Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts)

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dc0785 -> Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:21:42 PM)
Ok...I am a dom. I finally acceptted sub a number of months back. All was discussed and we were compatible. Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending. I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. BUT I don't want to let her go. She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released?

Sabella -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:25:54 PM)
What example would you be teaching other than you aren't dependable when she's in an "unstable situation"?

Lordandmaster -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:33:30 PM)
Good question.

dc0785 -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:36:00 PM)
Hum??? As A DOM, I make the decision. However, as an actual caring Dom, I know she needs her time to get things straight. I need her service but I know she needs to resolve other issues before we can resume. I can't imagine not being available for her. Yet, I require service (not just physical but emotional service).

SageFemmexx -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:36:40 PM)
What? You only want married subs so you don't have to be anything more than a player? She is too emotionally needy? Financially unstable? Err too available now? You need to do some explaining.

AquaticSub -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:42:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dc0785 Hum??? As A DOM, I make the decision. There mere ability to make the decision does not mean you have made the correct one or even that you should be allowed that make the decision. Not saying you shouldn't... just something to think about. Your status as dominant does not mean your decisions will go unquestioned. quote: However, as an actual caring Dom, I know she needs her time to get things straight. I need her service but I know she needs to resolve other issues before we can resume. I can't imagine not being available for her. Yet, I require service (not just physical but emotional service). If you want her around, why release her? If her service is good, why release her? If you are a caring dominant, why not keep her around and help support her instead of being the classic fair weather friend and saying "Call me when you get your life back together"? Now personally, if my dominant were not willing to stand by and support me when times got tough I'd probably release myself.

RosesHaveThorns -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:49:56 PM)
As a Dom, you have the ability to make a decision. But the sub trusts you to make a GOOD one. Which if you ask me, you are not doing. And you are placing your needs of service before her being in rough times. Her needs are not thought of, only what YOU want. Maybe she needs some stability? Support? Care? And what the hell did you do before you found her? You HAD to be single for long periods of time. And you can do it again. Even if it means jerking off.

laurell3 -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:50:29 PM)
Why you would "release" someone for having a difficult time in their life? I'm with the rest, and maybe we just don't have enough information.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:54:32 PM)
This question makes no sense to me. In all my times of uncertainty, particularly while going through an ugly divorce, my focus on service to my Master and pleasing him was of utmost importance to me, and his strong yet caring guiding hand did wonders in keeping me balanced when the world around me was going awry. If I could not count on the foundation he created with me, and if I could not rely on the constant undercurrent of his consistency in my world, I could not submit to him as I do today.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 5:58:39 PM)
I would try to give some advice but honestly I can't figure out some of the wording. Especially the "find a temporary" part. Is that for you? A temp sub? Or do you mean finding her a temp dom to fill in for you? Neither alternative actually makes me believe anything positive about this relationship. Let me be the first to ask...are you and your sub together in real time or is this an internet/phone relationship?

LotusSong -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:02:54 PM)
During a transition, I would curtail all D/s activities with her and just be supportive of her as her friend. If you do not wish to wait and feel you need to take a temporary submissive.. then don't bother. You would do no service to either the temp or your present submissive for you are putting them in the position of being dispensable. (clue time: women don't play that, homey. Oh, they will SAY it's OK but only in hopes you make a decision and don't go through with it)

rmanrr -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:05:36 PM)
Greetings to chime in with the rest of the group....to abandon one who seemingly means much to you just because things are difficult shows a complete lack of trust on your part, a lack of devotion, which is equally important being dominant, a lack of sense, and a lack of a whole lot of what it takes to be IMNOHO a Man. Grow a set, borrow a set and act like a Man. I would suggest that she seek elsewhere but as the previous poster says...online? Real time? Sometime? Anytime? Notime?

catize -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:09:22 PM)
quote: All was discussed Obviously some rather important stuff was left out.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:16:43 PM)
I gotta go with what everyone else has said here. Were you hoping you could just keep having an affair and not have to be really responsible for an open 24/7 relationship?

Hergirl0824 -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:27:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dc0785 Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending. I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. this pretty much says it all doesn't it? seems that she is going to be available soon and that is not something you want..or at least it seems that way from your post..if this is the case then a player in Dom's clothing seems to be in the midst

octavia -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:39:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dc0785 Ok...I am a dom. I finally acceptted sub a number of months back. All was discussed and we were compatible. Quickly, however, the playing field changed and her marriage was ending. I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. BUT I don't want to let her go. She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released? teach her what by example, that you are untrustworthy, selfish, and uncaring? People have changes in their lives, sub or no sub.. a person going through a divorce is a person who needs support not "taught a lesson". wether you choose to stay in the relationship or not is a reflection of your choices based on your wants, desires, etc. Don't put it off on her and try to make her responsible for your choice. Do the Domly thing and just make your decision and own it.

KnightofMists -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:44:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dc0785 I explained to her at that point that since the rules have now changed, we need to reconsider the relationship. BUT I don't want to let her go. She I keep her and set her aside with the understanding that when she is stable in a situation I will bring her back AND that I will find a temporary or do I teach her by example and let her know she is released? Reconsider the Relationship???? BTW... the rules haven't changed.. .only her marriage has changed... that doesn't equate to rules changing.. that equates to the situation changing and would require more discussion and consideration. However, anytime I see some come here and ask if they should be in the relationship... well... My answer will be always NO. If you can't answer that question for yourself... then you shouldn't be in the relationship. I have to wonder if you even should be in a relationship considering the very immature manner you are handling this situation as it is.

pseudopsychotic -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:49:48 PM)
As a "Dom," you do what you must, and I'll hope she comes to her senses.

darchChylde -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:53:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pseudopsychotic As a "Dom," you do what you must, and I'll hope she comes to her senses. and finds someone who doesn't think he's caring just because he says he is

TreasureKY -> RE: Dom to release a sub.........(your thoughts) (10/24/2007 6:55:40 PM)
Fast reply: Not to defend the OP, but I do find the responses here to be interesting. In light of the many threads with regard to avoiding subs with "baggage", I'm surprised that no one has considered that the sub in question here might simply be too emotionally clingy and needy for the relationship that was agreed upon. It's entirely possible that with her marriage ending, the sub might simply require more attention than was originally negotiated. It seems as if quite a few doms in these forums have expressed a desire to have drama-free relationships... I would imagine that a sub going through a separation and divorce might possibly be experiencing enough drama to negatively affect the agreed-upon relationship. There has also been evidence that some doms here have had enough of the institution known as marriage, or are currently married, and because of that make it clear from the beginning that they have no intention of ever making their submissive into their wife... or even cohabitating. It is possible that the submissive has made overt comments or given indications to the OP that with ending her marriage she would then be available to fulfill other more "traditional" roles for him... he might simply be wanting to head off at the pass any such ideas. Again, I'm not defending the OP, but I'm not going to jump to the conclusion that his idea of a D/s relationship matches my idea of one... and then condemn him for not living up to my standards. There are people who enjoy casual and emotionally unattached dynamics... we're constantly being reminded of it right here in these forums. I'm just surprised to see so many who preach tolerance for all forms of this "lifestyle" be so judgmental.

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