RE: Ok. This might just be the limit.

RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 4:45:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysjezzy To me this post is about trust. Do you trust him to protect your identity online? Do you trust him not to do anything that will damage your reputation. Do you trust him enough to have a real no limits M/s relationship? If you trust him then there is no issue. Obviously there is an issue... I agree but trust him to do what????? What is the function of the pics? has he perceived her trawling for others for him to be a failure so he is using her as bait??????

dvart -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 5:07:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty In truth, if he made a more solid commitment to me, this wouldn't be an issue. If he married me (its my obsession- don't ask) then I would be more than happy to let him display my pics as he feels. But since I feel that this blog could affect my future somewhere down the road and he hasn't married me (which would mean he took official and public responsibility for my future), I have issues. If he does something to advserly affect me 5 years down the road and he is long gone 5 yrs down the road, then it is not fair to me. Seems to me that this is symbolic of other fault lines in your relationship. You need to trust your Dom. and you can't fully trust your current one. It's his call now, either he shapes up or you have to look elsewhere. There is a fine line between D/s and abuse and from my point of view he has crossed the line into abuse.

kc692 -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 5:14:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: Oh God. If he marries you, it's all OK, but otherwise no? What's wrong with feeling that way? Marrying me is like promising that he will be there to deal with the consequences, in which case permanent damage to my reputation is a-ok by me- I would certainly like to be able to say that his happiness is more important than my public image. I just cant say that now. Um, unless he then divorces your ass in 2 years? Sheesh..........

Cyntilating -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 5:18:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysjezzy To me this post is about trust. Do you trust him to protect your identity online? Do you trust him not to do anything that will damage your reputation. Do you trust him enough to have a real no limits M/s relationship? If you trust him then there is no issue. Obviously there is an issue... I agree but trust him to do what????? What is the function of the pics? has he perceived her trawling for others for him to be a failure so he is using her as bait?????? everything comes down to trust! why would he do this? exactly. but then why would he do many of the things the OP has posted about ( and been feeling mistreated by ). Kitttty, ..if you cannot see past his title to your own feelings and rights ( as an individual... and please don't tell me as his slave you have no rights...because I might throw up all over my keyboard) .. then at least try to see what his actions are doing to "the relationship" which needs to be strongly based on trust and security, for both of you. My Master can do what ever he wants and wishes to... to me despite me instead of me with regards to me or ill-regard to me... ( the following is something I learned from him and through our discussions) the real question he has to answer for himself every time he makes a decision or choice about US is > is it strengthening and empowering her trust in me? does this empower us and our relationship? will this damage her confidence and feeling of security in me and in my judgement and authority? He makes sure our needs are met...He wants and likes his desires and wants (whims even) pleased and tended to by me. But he protects the relationship ( because without that there is no Us). no, he doesn't answer to me. but he does answer to himself and if he wants the Ds or Ms dynamic to thrive between us> he does have to answer the above question honestly and genuinely for himself. from your posts in the past> it sounds like the man you are with lacks the entire picture of what you bring to his life, and the reality that it is fragile and not to be toyed with or taken for granted. I hope you, at least, realize this about yourself.

missturbation -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 5:22:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty It really sucks that I love him. Because I am so fucking pissed about this. I think you have the answer to your own question hun. It is obviously a big deal and really bothering you and you need to tell him so.

kitttty -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:18:44 AM)
quote: To me this post is about trust. Do you trust him to protect your identity online? Do you trust him not to do anything that will damage your reputation. Do you trust him enough to have a real no limits M/s relationship? If you trust him then there is no issue. Obviously there is an issue... It is about trust. He says that he has taken steps to protect my identity. He said that whatever he did is better than the swirl thing. I trust him completely not to deliberately do anything to ruin my reputation. But I don't 'trust' him enough to believe he is omnipotent and can prevent everyone on the internet from identifying a pic of me. Generally the 'no limits' thing works because there have just been no hard limits. There are lots of soft limits. I don't say 'time out. I dont want to do this anymore'. The Master asks if something makes me uncomfortable when it looks like it does and then he does not do it. There never is a give and take on these things- He just will not do what bothers me. Even now, he isn't doing what bothers me. I said the pictures bothered me and he took the site down in like 3 minutes. But he just isn't happy about it. He actually wanted things one way while I wanted them another way and now we just have this point of contention. He says that the issue is that I don't trust him. I am not sure if the issue is also that I am preventing him from having this pornographic blog. Right now the give and take seems to be that he does not get the blog the way he wants (which means he does not want it at all) and I get punishment. He has not told me what the punishment is but it seems that it is not a punishment designed to coerce me into changing my ways- it's just some pain and humilation. quote: shows that you have some fairy tale idea of marriage. And that is so much smarter than the fairy tale idea of the collar. Ive got the collar. Aint good enough. Commit to me enough to say that it will cost you half your life's savings to leave me and then I can give 100% trust. Its not an SM thing. I feel the same way with Vanilla relatinships. I feel paranoid when leaving is easy.

