Its all changed

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TakenPet -> Its all changed (10/30/2007 9:07:46 PM)
Master has over the last while changed a lot. He doesn't want to play with me anymore, at least not since his ex has moved back into town? We used to talk on a daily basis, now I am lucky to speak with him twice a week, and he never wants to play, just enjoy talking. Should I be as worried as I think? I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence? Any suggestions?

krikket -> RE: Its all changed (10/30/2007 9:51:57 PM)
As much as i hate to say this, it sounds like you already have your answer, and my "advise" such as it is, is to listen to that little voice that whispers inside and it will steer you in the right direction. i guess my biggest problem, if i had to pick, is the indefinite punishment of silence. i'm a firm believer (almost obsessively so) in communication in any kind of relationship, from birth to grave (and beyond). Problems aren't going to just "go away" by ignoring them. There is always a little bit that stays with us when we ignore them, it can destroy our self-esteem, undermine our growth, and just in general "it sucks"..lol. As for my suggestion of what you should do, again i say you have to do what is right for you. Is this the type of relationship you want or need? If it was me, i'd move on, because like he's made his decision -- he's just waiting for you to catch up with yours. Good luck and huggles jimini

Statepalace -> RE: Its all changed (10/30/2007 9:56:19 PM)
I don't know if I've done the link correctly, but if not please take a look at the Red Flag's List under the Ask a Master section. Number 18 applies specifically to your situation. Sorry you are in a relationship that is causing you distress. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1355709/tm.htm

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Its all changed (10/30/2007 10:01:43 PM)
No matter what kind of relationship it is: If your partner is no longer meeting your needs, nor do they show any indication of doing so in the future, then it's quite possible that the relationship has turned unhealthy. My mother's advice: Ask yourself these questions: 1) Would you miss them if they were gone? 2) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer to either one is no, then you seriously need to reevaluate the relationship. Master Fire

Sirandlil1 -> RE: Its all changed (10/30/2007 10:57:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TakenPet Master has over the last while changed a lot. he never wants to play, just enjoy talking. Should I be as worried as I think? I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence? Any suggestions? Run do not walk away...Run....EOM....

SixFootMaster -> RE: Its all changed (10/30/2007 11:12:29 PM)
Takenpet, Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress. Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us). SixFoot

Babybass -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 1:47:54 AM)
I will give you advice that i read in one of the threads here (SmokingGun82, i think) - I read it at a time i really needed to hear it and it helped me so much...i prob have the wording slightly off but the sentiments the same!! Never make someone a priority when they see you as an option.

wisteriaV -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 4:46:48 AM)
Based on what the Op said, she has tried to talk to the guy and he does not want to hear her concerns. My view is drop him and move on. You can find someone that will communicate with you and is not doing a half-assed attempt at trying to hide the fact that hes seeing his ex on the side which is shoving you to the side. Sounds like he is having his cake and trying to eat it too. Screw the silence, ask him point blank if hes seeing her. If he says yes do as I suggested before walk away.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 5:03:30 AM)
Blah, I typed a whole list of possibilities, but deleted them. He MAY be caught up in something you know nothing about, that will be explained later on. He MAY be planning on a poly relationship. He MAY be doing lots of things. But sadly, I do think the other posters are right. He just hasn't had the balls to tell you that he is moving on, yet. Or he's hedging his bets and waiting to see if it turns out ok with the ex, or if he should keep you. An indefinite punishment of silence? For what? You haven't done anything wrong, but ask for the truth. It doesn't really matter, if he is not speaking to you or willing to discuss possibilities with you, and you're out in the cold and not having your needs met, it's time to seriously think about the probability of him going back to the ex. Be aware, people are ex's for a reason, so he might come sniffing around your door again if it doesn't work out. Do you really want to be his "standby"? He's being completely unfair and sounds like a weakling who doesn't have the guts to tell you he's moving on without you.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 5:14:19 AM)
an indefinite punishment of silence is the swift kick to my ass telling me it's time to move on. i wouldn't call him "master" if he refuses to communicate with me. that's just me and what i would if i was in your situation.

Rover -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 5:22:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster Takenpet, Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress. Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us). SixFoot This reply is worth reading a second time. John

Celeste43 -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 5:54:36 AM)
He's already told you in both words and actions what you don't want to admit to yourself. Indefinite silence? That means he isn't going to be man enough to tell you the truth, that he's picked her over you, and just wants to keep you hanging around in case she leaves again. Me? If I can't come first, I don't play. YMMV.

toservez -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 8:30:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster Takenpet, Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress. Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us). SixFoot This reply is worth reading a second time. John Sorry this is classic dominant is always gets the benefit of the doubt so submissive must be wrong until proven not crap. The OP has clearly lined out things that have CHANGED in the relationship and not about what she is expecting something different or unrealistic. As most of the others have said if your needs are not getting met and communication on his end, which to me is clearly being stated by the OP, is lacking then it does not look good. Generally in my opinion relationships generally move forward and sliding back of this nature are often not going to work. Personally I would communicate with him and see if he is going to work on the relationship or in fact he is just mailing it in. You have to be you and in the end jumping through hoops is a fool’s errand.

lux221 -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 8:41:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster Takenpet, Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress. Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us). SixFoot This reply is worth reading a second time. John The OP stated when she tried to voice her concerns he shut her down.

chellekitty -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 8:46:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster Takenpet, Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress. Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us). SixFoot This reply is worth reading a second time. John Sorry this is classic dominant is always gets the benefit of the doubt so submissive must be wrong until proven not crap. The OP has clearly lined out things that have CHANGED in the relationship and not about what she is expecting something different or unrealistic. actually thats the "the rational person gets the benifit of the doubt and the over emotional, he's sleeping with the ex and if it doesn't work out with her he'll come sliming back to me, irrational assumtion might be wrong" response.... for all the OP knows, it could have aboslutely nothing to do with the ex...i read the same things from the OP as everyone else...and the only thing that i know for sure is...she doesn't know what's going on with her Master....so, how is assuming that the relationship has gone to shit and going from there going to help anything? to the OP...i agree with SFM and Rover.... edited to add: sometimes there are higher priorities to deal with than our already established relationships....in fact, isn't that one of the benifits of having an established relationship....that they can be sustained without that constant, overwhelming need for attention?

lux221 -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 8:51:05 AM)
By what criteria did you determine her Dom is a rational person, chellekitty?

CelticPrince -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 8:51:23 AM)
pet, The replies you have received are like a pendulum swing> My suggestion without adding to the verbiage is ask for your release! CP

sweetstorm -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 8:53:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TakenPet I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence? I would call that a serious red flag and tell him that if I'm not allowed to discuss concerns or ask questions, I walk. That's just the way I am. I need to be able to talk about everything! I'm a talker and I'll ask and ask and ask. Or course, I warn about that in any meet-ups sheepish grin

chellekitty -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 9:05:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lux221 By what criteria did you determine her Dom is a rational person, chellekitty? By what criteria did you determine that her Dom is not a rational person, lux221?

lux221 -> RE: Its all changed (10/31/2007 9:12:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: lux221 By what criteria did you determine her Dom is a rational person, chellekitty? By what criteria did you determine that her Dom is not a rational person, lux221? I've made no assertions about him at all.

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