affect the agreed-upon relationship.

I was married when I met my Master, and left my marriage soon after (I had emotionally left it years prior).  Prior to leaving my marriage, endless conversation occurred between my Master and I, about what that would mean for us.  Trust me when I say I was Queen O Baggage and he knew it.  But while my Master prefers to be drama-free, he also enjoyed the submission and devotion and service he received from me.  Some are willing to invest a bit more effort, others are not.  I count my blessings that my Master was willing to invest what he did, and I suppose that influences my thinking when I see situations like this one.

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There has also been evidence that some doms here have had enough of the institution known as marriage, or are currently married, and because of that make it clear from the beginning that they have no intention of ever making their submissive into their wife... or even cohabitating.  It is possible that the submissive has made overt comments or given indications to the OP that with ending her marriage she would then be available to fulfill other more "traditional" roles for him...  he might simply be wanting to head off at the pass any such ideas.

Also a good point.  Before I left my marriage, a lot of our conversations centered around this very topic - that his attentions to me would be on his terms and that I was not leaving the marriage with the hopes of him changing his life and bringing me under his roof.  It all goes back to communicating as much as possible in advance.  I am grateful he did this, because it warded off a lot of issues that could have come up otherwise.

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Again, I'm not defending the OP, but I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that his idea of a D/s relationship matches my idea of one... and then condemn him for not living up to my standards.  There are people who enjoy casual and emotionally unattached dynamics... we're constantly being reminded of it right here in these forums.  I'm just surprised to see so many who preach tolerance for all forms of this "lifestyle" be so judgmental.

You make a very good point about holding someone up to our own standards, and I am appreciative of you pointing that out.  I think it just surprised me that someone would consider turning away from someone during a terrible time - D/s related or not.  None of us knows what their dynamic is, but then he did not clarify that, either, so we can only opine based on our own knowledge base.  Your post balances some things out, which is healthy.

Still, I can't help but appreciate my Master's presence in my life whenever I see situations like this.

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ORIGINAL: dc0785

Hum???  As A DOM, I make the decision.   I need her service but I know she needs to resolve other issues before we can resume.  I can't imagine not being available for her.  Yet, I require service (not just physical but emotional service). 

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ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Fast reply:

Not to defend the OP, but I do find the responses here to be interesting. 

In light of the many threads with regard to avoiding subs with "baggage", I'm surprised that no one has considered that the sub in question here might simply be too emotionally clingy and needy for the relationship that was agreed upon.  It's entirely possible that with her marriage ending, the sub might simply require more attention than was originally negotiated.  It seems as if quite a few doms in these forums have expressed a desire to have drama-free relationships... I would imagine that a sub going through a separation and divorce might possibly be experiencing enough drama to negatively affect the agreed-upon relationship.

There has also been evidence that some doms here have had enough of the institution known as marriage, or are currently married, and because of that make it clear from the beginning that they have no intention of ever making their submissive into their wife... or even cohabitating.  It is possible that the submissive has made overt comments or given indications to the OP that with ending her marriage she would then be available to fulfill other more "traditional" roles for him...  he might simply be wanting to head off at the pass any such ideas.

Again, I'm not defending the OP, but I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that his idea of a D/s relationship matches my idea of one... and then condemn him for not living up to my standards.  There are people who enjoy casual and emotionally unattached dynamics... we're constantly being reminded of it right here in these forums.  I'm just surprised to see so many who preach tolerance for all forms of this "lifestyle" be so judgmental.

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ORIGINAL: dc0785

Ok...I am a dom.  I finally acceptted sub a number of months back.  All was discussed and we were compatible.  Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending.  I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship.  BUT I don't want to let her go.  She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released?

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ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Thank you, Tempting... and I agree with you whole-heartedly.  I would not want a man such as this for my dominant, either.  I'll also admit that my initial reaction to the op was similar, as well.

However, I know too well that we often make rash judgments because we fill in missing information with our own experience.  We don't know the OP and we don't know his situation.  Unfortunately in addition to lacking information, his maiden post here was also worded badly and placed him in the worst possible light.

Just today a post was made by a respected and well-liked dominant here... it described a situation where he sent home a submissive "to straighten out her life".  I hope he'll forgive me for using him as an example, but his post can be read here.  In that same post, he describes refusing to take responsibility for actions that had to be his submissive's choice.  He did not make any efforts to tell of his care for his submissive... did not clarify that he provided continued emotional support. 

If this had been his first posting on the forums, I might well have had the same initial thoughts of him as I did with the OP.  As it is, I know enough of him to understand without it having to be said that he is not an uncaring or irresponsible dominant. 

Sometimes things just aren't as they seem at first glance.

Of course, sometimes they are. 

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ORIGINAL: dc0785

I am really wondering if releasing her would allow her to concentrate on her issues rather than serving me.  Does that make sense? 

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She is needing much support and has already stated that when the divorce comes finally that she may start dating.  It is one thing to have a sub who is married....it is a totally different thing to have a sub that is now on the market.  That is the quandry.  Maybe I am selfish and I don't want to share.  Sharing with her husband so to speak was a given at the start.  NOW THE PLAYING FIELD HAS CHANGED. 

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ORIGINAL: dc0785

I am amazed at the response that this has received.  And I have read each and every post.  I feel I should fill in the missing information and add in the recent occurance.  I am simply trying to make the best decision for my pet.  I know as a Dom I make the decision but only after total communication.  I neglected to mention that.  It really is not all about me.  I am trying to do the best for her as well.  I don't want to release her.  I am really wondering if releasing her would allow her to concentrate on her issues rather than serving me.  Does that make sense?  She is needing much support and has already stated that when the divorce comes finally that she may start dating.  It is one thing to have a sub who is married....it is a totally different thing to have a sub that is now on the market.  That is the quandry.  Maybe I am selfish and I don't want to share.  Sharing with her husband so to speak was a given at the start.  NOW THE PLAYING FIELD HAS CHANGED.  Keep the thoughts coming.  This is obviously a hot topic.
DC

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ORIGINAL: dc0785

Hum???  As A DOM, I make the decision.  However, as an actual caring Dom,