laurell3 -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:25:39 AM)
The prior posts have nothing to do with your ongoing debate about marriage vs collaring...they have to do with your idea that being married to him will somehow make unacceptable things acceptable. Promise ring, collar, marriage...whatever..none of these things will fix a broken relationship or make issues better. Honestly if you seriously think you want to practice law some day I'd wisen up a bit about this guy doing anything to publicly identify you as someone in the lifestyle. Entering into such a profession with a reputation such as that would be a complete disaster.

TNstepsout -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:27:56 AM)
Oh boy. I was with you up until your last post. This relationship, IMO is a mess. Good Luck

RRafe -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:31:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout Oh boy. I was with you up until your last post. This relationship, IMO is a mess. Good Luck .................. What gets to me the most-is he screws up............and then wants to punish her when she calls him on it? That pretty much means handing in the master card, from my pov. How can you possibly trust the authority of someone who does that sort of thing?

julietsierra -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:32:29 AM)
All this stuff... and it's really simple. "Take... down.. my... pictures." Anyone - even a submissive - has the right to make determinations solely on her own as to what she does and doesn't deem safe. If those pictures make you feel unsafe regarding whether you'll be identified, then you have the right to have them taken down. I can't begin to understand why someone who supposedly cares for you is going to make your feelings of security his line in the sand regarding whether you trust him or not. Since he's not responsible for what OTHER people are able to do, then he can't possibly determine whether or not someone will recognize you. juliet

kitttty -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:39:20 AM)
quote: .they have to do with your idea that being married to him will somehow make unacceptable things acceptable. Marriage would not make the truly uncceptable acceptable. This is unacceptable given the context that his commitment to me is not permanent. It would be acceptable if his commitment to me were permanent and if his reputation were inextricable with mine, which it is not right now. If I am identified, I am screwed because Im trying to be a lawyer and this is not kosher even if its totally legal. He isn't screwed though- he can go on his merry way. None of that matters right now because as it stands, I am not screwed. The site is gone. Took some expressed angst on my part to prompt its disappearance, but I can't quite fault him for making me accept something I didn't want.

susie -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:52:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: .they have to do with your idea that being married to him will somehow make unacceptable things acceptable. Marriage would not make the truly uncceptable acceptable. This is unacceptable given the context that his commitment to me is not permanent. It would be acceptable if his commitment to me were permanent and if his reputation were inextricable with mine, which it is not right now. If I am identified, I am screwed because Im trying to be a lawyer and this is not kosher even if its totally legal. He isn't screwed though- he can go on his merry way. None of that matters right now because as it stands, I am not screwed. The site is gone. Took some expressed angst on my part to prompt its disappearance, but I can't quite fault him for making me accept something I didn't want. So lets see. You are trying to be a lawyer and if you are identified you would be screwed. Yet if you were married and were tying to be a lawyer and you were identified, you would not be screwed. How exactly does him marrying you make a difference to the fact that you might be identified? It seems from previous posts that one of the main issues with your relationship is the fact that he has not married you. I seriously doubt the maturity of anyone who believes that marriage is a magic cure all for a relationship.

laurell3 -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 6:54:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: .they have to do with your idea that being married to him will somehow make unacceptable things acceptable. Marriage would not make the truly uncceptable acceptable. This is unacceptable given the context that his commitment to me is not permanent. It would be acceptable if his commitment to me were permanent and if his reputation were inextricable with mine, which it is not right now. If I am identified, I am screwed because Im trying to be a lawyer and this is not kosher even if its totally legal. He isn't screwed though- he can go on his merry way. None of that matters right now because as it stands, I am not screwed. The site is gone. Took some expressed angst on my part to prompt its disappearance, but I can't quite fault him for making me accept something I didn't want. [sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif] two things and I'm done because I'm not enough of a masochist to get a concussion against this brick wall..... You are an individual whose reputation is based solely on you and your actions, including associating with someone that puts you at risk. In the practice of law, there is no someone one else did it excuse. It's all you. NO excuse of secretary didn't file it, client didn't remind me, boyfriend messed me up...nothing, it's all on you. If you truly aspire to be a professional, you need to get your head on straight about YOU regardless of whether someone else is in your life. Get over this romantic ideal that some guy makes everything hunky dorey and stand up on your own. Your idea that if his life sucked as well because he outted both of you it would be ok is just ludicrious beyond belief. Second, I hate to be the one to tell you, but nothing is every truly gone on the internet as we've seen many many times in political scandals. It may not be publicly acessible at the moment, but it's out there. For your sake I hope no one ever connects the dots.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:04:42 AM)
Because you have to have a workable relationship in place BEFORE you get married, regardless of how much you love each other. If you two are having communication problems--and you obviously are--getting married isn't going to fix anything. It's only going to make things worse by hardening the walls all around you. But I guess you'll have to live through that to understand what I mean. quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: Oh God. If he marries you, it's all OK, but otherwise no? What's wrong with feeling that way? Marrying me is like promising that he will be there to deal with the consequences, in which case permanent damage to my reputation is a-ok by me- I would certainly like to be able to say that his happiness is more important than my public image. I just cant say that now.

TNstepsout -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:06:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout Oh boy. I was with you up until your last post. This relationship, IMO is a mess. Good Luck .................. What gets to me the most-is he screws up............and then wants to punish her when she calls him on it? That pretty much means handing in the master card, from my pov. How can you possibly trust the authority of someone who does that sort of thing? Yeah I know. That's why I said at first I was with her. It sounded to me like a nasty little temper tantrum on his part because she was spoiling his fun. He said she disobeyed and would be punished, but for what? She should have the right to tell him she REALLY doesn't like something and have him talk to her like a reasonable, rational human being. Not stomp around like a child and throw a fit! It's ridiculous. Then again, I didn't really know how she approached him on the issue, so perhaps she was out of line? Who knows? But then she made the remark in her last post about being able to take half of what he has if he divorces her and with that, I'm outta there. It shouldn't take the threat of losing half of your assets to be comitted to a partner. If that's what it's all about then IMO, this relationship is doomed.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:06:42 AM)
quote: The Master asks if something makes me uncomfortable when it looks like it does and then he does not do it. There never is a give and take on these things- He just will not do what bothers me. This sounds like what the gorian girls talk about. "I am a super duper owned slave who will do anything" but her cowering "master" wouldn't dare ask her to even pick up after herself or lose 125 pounds for fear of her "being uncomfortable" but I AM a SLAVE dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is why I still say (although I think it is about to change radically) that the deepest and most beautiful submission I have seen to date is from a self identifed male BOTTOM!

kitttty -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:07:11 AM)
quote: ow exactly does him marrying you make a difference to the fact that you might be identified? It makes a difference about whether or not I would actually practice law.

camille65 -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:09:46 AM)
If he has taken the site down then why is there still a problem? It seems that even though he removed the pics that there is still an issue about it. Have you shown him this (and all the others) thread, sat down and discussed what really worried you about it? You can only get so much help from a forum, the rest of it needs to be done between the two of you.

susie -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:13:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitttty quote: ow exactly does him marrying you make a difference to the fact that you might be identified? It makes a difference about whether or not I would actually practice law. [sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif]

kitttty -> RE: Ok. This might just be the limit. (10/27/2007 7:16:59 AM)
quote: This sounds like what the gorian girls talk about. "I am a super duper owned slave who will do anything" but her cowering "master" wouldn't dare ask her to even pick up after herself or lose 125 pounds for fear of her "being uncomfortable" but I AM a SLAVE dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the Master has gotten me to lose weight and do more strenuous tasks than picking up clothes. Honestly, I have no need to believe that I am owned so deeply that I will do anything. There are a lot of things I would not do. Generally these are not things the Master even requests. As of yet they have never been things the Master insists upon. quote: It shouldn't take the threat of losing half of your assets to be comitted to a partner. Well, it does. I can be very nice to a man that does not make a true investment in our future together but its not commitment. How can you let someone make major decisions for you if you are not sure he is going to be there to endure the consequences? For me, trust is intertwined with commitment. And commitment that is more than "I'll be there".

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